Black Heart
by Prinaly
Summary: A Lilli and James Fanfiction of their seventh year in Hogwarts. What is a Black Heart and why did Voldemort want it? But Dumbledore would do everything to protect the Black Heart from him. Everything.
1. Chapter 1

James & Lilli - Black Heart

Author: Prinaly (I used to call myself Black Princess. Changed it after time, but I think I've started writing Black Heart under that name a long time ago).

Language: English

content: _Black Heart_ deals with James' and Lilli's seventh year at Hogwarts, like most of the Lily & James stories in the ffworld, I guess. The only difference might be that in my story: James suffers a lot, but that's necessary, to show his strength, his character, his loyalty and the tight bond of his friends with him. And he and Voldemort do meet several times. I don't know why, but I love the _Voldemort wants James on his side_ parts XD. Oh, yes, and something else. I do write with a certain humour, that might not be for everyone. I love to laugh and I write every story of mine with that humour. I was happy to see, that a lot of my German readers liked that too, but that doesn't mean that others like them as well. I remember one day particularly, when I was with some friends, and again laughed so hard and... yeah... find myself laughing alone =/ (Not, that it stopped me from laughing furthermore XD ) And I didn't like to write to much about things people wear or how a room or whatever look like. I'll write a bit, but not much. I focus more on describing the feelings and what they are saying or thinking. This might be, because I didn't like to read to much describing myself, but rather read about feelings, thoughts and the actions.

Something you should know: _Black Heart (BH) _was written as part one of a Trilogy. The second part is _Chains of Xerchia (CoX)_, dealing with James' and Lilli's time after Hogwarts till their death. The third part is supposed to be Harry Potter and the last Black Heart, a Harry Potter fan fiction. I'm still writing Chains of Xerchia and it could be, that the HP story will never be released, but it won't have an effect on Black Heart and Chains of Xerchia, because every story has an end without needing to read the next story. The reason, why the HP Story might not be written is because of the following:

I started writing stories for Harry Potter almost 9 years ago. At the very beginning my first story called _Between the frontier (Btf)_ only took 6 month to be written down. I loved every chapter of that story and 150 Chapter was really much for me, since I never thought of writing such a long story. _Black Heart_ was started before I finished Btf, has only 75 chapters and needed, I suppose, more than a year to be written, if not even longer. _Chains of Xerchia_ was started 2008 and yeah... what should I say? We now have 2013 and it only has 17 Chapters and is just dive into the middle part. You understand, why I now have doubts, that I will write the HP story? Even so I do have a lot of ideas. Well I still plan to write it though.

So, why now translate Black Heart instead of just keep on writing Chains of Xerchia? I'm a student of an university in Germany and surprisingly some of my courses are now in English. (I _don't_ study language Öö which is why the courses are in English surprised me this semester) I'm afraid I need to practise it before it get rusty. And isn't it perfect to translate Black Heart into English and therefore re-read my first story again for Chains of Xerchia? XD Because CoX is a sequel to Black Heart and a lot of things in Black Heart, that happened, will still be continued in CoX. Well, enough said, you might already be bored, if you didn't already stop reading...

Disclaimer: All rights of the people belong to JK Rowling!

**Persons: **

James Potter:

I've noticed, that my James seems to differ from the usual James Potter, most of you read in fan fictions. At least, that's what some of my German readers have told me so far. In my fan fiction, he is a very caring character. He would do anything for his friends and trust them indefinitely. His life was not easy, is not easy and is never going to be easy. Because he cares so much about his friends, he didn't tell them anything bad, that's going on in his life and hardly shares painful feelings with them. Besides of that, he is the very heart of the group. Well, he has to be, because he's my favourite character besides Harry in the Books. So, I maybe have exaggerated in his personality making him better than Rowling really thought of him... But in my mind, someone, who took someone like Peter Pettigrew as a friend, helping and trust a werewolf like Remus Lupin was to such an extend (Rowling said in an interview, that James kept on supporting Remus with his money after he couldn't find a job after Hogwarts) and still love and married a muggleborn witch like Lilli Evans, even so he was a pureblood for generations, can't be that much arrogant. In my mind, I still have that image of this James Potter, I have wrote in my story.

Lilli Evans:

Yeah, one of my mistakes is, that I _do_ write _Lilli_ instead of _Lily_. I started writing fan fictions almost 9 years ago and I somehow always wrote Lilli and after some time I got used to it. Can't really change that, since I wrote it already too many times. I hope, you don't bite my head off because of this. ^^

In Black Heart, Lilli is not yet popular. She was that already in another of my fan fictions and I wanted to do something new in Black Heart. Because of being a muggelborn witch and a very good and smart student (a lot like Hermione), she has an enemy. Melissa Kingcade, who is James girlfriend in their seventh year at Hogwarts. Melissa Kingcade knows about James hitting on Lilli for a very long time, but was always shot down by her. That's why her jealousy towards her constituted into making Lilli's life worse in school.

But don't worry ^^ It's just at the start and Lilli's life will change very hard (in a good way) in this year after she managed to be friends with James, Sirius and Anna (follows).

Even so, she's been bullied by Melissa, Lilli do fight back (She was Prefect and will be Head Girl) and is not completely alone. She has a good friend in Rawenclaw Diana Ayenterro (follows too) and still have a good friendship with Remus Lupin (even so, they used to be a couple) and is also befriend with Frank Longbottem and Alice Stattler (of course the later Alice Longbottem), who both are (in my fan fictions) also students at Hogwarts at the same time with the Marauders.

Sirius Black: 

I don't think my Sirius differs from other stories. At least, nobody ever told me that... So there is not much to say. Just that, besides Lilli and James, I also write a lot about Sirius, since I do love him a lot, too. Black Heart is a James and Lilli centred story, but Sirius and Anna became very popular through my other fan fiction that I somehow grow to love this paring as well ^^ . To his relationship with Anna, you might should know, that they have more a: _tease the other into craziness – thing_ going on, which I adapted from my other story. Was just to funny to don't keep that here.

Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore, Voldemort:

All three should be like in the books, I suppose. At least, I tried that. Of course, without the British accent. I grew up in Germany ^^

Oh no! Wait! You might need to know, that I've started the story before Book 6 was released. So, I remember an interview, Rowling said that she always thought of Dumbledore as being gay. Well he was not in my fan fiction, because Anna is his great-granddaughter. ^^

Alice Stattler and Frank Longbottem:

They are pretty much everybody's Sweethearts. Both very popular, both very nice and already a couple in this fan fiction. Alice is in Gryffindor, Frank in Hufflepuff and they are both in good terms with the Marauder, Anna and Lilli.

Severus Snape:

I have to admit that I'm just not a Snape-Fan, so I didn't really like to write about him and therefore he won't really be written a lot in this ff. If you are a Snape-Fan, this story definitely is nothing for you, because he also didn't really have fun in this story. I didn't go along with the revealing in book 7 about the Snape-Lilli relationship. In my book 7 version: I tried another reason for Snape to join the order and gained Dumbledore's trust.

So, now the new ones in this fan fiction but not in the books:

Anna White: 

She has dark hair and also dark eyes. She is the daughter of two well-known deatheaters, but also the great-granddaughter of Albus Dumbledore, the most white-magical wizard at all and was sorted into Gryffindor house as well. This fan fiction will also cover a little bit of their relationship towards each other. Anna is also, besides Sirius, Remus and Peter, James best friend. The Potters love her like a daughter and cares about her like a daughter like James cares about her like a sister. James and Anna share a secret, because of James past and Anna's gifts, which the others didn't know about. She is a very talented witch, not only in normal magic, but also in the dark Arts.

She was Sirius girlfriend for about 2 month last summer but broke up when school started again. Their relationship will also be covered to some point. Anna is in good terms with all of the Marauders and she knows of Remus being a werewolf and the other three being animagi as well. She won't be Lilli's friend at the very beginning, but their friendship will develop through out the story, becoming very important as well. I have to admit, that it was not planned when I started writing Black Heart, but after I read book 6, her character development changed, which you are probably going to notice at the end of the story or then in _Chains of Xerchia_.

Diana Ayenterro:

She is a really very shy student of the Rawenclaw house. The Marauders hardly notice her and only did after they befriend with Lilli. Remus is the one, who falls in love with her, but their relationship is rocky, because Diana is not only a shy student. She is more. (revealed near the end.)

Diana was invented as a companion for Remus, because he didn't had a good romantic relationship in my other story and I thought he deserved one in this. Unfortunately, Rowling revealed Tonks in Book 6 =/ So, I had to made some changes. Yeah, that was the mistake, writing a story, when the books could still revealed something knew. I'm still unsure how to deal with her in _Chains of Xerchia_ appropriately.

The Potter family: 

_Harold Potter:_ James Grandfather. He is the Minister of Magic. He loves his Grandson. He is very hard with everybody else, no matter how old, but treats his son with great love. Because of that, he also treats James friends with the same softness. He is also a very tight and good friend of Dumbledore.

_Michael Potter:_ James father and one of the best Auror of the Ministry of Magic. They used to have a very tight and good relationship, but at the beginning of this fan fiction, they apparently haven't any more, because of something that happened 5 years ago. James acts very indifferent towards his father, because he thinks, that his father didn't care about his family anymore and just put up a face for other people so they think his family is still intact. Michael Potter has not a very good relationship towards his daughter Patricia, since she thinks the same like James, but have a very tight relationship towards Anna White. He cares about her and tries everything to protect her from harm.

_Maria Potter:_ James mother. She is a very caring, loving, but also strong person and also Auror. Because she and her husband are both Aurors, they had a hard time to keep their children safe, since Voldemort was always around them. She still has a very good relationship towards her children, as well as Anna, whom she considered a daughter, but still feels hurt, because of the broken bond between her husband with the family.

_Patricia Potter_: She is James older Sister and also an Auror. Even so, her parents love Anna like a daughter, Patricia has a very good relationship towards her as well, consider her as a little sister, like Anna consider her a big sister. Patricia and James used to be very tight, but after the events 5 years earlier, even their relationship broke apart, because James separated himself from his family.

Marcel Stone and Swetlana Jaivenko:

Yeah, I admit that. These two names are really strange and I altered the names of two friends to use them in my story. But, like the character of Anna White, I grew to really like them as well.

They are (who would have guessed XD ) German Aurors and live in Germany. They are also very tight friends of Michael and Maria Potter and therefore also James godparents. They are not really that important for the story, more just to support the ongoing details.

Cord Malfoy:

I made the mistake to have Lucius Malfoy in my first ff in the same year like James and the others. So, in this ff, to have a Malfoy, I invented Cord Malfoy. Lucius younger brother. A Slytherin, also cruel and evil.

Melissa Kingcade:

She's a blond, very beautiful Gryffindor. She's not only James girlfriend, but also a good friend for all Marauders as well as Anna. The bully part was already written. She can do that, because she's also in very good terms with all Slytherins, in particular Bellatrix and Cord. Melissa was also an invention from my first ff as a competitor for Lilli. Like I said, I liked James very much and in my head, he just isn't the just arrogant, bully guy, without respect for others and his relationship with Melissa gave me a lot of playground in _Black Heart_ and _Chains of Xerchia_ as well as it did in _Between the frontier_. I admit, that she was a very shallow character in my first story, but got a greater part in the other two stories, because her character development had a lot to do with James.

So, that's all of the persons I think... Then, lets start, shall we? XD

Ps. I'm very sorry, if my English sucks!

* * *

Chapter 1: A long way beyond us

The cave was dark, cold and only lit by a few lights coming from the torches. The walls were old and dirty. Water was dripping down along the walls into the filthy mud. A couple, probably around 30 years old, stood in the corner of the cave with a very young 12 year old Teenage-boy, who clinched on tight to them. The couple were wincing out of fear and looked at each other, expecting the worst.

The woman hold on tight to the boy, who hid his face behind her body, so he didn't have to see the men in black robes around them. Their wands were pointing at the three people, obviously to kill them in an instant if they dared to do something wrong. They heard steps coming near them and then the men around them stepped back to let another man in. That man was a wizard, whose appearance brought an awful coldness towards them, even so it did show something royal and elegant. His expression though was dark and evil, when he then took out his wand, pointing it towards the man, standing with the woman and the child.

"Avada Kedavra," he said almost gently.

A green flash of light shot from the top of the wand into the man's chest, killing him in an instant. He screamed painfully loud, when it hit him and fell to the ground. When the woman saw her husband dying, she closed her arms even more around the kid. Voldemort didn't show any mercy towards her, when he pointed the wand at her and said the same curse in the same gentle, evil voice.

She screamed as loud as her husband did and also fell to the ground. The boy didn't hesitate and bent down to both corps laying on the ground. Tears were falling down along his cheeks, probably because of the dead ones in front of him or maybe because he knew that he was going to be the next one. And indeed the wizard pointed his wand without hesitation at him.

"Avada Ke-"

But he suddenly stopped, starring into the hazelnut eyes of the boy, which didn't seem to show fear, but rather hate and disgust. His eyes were staring firmly back at him. The dark hair of the boy were unruly and he could see something in his eyes, he never expected to see, but he was fascinated.

His blood red Eyes starred interested at the kid.

"Cansington?"

"Yes, My lord?"

One of the men stepped out of the circle and knelt down before him.

"Who is that boy?"

"I don't know. He was with the Muggles."

The wizard looked again at the kid, who managed to wipe his tears away and instead just looked brave back. He didn't show fear or weakness. His parents had taught him to be strong, no matter what happened. They told him, that the world could be cruel and the only way to make it out of such a situation was, to remain brave and true to his own heart.

"You look a lot like your father," the dark wizard continued. "He will be worried about you, don't you think?"

The kid didn't answered, because if he did, the wizard would have heard the fear in his voice. The kid swore himself, that he would never show weakness towards bad guys.

"Cansington?" the wizard said again.

"Yes, My Lord?" his servant asked obediently.

"You know, who you brought me here?"

"No, My Lord."

"Look at him, his eyes, his whole appearance. He looks exactly like his father."

"My Lord?"

"Potter, right?" The wizard turned his attention again to the kid. "You are Michael Potters' son."

Still now answer.

"You didn't want to answer me? Do you really want me to force you? What would your father say, if I really did that? He doesn't want his dearest child to go through something like that, does he?... Cansington." He didn't turn away from the kid, even while speaking to his servant.

"Yes, My Lord?"

"Bring him back to his parents. But before you do that... my dear boy... YOU ARE GOING TO ANSWER ME!"

* * *

James woke up with a start in his bed. Sweat dripping down from his forehead. Everything was blurry, his heart rushed, his whole body was burning and his hands were trembling. With his right hand he grabbed his glasses on the table to put them on. Now, he could clearly see his own room, where he was safe and sound. The windows were closed, everything in his room were where it was supposed to be. He sank his head into his hands. Just a nightmare. No, not just a nightmare, but the truth, he's been trying to block out, but forced themselves to come back the past days.

"James!"

He heard his mother's voice, but didn't look up yet. He heard the door opened and then a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Nightmares again?"

He looked up now to see his mother looking worried at him. He shook his head, while she sat down on his side. His mother was a very friendly and good-natured woman. The best mother you could have. At least, that's what he used to believe.

"I thought they already stopped."

"They did," he answered quietly. His voice was shivering and somehow no complete sentence wanted to come out of his mouth. "I don't know why... but they did... somehow... just started again."

"School is going to start. It'll be your last year at Hogwarts. James, you're safe. He won't be able to lay his hands on you again. We're here and in Hogwarts you have Dumbledore."

James hardly nodded. He didn't believe her, but didn't know what else to do. His mother smiled slightly and gave her son a loving hug.

"James, if I could turn back time and prevent it from happening, I would. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that."

"It's not your fault," he said honestly and really meant that. He never blamed them for what happened to him 5 years ago. He knew that they couldn't have foreseen the events of that day.

She looked worried at him, but still managed a truthfully smile.

"Get ready, honey. You're going back to Hogwarts. I'm sure Sirius is impatiently waiting for you. Your father and I are really proud of you, that you became Head Boy. Dumbledore already mentioned that to us earlier."

James nodded again indifferently, so his mother just smiled again and then left the room to give her son time to get up.

James barely arrived downstairs, when he heard the voices of his parents from inside the kitchen. They were arguing again like so many times before since the event 5 years ago. This happened so many times these days that he blamed himself for the broken relationship between his parents. He didn't dare to join them, so he sat down on the stairs and looked into a small gap at them.

"He has those nightmares again, Michael," came the anxious voice of his mother.

"Yeah, Dumbledore said that something like this might going to start again. I'll tell him so he can take appropriate measures."

"And what good is this going to do?"

"He will take care of James. You know how much he cares about the boy."

"So what? We love him too with all our heart and he's still hurt. Merlin, Michael! He wakes up and his eyes are filled with fear. It's like Voldemort just hurt him seconds ago and what about us? We let that monster did that to him!"

"Maria, sweetheart. Please, calm down."

"I don't want to calm down!" she yelled at him and stepped away from her husband. "It is our fault! We should have never left him with those Muggles."

"We thought he was safe there. No one could have foreseen that _they_ of all people got caught by Voldemort."

"He used to be so cheerful and had fun in everything. He used to laugh so much. Look at him now! His condition gets worse, day after day. But he hides it. He hides it so good that nobody of his friends suspects anything. Neither Sirius or Anna or his girlfriend Melissa. Dumbledore said that James is different in Hogwarts than at Home."

"Maria. He will return to Hogwarts, today. The director will look after him there. We can't do anything, no matter how much we want to."

James could see his mother crying and how his father turned away from her rather than comforting her. Yeah, their marriage broke apart after that day 5 years ago. He was to blame that his parents couldn't be happy again. And James started to hate himself for causing his parents that much pain.

* * *

London/ Kings Cross station/ platform 9 ¾.

Maria and Michael Potter walked their son to the station and hugged him heartily goodbye. They still played the happy family. Nobody knew that the marriage of the Potters were already broken. Something James and his sister got use to live with on their own. James couldn't talked to anyone about it. They would never understand it. Nobody would. Not even his friends, not even Sirius. Even though he spent the whole Summer after fifth grade at his home. They helped him to find his own place, but even he didn't notice that his parents were just acting. He thought that the Potters were the perfect family as well.

James boarded the train and searched for an empty compartment to sit down. While doing that, he passed a lot of students he knew and who indicated him to join them, but he refused politely and went his way. He found an empty compartment near the end of the train, stowed his trunk away and let himself fell into a seat. He looked to the station just in the right moment to watch his parents leaving side by side. For him they looked like strangers, who didn't had anything to say to each other anymore. He missed the days, where it was different. That day 5 years ago destroyed everything. Voldemort destroyed his life and he allowed him to do that.

"Prongsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!" crowed Sirius with such a high voice, James had to close his eyes to endure that nasty sound. "Do you always have to hole up at the last compartment, you cutie pie!" And his voice changed into that of a very sweet girl. He sat down next to his best friend and gave him a high five. Then Remus and Peter entered the compartment, also greeted him by shaking hands and sat down in front of the other two Marauders.

"Where did you left Anna?" James asked Sirius, who made himself comfortable by taking three seats for himself and laid there like a King in his castle.

"Hanging with Alice, Evans and that pretty boy Shaklebolt."

"Did I miss something?" He asked puzzled.

"Padfoot and Anna broke up yesterday," Remus answered, shrugging before he took out a book to read. James gave his best friend a confused look, who didn't take any notice of that and started to whistle at the ceiling.

"What have you done to her this time, Padfoot? You just got together 2 month ago?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sirius protested, looking hurt. "Why everyone thinks, that _I_ did something?"

Nobody of them really gave an answer, but it was obvious for everyone. It was always Sirius, who broke up with a girl.

"Hey, we both did that, okay?" He defended himself, looking cool. He actually seemed not to care a lot about the break up, but James knew his best friend better. He was a terrible actor if it concerned Anna White. Sirius was never able to hide his true intentions towards him.

"We decided to stay good friends. The whole stress of such a tight relationship would be to much anyway. 2 month was long enough! It's a miracle, we even made it that long..."

"Hiiiiiiii!" called Melissa, who arrived alongside with several other students. Those were Anna, Alice, Frank, Lilli, Diana Ayenterro and Kingsley Shaklebolt. She jumped into the compartment, fight her way across Sirius legs and onto James lap to sit down. He hugged her longingly and they started to kiss passionately. It seemed they hardened in that position over hours and didn't even need to breath.

"Hello, Lilli. How were your holidays?" Remus started a conversation, so everyone could stop watching the couple and also because Lilli eyed those two more frustrated than thrilled.

"All right," she answered and gave him a friendly hug before sitting down next to him. Lilli and Remus were a couple for several weeks. After their break up they do manage to remain good friends and therefore were probably one of the few couples that friend-thing worked.

"Well, somehow it's too crowded in here," Alice smirked. "We go into the other compartment. There is still room there with Cat Jordan. I love her gossip!"

Alice dragged Frank with her away and Kingsley followed them by choice. Anna sat down on the seat next to Sirius. Only Diana was still standing, looking shy. She was, on the contrary to everyone else in that compartment, not a Gryffindor but a Rawenclaw, always more the conservative one and if she didn't walk along with Lilli, no one of them would probably even notice her at all.

"Damn it, Ayenterro. Do you have to play door stopper or could you do us a favour and close the door? It's draughty! The best thing would be if you close the door with you standing outside. Would really be grateful," Melissa said nasty. To say that, she even stopped kissing her boyfriend. Melissa Kingcade belonged to those girls, who loved to bully around the weak ones, just out of fun. Diana seemed to be puzzled and looked at Lilli for help.

"Diana, come here and sit down as well," she said smiling.

"Great! As if it's not crowded enough!" Kingcade said angry. This time looking venomous at Lilli.

"If you can sit here, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't sit here as well," she answered calmly.

"First come, first served! By the way, it would be great if you get lost, too!"

"Yeah, hearing that out of your mouth means the same as an chewing gum on the floor. Maybe the chewing gum would be even more interesting."

"Right back at you, Mudblood."

"Yeah, didn't hurt at all. It's obvious that your vocabulary isn't very large, consider your IQ is so low, even a monkey is smarter than you."

"Are you out of your mind, Evans?" This time, Anna had spoken instead of Kingcade, who apparently would have jumped into Lilli if Anna had not said anything. "Isn't it a little bit arrogant to think of yourself as smarter than others, just because you dislike them? Who said that _you_ are smarter than a monkey, by the way?"

Anna White was like Melissa Kingcade the daughter of a very rich pureblood family. Something, which do made them think of themselves as something better. At least, that's what Lilli always thought. She attended school with them for now 6 years, but they never became friends or even slightly close. The only good thing, Lilli had ever heard of her was from Remus, which was, that she was a real asset as a friend.

"Please, sit down, Diana," Remus said friendly to calm the situation. Diana sat down next to Lilli, who pressed the others a little bit to the side, so her friend could sit down, but seven people in one compartment was just too much.

"Man!" Sirius protested, because he had to give away his other two seats. By giving them away, he kicked ruggedly against Anna's head, who looked toxic back at him.

"For crying out loud! Black!" she yelled bugged.

"Since when you've become a wimp, White?"

"You beat the crap out of me and I'm being a wimp?!"

"Beat the crap out of you? That could've been a friendly stroke!"

"Then I rather not be your friend, if one came out looking like just being with you in a Boxing-match."

"What happened to them?" ask Melissa confused, who didn't seem to be up to date either. She finally stopped kissing her boyfriend and just hugged him tenderly, while looking strangely at her two friends. Everyone thought of Melissa and James as a match made in heaven. James knew that better.

Lilli was the only one who notice James sad eyes. She didn't dare to talk to him, but his frustrated glare tore at her heart. "So, are you two acting now like our ugly Mudblood here? I thought you are together?"

Lilli felt again offended.

"Maybe, she noticed, what a blockhead Black is, though someone here obviously didn't notice _that_ about _you_."

Lilli smiled nasty to Melissa, who smiled vicious and bitchy back. The rivalry between the two girls existed already for years but finally culminated now. The reason of their rivalry didn't know, that he was the reason. James Potter. Anna knew that James never noticed, that Lilli started to be interested in him as well, because if he would have noticed that, she was sure, he would have already broke up with Melissa after everything she've already done to him.

"And that coming from the geek of England! Remus was only with you because he pitied you. Oh, look, there is Evans, who no one wants. Let's be nice to her. So, he seems to draw the line, before it's got to ugly for him. Are you really that nerve-racking if even Remus can't take you anymore or just a hideous dork!?"

Lilli opened her mouth to say something but didn't know what. She noticed with discomfort, that Remus didn't said a thing, despite the fact that he was sitting right next to her. That everyone's eyes laid on her, didn't really help much to ease her anger. She snorted when realizing that nobody seemed to want her here. Not even James, who also haven't said anything.

"Excuse me! As _Head Girl_,-" she glared furiously at Melissa. "- I don't have to listen to this!" She immediately stood up, opened the door and shut it close behind her. Diana hesitated just a second before she also stood up to follow her friend.

"See you, Remus," she said softly, before closing the door behind her.

"That was not nice," said Remus, causing Anna to role her eyes. So, that was Remus _angry_ way of yelling at somebody for insulting his still good friend. How scary...

* * *

"James?" Anna asked after some time.

"Hm?" He asked not really interested, his lips were again busy kissing his girlfriend.

"Aren't you Head Boy?"

"Yes?"

"Shouldn't you be with the prefects and guide them in? I only mention that now, because... Lissy and Remus are prefects this year and should attend the meeting as well."

"Oh."

"Oh!"

"Oh!"

In an instant all three were storming outside. As crowded as the compartment was a moment ago, now they had enough space for themselves.

Peter sat anxiously there, looking between Anna and Sirius in turn. His puzzled expression said everything. The tension between Sirius and Anna just couldn't be ignored.

"Wormtail, could you buckle away for some time?" Sirius asked his friend, but looked at her.

"Um, where should I go?" he asked insecurely, which immediately upset Sirius.

"Go eat something or to the bathroom. Just buckle away!"

Peter didn't hesitate to jump to his feed and ran away faster than a rat would have done.

"Well, well," he started slobbery. "Seems we are alone, now."

"What a miracle," commented she sarcastically, looking back at him with the same telling expression he did. Their meaning might differed though.

"What's going on between you and Shaklebolt?"

"Something very big. I think it's called _friendship, _dork!"

"Everybody, whose brain is bigger than a jelly bean would see that he wants more from you, blindworm."

"Everybody, whose gaze wander higher than the boobs, would have seen that I told him already very clear that I'm not interested and that it will always just be a friendship, you brainsick dumb-ass. And you didn't have any right to tell me about whom I date and whom not since the break up is your fault."

"Whaaaaaaaaat?" he squealed. "You broke up with me!"

"Because you flirted with that six year slut."

"I only gave her private lessons."

"We had holidays!"

"She just needed help in Transfiguration."

"She just needed help in Transfiguration," she imitated him extremely ridiculously. "Erin Goyle is the best in her class in Transfiguration, Sirius!"

"Let me guess! Know-it-all-Evans told you that?"

"Dumbledore, stop that!" she said seriously. "No, I know Erin Goyle. You chauvinist."

"Whaaaaaaaaat?" he squealed again. "What was wrong with that?"

"You can't explain yourself even once without insulting someone else."

"WRONG! I only insulted smart-arse Evans and I have every reason to do that after I got how many troubles thanks to her?"

"Again! Dumbledore, I don't like Evans myself but I didn't insult her all the time just because of that and by the way, you deserved at least half of the troubles."

"Oh, come on. She's just a nerd without any charisma. Moony was just with her because -"

"He didn't pity her! He loved her," she said gentle.

"How can he love that running dwarf?"

"Damn it, Dumbledore," she cursed again, starting to wave with her hands to gesticulate how mad he made her.

"See? One Insult after another. Have you ever ask Remus why he dated her? Or why they even broke up? I have and I know that he really loved her."

"Of course," he said amusingly. "Next moment, you are telling me that Ayenterro is truly a chatterbox, who just have a dropout every now and then."

"You are really the most cocky, bossy, selfish -"

An extreme fat and blond, but very arrogant Slytherin student opened the door just in that moment and searched the whole compartment with his eyes. His eyes wandered across the two, then to the right, again to the both of them, then to the left, into the corner, across of both of them again, to the ceiling, stop, back down to them and stayed there.

"Where is Melissa?" he asked stupidly.

"She is a _prefect_. Think, Goyle. Where would someone in this position would be at this time?" she spat at him, angry about being disturbed while she do had a run in describing her ex-boyfriend.

"..." Goyle seemed to be thinking very hard. They just keept on looking at him to finally get an idea.

"But... She wasn't in the bathroom?"

"Dumbledore! She is in the compartment with all the other prefects, the Head Girl and the Head Boy!"

"Ah, okay," he bawled. "You could've just said that."

And he slammed the door shut faster than any of them would have thought. Sirius turned again towards Anna and smiled at her with full of expectations.

"What?" she asked suspicious.

"We stopped at selfish?"

"What are you playing at? You really want me to find hundred other nasty words to describe you?"

"I can take it. Or do you want to stare silently holes into the air?"

"Sirius," Anna finally said tired. "This is going to be a very long year, if we continue to nag on each other like that."

"Didn't started it."

"All right." It was obvious that he would love to continue like this. Sirius talent to have notorious Neanderthal conversations were just unbeatable. "Proposal: We start again as good friends as we were before. The past 2 month just never happened. Okay?"

He seemed to think about that very thoroughly, then made a grimace and finally smirked broadly.

"All right. It's a deal! Good friends. I like that more, anyway."

"Yeah, me too."

And in the end both of them leaned back against the seat and relaxed.

"I really didn't understand, how you can hang around such a annoying pain in the ass."

"Sirius!"

"Sorry! Hang around such an annoying _chick_."

"Call her Lilli or at least Evans."

"All right, Evans."

"Well, Alice seems to like her a lot and I like Alice a lot. It's not that easy. It's not like we're hanging around all the time and it surely didn't mean that I didn't like her. I didn't really know her."

"You insulted her earlier?"

"I defended Melissa, that's different. She is my friend and if Evans attack her, I have the right to defend her."

"Yeah, right," Sirius said in a know-it-all manner. "Admit it, White. We are both alike, but I didn't need a false reason to justify myself."

She narrowed her eyes nastily.

"Do me a favour, Black and apparate to the other end of the train!"

"That would torture you!"

"Dumbledore, you know that you are extreme big-headed?"

"You are cursing with your great-grandfather name. You do realise that, don't you?"

"Merlin was the biggest wizard of our time and you use his name to curse all the time. As long as I'm not cursing with _Oh, Voldemort_, there is no reason to put me into St. Mungo."

* * *

So, the train ride continued and they both carried on talking about nonsense till their friends came back.

"That was such a torment!" Kingcade said bugged. "Evans have lost her wand, if you ask me. She acts like she is the boss or something."

"Well, she _is_ in a way. She is Head Girl," Remus said calmingly.

"So what? It's just a transcription for teachers pet. I wonder why Dumbledore didn't name you Head Girl, Anna. You are his -"

"Great-Granddaughter? So what?" she answered and faintly smiled.

"You know him and his exaggerative sense of justice. What should the others think if he favoured his own family? I didn't want to be that anyway. In that position, you magically draw trouble which is probably the reason he chose James."

"Huehn?" he made surprised and when he finally understood her words, he just narrowed his eyes and blinked at her offended. "Ha-Ha, very funny. Drop it!"

Anna just smirked boldly back. Even so she was James best friend, she was still a closed book to him. Everybody knew that she was the last offspring of the Dumbledore family, but she never acted like anybody wanted her to. She neither fulfilled the expectations of Dumbledore or any other teacher or even her own friends. In school she was considered as difficult to handle and not really a nice person. James was probably the only one, who really was very close to Anna due to the fact that they shared some secrets only with each other. This maybe also a reason why Melissa set value on her friendship with Anna, who knew about that value she held by being close friends with James and the other Marauders. But deep in her heart, Anna wished something else for herself. She wished to have a life like her friends, which seemed to be so much easier than her own life.

Lilli sat several compartments further, starring towards the forest outside the window. The more they came towards Hogwarts, the more they hid behind the mountain group. With her in the compartment were Diana and several other Rawenclaws. Lilli wasn't very close to the other Rawenclaws. Actually, she wasn't very close to anyone in Hogwarts or at home. She wasn't close to anyone. The truth was that Lilli felt so much loneliness she never expected she could really be able to feel.

"Are you all right, Lilli?" Diana asked worried. She turned to her and nodded depressed.

"Of course," she answered, but deep in her heart she was not all right at all. This year would be hard for her. That was what she thought. Very hard.

"Lilli?"

"Hm?"

"Because of James and Anna -"

"I don't want to talk about it, Diana. You know that and there is nothing left to say, okay?"

"Okay, if you say so."

With that the journey continued towards Hogwarts without them saying anything more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Hopeless

The sorting ceremony passed by like usual. Dumbledore delivered his speech and also introduced the new Head Boy and Head Girl. Everybody applauded to them, even the Slytherins. They did look nasty at Lilli, but respectfully at James. Everybody accepted and admired him. He was a pureblood, great at everything he did and good-looking. Even the Slytherins were in good terms with him and the reason was probably his girlfriend, who had a very close friendship with a lot of Slytherins.

"I'm really curious about how long Evans will hold on," Melissa said with an evil look at her at the end of the table. All four Marauders, Anna and Alice starred baffled at her for a moment. They were still eating. "Come on. We all know that half the school hate her and the director name _her_ of all people to be Head Girl. Don't you think she's going to give up after only a month?"

"You underestimate her, Lissy," Anna commented provocatively. "Forgot how tough she responded to you on the train?"

"That was nothing impressive!" she said at once.

"And I still have to correct you. Not half the school hate her, only a quarter does. Our beloved snakes. Hufflepuff and Rawenclaw didn't _hate_ her."

Kingcade just shrugged indifferently as an answer.

"For a muggleborn witch, that's actually great," Anna said thoughtfully.

"Ey! Padfoot, look who's there," James grinned and nodded towards the Slytherin table. Who else could it have been than:

"Old Snievellus!" Sirius laughed excitedly and was about to stand up if Anna hadn't pushed him back to his seat.

"Leave him alone, will ya?"

"Why should I?"

"Because the poor guy didn't have any friends thanks to you guys. You don't have to be a pain in the neck all the time."

"He didn't have any friends, because he never washed himself and therefore pollute the whole school with his sickening smell."

James, Melissa, Alice and Peter snorted with laughter into their pumpkin juice. Remus smirked a little.

"And thanks to you, absolutely everybody knows it, even though we didn't want to. I pity him. Look at him! He is alone on the Slytherin table, because nobody wants to be on your bad side."

"What nonsense!" Sirius refused immediately. "As if we ever spread letters written with the sentence: Who ever befriends with Snievellus will be cruelly cursed."

"No, you just put freckles onto him, which wrote at his back the words: kick me! I'm a narcissistic dark-art obsessed pig with just imaginary friends."

And again everybody snorted with laughter, this time even Remus couldn't help it which caused Anna to also laugh with them. She just couldn't remain grave due to the fact that James and Sirius was laughing half under the table already. Their cheerfulness just infected her.

Lilli sat at the very end of the table near some more quiet students, but notice the laughing of them like everybody else. Like everybody else, she also wished to be a part of them. Their world never seemed to be lonely like hers. She couldn't help but looked at James and Anna. James, who now hold his girlfriend tight in his arms and even had tears in his eyes because he laughed so hard. Anna seemed to be happy as well, as if no one could ever harm her. She knew them all since first grade but they never became friends. Deep inside, she envied Kingcade for having them around her. How could she have that all and still be the bully and cold-heartedly witch? Why did she deserve those friends, who would do everything for her and defended her every time she needed backup? Why did she has James Potter as boyfriend? The guy, Lilli fell in love with, unfortunately to late. If she just knew who he was earlier, he might would have been her boyfriend now.

* * *

After dinner everyone went back the their dorms. When Lilli entered the Gryffindor common room, the Marauder already took their seats near the fireplace and even made fun again. Kingcade seemed to donate James his next hickey and he obviously enjoyed it. Anna and Alice sat on a Couch away from the group and were also laughing about something Alice just have been told. Lilli decided to join them.

"Hi," greeted Alice her with a smile and pulled her down to them.

"What was so funny?" she asked curious, looking rotationally between Anna and Alice.

"I just told Anna that Frank is about to became just like our Marauders," her friend laughed. Alice was a very nice person, who would never shut someone out if it's avoidable and got along with every student. Everyone was fond of her and therefore everyone looked up to her. It was not like with Kingcade, where everybody pretended to like her, because they were afraid of her and didn't want to be her next target. While Lilli didn't get along with Kingcade since first grade, she immediately bonded with Alice and both became friends in a very short time. Unfortunately, Alice belonged to those girls, who didn't want a best friend, but rather befriends with all. She never noticed if she abandoned Lilli to be with other friends, leaving her lonely and frustrated.

After Lilli joined them, they talked a lot about their holidays. Well, mainly Alice talked. The other two girls didn't seem to even think about telling the other one anything about themselves. As the night grew deeper the common room emptied until only the Marauders, Melissa, Anna, Alice and Lilli were left there. After even Peter went to sleep, Remus and Sirius joined the girls, since James and Melissa only whispered sweet words in each others ear and continued to stick on each others lips. They still looked like the perfect couple, but Lilli knew the truth.

"Hello, everybody," greeted Sirius while sitting down on one chair. Remus beamed at Lilli before sitting down on a chair between her and Alice.

"Evans! I have a question concerning Ayenterro!" Sirius just started a new conversation, not that anybody had asked him to change the subject.

"Padfoot, no!" Remus intervened but was ignored.

"Did she swallowed her tongue? In the past 6 years, I heard her saying only two words. Yes and no!"

"Maybe she is just not talking to you, Black," spat Lilli, angry that he dare to build up his mind over her friend without even knowing her. She found him arrogant and nasty and this didn't change so far. "I understand her, because I don't want to speak with a twisted-brain Troll like you either."

"Ouch!" he said, pretended to be indignant. "How nice of our really popular Head Girl."

"Padfoot, leave Lilli alone," defended Remus her again.

"I'll go to bed," she said bugged and went upstairs.

"Lilli, wait!" Alice called after her, but she didn't even turned around once until she disappeared behind the walls upstairs. "Sirius, you dork! That was a silly thing to do!"

"She started it," he defended himself.

"Ohhhh -" Anna said, pretending to pity him. "Did she hurt our poor little Siry?"

"Yesssssssssss," he whined like a child and everyone started to laugh again. Lilli did observed them from behind the walls and shook her head frustrated. She entered the girls dorm and closed the door behind her. Her knees immediately lost every feeling and she slid down to the ground, starring up to the ceiling. It was so empty and boring, just like her. All those years, she had that right in front of her eyes and it never bothered her... until now. She was lonely and she didn't have close friends. She didn't have anyone.

Several time later the door opened again and the rest of the girls came in, still laughing.

"Pssst," said Alice. "Be quiet. Lilli is already sleeping."

"Really, what is her problem?" Kingcade kept on speaking in the same loud nasty voice. "Did she really think just because she is now Head Girl that everyone has to like her? If she knew what everyone really thinks of her. She just doesn't belong here, moreover not in our dorm."

"Sure, just kick her out," laughed Anna and Lilli heard how the three girls sat down on their beds.

They still talked a while longer about superficial things and their thoughts about it, before they finally went into bed and quickly fell asleep. Lilli hadn't found any sleep that night. There were too many thoughts floating in her mind. She wanted that what they had. She wanted to be a part of their group and don't be alone any more. But she would never had that no matter how much she tried to. Slowly she started to hate the world for making her different than everyone else. She wanted to be the one on James Potters side, she wanted to be the one Anna and Alice were friends with, but instead she was Lilli Evans, the girl who nobody wanted to be with and was despised because she was a muggleborn witch. Something that squeezed her heart so painful.

* * *

The first class on Monday morning was Potion with Professor Ick, which Gryffindors and Slytherins attended together. Lilli leaned against the wall alone like so many other times and waited for the teacher to open the door. She liked Potion, because Professor Ick was a very nice teacher, who was considerately of everyone, especially muggelborn students. She cast a glimpse to the side only to see Anna and Alice standing with Melissa and the Marauders apart from her and they were again totally carefree while smiling at each other. Lilli found it hard to breath. She felt some eyes on her, because she stood there alone. Maybe, she _wanted_ to be alone in that moment? Be lonely forever... Finally, Professor Ick came and opened the door with one move with his wand.

"Come in, come in, my young thirsty for knowledge ones!"

Everyone sat down and Lilli was relived to see Alice sat down next to her like last year.

"Hey, girl," she smiled.

"Hey." Lilli smiled back. If Alice sat by her, the world wasn't so cruel and lonely at that moment, even if she knew that it's going to quickly change in the next class.

"Why did you left so fast yesterday?"

"I was tired," she said shortly, because she didn't really want to talk about that. It made her uncomfortable.

"You didn't look like that."

"Well, I was."

"Lilli," Alice finally said sympathetically. "You are a very nice person, but if you let Sirius annoy you that easy, it's your own fault. He didn't mean that nasty. He just love to provoke."

"Well, it sounds nasty to me."

"All right, students," the Professor cut them off and it became immediately quiet. "I probably should have told you that before, but this year you aren't going to remain with your partner from last year. I will arrange you new. The stronger one helps the weaker one. Eventually I want all of you to succeed your NEWT's. I worked that out with the director as good as possible. Now, please change your seats as I call your names: Anderson Jamie and Lupin Remus, Black Sirius and Stattler Alice, Bakery Janey and Pettigrew Peter, Dorian Jimmy and McGonagall Parker, Evans Lilli and White Anna, Ekelstone …."

Lilli couldn't help but glimpsed at Anna, who was sitting next to Kingcade without looking at anybody else or showing any interest in the class at all. Quite the contrary, she wrote something with the quill at her parchment as if she didn't even listen to the teacher. She wasn't even paying any attention to Kingcade, even though her friend was telling her something. Lilli expected any reaction from her, since they both are going to work together for a whole year and didn't really like each other very much, but there came absolutely nothing from her.

After being new arranged, everybody changed their seat to sit next to their new partner. Anna moved forward to Lilli and sat down next to her. Not that she even gave her one tiny look. It was more as if she had to sat down next to some infectious disease.

"Turn to page 120: The warming potion – replace the bonfire, as you could say. On the page, you can read the ingredients you need and the formula to make it. So let's start and I will have a look at it at the end of the class. I won't help you at all. Rely on the stronger partner, who will explain everything to you."

Sirius smiled naughty at Alice.

"So, Sweetheart, let the pro show you how it has to be done."

"You?" she provokingly laughed. "Surely, I'm the one who should show you how it has to be done."

James and Melissa laughed enjoyable behind them. They were put to a group as well.

Meanwhile at Lilli and Anna's table, the latter one was already putting some ingredients into the potion if Lilli had not immediately stopped her.

"That's wrong!"

"What?" she asked a little bit nerved.

"You got the eyes of a toad, but we need the eyes of a frog."

"That's the same."

"No it's not. Eyes of a toad are -"

"Please spare me your explanation, unless you want me to fall asleep at once."

"Eyes of a toad, Anna -" She continued seriously as if she wasn't interrupted at all. "- are toxic and eyes of a frog aren't. If you didn't want to die after drinking that potion, you really should listen to me."

"And what _if_ I want to die?"

Lilli looked at her confused, but she just rolled her eyes.

"Dumbledore, are you nuts? That was a joke."

She took the eyes of the frog and threw it with the other ingredients into the mug.

"You knew about the eyes of a toad?" Lilli asked carefully, after Anna continued to stir the potion and haven't said anything else any more.

"Do you just want to test my reaction?"

"..." Still nothing.

"Then... what was the purpose of that?"

Anna smiled weakly.

"Look Evans. Seems like we will have to work the whole year together. Please, don't permanently ask me why I did something, because that makes me go crazy."

Both girls haven't spoke anything more after that, even so their potion was excellent at the end and Professor Ick gave them an _exceeds expectations_. Not long after he dismissed his class, Anna left faster to her friends than Lilli could even noticed. They left together and went to _history of magic_.

That was definitely strange. She thought of Anna as a stupid bitch much like Melissa, but the girl that just sat next to her wasn't a stupid bitch at all. Just a strange person. Did she wanted to test her? Or did she even want to poison her? Or did she really doesn't know that the eyes of a toad were toxic? Lilli had to admit to herself, that Anna was not what she showed others and he Head Girl liked that. She had always hoped that Anna was a good person, because she was also James best female friend.

* * *

History of magic was by far the most boring class they ever had. As soon as Professor Binns started talking, one student after another started to snore. Lilli was probably the only one, who just managed to stay awake to write notes. Alice sat right next to her but also fell asleep 5 Minutes after class had started. She couldn't help but looked behind her to see what James was doing. He too were sleeping with his head onto the table. His unruly hair still expanded into every direction and it just came into her mind if it didn't hurt if someone stroked through them.

_Cold... It was so cold. His body was going numb. His heart seemed to have stopped and a cruel feeling added himself onto his back. Every breath he took was painful and stroked through his nerves with agony. He felt something on his skin... A hand, that strokes along his arm and moved higher to his chest until it finally arrived at his throat..._

James woke up with a start. He gasped for breath and tried to calm his heart. It had started to beat like hell as if it never had beat before. His hands were shaking, his legs seemed to be numb and his whole body felt like a big rock.

'Just a dream... nothing serious... just a dream.'

He looked to the right, where Sirius sat and snored, then forward, where Anna sat cross-armed without even moving once. He was sure that she slept too. Next to her sat his girlfriend and her head laid onto the table as well. One glimpse to the left and he realised that even Peter was already sleeping and Remus tried more or less to concentrate on the teacher. The only thing prevented his head from falling to the table was his supporting hand. Nobody of them noticed something from his nightmare, just like any other time. As close as he was to all of his friends, none of them really seemed to realize, that what he showed them was just a face, he put up to be strong. He seemed to be a very good actor.

But James was wrong. Lilli saw how he woke up with a start, looking scared and it wrenched at her heart so much she wished nothing more than to be there for him. She observed how he looked at all of his friends, probably afraid that they might have noticed something from his nightmare or probably because he wanted somebody of them to tell him that it was just a dream. She wanted to do that for him. She wanted to nod towards him, telling that everything was all right but he didn't even glimpsed at her once. He had his own world with his girlfriend Melissa and all his best friends around him. But were they enough if they didn't see or didn't want to see the most obvious thing? Or was Lilli the only one who looked at him in that way to see his suffering?

After the class everyone was on their feed again to walk towards the next class. Sirius, who yawned to wake up entirely, stopped in the middle of it as he watched his best friend.

"Prongs?"

"Hm?"

"You look palish. Couldn't sleep? Did Binns told something interesting for a change?"

James forced a laugh, without his best friend noticing it. His intention wasn't mean at all, he just didn't want them worrying about him. It was enough that worrying about him already cost his parents their marriage.

"Let's go." After James slung his arm around his girlfriend, they walked out together.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked Lilli, as she noticed whom her eyes were following.

"What? Oh, nothing. Lets go."

"Nothing?" she asked amusedly. "For nothing your eyes do stuck very long on our Head Boy. Am I mistaken or is there something cocking?"

"You _are_ mistaken," she said gravely.

"Really?"

"James Potter and I. That's ridiculous, really."

"Yeah, that's true," she agreed with her, took her bag and stood up. "You would really be a very strange couple. See you in Defence, bye Lilli."

And their way separated, because Lilli went her way to medical science.

* * *

And so the first day in school passed uneventfully. The only important thing for Lilli was, that she would patrol with James in the evenings through the hallways of Hogwarts, which belonged to their duties as Head Boy and Head Girl. She had a picture of him in her mind and was eager to find out if he would show her tonight that he was like that or not. Punctual 10 pm she went into the common room to search for him.

'He's probably clinched to his girlfriend again," she thought nerved, but that was exactly not the case at all. Melissa sat on the fireplace with Anna, Alice and the other Marauders and they obviously talked about something very boring. James wasn't with them and she didn't really want to ask them out of all where he was.

"Evans!" Sirius yelled to her, when he spotted her. Bugged out she turned around to face him with a very awry smile.

"Yes?"

"Prongs wants me to tell you, that he will be waiting outside. He wanted to fly some rounds with his broomstick. So, if madame still knows the way to the Quidditch field, she shouldn't have any problems to pick milord up from there. Or should I come as a watchdog?"

"You as a watchdog?" she offended without thinking. "That would be like I throw myself into the lion's den." Without waiting any minute longer, she turned away and walked outside the portrait hole.

"Yeah, that hurts more and more," Sirius commented, pretending to pout. Anna didn't say anything, but Lilli in fact had heard that last sentence from him. She couldn't help but feeling frustrated again.

* * *

On her way down to the Quidditch field, she thought about why the hell James would still fly at such a late hour? It was dangerous since Voldemort were still gaining more and more power and gained dark creatures on his side they hardly even knew anything about. As she arrived at the field she started to search for him but couldn't find him anywhere. It was hard seeing anybody since the only light came from the moon. She then saw a figure up in the sky who was so tiny that she could hardly recognize him. It frightened her to know that he flew so high at the sky. Wait, how was she supposed to get him down? He flew that high, she couldn't scream him to come down since he would never heard her anyway. Should she tried to throw a stone at him? Bad idea. What if she struck his head with it and he fell to the ground? Then it would be her fault if Hogwarts needed a new Headboy. Maybe she should give him a sign with her wand? Perform something in front of him? A sentence? Hello Potter, look down? Potter?! Maybe she should call him James? She would rather call him by his name, but he still called her Evans. Anyway, Lilli finally thought and pointed her wand towards the flying figure.

James loved to fly some rounds on the Quidditch field to clear his head. He was the seeker and the Captain of his team. Flying gave him a feeling of endless freedom, as if nobody could ever harm or defeat him. Up in the air, nobody could chase him, so he didn't have to run away from anybody. Absolutely nobody. Up in the air, his problems suddenly vanished far far away from him.

Nobody knew what was really going on in his mind. Everyone just closed his eyes on that matter. He didn't knew why but he was grateful for that. Anna was the only one who knew about the happenings 5 years ago and she became the only one he could really talked to about that. Well, she didn't knew everything, because James didn't want to tell her everything. He didn't want to think about that at all. Every time when it came back into his mind, he fled again by flying away. Quidditch was the only thing that kept his mind away from his problems. He didn't really thought, when he was playing Quidditch or flying. His body just moved on his own according to what his heart wanted. He could close his eyes and was still flying like he wanted to and like it was the best for him. And as soon as he opened his eyes he -

_Hey, Headboy!_

"Woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Noooo -" CRACK! "Uffffff!"

James squinted warily. It felt weird because he did fall very deep. Of course, he flew a little bit deeper because he knew that Lillli Evans would be here any moment to pick him up for rounds and he wanted to be able to hear her yelling his name. Now he laid there and didn't understand why he had fallen onto something so soft. He flew... and flew... and then the writing directly in the air in front of his eyes.

"POTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!"

"Evans?" James asked unbelievingly and promptly rolled to the side. Lilli rose groggy, looking angry at him.

"Why didn't you drop down somewhere else? Just a little bit to the side?!"

"Why didn't you jumped a bit to the side, if you saw me dropping down at you?" he asked indignantly.

"I was shocked!"

"So do I! Am I right to guess that that writing was your genius idea?"

"It is genius, if you turned on your brain while flying!"

"Who expect a writing directly in front of his eyes? Really, sometimes, I do wonder if nature forgot to give you something."

"Me? I'm not the one who took off Snape's shorts."

"Neither did I!"

"You did! I heard the others laughing."

"I want to, but I didn't!"

"You did!"

"Ask Sirius!"

"Your wacko friend?!"

"Then ask Anna!"

"She wasn't there! She was with Alice at the sea."

"Then ask Remus! Surely, you believe him, don't you?"

"..."

"Really, Evans. How would you want to work with me the whole year, if you're constantly looking for a reason to chop my head off?"

"I didn't do that!" she defended herself, looking offended. How could he think that of her?

"No? Aren't you the same Evans, who always squealed on us at McGonagall, when we did nothing than walking around?"

"You're Head Boy now and will have to do the same. That was my job!"

"Your job? Did you never have anything fun in your life?"

"Of course I have. All the time! And it's not any of your business what I do with my life. You are happy with your Marauder dudes and that -"

"No insult, please!"

"And what did she all the time?"

"You provoke her."

"As did she!"

James sighed frustrated.

"Lets do the rounds. Convincing someone so stubborn like you are would be like killing a Dementor. Impossible!"

He stood up and wanted to help her, but she declined snorting without hesitation when she helped herself. Without dignifying him with even one look she walked back into the castle with him right behind her. The whole time they were doing their rounds they didn't even talk one more word to each other until the very end.

"Finished?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Good."

"Good."

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Good."

And both went their different ways into two different dorms. Lilli noticed the light coming from a gap through the door and knew that those three girls haven't gone into bed yet.

'Great, just what I need.'

She forced herself to enter the room anyway.

"Hey, Lilli," Alice greeted her, after she came in. Like she expected, all three girls sat on Kingcade's bed and were chatting.

"Hi," she said weary and moved to her own bed. "Good night."

"Night," Alice replied and watched as her friend closed the curtain on her bed to sleep. Kingcade only shook her head unbelievable and started their chat again. Lilli was very glad when they finally stopped talking and also went to bed.

'Only this one last year. After that, everything will be over and you'll never have to see them again. Hopefully, it will past fast,' she thought depressed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – on my own

The great hall was full to the brim on that Friday morning. Lilli was fed up with seeing James and Melissa being together and surrounded by their admirer wherever she was. It was almost like that girl was only with James so the whole school could see how happy they were as a couple.

"Morning, Lilli," she heard the gentle voice of Diana, who sat next to her on the Gryffindor table. Sometimes Lilli really needed to force herself to listen carefully when her friend talked because she indeed was so quiet that even the fall of a pin would be louder than her voice.

"Morning, Diana."

"How was your first week as Head Girl?" she asked a little bit too indifferently for Lilli's taste.

"Okay, nothing special. Obviously nobody wants to be on our dearest Head Boy's bad side."

Diana only shrugged.

"James is very popular and everybody listen to him. Look at Snape who doesn't. His own people even abandoned him."

"I didn't care about Snape. He deserved what he got. I didn't like him either. He's not better than the Marauders, cursing everybody just because he can."

"Yeah, you're right," her friend answered somehow bored. Lilli became more annoyed with every second.

"Whatever," she finally said, deciding to let it go. "You go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend? I still need to buy some stuff."

"Sure. See you at dinner? I have to go."

"Yeah, bye."

"Bye."

Diana vanished as fast as she appeared and Lilli sat there alone again. And she couldn't help it but let her eyes wander again back to James, who laughed with his friends and his girlfriend in his arms. Even so, he laughed, she could see something sad in his gaze. Now, was it a bless or a curse to have these friends? She wondered if he even could speak with anyone about what's going on with him. She didn't know how long she's been observing him when she suddenly felt someone's glance at her. Lilli turned away just to look into Anna White's eyes. Both starred at each other for a moment. She didn't understand her glance. Was it distrust? Was she disgusted at her? Or was it something she didn't understand yet? In the end, it was Lilli who looked away first. She felt awkward being starred like that. It was like the dark haired girl did more than just looking at her, as if she was looking deep inside her heart.

* * *

The great hall depleted slowly and Lilli followed the other Gryffindors into the class. The first class on Friday was something new. Something, that only those students took, who are seeing their future as an Auror. That was the reason why Lilli wasn't surprised at all to see the Marauders and Anna there. The only thing that surprised her was, that James shadow Melissa Kingcade wasn't there. Since Alice and Frank stood by the group, she decided to join them reluctantly. She didn't like to stood alone anywhere, so why not swallowed her pride this time.

"Hi."

"Hi, Lilli," greeted Frank and Alice the friend. Anna gave her a strange look, as if Lilli was the last one, she would expected to become an Auror.

"Evans!" Sirius said smirking. "I didn't know that you want to become an Auror." He seemed to made it his business to get on her nerves.

"Right back at you. Black and Auror? Isn't that a mismatch? Your little brother and your cousin are learning the dark Arts right know."

"Yeah, overlapped with this or I would've joined them."

"That's what I've thought."

"You can think?"

"Compared to you, yes!"

"Uhhhh -" Sirius pretended to be gravely offended. " - poisonous like always, Evans?"

"Just to you."

"Gud Mornäng!"

Suddenly, a woman entered the room and she wasn't unknown to James at all. He grimaced as she walked in, winking at him and stopped in the middle of her students. Her face do appear to be nice and friendly. Her brown curled hair emphasized her severe and strong expression. James knew that she wasn't that nice like everybody might thought of her.

"My name ise Brofessor Swetlana Jaivenko," she said in a dialect, James never even have heard about. He grimaced while hearing her speaking. Swetlana Jaivenko was his godmother and she could speak English perfectly fine!

"I'm yure teachar foar advanced defence against thi dark arts. This course will teach yure how to defönd yureself in thi face of grave dangear against a full trained wisard. Well, lets start with ma, putting you into grups, shall we?"

'Great,' James thought near the edge of despair without stopped looking desperate. 'That's what I need. A maniac godmother in Hogwarts as my teacher.'

"Let's start with grub Ai: Lijji Evàaaans?"

Lilli raised her hand. "Lilli, Evans, Professor," she tried to correct her, but Jaivenko just smiled weakly back.

"Grait, Jahmis Podde?"

Called person buried his face behind his hands by now and seemed to be right in front of a mental breakdown.

"Jahmis Podde? Is he not hir?"

Hesitantly and already annoyed, he raised his hand.

"Grait, my boy. Then Sirios Blagg?"

"BLACK!" he corrected her offended. Blagg sounded like a cry of disgust.

"Of curse," she answered bored. "And... Ahnnä Weidee?"

Anna just raise her hand without saying anything. Since she didn't pay any attention to Lilli's or Sirius try to correct her, it was more likely that she would be ignored as well.

"Munduguse Flescher?"

The guy on the other side, who uneasily wobbled, raised his hand.

"And Kingseley Saggelbold?"

The big wizard near Mundungus Fletcher raised his hand.

"Grait, next grup." Jaivenko went on spelling every name wrong, causing James to went bright red with shame. At that very moment, he actually felt glad that nobody knew they were acquainted with each other and made a notice to himself to keep it that way.

"Grait!" Jaivenko said after putting everybody into groups. "Pleese, adjust yurself and I will give yure thi task."

Lilli, Sirius, James and Anna didn't had to move since Kingsley and Mundungus came to them. Actually, Kingsley came to them and just collected Mundungus on his way, otherwise he would never have found them in time since he seemed to be a little bit mazed, well some maybe would call it drunk. Lilli throw an meaningful look towards Anna from the side, since this was the second time they were put into a group together. Destiny or just a strange coincidence to give them enough opportunity to annoy each other?

"What?" Anna snapped at her, looking furiously at her as soon as she noticed her glance. Lilli wasn't frightened of her at all. For any reason she couldn't see anything nasty in the face, she slept in one dorm with for about 6 years now. It was quite the contrary. It seemed that her face was rather warm and strangely mysterious in a good way. She couldn't explain it, but it didn't frighten her as well, even though, her voice did sound cold.

"Nothing," she answered, smiling awkwardly. "Isn't it a funny coincidence to be put into a group again?"

She tried to hid her uncertainty behind a smile, but the other Gryffindor just looked bored away. It was as if she spotted a fly and probably even the fly would be more interested for her than Lilli.

'So much for friendship' she thought embarrassed.

* * *

After Professor Jaivenko joined the group, she looked at everyone with great expectations.

"Grait. Now, as I know, yu do have already learned Legilimency and Occlumency. Yu will be taught how to boost that. Since the Bi-grup start with Occlumency, yu will start with Legilimency. Thi spell is very easy." Jaivenko took out her wand and looked to the group. "Now, any volunteers?"

Everybody looked shocked and at once everyone except Lilli tried to look innocently in another direction, though the teacher wouldn't addressed them. Anna and Sirius started to whistle something, Mundungus turned around to look on the wall, Kingsley pretended to search for someone else on another corner of the room and hid himself perfectly fine behind Lilli and even James reacted just in time and acted like he had to cough and hid behind Sirius and Anna.

"Ah, Miss Evàaans. Grait!"

"W-What?" she stammered appalled and haven't noticed what everyone else had done to avoid being picked. Jaivenko pointed her wand towards Lilli's head.

"Goncendrate on something, Miss Evàaans. Something from yure past. A special experience and look into my eyes. I'll try to enter yure mind and see this experience. Reddy, Miss Evàaans?"

"N-Nope?!"

"Grait! And yu all look carefully how I held my wand and what I'm saying. Legilimens!"

It felt like a stab in her head. Not painful, rather like a strange feeling. As if somebody bumped into her and pushed her down with her whole body. A bright light blinded her eyes and she could see Anna in the mind's eye. She was very young and stood with her parents in Diagon Alley. Lilli didn't know that they were about to go to the same class but she did notice her sad gaze on her face, because her parents didn't even seem to care about her at all. They concentrated at anything else, but their daughter. In that litte girl's eyes unveiled loneliness and even a death wish, as if she wanted to end it every moment now.

Wusch! The memory was replaced by a 16-years old Melissa Kingcade, who walked through the hallway with the 16-years old Anna White, surrounded by a crowd of gaggling girls, who obviously adored them. Lilli noticed the same loneliness and death wish in her eyes as she had as a child, when she saw her at Diagon Alley with her parents. She was sure that Anna wasn't even paying attention to what Kingcade and the other girls were saying, but rather thought of something more important concerning her own life, that she didn't want to share with anybody else.

Wusch! Again a new memory. This time, it was the 12-years old James Potter, laying in a bed, being severely injured. His whole body was bandaged and in his face were a lot of plaster above the small wounds. His hazelnut brown eyes looked at her, begging for help and comfort...

Suddenly, she took a deep breath, as if she had never breathed before. Lilli woke up from the stare and started wobbling, exhausted. She didn't had any strength left in her knees, as if someone just pushed it out from her. A headache brought momentarily blackness in front of her eyes and something sick started to creep up in her stomach. James was the one, who caught her just in time and supported her, though she wouldn't collapsed. His hold was so tight and strong, he was so close, but his eyes, which she could see for just a moment, seemed to glare uncomprehendingly at their teacher. Lilli's eyes then also wandered to her teacher but her expression was blank. She couldn't read any out of her or what she might thought about what she just saw. Jaivenko smiled gently and dropped her wand.

"This is called Legilimency. Vary important is to hold thi eye contact. Yu need to concentrate on reading yure partner's mind. And Miss Evàaans, yu should learn to close your mind, then yu could have spared yourself thi sickness."

James finally let go of her after he realized that she could stood on her own again. Even though, it started to get very hot inside her heart, she murmured very gentle: "Thank you."

"Forget it," he answered as gentle as her.

Jaivenko turned again to the whole group.

"In yure grub, it is Miss Weidee, so I've heard, who is already very advanced in Legilimency and Occlumency. Is this correct, Miss Weidee? It was thi director, who told mi that?"

"Yes, Professor," she answered indifferently and subdued a yawn.

"Grait, then yu will lead the grub. I'm sure yu will do a great job. Yu will be evaluated as a grub. Not alone. So, make an effort, together!"

With these last words, she left the group and walked to the next students. Anna just shook her head in disbelief.

"Great, just what I need. A new occupation as a teacher!"

"So, Professor Weideeeeeee!" Sirius joked at once and knocked her chummily on her shoulder.

"Very funny, Mr. Blagg!"

"Or Jahmis Podde!" Sirius gagged. "Blimey! Where is she from?"

"I think it was Germany," she answered grinning.

"That's the German dialect?"

"Her name has more something of a Russian," Kingsley said.

"Or French," Sirius said.

"How about Holland?" Kingsley suggested.

"Or the Netherlands?" commented Sirius at once.

"Idiot!" Anna said amusingly. "Holland and the Netherlands are the same."

"Really?" Sirius asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, Brainy! Let me guess: The day Merlin distributed the brains, you were sick?!"

"I think I was in the line for good looks and great muscles!"

"Oh, what a great joke."

"Why aren't you laughing?"

"Because vampires would rather eat garlic, then laugh about your jokes."

Neither Lilli or James took part in their conversation. Lilli didn't stop looking at her teacher, who were already with the third group by now. Jaivenko saw what Lilli saw, but she didn't say a single thing. Of course, there was hardly anything to say about that, but she just expected something. Anything but indifference. That weren't common memories or common feelings or did she just made more of it as it really was?

* * *

After class, Jaivenko dismissed everyone with the order to study hard. Almost every student were already gone, when she called James to stay with her for a moment.

"I need to speak to yu, for a moment, Mr. Podde. Please, return."

"I'll catch up to you later," he told his friends and went back into the room. He closed the door after the last student had left.

"Swetlana."

"James," she said smiling warmly.

"Not Jahmis anymore? What's with the ridiculous dialect, that nobody even recognize?"

"That was my intention."

"Why?"

"Your Mum told me that your dreams started again," she said gentle, without responding to his question. She wasn't the strong and severe teacher any more. Now, she was just a worrying godmother and an overprotective Auror.

"And?" he asked, since she didn't seem to speak without further invitation.

"Dumbledore can't always be here to look after you, so I am. We think that someone near you might be the trigger."

Her expression changed immediately from friendly to hard and sceptical.

"Near me? Melissa?"

"No, that would be too obvious."

"Anna?" he asked disbelievingly.

"Could be. I'm here to find out."

"It's not Anna, Swetlana. I would take my broom off for her."

"Be careful, kid."

He looked at her confused, but was sure that every further discussion would led into nothing.

"Why are you act like you are a foreigner?"

"Oh, well, you know that your Grandfather is the Minister of Magic and everyone looked up to him? That would just be what his critics would wait for, if they find out that his grandson's godmother is a teacher at the school he's attending. The daily prophet would shoot him down in flames. A blessing in disguise, that hardly anyone knows about me and to made it perfect, I pretended a dialect. Isn't that dialect brilliant?"

"You like running around like a disturbed fool?"  
"I'm a teacher with a dialect," she corrected him. "That's something new and it's just camouflage, so nobody will suspect anything, more than ever not that trigger. I'll keep you posted and now you should go. I don't want to be blamed if you arrived late to the next class."

James shook incredulously his head, while he walked towards the door to open it, when she suddenly called him back again.

"By the way, James. What's with Lilli Evans?"

"Lilli Evans?" he asked confusedly. "What should be with her?"

"What's her relation towards you and Anna?"

"We are classmates. Anna seems to dislike her."

"Okay... Bye, James."

He nodded indifferently and left. He didn't care anymore. Actually, he didn't care about anything anymore. His life didn't matter to him any more. Everything would go as it was supposed to do, no matter what he wanted. Nothing would stop _him_, so what was the point of trying to fight against him? Without really thinking or looking in front of him, he walked through the hallway to his next class, but bumped into another person in the middle of his way, causing both of them to fell over.

"Ow!"

"Damn it!" he railed. When he looked up, he found Diana Ayenterro sitting in front of him on the ground. The only one, he connected her with was Lilli and remembered that they hung out together a lot. She looked somehow scared of him and stand up at once as he did.

"I-I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I didn't pay attention."

"Nothing happened. Forget it."

And without another word James just left. He didn't feel like talking more than necessary. And even when he was doing rounds with Lilli, he wasn't talking much or even not at all. They walked silently through the corridors until they arrived back at their common room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Dark secret

Lilli didn't found much sleep that Friday night. The whole time she thought about what Professor Jaivenko read in her mind, what was supposed to be her little secret, because they were her private feelings. They weren't secret anymore.

Most of the students went to Hogsmeade at that Saturday morning and Lilli met up with Diana to walk down the path to the village. There was still some errands to be done.

"Curious," commented Diana pensively. She smiled at her astonishingly, as they had been walking side by side in silent. "This is one for the books!"

"What do you mean?" Lilli asked confused, since she found herself being pulled out of her thoughts.

"Today, you are even more quiet than I usually am."

"Oh, err – I just haven't slept much."

It was indeed half the truth. She really didn't have much sleep.

"Do you had a nightmare?"

"No, just too many thoughts."

"Did something happened, yesterday? Did that Kingcade bitch said something to you?"

Lilli laughed amusedly. Her friend was a very nice person, whom such terms just didn't fit. It converted her into some kind of obstreperous gnome instead of a serious and dangerous person.

"No, Kingcade haven't done anything."

"Then it's about James?"

"Diana, I really don't feel like talking about that so... could we change the subject?"

"Err – Okay. How was advanced defence?"

'Great' Lilli though tired. That was exactly the subject she wanted to get away from. She continued to smile awkwardly and both of them went back into being silent.

After they bought everything needed, they went to the inn _Three Broomsticks _to drink a bottle of butterbeer, as do half the school. Lilli and Diana found a little table in a corner, which was hid behind a big plant and sat down there.

"Guess what," grinned Diana perky. "You can nearly secretly watched everyone inside this inn from this place."

"As if I'm interested in what everyone else are doing," she said, rolling her eyes, but Diana kept on smiling meaningfully and took a snoopy look around.

"I spy with my little eye -" She suddenly said, support her chin with her right hand and grinned from ear to ear.

"Surely a lot, because I'm the one who have to stare towards a naked wall."

"But I spotted someone important."

"Really?" Lilli asked, pretended to be bored and went back to look around for the waitress, so she could finally order.

"It's James and he is all by himself."

She unintentionally turned around at lightning speed and indeed saw him sitting on a table all by himself. He seemed to be lost in a book and didn't take any notes from the longing looks of the girls around him. Actually, he didn't take notes from anything around him or maybe he did notice but ignored them on purpose because it got on his nerves. What ever it was, he didn't show it. Lilli felt frustrated, because she sensed again that they both weren't friends. The truth was that they weren't anything at all.

"Talk to him," Diana prompted Lilli.

"What?" she asked with a laugh. "Diana, are you nuts? If I wanted to talk to him I would've already done that, but there is absolutely nothing to talk about. Well, maybe one question, which is: How can he date such a bimbo? Come on! Melissa Kingcade? She obviously has as much character as the Slytherins all together which would be less than nothing."

"Oh..."

"What?" she asked, unintentionally more curious than intended.

"He isn't alone anymore."

"Let me guess, Kingcade is attached to his neck, am I right?"

"Err – No. It's Anna White. She came, saw and conquered. He went away with her."

Lilli didn't want to show it, but she did care about what Diana said. And because of that, she just breathed in smoothly and smiled superior.

"They can do whatever they want, for all I care. I don't care a pap for it!"

Yeah, she couldn't have said that worse than it already came out, because Lilli tried to pretend to be too indifferent and superior and finally looked like if she wanted to crane her neck to high. As the friend she was, Diana smiled decently.

* * *

After James had left the inn with Anna, they walked through the village. It was autumn and the weather was cold. They walked until they finally arrived at a deserted place pretty much at the very end of the village near the forests, where they sat down in the meadow.

"Why do you wanted to meet me inside the _three Broomsticks_, if you want to talk to me privately?" she asked puzzled and made a grimace. "I mean, the inn is not what I would call a quiet spot or your definition was definitely changed in your dictionary."

He laughed amusedly.

"Dunno, maybe so Lissy wouldn't get unnecessary jealous, if I met just you alone? At least that way, I can say that I wasn't going to hide anything on purpose, because half the school saw us and she knows about our friendship."

"Did something happen?" Anna asked worried, noticing the frustration in his sound. He nodded aggrieved. "What happened?"

"Dreams started again."

"Dreams? About Voldemort?"

"No, that about Lilli Evans and me, naked at the sea!" he said sarcastically and smirked broadly. Anna angrily throw some grass towards him, which she had pulled out from the meadow, but James instantly started to bubble over with laughter. "Stop, please!" He pretended to plead, so that she stopped throwing grass towards him.

"You are as bad as Sirius. I thought you want to have a serious talk, not teasingly making a conversation."

"Why teasingly? I _could_ have dreamt about that!"

"Yeah, but then the expression would be much more pleased in your stupid face and in that case, you should rather talk with your kinky best buddy, instead of me."

"Okay, okay, okay, you win. Yes, I dreamt about Voldemort."

She looked at him suspicious and with concern.

"Bad?"

He nodded slightly, which caused the expression on her face to change abruptly. She immediately looked thoughtful and guilty.

"What were the dreams about?"

"Changed every time, can't cut them off. They appeared as soon as I fell asleep.

"I'm sorry," she said frustrated. "I wanted to come over last summer, but..."

"Padfoot. I know."

"No..." she said at once, but didn't explain more.

"No?" he asked and tried to squeez more out of her, but Anna didn't let him.

"No."

"What happened with you guys? What's the real reason behind the break up?"

"Honestly?"

"'course! Always!"

"We're a bad match. Sirius is like a little brat related to the real world.

"Little brat? Anna, he left his home and is living by himself in his own flat. He battle his way all by his own without any help from his family. That's far from being a little brat, don't you think?"

"And yet, he acts like one! He didn't listen to other one's problems."

"Other one's problems or yours? Did something happened with you?" He asked suspiciously.

"Didn't matter," she answered casually, but he looked worriedly back at her. He knew her well enough to know, that something _did_ happen.

"Your Dad?" he asked, but she didn't answer and instead looked away. He could see tears reflecting in her dark eyes. She tried hard to blink them away and managed that after a while. He knew that she did want to cry but also would never let herself be seen weak. "I'm sorry," he said sympathetically.

"Forget it. I can manage that. So, back to you. If you want, we can repeat it right know? Then the dreams would surely be blocked for a while."

James nodded and was about to take his shirt off when he suddenly grinned bright at her.

"Yeah, Melissa will like that."

"What?"

"When I'm telling her: Honey! You know, that you are the only one I love, but I can't live without Anna!"

For one moment, she looked unbelievingly at him and then, one moment later, both of them snorted with laughter. It was as if they could be children again for just one more minute.

* * *

In the afternoon, Lilli and Diana were back at Hogwarts and while Diana were studying in the library, Lilli stayed at the sea and savoured the autumn wind, while reading a book.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, Miss Evàaaaaaaaaaans," giggled someone with shrillness. Lilli had to look up to recognize the one coming towards her. It was Sirius with Remus by his side.

'Great, what did I do to deserve him?' she thought bitterly.

"Hi, Lilli," Remus greeted her smiling and sat down next to her. Sirius plunked down, laying on the meadow in a very elegant way, smiling charmingly towards her.

"Hi Remus," she greeted confused. "Black?"

"Where did you leave Ayenterro? Isn't she normally sticking on you?"

"She studies. Something that I'm trying, too, if it wasn't for you, trying to disturb me."

"Studying? It's only the first week! Sound like a nerd."

"Heaven forbid! Why are you bugging me? Shouldn't you be at Hogsmeade with all the other dorks?"

"Not permitted," he answered, shrugging. "McGonagall punished me for my last prank. Well, hard luck!"

"Only for me, because know you're annoying me."

"How about having a little conversation?"

"Don't you have other _friends_ for that?"

"Noooooooooooo," he pretended to whine. "I'm so lonely!"

"Padfoot, please behave yourself!" Remus interfered and looked at his friend with the same unbelieving look Lilli did.

"Yes, mummy!" saluted Sirius,laid down again and put totally relaxed his feet up.

"Sorry," Remus said to her. "I couldn't get rid of him."

Lilli answered with a nice smile. She liked Remus a lot, but on the contrary Sirius was the one she avoided almost every time if she had a choice. There was actually nothing she liked about him and almost everything she hated on him.

"Why are you here?" she asked him curiously. "Don't tell me that the prefect of the seventh year also got the punishment?"

"No," he laughed. "The prefect of the seventh year only let himself be persuaded from the biggest mischief-maker to stay with him here."

"Come off it!" Sirius said without even looking at them. His eyes were closed and his whole body relaxed. "The swot stayed by choice here to swot for more knowledge, am I right swoty?"

"Bum." Remus said.

"And proud of it!"

Lilli started unexpectedly to laugh at the short conversation of the two guys. In fact, she wondered why Sirius suddenly wasn't that arrogant as she was used of him. No, actually, Lilli didn't really wonder after she thought about that. They usually only talked when she had to take points off of him or criticised him.

"Anna and James wanted to be alone in Hogsmeade. That's the main reason why I had to stay here... to watch the king of chaos didn't fool around to much," Remus added the last sentence much louder to made sure his friend heard him. Not that Sirius really gave him even one look but rather started to whistle.

"You know the truth swoty. The true mastermind didn't need to keep the order, but keeping track of the chaos."

"You and your Muggle proverbs. Padfoot is a fan of them, after he dated Anna in the summer," he explained.

"You and Anna White?" she asked incredulously. She didn't know and the thought of those two being a couple was just unbelievable. Sirius suddenly straightened himself and didn't look relaxed anymore. He first eyed here offended, then pouted and finally, Lilli and Remus could have swore, a bulb next to his head lighted up.

"Evans, how about us?"

"Yuck!" she said instantly, looking disgusted like he was a cockroach.

"No? Yeah, right. After White I really need some time to recover from know-it-all-chicks like you two."

"Know-it-all-chicks?"

Again, Sirius didn't commented on that and laid down like a dumpling again.

"Padfoot didn't like it if his girlfriend is smarter," he said, winking at her. She nodded understandingly but still looked disbelievingly and decided that it would be the best to just read in her book. Remus did the same thing and started to read, when suddenly the dumpling moved.

"That's unbelievable!" Sirius snorted.

"What now?!" Lilli asked nerved, looking up from her book.

"How can you seriously be quiet for so long? Aren't you getting bored?"

"No, now shut up."

"You like that deathly silence?"

"You sleep during loud bluster?"

"YES!"

Lilli just shook her head in disbelieve.

"Why am I even asking an Alien like you."

"Alien?"

"People, who are not from this world."

"So, people like you?"

"No you!" Lilli stated confused. "For heaven's sake. Those conversation are not good for my brain. It's like talking to a wall, completely stupid."

"I think it's funny!" he grinned boldly and winked. Lilli was surprised since he never had done that before. Unfortunately, she liked it. Could he really be kind like Alice told her? And did he showed this towards her now?

"I leave," she decided and stood up.

"Where?" he asked immediately.

"Away from you."

"Ohhhh... It just started to be fun!"

Lilli couldn't help but smiled.

"I promise, we'll continue this later."

"I'll take you up on that, Evans!"

"So do I, Black."

She waved to Remus and then left the boys. She went back to the Gryffindor common room, lost in her own thoughts. She somehow enjoyed to squabble with him. There was absolutely nothing nasty or evil in his words or his attitude. Maybe Alice was right and he really just wanted to have fun whenever he started those meaningless disputes. It was always her opinion that he meant it evil every time he played a trick, quarrelled with Anna or shot a drolly comment after she criticised him.

* * *

She was completely lost in her thoughts and only snapped out of it after she almost slipped. She just managed to steady herself by holding on to a picture, when noticing why she almost slipped. Her heart stopped beating for a moment as she looked at the puddle of blood on the ground. There were even more and it stopped before the portrait of the fat lady.

'What?' Lilli blinked to made sure that it wasn't a daydream, but the blood was still there. With her heart beating loudly she walked towards the snoring fat lady.

"Fatum Star," she said hastily. The snoring Lady suddenly woke up with a start and starred at her appalled.

"What? Did I really sleep? In broad daylight? Get outta here! Never happened to me before! Bless my hea -"

"Forget about it," Lilli stopped her impatiently. She just wanted to enter the common room and not some excuses for falling asleep. "Fatum Star!"

"Are you in a tearing hurry? At a pinch, maybe?"

"Doesn't matter! FATUM STAHAR!"

"All right, all right," she said nerved. "What ungrateful job!"

And with those words she hinged aside and Lilli hurried into the common room, who wasn't deserted at all. Some first class students were practising some spells and some third class students were talking there as well. There were no more puddle of blood on the ground, but she was sure it wasn't an imagination. The puddles of blood were definitely there at the corridor. Lilli decided to go back to have a second look, but when she walked outside the puddles of blood were gone. Even the one she stepped into wasn't there anymore. Even her shoes were clean.

"What the hell?" she breathed doubtfully and confusedly. She was so scared, her heart even beat painfully harder.

"In or out? Make up your mind, lovely. I'm going to catch a cold in this position."

"Yeah, of course," Lilli answered and walked into the common room, making her way to the girls dorm, when she noticed Anna halfway, coming from the boys dorm.

'Wasn't she supposed to be at Hogsmeade with James?'

Anna threw her a blank look, before leaving the common room through the hole. Lilli just shook her head.

'What's wrong with me? It's the first week and I'm already starting to lose my mind,' she thought tired. Was it really just an imagination or was it probably even real? Maybe Anna had something to do with it? But her look was completely blank. There could nothing be read in her eyes. Yeah, Lilli could never tell what's going on with her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – hidden feeling

Lilli sat onto the window sill, looking out to the sun, which shined down the landscape. Everything was messed up. The new class of advanced defence was a bust, the new professor turned out to be unintelligible and Anna White, the girl who kind of seemed to hate her, was the group leader. She imagined puddles of blood and again Anna, who never stopped to give her the feeling of being an outsider. It was Sunday and somehow she didn't expect this day to be easier. Her plans were to study a book in the meadow and just let the time passed. Diana would join her at the afternoon, because Lilli didn't want to be alone all the time. Loneliness was not a gift, but a curse.

"Morning," greeted Alice, as she walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to her onto a bed, smiling gentle. She got dressed up very nice and it was obvious that she put a lot of make-up on to look additionally pretty. Surely, it was for Frank. "Well, then. How was Hogsmeade?"

"It was all right," Lilli answered indifferently.

"Wow, sounds less than thrilled," Alice noticed.

"Well, it was like usual. Nothing new."

"Um, understood. By the way, James wanted me to pass on something to you. He can't do the round tonight with you."

"Really? Is he considering himself too good for making rounds at a weekend? Partying to much with his _awfully nice_ girlfriend?"

"Melissa?" she smiled.

"Who else?" Lilli asked meaningfully. Alice chuckled slightly but didn't give a comment on that matter, since she liked both girls a lot. Instead, she stood up and smiled.

"No, he didn't. James is sick."

"Sick?"

"Yeah, he trained last night for the Quidditch-Match, but fell from his broom, broke some rips."

"Great! Because he is to dumb to watch out in practise, I have to do the rounds alone! How can someone like he even became Head Boy? How can Professor Dumbledore do that to me?"

"If you like, you can visit him yourself and bawl him out."

"Dumbledore?"

"No, James," Alice answered smirking. "He is in the boys dorm."

"Wait a minute," she said suspiciously. "He broke some rips, because he fell from his broom, but he _didn't_ lay in the hospital wing?"

Her friend just shrugged and didn't seem to be as surprised as Lilli was.

"You know him," she said, but immediately changed her expression, looking shocked. "My Chin! You didn't know him."

Alice smiled boldly at her. "I'm just kidding, Lilli. That's just how he is. If he went to Madame Pomfrey with this injuries, she would've put him down at once and he didn't want that. Bed rest is for a Marauder like the beginning of the end of the world."

"Great! Nevertheless, it didn't change the fact that I have to do rounds all by my own, tonight."

"No, you don't have to," said Anna, who just came in. She looked tired and exhausted, as if she hadn't slept much last night. "I'll take over for him, tonight."

"Can you do that?" Alice asked disbelievingly. "Shouldn't a prefect take over for him?"

"I asked Dumbledore and he was okay with it. See you in the evening, Evans."

"Um - " was all Lilli could mumbled before her classmate closed the door behind her. A split second later, she turned outraged and confused towards Alice. "Is she always like that?"

"Who? Anna? Always like what?"

"... Strange, I think is the appropriate word. I'm not able to figure her out!"

Alice only laughed amusedly, but didn't give any answer to her about that matter.

* * *

That afternoon she met up with Diana to enjoy their free time, walking around the Hogwarts landscape.

"So, you're going to do the rounds with Anna White?" she asked her friend, slightly amused. Lilli just nodded thoroughly.

"Don't know what to think of it."

"Have you tried to ask Dumbledore, if she really did talk with him?"

"What do you think? She is his great-granddaughter. How was I suppose to do that? Hello, Professor Dumbledore, I'm going to do rounds with Anna White this evening. Did she told you that, well behaved? Why am I asking? I don't trust her!"

Diana shrugged, smiling.

"As I realise, they didn't have the perfect relationship."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Um – rumours have it, they aren't very close. That is the reason why she didn't talk about him a lot and even use his name to curse. You know, some say that it's because he expects to much of her and some others -" Diana stopped for a moment, looking uncomfortable, but Lilli was already to eager to let go off it.

"What? Come on, Diana!"

"Well, they say that she belongs to you-know-who and that that's the reason why they didn't get along with each other. You know, because Dumbledore is white-magical.

"Anna White? Wait, she's only seventeen! She didn't even finished Hogwarts, yet! I mean, come on, how can she be one of his followers if she isn't even able to produce the advanced magic of a full accomplished witch?"

"People say, that her parents belonged already to the deatheaters. Like I said, Lilli, they are just rumours, but nevertheless be careful. I didn't even know she was related to Dumbledore, if you hadn't mention it. She's so unlike him."

"That's right. Dumbledore exude warmth and confidence, but Anna exude such an incredibly risky aura." Lilli looked towards the girls crowd, who were sitting on the sea, amongst others were Melissa Kingcade, Bellatrix Black, Alice and Anna White. All of them were purebloods. She couldn't help but remember what happened years ago in Diagon Alley. She remembered that Anna's expression was a cry for help. Did she ever got it? She observed Melissa, who were talking to the others and obviously, everyone of them were fond of what she had to say. Even so, her gesture and facial expression were cocky, everyone seemed to adore her.

"I'm sorry, Lilli," Diana said quietly. "I didn't want to scare you."

"You didn't," she said honestly. "The more I know the better. I still have to do rounds with her this evening." Even so, she smiled, Lilli just tried to cover her real feelings up. She was scared, scared of what she might find out about the girl, she always wanted to be a good person.

* * *

At evening, Lilli picked Anna up at her friends, who were sitting in the common room near the fireplace. Everyone was there except James.

'Great friends' she thought bitterly. 'You are sick and they go on laughing happily without you and leave you alone in your misery. Who knows, maybe that's even what he wanted to.'

Anna stood up at once, when she spotted Lilli and smiled falsely.

"Well, let's get this done as fast as possible."

"I don't mind," Lilli answered indifferently and followed her through the hole. The portrait wasn't closed at all when Sirius shouted after them: "Don't kill each other!"

"I'll try," said Anna smirking. Lilli didn't know if she should be scared now. After all, she was doing rounds with a girl, who was considered from most of the people to be crazy and dangerous. Also, probably a follower of Voldemort, a girl who obviously hated muggelborn ones and hanged out with a girls crowd Lilli despised. No, she was absolutely not scared... Did she wrote her testament yet?

"Why did James asked you to do rounds with me and not Remus?" she asked her, but Anna only stopped at a window to watch the full moon shining bright towards them. It was so beautiful and pure, who would have thought that it could bring out wild creatures like a werewolf?

"He didn't feel well, so James didn't have another choice. Come down, Evans. I won't bite you."

"Never said I'm scared, did I?"

"No? I had the feeling as if I smelled fear."

"..."

"That was a joke! Dumbledore, you're such a - whatever."

Rolling her eyes, Anna walked away and Lilli followed quietly. She couldn't help but finding this girl crazier and crazier if she could even _smell_ fear.

"Why are you so talented in Legilimency and Occlumency?" she tried to start a conversation after a long while of quiet.

"..." Nothing.

"You know, this is going to be a very long evening, if we just go quietly corridor after corridor."

"..." Still nothing.

"Or you feel as someone better and that it's to low for you to talk to a muggelborn witch?"

"I don't have anything against muggels or muggelborn ones."

"Really? Because it seems different to me."

"Don't care."

"So?"

"So what?" Anna asked tired.

"Why are you so talented in Legilimency and Occlumency? I mean, you are our group leader at advanced defence."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"..."

"Look, Evans. We didn't like each other even a little bit and I don't care about that and don't set value on that to change. Let's leave it that way, okay?!"

Lilli bristled with anger. "As if I set any value on that."

So, both of them walked on without saying any words. Lilli felt uncomfortable to walk through the Slytherin corridors with her. She felt like Anna had the upper hand over her life here. It was different with James, because even they didn't speak much, she always knew that he would protect her, no matter what happens. It was probably ridiculous, but somehow she thought that Anna was capable of nearly everything. She was very glad that nobody was on the corridors that evening, so there was no need to criticise a student. The last thing she needed was some troublemaker she had to warn while someone stand next to her, laughing openly about her way to do that.

They arrived back at the portrait hole of the Fat Lady and stepped into the Gryffindor common room. It was empty, because most of the students were already up in their dorm to prepare for the next school day. Lilli passed by Anna wordlessly to go to the dorm. She wasn't up for talking anything to her anymore, since they had such a nice talk till now. She was about to climb the stairs upwards when she suddenly turned around, determined to tell her how sick it made her that someone like her even existed, who treated other like dirt and even found nothing wrong about that, but she didn't.

She saw Anna sitting on the couch with her knees dragged to her breasts and her head sank above them. Lilli somehow knew that she wasn't all right at all, but wasn't sure if she should went down to comfort her or if she was even able to do anything to help her. Something held her off. Maybe it was the fact that she just didn't know how to help her or maybe she was afraid that she might even would have talk about her problems. What if she couldn't take it? If they dealt with Voldemort and her connection with him? This was the main reason why she didn't go back, but went to the dorm. Alice and Melissa were already asleep, so she just jumped into her bed, but instead of sleeping she starred at the ceiling. Countless times she asked herself the same question: Why didn't she went down? It was an awful night, like so many others. She didn't found a lot sleep, too many things concerned her. Lilli didn't know why she cared about Anna so much, why she worried about her so much when something aggrieved her or why it bothered her so much, when Anna badmouthed her. This girl didn't care about her after all. Anyway, she would probably understand soon enough. Almost one hour later, the door were opened and she saw the dark hair girl coming in. She immediately went into bed and holed up into her blanket. Lilli couldn't help but observed her for a while, noticing that she couldn't sleep either.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Manic Monday

Monday morning: POTIONS.

Again, Lilli sat next to Anna and they tried again to make the warming potion. This time one more stronger then last time. Anna was like her usual self again, the one, that didn't show any emotions except her averseness to others. There were no marks of her broken-heartedly condition from last night. One glance to the back row showed her, that even James was healthy again. Maybe he was never sick at all? He was neither pale or showed any signs of having pain. He laughed and flirted with his girlfriend even happier than before. It was like all the burden was lifted off his shoulders. The thought that he might just wanted to skip doing the rounds with her made her boiled with rage. Perhaps it was more the thought that she was probably even for James some nerving attachment.

The classroom door were opened and a very shy first class student walked towards Professor Ick and handed him a note. The teacher nodded understandingly and came to Lilli and Anna.

"Miss White? The director would like to see you."

"..."

Wordlessly, Anna packed her stuff and walked out, nodding towards her Professor. Lilli found herself alone on the table again. Great! She loved to work alone. The class had just started...

"Mr. Potter?" sounded Professor Ick's voice suddenly. James took off his smitten glance from his girlfriend and looked puzzled to his teacher.

"Please, change your seat to Miss Evans, since Miss White won't come back so soon. I don't think it's going to help your skills in mixing potions, if your lips keep on sticking on Miss Kingcade's lips."

The whole class laughed amusedly, but James only smirked boldly back.

"Too bad, but I'm sure Miss Evans lips are sweet as sugar as well!"

And again the whole class laughed including the teacher himself. The only ones, who didn't found that amusing where both girls self. Lilli and Kingcade looked at each other with snotty and poisonous eyes, while James only packed his stuff and sat down next to Lilli. He didn't catch anything about their rivalry at all.

"It's us again," he smiled brightly. She noticed that he wasn't the same boy anymore, who entered Hogwarts one week ago. His eyes were cordially illuminated and his whole appearance wasn't longer aggrieved, but casually. Actually, he was very open-minded about her, but that annoyed her even more. Why did she cared about him so much? Why could she be not fussed about him like she used to be?

"You know, for someone who had broken rips you look a little bit to jovially," Lilli said.

"Who said I had broken my rips?" he said taken aback.

"Alice. That was the reason you didn't do the rounds last night, wasn't it?"

"Stattler? Yeah, she tend to exaggerate. If I said I had a headache, she would had spread I'm in a coma."

Lilli didn't find that funny at all and only grimaced nerved, even so his explanation was true.

"How was rounds with Anna?"

"Amazing!" she said sarcastically. "One word more and I couldn't count them with my hand anymore."

James laughed brightly, while randomly throwing ingredients into the mug.

"What are you doing!" she bellowed appalled and pushed down his hands with hers to prevent him from doing any further damage. The potion already smouldered portentously.

"What's wrong?" he asked innocently. "Wasn't it suppose to be added?"

"It was, but I had to cut them into the right form first! They wrote that it has to be regarded that the size need to be exact to react accurately and to not carry out an explosive mixture."

"So, and now? … Accio -!"

"You crazy!" she bellowed again and pushed down his hand one more time. "You can't summon them out! They are already melted."

"Evans?"

"What?"

"If you want to hold my hands, you could've just say it."

Lilli blushed crimson, noticing she was indeed still holding James hands in hers and immediately took them awkwardly back.

"Don't let it go to your head!" she spat furiously. It wasn't on purpose. It was just something she did to protect herself. It wouldn't help anybody if she let him know her real feelings, right? She would become the laughing stock of the whole school, because James Potter was no longer in love with her for sure.

"Bummer," he finally said and cut the ingredients from the start. Bummer? Did he really said that or was it again a James Potter plaything to watch her reaction? She decided the latter.

"Why is Anna going to be absent for the whole class?" she asked some time later.

"Hm?" James looked up surprised. He expected that she would kept on being quiet for the whole class to avoid speaking with him.

"It's just... usually, if you have to talk to the director it didn't take that long. I thought that it might be a family thing?"

"Guess so," he answered, shrugging. "He is her great-grandfather after all, probably family related. Anyway, don't let her fool you."

"What do you mean with that?" she asked curiously, taking the apple out of his hand he was about to throw into the mug and cut it into little pieces.

"Anna is all right. She just had a lot of problems at home and Dumbledore throw in his two pennies worth as well."

"You know, it's hard to picture them as relatives. Don't think I have something against her. I know you two are close, but... well..."

"I know what you mean," he said, smiling warmly. Lilli was surprised that he wasn't mad with her or reacted mistrustfully, since they were talking about one of his best friends. It was quiet the contrary. James seemed ready to explain uncomplainingly everything to her. She wasn't used to that, not even from her own parents.

"My thought is, that what ever you think of her is exactly what she wants you to think of her. You know, like what everyone else is thinking of her is exactly what she wants them to think of her as well."

"Don't get it," she said confusedly, taking the citron out of his hand he just wanted to throw into the boiled water and cut it again into very little pieces.

"Forget it," he finally said smiling.

"Hey, stop treating me like a bimbo. You can't just say: Forget it after telling something so confusing."

"I would never dare to treat you like a bimbo," he said amused.

"So, you won't tell me what you meant, will you?" she asked suspiciously.

"It depends. What exactly do you want to know?"

Here was her chance to ask him and probably really get an answer.

"Well, Professor Jaivenko said, that Anna is great in Legilimency and Occlumency. Why is that so? Did she have a natural talent for that? This was a question she didn't want to answer me, last night."

"Surprise," he laughed. "Come on. You guys aren't what people would call friends. That's like you asking why Sirius can't stay serious? Is he naturally a baby or what?"

"Talking about that, you can answer this question too! I would love to know why he have to behave like a immature dork."

She took the feather out of his hand, ripping it into little pieces and threw it piece by piece into the mug.

"Not everybody can walk dead-serious through their life, can't they?"

"I don't walk dead-serious through my life!" she said offended.

"Hardly saw you smile or even laugh."

"I laugh a lot!"

"Compared to what? To a toilet tissue? You're right, because that didn't laugh at all."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't forget!" Professor Ick's voice sounded loudly next to them, since their discussion were noisier than they noticed. Even though, the professor talked to the whole class, he especially looked at the two of them. While Lilli looked apologetically back, James just grinned boldly further more. A sign that he didn't feel addressed at all. "Concentration is the most important thing in mixing potions. The ingredients have to be accurately cut. We didn't want the outcome to be wrong or worse, a detonation."

He was barely away from them, when Lilli spoke out her opinion to James. She felt her pride to be offended and didn't want to leave it that way.

"I _do_ laugh! I just can't laugh about your humour, since it would even scare dead ones back to life."

"Then, we should never get near a graveyard or we have zombie-alarm on our beloved earth."

"Deadpan humour," she commented, rolling her eyes. She took the salt out of his hand, before he could threw in the whole package and dipped it in little quantities into the hot boiling water.

"Evans?"

"Potter?"

"It's hot, don't you think?"

"Oh, zip your lips! Let me guess -" she snorted angrily. "Now you're going to talk big like: Is it that hot or maybe I'm just too hot? For your information, Mr. Wannabe-good-like, IT IS THAT HOT!"

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter!"

KAWOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Lilli looked at James. James looked at Lilli.

Next to both of them stood Professor Ick, his hair was burnt up and off-standing in every direction and his face was completely carbon-black with the only not dark covered area were his eyes, which blinked disbelievingly at them.

"Ohoh," Lilli said embarrassed. Truth was, that the heat came from their boiling water and because non of them looked after the fire to regulate it, their potion resulted in an explosive outcome. "A thousand pardons, Professor Ick."

"Um... yeah," James coughed, trying to smile innocently. "Pardon me... as well... Professor."

That was just not enough considered the fact, that their teacher unwillingly got a new haircut and looked like he just tumbled out of an extreme dirty chimney thanks to them.

"DIDN'T I TOLD YOU TO ACCOMMODATINGLY CONCENTRATE! DETENTION, BOTH OF YOU!"

* * *

And so, head girl and head boy of Hogwarts sat in a classroom in detention, writing on a parchment the sentence: I James Potter or Lilli Evans will listen to Professor Ick in the future and will concentrate when mixing potions to avoid another catastrophe. Their teacher sat in front of them behind his desk, washed, newly dressed and with a much shorter haircut. While writing his notes, he still shook his head every now and then and they could hear him murmuring: "Unbelievable! That's no way to behave!"

They just finished their first parchment when Professor Flitwick suddenly entered the room and both teachers went out to have a talk which meant that James and Lilli were alone again.

"Our beloved Head Girl got detention. Just strike me pink!"

Lilli looked up nerved and angrily at him.

"That's your fault!" she hissed, feeling enraged.

"What? Hey, I warned you!"

"You didn't!"

"I asked if you think that it's hot. How should I know that you made fun out of it?"

"Because you always talked big whenever you got a chance to."

"Hey! This time, you got us into this mess. I was absolutely innocent"

"Right, and because you are so innocent, you are sitting in detention with me. Sitting in detention out of fun, Potter?"

"Sometimes, it is hilarious!"

She rolled her eyes, nerved, until her eyes caught his quill, which wrote the sentence all by itself.

"What the -" she started, pointing to his parchment. "How -?"

"Magic," he explained proudly. "Didn't learn it myself though. Anna showed it to me, after I came back one night, having to write twenty parchments full with the sentence: I never play a prank to Professor McGonagall again because that's low down! Anna felt sympathy with me and brought out that spell that made the quill write the sentence by its own."

James took his wand and pointed it towards Lilli's quill: "Scribos!" At once, her own quill started to write the sentence on her parchment by its own.

"But.. That's wrong!"

"What, really?!" James said startled and watched the sentence closely. "Anna said, he would write it correctly."

"Not that! It is wrong to not write it ourself," she said seriously. "We got that lines to learn from our mistakes."

"An we did! One parchment is sufficient."

"You always turn things around to fit into your agenda?"

"Admit it, Evans. You like it."

"Believe me! I do not! You really think everything works that easy? You didn't know the hard life at all!" It blurted out without even thought about it twice. Immediately after the words were out, she regretted them. James pointed his wand towards her quill and took the spell off it, looking inaccessibly again.

"If you think, that's fine with me, Evans. I'm not here to explain myself. But in the end Miss Head Girl, you are going to be the one, who didn't know how hard the life really can be."

The door opened again and Professor Ick came back in. James looked back to his parchment and so did she. Lilli didn't understand his words, but she knew that she shouldn't have said the things she said. She was just so angry, felt misunderstood and offended and she was only trying to protect and defend herself!... No... she did wrong. She knew that she was wrong about him and suddenly felt sorry for acting like that.

* * *

After detention Professor Ick released them by saying: "I hope, you've learned from this!" Both of them nodded, well-behaved, even so they didn't mean it. They walked next to each other back to their common room without talking for some time, when suddenly Lillli couldn't hold it anymore.

"James?" she blurted hastily out.

"Evans?" he said calmly back.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

She couldn't stop thinking about what happened, so she just had to say it. She did him wrong and knew that her words about him wasn't true at all.

"What do you mean?" he asked confusedly. His hands were burrowed into his pockets and he did look puzzled and not a slight sign were on his expression anymore that he was mad at her.

"What I said about you and life. That you didn't know how hard it is to live."

"Err – That... Forget about it," he said honestly.

"I just blurted without thinking. I know that you are not a spoiled brat like many others in this school."

"Spoiled brat? You're not talking about Sirius, are you?"

"Maybe."

He smiled gently. "You are wrong about him. He may act like being untouchable, but he's clearly not. He went through a lot. Sometimes, Evans, it's just easier to ignore the hard reality and escape into a world full of dreams. Hogwars is a dream, we will wake up once we leave."

It was strange to hear something like that from someone like him. But he was right. Hogwarts was a dream for her as well, where she sometimes could escape from the brutal reality too.

"You know what, Evans?"

"Um, what?"

"I think, this year could still be fun for us. You're not really a stiff plant."

"Stiff plant?" And she felt offended again. "Let me guess, Black?"

"Come on," he laughed. "It's just fun."

"Fun? If someone call you a stiff plant? That's ignominious and -"

"I meant talking!" James cut her off, but was still smiling. Lilli kept silent. He was right though, but this belonged to the things, she didn't really wanted to admit. The reason was, that everything looked different than he thought. It was not her, who didn't wanted to talk to them. They were the ones, who avoided her...

"However, Evans. You are Head Girl and I'm Head Boy... Okay, after today, we're probably the first Head Boy and Head Girl burned a teacher in their second week at school but nonetheless, still Head Girl and Head Boy or McGonagall or Dumbledore would've fired us already."

Lilli suddenly smiled, since the thought of Professor Ick's carbon-black face was indeed kind of funny. She never remembered seeing anything like that.

"Anyway, we're going to work together for a long time and it's no fun doing these rounds every evening in a bad mood because my partner go ballistic after every word I'm saying. So let's make peace?"

"Make peace? Did we fight?"

"Did we not? I felt like hearing blades clashing every time Lissy and you've met."

"Because she's a -"

"No insult!" he immediately cut her off, putting up his hand commandingly. His eyes and his expression were not mad or angry but rather friendly and even amused.

"I know she didn't belong to the nicest people if it comes down to muggelborn ones, but she's Anna's best friend and I love her."

'He loves her... and she loves him...' Lilli thought sadly.

"She's going to leave you alone, if you leave her alone."

"... Why am I thinking, that it's thanks to you she had not yet put an unforgiving spell at me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Evans," James fobbed it off but kept on smiling widely. "Those spells were forbidden because of the ministry of magic. I could never forbid her anything."

"..."

"..."

"How comforting," she said sarcastically, but James just twitched with the corner of his mouth, since it was nothing but the truth.

"Look it that way. As long as the spells aren't going to be legalised, you don't have to be afraid of her. Gotcha!"

They arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady, telling her the password and climbed into the common room.

'What a crazy bloke,' she thought, shaking her head. Even though this was one of the brighter days in her life and she couldn't help but smiling, hoping that this might could be a start of something good.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Just feel it

When Lilli arrived in the girls dorm, she was surprised to only find Melissa and Alice sleeping in their bed. Anna bed was empty. Was she still not back from speaking with the director? She was missed in every class that day so maybe probably something serious happened?

'That's foolish, Lilli! Why do you care about someone, who didn't give a crap about you or maybe even hate you!' she thought bitterly.

That could've been the truth, since Anna White always looked at her disgusted and hostile and she hated that fact. She never did that girl anything wrong but she was hostile towards her anyway and it didn't even matter what Lilli do or say. It didn't take long when the door was opened again and this time Anna was entering. When she noticed Lilli, she suddenly stopped for a second and both of them starred at each other for a moment.

'She cried' Lilli thought worriedly. Her eyes were still puffy from crying.

"Hi," Lilli said gentle and then after several moments Anna muttered quietly back: "Hi." She then walked towards her bed, closed the curtains and remained silent for the rest of the night. Lilli was confused, since it was the first time Anna even acknowledged her. Normally, she would've ignored her. She wanted to say something like: If you want to talk to somebody, you can talk to me any time. But Lilli immediately understood how stupid this really was. What right did she has to chip in her private things? Anna had so many other friends and if she did want to talk, she preferably would spoke to Kingcade or James.

Even more surprisingly was the next day. Even so Anna sat next to her friends at breakfast, she only starred absently at the jar of marmalade. Lilli found herself again observing her. She saw how Melissa talked and laughed cheerfully with the others. Only James seemed to notice her condition and looked solicitously at her. She just shook her head and Lilli saw that James nodded understandingly. She felt uneasy, worrying so much about Anna White, because it was the same, she felt towards James. A feeling that one just wanted to help the person no matter what.

* * *

ADVANCED DEFENCE AGAINST DARK ARTS

They group were sitting in a circle and Anna tried to get into the mind of them one by one, while they tried to hold her out of their thought. This task turned out to be harder than they knew since Anna was indeed very strong in Legilimency. Sirius was the first one to start. Anna and Sirius were sitting inside the circle of their group towards each other. On his face, she could make out a very telling grin.

"Legilimens!" she spoke firmly, her wand was pointing at Sirius head. He neither winced or showed any surprising signs, but rather grinned more widely than before. Anna rolled her eyes and took down her wand.

"Very funny," she said sarcastically.

"I know," Sirius answered very meaningfully.

"You were suppose to hold me out of your head and didn't show me _bare_ facts."

"But it's more fun like that. Do you like that?"

"So much I'm going to throw up on you."

Sirius pretended to be hurt and pouted. Lilli looked confusedly at James who just waved with his hand in front of his face to show her that his friends had a screw loose. She nodded hesitantly, not really understanding.

"Next!" Sirius stood up and passed the place on to Mundungus Fletcher. Anna waved with her hand in front of her face to get rid of his alcoholic breath that suddenly appeared.

"Boy! Dung! Why do you have to drink so much?"

"Woaaaaaaaaaat? I haven't drunk anysssssssssssssing, undersoooood?"

She rolled her eyes and pointed her wand towards him.

"Absolutely undersooooooood. Legilimens!"

KAWUM! Dung had fallen asleep.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"NEXT!" Anna yelled unbelievably, since her partner obviously decided to take a nap. Sirius and Kingsley pulled Mundungus away, so James could take the place. Both of them started grinning at each other which would be normal if this wasn't James Potter and Anna White. He stroke across his hair to tussle them, while Anna lifted her wand. "If you dare to do the same thing as Sirius -!"

"I wouldn't dream of it," he answered laughing. It cause a prickle in Lilli's stomach, making her feel strange.

'Stop that nonsense, Lilli. He is dating Melissa Kingcade.' She tried to look to someone else, but couldn't stop that feeling after it already appeared. She longed for his eyes, his appearance, him! He gave her such a warm feeling, she never felt from anyone else in her whole life.

"Legilimens!"

When the spell hit him, James tried hard to hold it out. He looked into her eyes and he knew what to do but this time it was even harder. She might tried it gentle, but he was so weak these days that he couldn't held her out anymore and the magic captured every part of his mind.

_Michael Potter, who came home very tired. Maria Potter, who came from the kitchen towards her husband, furiously yelling at him and the thirteen years old James Potter kept on sitting next to them, looking scared and frustrated._

_The nine year old James, who played in the meadow. He suddenly tripped, hurting his knee. His grandfather and Dumbledore were visiting them and both lovingly took care of him. She saw Dumbledore's crystal clear eyes, who looked at the boy with so much love. She never saw that love in his eyes towards her. _

_Voldemort..., who pointed his wand towards the twelve year old James in front of him and then... pain._

Anna winced and took off her wand immediately. Her heart started to beat like hell, her hands became freezing cold and her body couldn't stop shivering.

"I'm so sorry," James said soundless, though nobody else knew about them.

"Everything okay?" Sirius asked confusedly when he noticed her condition. She looked as if she was about to faint any moment now, but Anna only nodded and took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Yeah, everything is all right..." she said weakly. "Next one, please."

James changed the place with Lilli, who was now sitting in front of Anna. She noticed that the eyes of the girl were now even more sentimentally than last night and she knew that James was the reason for that.

"Ready?" Anna asked.

"Y-Yes," she stammered.

"Legilimens!"

After still remembering the feeling from last time Jaivenko forced her way into her memories, Lilli tried hard to focus on holding her off her head. She didn't want another one reading her private secrets like an open book. 'No!' she thought resolutely but the light blinded her again and the events just passed in her mind's eye one after another.

_The eight years old Lilli and her first day in primary school, accompanied by her parents and her younger sister. She had a good childhood. Her parents and her sister loved her very much. _

_The eleven years old Lilli, who received the letter from Hogwarts and McGonagall, who handed the letter over to her parents, explaining everything. Lilli glared curiously. _

_The eleven years old Anna, standing in Diagon Alley next to her parents, starring sadly into space. Her parents ignored her, but Lilli could see the death wish in those dark cheerless eyes._

Anna slowly put down her wand and the feeling, that forced itself inside Lilli, finally decreased and went away. She understood that Anna saw what Lilli never wanted her to know. She tried to find out if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but the girl's eyes were again completely blank.

* * *

There was no chance for Lilli to talk with Anna, since she left the room after class very fast as if she wanted to escape from her. She decided to ask James about that. At least, they would have something to talk about when they did their rounds.

"James?"

"Evans?"

"You know Anna White very well, right?"

"Nope, Anna White? Who's that? Never heard about her."

"Very funny," she said sarcastically, because he grinned broadly.

"Or did you mean Ahhnnnnnna Weideeeeee?" he joked.

"Stop kidding about Professor Jaivenko. The poor woman has enough problems with the language."

"Killjoy."

"Come on, back to Anna."

"All right. What do you want to know?" James smiled.

"Well, she saw something today in my mind..."

"Something, you are embarrassed about?"

"Yeah, something like that. Actually, it's about her."

"About her?" He grinned naughty. "Let me guess -"

"No way!" she immediately cut him off. After attending class with him for about six years, she knew the results if he tried to guess about those matters. "So, it concerns the following: It was in our first year... or before school even started. I saw her with her parents in Diagon Alley. Just for a short moment, but..."

"But?" he prompted gently, since Lilli stopped for a long time, looking doubtfully.

"Promise to not regard me as nuts?"

"Can't do that."

"Why?"

"Already regard you as that."

"You -!"

"Kidding, Evans!" he said at once, laughing boldly.

"I'll laugh later," came her sarcastic respond.

"Too bad. Okay, promise, so but?"

"Is it true, that she and her parents aren't close?"

"Hmm..." James stopped and leaned himself against the wall at the corridor. Lilli was surprised, but followed him, leaning next to him against the wall as well. She observed him from the side and noticed smiling that he really looked cute while thinking like that. He was charming, serious and keen. He was completely different when he played pranks with the others. It was a side on him, she saw for the first time, but she liked it a lot.

"You know, what people say about her?"

"What exactly?"

"That she is a dark magical witch?"

"Yes, even though I think it's confusing, since she's related to Dumbledore and you know more white magical than him is not possible..."

"Absolutely right. And Anna's Dad is Dumbledore's grandson. He's a dark wizard and he did a lot for Voldemort."

"So... Anna belongs to him as well? And that's the reason why she and Dumbledore aren't close?"

His voice became a little bit crazy, but also remained serious, when he shook his head.

"I don't know why I tell you that though... but no, that's not the reason they aren't close. It's more about proofing a point."

"Proofing what point?"

"You remember that I told you, that what you think of her is exactly what she wants you to think about her?"

"Yes?" she said confusedly.

"Yeah and what Dumbledore thinks of her is _not_ what she wants him to think of her. Anna tried fiercely to control the picture other's have about her and it didn't work with the headmaster."

"Why? What did Dumbledore think about her?"

"You really want to spend the rounds talking about Anna?" he asked, baffeled. "You two aren't even friends."

"Well... I feel sorry for her... somehow..."

"There is no need to. She manage her life just fine. Don't even try to understand her, because..."

He smirked. "She will steer it like she wants."

"So... your point?"

"Stop thinking about Anna White. I know her very well and there's no need for you to worry about her."

"You are funny, it's not easy to do that, though."

"Have another funny thing," James smirked. "I told you something from Anna and now, you have to tell me something about you."

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" she asked appalled.

"Trust build on give and take."

"Very prudent..."

"Read it at the back of a cereal box and underneath: carpe diem! Cereal is healthy for every strong witch and wizard!"

Lilli couldn't help but laughed at his grimace and so did he. He pushed away from the wall and both of them walked their rounds. It was unbelievable but Lilli did start to like him more than she thought she would, even his behaviour. He wasn't arrogant anymore and didn't has any rubbish in his head. He was exactly like his eyes had described him.

"So, tell me why you despise Melissa."

"What?" she asked bitterly and couldn't stop a disdainfully snort. She expected everything but that, since she found the answer rather obvious.

"Tell my why don't like Melissa."

"Well, because she is a stupid bimbo, a cow, who kept on bullying others for no reason, but because she is a skank. She thinks she is above us all and gives nothing on others. _She_ _is the embodiment of the evil! _Reasons enough?"

He smiled slightly. "And those are reason for me to be with her. Just to answer your question from the train ride."

They arrived back at the portrait hole. "Good night, Evans," he said smiling and turned to climb up the staircase to his dorm, when Lilli stopped him.

"James? Does that mean you support her behaviour? I mean... all the wrongdoings towards others?"

"My answer was clear, wasn't it? No more or less. Tomorrow, we continue with a question from me. Night."

"Night," she said gentle, watching him disappeared behind the walls. Was this really the reason why he loved her? Because she was evil? Did she missed something? Since when did it became _in_ to be nasty? Frustrated and uncomprehendingly, she walked up to her dorm to get some sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – My wish

The next day, Lilli woke up later than everybody else. Those rounds needed their fair share of time and were harder than she thought. After taking a shower, she put on her jeans, sweater, shoes and school uniform and decided to walk directly to class, since she already missed breakfast. She stormed out of the room and was about to climb the stairs down, when she suddenly stopped, after hearing two familiar voices coming from the common room.

"No? Why should I be worried about him?" asked Sirius' voice, sounding very annoyed and peevish which Lilli noticed very fast. The other voice belonged Anna.

"You didn't observe that he had nightmares?"

"Come on! From what?"

"Doesn't matter. He doesn't feel well and you could be a nice best friend and be there for him."

"I am!" he said firmly.

"Hitting on _his_ girlfriend doesn't count as being there for him."

"Wait! Lissy is hitting on me! I'm the one get chatted up!"

"Ever heard of: To cheat on someone needs two people?"

"Yeah, like you cheat on your brain with insanity. I had nothing with Lissy! What makes you think I had? Wait! Did Lissy said that?"

Lilli didn't hear Anna say anything, but obviously looked insistently at him, because it was Sirius, who went on defending himself.

"Look, she came on me and it was just a kiss... okay, a deep kiss."

"You can't fool me."

"I don't try! Come on, Anna." His voice changed from loud and gruff to gentle as if he begged her to believe him. "Prongs is my _best_ friend,.he's like a brother to me even more than my own brother. I would never ever hit on his girlfriend on purpose. Were the summer holidays with me really that bad, that you see me as a betraying wimp?"

"No," she said with the same gentle voice as his, telling that she believed him.

"How could she lie about that? Sod it! If I lay my hands on her -"

"Sirius," Anna said calmingly. "Melissa didn't say that you had sex with her, but she made a point that you wasn't averse to that."

"Who would have been?" he noticed crudely. "You're a cuckoo, if you reject someone like Melissa Kingcade. That girl is simply too hot!"

"So you thought: Why don't just mack on her?"

"It was just a kiss, not more."

"Then, why don't you tell him that?" she asked, her voice became harder.

"I don't think he would be interested in that."

"You really think, that it doesn't matter to a James Potter, if his girlfriend wants to do his best friend, he considers a brother?"

"You say that as if it's a crime," he joked, but Lilli could see that Anna didn't smile, not even a little bit. "Come on. Melissa felt lonely, because Prongs withdraw from her."

'Withdraw?' Lilli thought confusedly. 'They are rarely not be seen without each other and if I saw them, they practically clinched to each other.'

"And I can't say _no_ to her," Sirius continued softly. "Like I said, I stopped before it got to hot."

"Really? And when was that? Before it could really get _into_ something? Damn, Sirius! When will you learn that your limits are not the limits of others? I won't tell James, because if he knew, he would -" But Anna stopped herself, looking afraid and worried.

"He would do what?" he prompted her, but she shook her head.

"Forget it."

"Come on, tell me."

"You're his best friend and you close your eyes and ignore the obvious! Really great best friend you are. Excuse me! I have to go to class!"

"So do I!"

Lilli saw both of them running out of the common room, leaving her with her thoughts. She heard their talk but she didn't really understand everything. She started to think that Sirius might not be a bad guy at all and then he pulled out something like that. Hitting on his best friend's girlfriend? What kind of guy did something like that? But after this talk, Lilli understood that Sirius obviously didn't know the things Anna knew and also the things Lilli knew about James.

* * *

POTIONS

With a strange sensation Lilli noticed that some students were missing in class. Actually, she noticed that because the students, who were missing, were her partners. Anna and James were two of those students. They attended transformation though and even Sirius was missing along with them.

'Maybe Anna have told it James and now they are fighting somewhere else? Stop that nonsense, Lilli! Why are you worrying about people, who should be indifferent to you!'

Professor Ick entered the class room, closed the door and sat down behind his desk. He frowned after looking through the rows.

"Looks like our Quidditch players are missed."

"Yes, Sir," Alice came forward. "Madame Hooch called them to a meeting, to discuss this years Quidditch cup."

"Ah, I understand. Thank you very much, Miss Stattler. This means some of you have to change seats. Miss Stattler, please take a seat by Mr. Prais and Miss Kingcade, please take your new seat by Miss Evans."

'Great,' Lilli thought, appalled. That was exactly the person she wanted the least to work with. It could not be Alice for a change, it had to be the person she couldn't stand.

They were brewing the warming potion again and since Lilli had a gift for spotting the little things, she immediately understood that Melissa Kingcade was very gifted with potions. James, on the other hand, was terrible, since he kept on throwing the ingredients into the mug without thinking.

"You should not put this one in, Evans," she said before Lilli could threw in the grated lemon peel into the mug. Kingcade took it off her hand and carefully trickled them in a very unique way into the boiled water.

"If you do it this way, the effect will be better and greater," she explained.

"Thanks, so that's what I did wrong all the time."

"You are welcome. I want a good mark, too."

"Yeah... Thanks anyway."

"You can thank me by stop sucking up to my people."

"Pardon me, what am I doing?" Lilli asked, completely taken aback. She wondered for a moment that they managed to have a normal talk together but that vanished at once after her partner spoke more. That girl eyed her with such a poisonous view she'd never seen something like that before. It only took one look into those cold eyes for her to understand how much Kingcade hated her.

"You suck up to my people, to everyone. I don't just talk about James and Anna, but also Sirius. You are nothing, Evans. You're a mudblood and that's all. You don't deserve pureblood friends like them!"

"What?" Lilli was too horror-striken to react appropriately at that very moment. She always felt like that Kingcade thought something like that about her, but hearing those words loud and clear was something else. She said those things without even batting an eyelid. Her horrifying appearance was not normal and for the first time in her life, Lilli understood why other girls followed her so willingly and listened to whatever she said to them.

"You catch that right. Stay away from them, if your filthy life meant anything to you. I warn you, Evans. Don't fuck with me, cause you'll lose out to me. I promise!"

"Everything all right here?" sounded Professor Ick's voice, who had turned towards them.

"Of course, Professor. Everything's great," Kingcade answered sickly sweet. Lilli couldn't get it how someone was so banefully in one moment and suddenly changed into sweetly innocent in the next moment. No wonder so many teachers didn't get a clue how nasty she really was. Not even a second later after Ick turned away, Kingcade's expression became vicious again.

"I warn you, Evans!"

"You know what?" Lilli started. It took all her courage she got to said that after she finally got her voice back. Even though, she might appeared to be weak, she surely was _not_. "Tell that to a wall. I don't take threats, and especially not from someone like _you_."

"So, does this mean you won't keep your filthy hands off them?"

"Exactly."

"You really wanna take me on, you filthy little mudblood? So it's war!"

"I don't mind... _wanna-clean-blood_!"

"What?" Kingcade asked puzzled, but Lilli didn't want to explain anything to her or even talk more than necessary with that girl, who obviously started to prepare a big fight in her mind. She was quite happy, when Ick dismissed the class and found herself packing her stuff a lot faster than really intended. The whole time, she forced herself to not show any signs of fear, even so she did feel it. She didn't know why she was so afraid of her and why Kingcade had such an impact on her. Lilli was never scared of anything or anyone her whole life and she was never scared of telling others what she thought of them, but it was different with Melissa Kingcade. Lilli had hesitated to tell her off, because she somehow felt _scared_ inside. 'Strange...'

* * *

In the afternoon, Lilli met up with Diana to sit at the sea and spend their free time together. Diana sat there with a book she was reading, while Lilli sat next to her staring into space, thinking about everything that happened. So, Sirius had something like an affair with Melissa and she had told Anna about that or maybe she had bragged about it. What would James say to everything, if he knew about that? If he knew what went on behind his back? Or maybe he even already knew?

"Lils, look!"

She startled, looking to her friend after hearing her voice.

"Look to what?"

"You can see the Quidditch field from this place. Guess who is training with his team?"

Lilli looked towards the field and recognized James. There was nobody else with such unruly hair , looking as if it was hit by a storm. She unintentionally started to smile, but shook her head immediately. That was stupid. James was with Kingcade and Lilli was just a classmate to him, nothing more. The thought that he might liked her more was laughable... probably...

"There is going to be the first game against Hufflepuff in one moth and they are already practising very hard," Diana told her softly. "As I heard, they had a chance to win the cup nearly every year after James joined the team in second grade. Unfortunately, every year happened something bad and they missed it by a hair's breadth. I wish for them win it this year. They would deserve it."

Lilli didn't really said a lot about that matter and the time passed very fast. Diana finally left and went back to her common room, while Lilli decided to pick up James on the Quidditch field. She was sure that he would've flown the whole night otherwise.

When she finally arrived, everyone except James were already gone. 'He really trained very hard and never won...' she thought sympathetically. He spotted her very quickly and sank on his broom down to her.

"Hey!" she said gentle, while he got off his broom, sat exhaustedly down the field and panted for breath.

"Hey... Already time?"

"No, you still have some time to catch your breath."

"A break? Bad idea. I would rise again and keep on flying. Just let me take a shower quickly, than we can get the rounds over with."

'Get the rounds over with... Is it really that awful with me?' she thought sadly.

"Okay, I'll wait here."

"Here?" He asked, smirking.

"Yes."

"Exactly here?"

"Yes."

"At exactly this point? If I return, you won't walked an inch away or else!"

"Very funny," she said sarcastically.

"Come on, Evans. Let's go."

"Go? Where?"

"Into the changing room. It's warm and safe."

'Safe?' she thought confusedly. "Am I in danger?"

He didn't answer her, but smiled slightly, before turning around and walked to the changing room. Lilli hesitated one moment before following him.

* * *

After she entered the room, she sat down on one of the benches, while he took his stuff and walked towards the showers. He stopped for a moment, before he left the room.

"My question for this evening is: If you can make one wish, what would you wish for?"

"What?" she asked, puzzled.

"If you can make one wish, what would you wish for?"

"What?"

"Am I suppose to write it down for you or something?" he asked not really angry, more confused. "If you can -"

"I got it!"

"Then why are you asking?" He grinned boldly.

"Can't believe you're serious."

"Surely. So think thoroughly," he said smiling naughty. "Oh and Evans? Don't peek."

He winked before entering the shower, causing Lilli to shake her head, laughing amused. Actually, she had expected some perverse question or something really stupid, he wanted to know her opinion about but not that. If she had a wish, what would that be? What would she wish for? She didn't know and somehow started to feel awkward. Why do he had to ask such nonsense? What would she wish for... what would she wish for... Did he want to fulfil it?

Her view caught something gleaming in the open closet above his stuff. It was his glasses. She stood up and walked to it. 'Yeah, why should he wear it in the shower,' she thought softly. Lilli didn't know why she did it, but she took his glasses and sat down on the bench with them again. She tried to look through his glasses when suddenly James appeared back in the room.

"So?" He asked. He had a white towel around his lower part of the body now, revealing a very brawny upper part. His hair were still unruly and rigid even so they were completely wet. As he looked at her, it seemed more as if he starred at the wall behind her, rather than herself.

"How is your visual acuity?"

"My visual acuity? Why?"

"Can you even spot, where I am?"

"Sure! But more as a very big dab of paint at a very crazy picture."

"Thank you," she said sarcastically. James laughed amused and went to the closet to get his glasses.

"Um, Evans? You didn't coincidentally snitch my glasses, did you?"

"Your glasses? No – Oh, Sorry!"

"Forget it. Turn around."

"Why?"

"You really wanna see me naked?"

"You nak - Oh, Sorry!" 'The second time' she thought embarrassed and turned around, her face was burning. She hold tight on his glasses and listened to the sounds of him changing his cloth. His brawny chest appeared in her thoughts and fact how unbelievably strong he looked caused her to smile slightly.

"So, what's your wish?" she heard his muffled voice, while pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

"Honestly?"

"No, lie my head off!"

"..."

"Kidding," he said laughing. "Of course honestly." He walked towards her, fully dressed, to sit down next to her and getting his glasses. He was about to climb with one leg over the bench to sit down when it got stuck, causing him to fell down, dragging down Lilli as well in the process.

"Woahhh!" both shouted simultaneously, falling together to the ground behind the bench. Lilli laid above his body, while he laid sprawled under her. She was so close to him, his lips were nearly on hers. She could feel his breath on her skin and his warmth on her body. His eyes were so sensitive, full of emotions. Hazelnut brown, with a softly sad spot. Her stomach started to prickle nicely, as if there were dozens of butterflies dancing around. He smiled so charmingly and temptingly. She never had seen or felt something like that with somebody else. It was like her heart was about to break if she didn't immediately drop down to kiss him.

"Evans?" he breathed quietly, looking deep into her eyes.

"Yes?" she asked gently.

"What's your biggest wish?"

His breath was so sweet, being so close to him felt so right and good. 'I want you to fell in love with me, like I fall in love with you.'

"Do I have to answer it now?" she asked awkwardly, which caused an affectionately smile in his expression.

"If you want to ask me a question tomorrow, you should. But it would be nice if you get off me first."

"Sorry..." she said quietly, moving down from his body, so he could at least sat up straightly. He smiled at her, looking so damn charming that it hurt even more to know that he didn't love her as she loved him. His smile just made her world brighter every time she caught it.

"I guess, I never really give it a lot of thoughts, but... If I make a wish... I would wish... well..."

"Yes?" he prompted mildly. She remained silent for a moment longer to think about her answer. This was her chance. She knew, they weren't really good friends, nor very close, but that wasn't his fault. It was hers. She had pushed him away, always thinking that he was an arrogant, selfishly brat. He wasn't all this at all and to win his trust, which honestly would meant a lot to her, she decided to not lie and admit the hurting truth.

"I wished I wouldn't have to be that lonely anymore."

While both of them looked at each others eyes, they felt each others breath and the window of their souls opened for each other, letting the other one in.

"Yeah, so do I," he whispered tenderly back.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – just open your eyes

Lilli looked confusedly at James. Did she really heard right? Did he really say those words? His eyes were so full of pain at that very moment, as if the whole world did them wrong and caused them nothing but agony. It was as if they beg her to help him out and stayed on his side.

"You are lonely?" she asked passionately and was about to touch him with her hand, was about to reach out to his cheek with her finger to console him, when he suddenly laughed slightly, causing her hand to stop in the middle of the process.

"Not I. You. I wished you wouldn't be that lonely."

"Oh," she said, feeling embarrassed and awkward. Her face started to burn and she was sure it changed the colour to crimson. Of course, he only pitied her. It was not friendship, that led him to talked to her, it was pity.

"Um, did I said something wrong?" he asked, after realising how doleful she became.

"No," she just answered and put up a fake smile. She didn't want him to know how much he really hurt her. "Let's finished rounds."

"Of course." He jumped to his feed and pulled her up with him. "Well then, after you, milady."

But Lilli couldn't play along, since the situation was so unbelievably frustrating. She remembered the time he wanted to date her and was steadily hitting on her, but she got rid of him like a nerving zit. Now, she fell in love with him, but he already had built himself a life without her.

* * *

So they walked their way through the corridors without saying a word, making both of them feeling uncomfortable.

"I did say something wrong, didn't I?" he said after a while, but she firmly shook her head.

"No, you didn't."

"No?"

"No..."

"Then... Do I stink?"

"What?" she asked, suddenly smiling amusedly, because he obviously just pretend to be serious.

"Do I stink? You know, like reek of something very ugly?"

"No, you didn't stink."

"Bad breath?"

"No, you neither have a bad breath."

"Um, but you don't want to talk to me?"

"I didn't say that!"

"No?"

"No..."

"So, you are naturally more the quiet type. I get it, I get it, I get it."

'God, why do he has to be so cute. Why can't he be that daft brat again, who only played dumb pranks to everyone to drive them crazy? His scent... it smells so good.'

"How about a game?" James suddenly suggested.

"Game?" she asked mazed.

"Something, people play when they get bored. Commonly seen as something funny, people do that to fill their spare time. There are a lot of different versions with rule -"

"I know what game means."

"Then, why you asked?" He grinned boldly like he did earlier on the Quidditch field.

'He's so sad and yet, he tried to hide it and paper over the cracks.'

"Why did you asked about my wish?"

"Did your Mummy never told you to not answer with a question?"

"Why?" She continued curiously. "You could have asked everything. Like -"

"Like what you wear under your clothes?"

"What?" she asked bewildered.

"No need to ask! I know that you wear Victoria's Need it."

"... secret," she corrected him confusedly.

"Not to me anymore."

"That's not what I meant. The Name is Victoria's secret, not need it. Wait a moment! How do you know that?!"

Lilli looked surprised after realising what he just said. It was not like every girl ran around telling everybody about what underwear she was wearing.

"Lissy. Your room mate."

"Great," Lilli said, enraged. "It's not enough that she threatens me and loathes me. No, she even checked my underpants. What a bimbo!"

James laughed cheerfully.

"You really find that funny, don't you?" she asked unbelievingly.

"You don't?"

"You would find that funny if there's someone around you, making you feel worthless everyday? You're a weird guy."

"Thank you, right back at you! You are not an open cook as well, Evans."

"Book," she corrected him anew.

"I thought your name was Evans?" he asked puzzled. "But I can call you Book up to day, if you like."

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically, but started so smile slightly as well after looking into his friendly face.

'He smiles so charmingly... I just can't take it. I want to touch his cheek... his lips. Why is it just so difficult?"

"I'm not really good with Muggle sayings, so can you please be kind and try do not correct me all the time?"

"Um, of course," she said softly, feeling somehow stupid. 'Yeah, great done, Lilli. Now, he thinks you are a smart-alecky cow.'

"Still have something on your mind?"

"Um, why?"

"Still have some corridors left and it's your turn for the question. So, what do you want to know?"

"You will answer me in any case?"

"If I can, yes, but I won't answer any questions about Anna and Melissa and my relationship with them."

"Relationship? You and Anna -"

"Were never a couple. That's it?"

"No!"

"Bummer. Then, go on. Hit it!"

"Okay... How about a question about a situation and how you would react?"

"Okay?" He said, looking suspiciously.

"Let's say, your best friend betrays you with your girlfriend. How would you react, if you find out about that?"

James seemed to think hard about that matter and after some while, they were still walking through the corridors, he cradled his head from one side to the other and smiled at her.

"He haven't told me?"

"No."

"And neither did she?"

"No."

"And how did he betrayed me?"

"What?"

"What did he do, Evans."

"Well... he... slept with her."

"And... how many times?"

"Don't know about that."

"If you want an answer how I react on a situation, you need to describe the situation a little bit more, Evans. I can't make generalisations. You don't want to be lump together -"

"Okay, I got it! One time."

"So one time... And... how do I found out about it?"

"Um... someone tells you."

"Who?"

"Isn't that irrelevant?" she asked irascibly. If he didn't want to give an answer, he just had to told her and didn't play games like that.

"It plays a decisive role," he finally answered simply. "I would never believe anything a schoolmate would tell me about my friends. Let me tell you one thing, Evans. Someone, who retells something, always do this from his angle of view. The truth only knew those, who the rumour regarded. And if those are my friends, I believe them first instead of others. If they say that nothing happened, I believe them."

"And if the person telling you that is a close friend? Like Anna for example?"

"Well... that depends."

"Depends on what?"

"If its Peter, Sirius or Remus, Melissa had sex with."

"What's the difference?"

"Um, if it's Peter, I would ask Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things. Come on! Wormtail? Lissy must have a big lapse of taste if she choose _him_ over _me_."

"You're very cocksure of yourself, you know that?" she commented laughing. James Potter was probably the only one at that very moment, who could say something like that without appearing arrogant and cocky, but rather jocular.

'But you are it in a very cute way...' she thought tenderly.

"Okay, what about if it's Remus or Sirius?"

"If it's Remus, I would still ask Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things. Lissy is not his type. He's into another type... You should know that?"

"Well -" she stuttered awkwardly. "What about Sirius then?"

"I would ask her if she had a warp in her way of looking things. He would never do that!"

"Why are you asking such stupid things, if you would never believe that one of your friends would betray you, anyway?"

"You wanted an answer to your question. I can only answer if I understand the question completely and I would have asked Anna if she had a warp in her way of looking things."

"Concerning all three of them?"

"Yeah! It would be different if I saw it myself, though. Then, every one of them would get a big fat bump on their traitorously head."

They finally arrived on the portrait of the Fat Lady and James said the password to climb into the common room.

"So, you say that you just believe things once you saw them with your own eyes. Is that right?"

He smiled benignly and a charming smirk appeared on the face, she remembered hiding something very sorrowful.

"No, it depends on who said what how. You just can't generalise that, Evans."

"Call me Lilli," she said smiling. For one second nothing happened, than James stepped closer to her, looking deep into her eyes. 'His eyes are so soulful, so many different and intensive feelings. Why did he has to be so close? Why can't I just reach out to him?'

"The last time I did that, you turned around, mad as hell, and snubbed: _It's Evans to you!_"

And suddenly, an incredible heat pumped up in her face. She almost forgot that she used to tell him off for nearly everything he did to her, especially when he asked her on a date.

"Um... It changed. You used to be a nerving tick to me and I despised you."

"That's not the case anymore?"

"No..."

"Good. That's all I've ever wanted. Good night... Lilli."

With a last very charming smile, he climbed the stairs up to the boys dorm, leaving her alone in the common room. Suddenly, her knees felt wobbling like pudding. It was as if he changed everything towards her by just calling out her first name. Did she really heard right? All he wanted was for her to not despise him? She never really despise him that much... Should she probably has told him that?

'Stupid! You're such a stupid cow!' She thought desperately after realising that and hit her head lightly against the wall, because she just felt so dumb. Why didn't she just tell him that? Maybe, he would have say something very cute back and they would have spoke the whole night to each other and would have got close. Then maybe, she would have had a real chance that he could fall in love with her. 'Stupid!' she bumped her head again against the wall. "You're just sooooo stupid, Lilli Evans! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!' Bumped, bumped, bumped, bumped, bum -

"Are you doing this because you are protesting that the wall is to white or why are you wrack the poor wall?"

Lilli flinched when she heard Anna's voice behind her. Embarrassed, she turned around and saw her standing there with her arms crossed, sneering at her.

"I am... um... I am..."

"Tried to check if the wall is indeed that fixed?"

"Um... yes..." Lilli stuttered thoroughly, while simultaneously surprisingly noticed that Anna talked to her and didn't only eyed her ignorantly like she used to do.

"Yeah, right," she said, smilingly walking away and up to the girls dorm.

'Great, Lilli... really great. Now, she thinks you're crazy.'

* * *

At the end of the week, James and Lilli came to know a lot about each other. Lilli knew now that James didn't by choice, like everyone else was telling, threw his cloak into the audience at the Quidditch match last year, to let himself be celebrated by his fans. It was Bella, who tried to prevent him from catching the snitch by grabbing his cloak but unfortunately ripped it of and threw it away. She also came to know that it was Sirius fault that Professor McGonagall had to run around with lemon-green hair in fourth year and also that it was not a dragon, Professor Flitwick spottet in their first year after looking through the window but James and Sirius onto their brooms with way to big green cloaks and fire-breathing wands.

On the other side, James understood why Lilli and Diana were friends and promised her to not ignore the quiet Rawenclaw girl anymore but rather notice her forcefully on purpose starting from now on. In addition Lilli confessed to him that she also once did magic in holidays and got a warning from the ministry of magic and also that she later wanted to became an Auror to show the world how strong a muggelborn witch can be.

Lilli noticed that Melissa was against them spending their time together and even had fun. She looked forward to doing the rounds and didn't care about her at all. Melissa hated her since first grade, but James and Lilli were just becoming friends and she wanted to savour that time. He might never fall in love with her again, but at least, they could become very close friends.

Saturday afternoon, the Gryffindor team trained very hard on the field and James didn't even give his team a break. They worked as hard as they could, because they really wanted to win the Quidditch cup that year. They trained long, maybe even too long. Lilli sat with Diana in the stands because she promised James to come and watch his training. He wanted an impartial opinion from a girl how he was as the captain of his team. At the end of the training, his team left to take a shower while he flew up to catch the snitch. His eyes spotted it very fast, so he made a run for it.

"You two seemed to get along just fine," Diana stated surprised, but Lilli just smiled shyly. Yes, they got along just fine. "Is there anything going on between you?"

"What?" Lilli asked suprised.

"Between you and James?"

"Don't be silly!" she waved aside, but didn't stop beaming. The past week was so intense and different, the thought of how much everything had changed just made her feeling absolutely happy.

"Lilli!" Diana suddenly cried, pointing towards James. Lilli immediately turned her view up to the sky but could only watch in horror as he felt from his broom down into the stands on the opposite of them. It was as if someone pushed into her stomach. Without hesitated a second both of them ran downstairs to the stand, where he just crashed down. Anna also saw the crash and immediately ran to him as well, but Lilli and Diana arrived first.

"What the -" Lilli yelled, starring incomprehensibly at him. What she saw, froze her heart. His face was white as a sheet and his body was moving very slow. Everywhere laid blood.

"James?!" she said carefully, trying to support him. He probably had hit his head, because his eyes blinked very fast, trying to get rid of the blackness in front of his eyes or maybe even the headache. It didn't take long for him to stop that blinking. He starred at her... He? No... his eyes, Lilli noticed they had changed, were unrecognisable, not warm like she knew them. His eyes were incredibly dark, full of hatred and unbelievably evil and they scared her. Lilli gave a start, instead of helping. Only a second later, she felt a hand pushing her away and she saw Anna bent down to him.

"James? James?" she shouted, trying to wake him up by joggling his shoulder. "James, not now, okay?!"

He breathed weakly and he was still awake, but there were so much blood around them. Lilli didn't know where it came from, but it was definitely there and it seemed to even became more and more by the time.

"Go! Get Madame Pomfrey! NOW!" she ordered them, but it was only Diana, who ran to follow her order. The other girl stayed, looking afraid at those eyes. It was impossible to move at all. Anna just took a swift look at her, before she turned back to James and distressingly shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't have a choice... Evans?"

Lilli didn't answered. Her heart beat impossibly fast and didn't allow even one sound out of her mouth.

"Evans, what you're about to see, you can't tell anybody! Promise?!"

"I-I..."

"Lilli, please!" Anna pleaded insistently and for the first time, she called her by her first name. Lilli was unsure, but she finally nodded. Anna turned around to James again, pointing her wand towards him. She murmured something Lilli could not understand, but she saw how the green blood appeared in the red blood puddles and how it started bubbling. Lilli twitched and stepped back right into one of the bench seats. James gasped wearily and closed his eyes exhausted. For one moment, it looked as if he was at the end of his powers and about to make his last breath. Lilli's throat was so dry, she felt as if she was only able to choke. She could hear her heart beating to loud and noised down everything else, but when James finally opened his eyes again... every evil was washed away from those hazelnut brown eyes. All that was left were the desperate eyes and the painfully gasped guy, who breathed exhaustedly.

"Scourgify," Anna said, pointing the wand towards the puddles of green blood, which vanished at once. Madame Pomfrey came just a second later with Diana by her side and immediately bend down to James to take a look at him. Anna explained to her, that he got dizzy and crashed down into the stands. He was brought to the hospital wing, so his injuries could be treated appropriately. Lilli had not followed them, but rather sat down onto on bench. She needed a minute to understand what just happened.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – not enough

Lilli didn't know how many time had passed, but she decided to finally go back into the castle and to the hospital wing. She wanted to talk to James and also to Anna about what happened. So, the green blood she saw was not an imagination. It was real and it was possibly James blood. She remembered seeing Anna coming from the dorms after she saw the blood, which means that she may have been responsible for that clean up, too. Her appearance was not a coincidence.

Lilli walked through the corridors up to the hospital wing and stopped right in front of the door. She breathed deeply in one last time and opened the door, determined to take James to task... and wanted to close it at once.

James was laying on the bed, but he wasn't alone. Melissa Kingcade laid on him and they were laughing happily. The picture of both of them being exuberantly happy and so close shot a painful hole into her already beaten heart.

"James, stop that," Melissa laughed. Lilli turned around to go away as fast as she could, when James called her surprised. He was still smiling at her, meaning that he didn't know how much he really hurt her right at that moment by being with his girlfriend in such an intimate position.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked chummily.

"I am... um... Sorry, doesn't matter." She went away as fast as she could, nearly running away. Why the hell was that girl there? Why was Melissa Kingcade with him? Dumb question, the answer was obvious. Because she was his girlfriend, of course.

* * *

Lilli walked back to the common room. She just wanted to be alone at this moment. James and her got along so fine these past week, that she almost forgot about his girlfriend. She really thought, that she managed to get closer to him... She was so blind.

"Anna?" she asked surprised at her, who stood outside the common room, leaning on the wall, cross-armed with a sceptical expression.

"Seems like we need to talk, don't you think, Evans?"

Lilli nodded agreeably. Yes, she wanted to talk, but not after what she just saw. The only thing, she wanted to do was to sit alone in her bed and cry. But instead, she followed Anna walking away from the common room.

"I was not going to let you girls in anyway!" The Fat Lady shouted after them, muffed. Lilli looked back confusedly but didn't give an answer. She was even more confused when Anna guided her not anywhere but into the guys bathroom.

"What the -" she was about to curse when Anna just pulled her in.

"Hello? Somebody spend a penny?! No? Great!" She pointed her wand towards the door and closed it. "Just made sure Lissy isn't going to eavesdrop on us."

"In the guys bathroom?" Lilli asked disbelievingly.

"Which girl would come in on purpose?" Anna asked her.

"None, I suppose. Like no guy would go into a girls bathroom on purpose."

"Wrong! Lissy was here... a lot."

"Why? What would she want in a – Ohhhh!"

"Yes, James."

"James? They... what?"

"Shag."

"Oh... well... thanks for telling, but do I look like I want to knew that?"

Lilli stepped back, trying to find the right spot to sit down. There were the frame of the urinal or the sink. The sink seemed to be the better choice. Anna didn't have any problems to sit down right next to her onto the other sink and starting to swing her legs.

"Today, you witnessed something, you wasn't suppose to see, Evans."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Care to explain?"

"What exactly?"

"What I saw? Why did he fall down?"

"Well... Exhaustion, I guess. Could have a lot of reason though, but usually he let me know if he thinks it's going to happen."

"Going to happen what? What was that spell you put on him and why did you do that?"

"Evans, if I really explain everything to you, we are going to still sit here above the sink tomorrow and I don't have any intention to do that. It's really uncomfortable and my butt hurts already."

Lilli couldn't help but smile. Anna seemed to take notice of that, but didn't show any reaction. Instead, she heavily sighed.

"Let's keep it short. James is not doing well. You could say he is sick."

"Sick?"

"And there are not a lot of spells, that could help him and even less wizards and witches, who could manage those spells. I can do some of those spells and I use them to help him. Neither his parents or Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey know about that, because he don't want them to know."

"But why? If it's a disease, they -"

"I said, you could say that. I didn't say it is a disease."

"But -"

"Anyway, he suffers and I ask you to not tell anyone about that."

"What's that disease?"

"I can't tell you. This is James business."

Lilli sighed.

"Something else: He was not himself, when he crashed. Therefore he didn't know that you saw that. Don't tell him."

"But why?" Lilli asked afraid. Seeing him like that already scared her, but having her telling that he wasn't himself, scared her even more.

"Because he would felt upset about it. He thinks a great deal of you."

"Oh..."

These words were something, the Head Girl never thought she would ever hear. James liked her? Her opinion mattered to him? If anybody else would have told her that, she would have laughed at him, because it would sound like rubbish. He never acted like her opinion mattered to him anything. But it was not anybody, it was Anna White, one of James closest friends. She knew him very well and she had said that.

"But... Kingcade?" Lilli said confusedly.

"Even so I'm probably not suppose to say that and _he_ will kill me, if he ever finds out that _I_ did tell you, so I advise _you_ strongly to never tell him that, because otherwise _I'll kill you_, but... the truth is, Lissy is the girl, he is together with, but... you are the girl, he always wanted to be with."

And Lilli felt again the feeling to smile widely. Did Anna really say that? Did Anna say what Lilli wanted to hear from James? What she always hoped for, that could possible happen? She even cried occasionally at night, begging for that to happen. So, James liked her? Maybe even more than his girlfriend?

"Just try to act like you was not there."

"You want me to ignore what happened today?" Lilli asked disbelievingly, but her roommate just nodded frigidly.

"Do this for James. He thinks that he can deal with that by himself and doesn't need anybody else. I guess it's just a matter of time that he will realise that he can't, but until then there is no reason to smash his pride or ego by telling him off that he is wrong."

"I don't understand. What's your point?"

"That's doesn't matter now. If James means anything to you, then you keep this to yourself, Evans. And please, stop trying to destroy his relationship to Melissa."

"I never did that!" she defended herself immediately, jumping down from the sink. 'Or did I?' she thought doubtfully. Someone knocked on the door.

"Hello? Who is in there? I have to pee!" a young voice came from a boy. Anna rolled her eyes, nerved, but also jumped down from the sink to open the door. It was a very young first class student, who was bouncing, but after spotting both girls, grew stiff, his head flaming red.

"Don't forget that, Evans. You won't do him a favour otherwise."

With those words, she left, shaking her head towards the first class student. The door closed again, leaving a confused Lilli in the middle of the Bathroom.

'Great, what the hell was that?' she thought suspiciously, immersed in her own thoughts.

"Um... hello?" the little first class student said embarrassed.

'First she said, that James likes me and that he likes me more than Kingcade and then she points out that I should leave him alone.'

"Um... I'm sorry, but this is the boy's toilet."

'Did she want him to be unhappy for the rest of his life by being with someone he didn't really love? I love him... and... he likes me.'

"I really really have to pee! Could you please leave?"

'She couldn't be serious! I have to talk to her again about this. She just couldn't be serious! And what was that with James disease? How sick is he really? What's that sickness? Why did she start about that and cut it halfway?'

"Um... don't care!"

'Anna was sure about James and me. She could only be sure if he told her..., right?'

sssssssssssssssssss...sssssssssssssssssssss...sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

"What the hell?!" Lilli cursed after hearing the pee sounds, noticing the little boy at the urinal. "Yuck! Can't you say something! Those first class students, unbelievable! 10 points discounted for bad manners!"

Disgustedly, she walked out of the toilet and shutting the door behind her, leaving the mazed student at the urinal looking disbelievingly and grimaced.

* * *

The weekend went by and Lilli didn't see James even once. According to Remus, he stayed Saturday in the hospital wing, because he cracked some rips when he crashed. When she asked him why James crashed at all, he only answered by saying that he guessed it was exhaustion. James was released on Sunday, but since Kingcade was with him all day long, Lilli couldn't see him even once. Remus was the one, filling in for James duties and doing the rounds with her, since he was the seventh class prefect. At that evening, Lilli had a thought she wanted to share with him or maybe even got an answer from him. She just tried it.

"Remus? You know Anna White very well, right?"

"Yes?" he asked suspiciously.

"How would you describe her relation with James and Kingcade?"

"Um," Remus said confusedly. "Well... She is one of Prongs best friends. They are like brother and sister. He's probably even much closer to her than to his own sister."

"James has a sister?" Lilli asked astonished. Why didn't she know that?

"Her name is Patricia. She's 3 years older and just about to finish her training as an Auror. Never heard of her? When we started Hogwarts, she was in fourth grade. James and Patricia are very close, but James is telling Anna things he would never tell anyone else, not even one of us. Sirius thinks, that are girl-related things, he didn't want to talk with us about."

Remus laughed amusedly while they were still walking through the corridors. Lilli didn't laugh since she knew things Remus didn't. Sometimes, she wished she had not found out about that, because then her life would probably be easier and not so complicated like it was now.

"Well and Melissa. They are good friends... Or maybe..."

He was thinking thoroughly about what to say, when Lilli prompted him gently.

"Maybe?"

"Well, maybe they are more rivals."

"Rivals? They always hang out together!"

"Just because you hang out with somebody, doesn't mean you're good friends. Anna and Melissa are both pureblood witches, therefore of good standing in the wizardry world along with their families."

"James once said, what I think of Anna is what she wants me to think of her."

"Ow," he said awkwardly.

"Ow? What's that suppose to mean?"

"Err – I refuse to give a statement?"

"And if I force you?"

"No chance. This belongs to the things I _can't_ tell you, just as there are things about you, I would never tell others, because I promised you."

"But -"

"No buts, Lilli. Please accept it."

"How about a small hint?"

"No," he said firmly, so she had no choice but to let it go.

"Okay, you won."

"Good."

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

She remained silence for a moment, before tenderly adding: "I'm sorry."

"I survived, Lilli. It's not like I'm jealous. I promised you once that if you ever need someone to talk to, you can turn to me. That offer still stands."

"Thank you," she whispered smiling.

They finished their rounds and went back to the Gryffindor common room. Lilli noticed a tuft of black hair lurking out near the couch and the tuft of black hair was not alone but were together with some blond, long hairs. Both knew that it were James and Melissa, who laid there together. Lilli could not take it any longer, so she went up to her dorm. She didn't know why James was together with someone like Melissa just now or the meaning of Anna's words, but she knew that she would find out about that. She would fight. She would not be weak.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – should it be?

The first Quidditch game of that year was about to come up and the Gryffindor team was training hard to win that game. James trained with them day and night, whenever they got some spare time. On that Monday evening, he was even running late for doing the rounds with Lilli.

"Sorry!" he mumbled at first after storming into the common room and past the already impatiently waiting Head Girl."10 minutes! Just taking a quick shower!"

He really only needed 10 minutes to take a shower and glided onto the banister back down, jumping daringly in front of her to his feet. "Et voilà! Here I'am!"

"Et voilà yourself. We're running 10 minutes late."

"All right, Mademoiselle is not in a good mood," he noticed and pursed his lips.

"Let's go," she said, rolling her eyes before climbing out through the portrait hole.

"Something happened?" he asked carefully, but Lilli just shook her head. Anna did forbid her to talk to him about that and she honestly didn't know why she even listened to her. Lilli didn't tell him about seeing his dark eyes. The dark eyes, that scared her more than she admitted.

"So, your crash didn't seem to bother you too much or am I mistaken?"

He laughed amusedly and a very proud brilliance surfaced in his eyes. Lilli just noticed that they were his usually cheery ones again. Nothing evil was there anymore, only a very gentle sparkle.

"Was not my first time," he answered.

"So you're use to it?"

"Something like that. Did occur at the game against Slyterhin in fifth grade as well-"

He seemed to find that really funny, but Lilli could not laugh about that.

"Hey! Everyone was very worried about you when you crashed at that game and you even thought that was funny?"

"Worried?"

"Of course! Every student and teacher had been anxious about you, because you laid in the hospital wing and didn't wake up for several days."

James surprisingly stepped back when she told him off, her eyes starring disbelievingly at him.

"You were worried?"

"I -" she said but silent herself at once, after realising what she just admitted.

"I thought, you profoundly hated me in fifth year."

"No, I did not," she said very gently.

"You preferred the greasy giant squid over me?"

"I only said that. You just... got on my nerves."

"So... you didn't profoundly hate me?"

"No..." she admitted sheepishly. 'Why am I telling him that? He'll just make fun of it.'

But that was exactly what he did not. James continued to smile and nodded gently.

"Lilli?"

"Yes?"

"It's my turn asking a question, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, I always wanted to know why it didn't work out between you and – Snievellus!"

"What?" she asked dumbfoundedly, while he just joyfully rubbed his hands and walked pass her right into Severus Snape.

"Great," she said incredulously.

"Hey, Oil Snievellus," he started, patting his shoulder after catching up to the Slytherin. "It's after curfew. Prowling around at the corridors is off-limits. Seems like I have to take some points."

"Is this all you can do, Potter? Taking Points?" Snape barked snottily, elongated his nose upwards. This caused James to disgustedly grimaced, after seeing his nostril hair dangling.

"Well, I could also wash your hair but I doubt that all the anti-dandruff shampoo of the world won't cut it."

"James!" Lilli said disbelievingly and drew him away from the Slytherin boy, before turning to him first. "Go back into your common room. You are not suppose to be here after curfew, even if you are full-age."

"Shut ab, filthy little Mudblood. I don't have to listen to you!" Snape barked nastily.

"What? I – wait!" she stuttered inconceivably. James rolled his eyes, seeing how _great_ his partner was dealing with the situation.

"How dare you!" she yelled firmly. "I'm Head Girl and you will listen to what I say!"

"I won't listen to Mudbloods. I'll go wherever _I_ want to."

"You'll go back to your common room, is that clear?!" James shouted loudly and despotically, which even surprised Lilli, since she never knew this from him.

"And I won't listen to Mudbloods-loving-fools at all! How does Melissa think of her bloke macking on a Mudblood at night?"

"Keep Melissa out of this, Snape!"

"Why? Scared of her, Potter?"

"Like you are? Or who showed the white feather whenever she walked by?"

"Afraid to lose her to me?"

James snorted with laughter. "To a Oil-fetishist? Yeah, I'm shivering."

"You will, once I tell her about your carry on with _that_ thing. It will be a real pleasure for me to tell her that in person."

"Not after I'm done with you, Snievellus!"

James already took out his wand, but Lilli stepped between them and pushed his arm down, looking shocked.

"Are you crazy?! Fighting at the corridors are forbid-"

"Impedimenta!" Snape yelled loudly. His curse hit Lilli by brutal force and slapped her against the wall. She gasped when the pain suddenly occurred in her body after hitting the wall. After she got back onto her feet, she noticed that both guys were already fiercely fighting. But they didn't do this with their wands, but with their fists. James obviously got the upper hand since he was way more stronger and brawnier than Snape, who could only get a few punches at his rival.

"Stop it!" Lilli yelled at them, but neither James or Snape seemed to listen to her or even noticed that she was still there. They continued to beat the crap out of each other. She had the choice between calling a teacher to end this fight or try again herself...

Two minutes later, Professor McGonagall appeared shouting and yelling at them. Lilli stood right next to her, while her teacher pointed her wand at both still fighting students.

"Siste!" McGonagall said finally and both students froze immediately.

"What the hell got into you?!" she scolded at both of them, taking the curse off them. While both of them just stand before their teacher, she continued to tell them off.

"Mr. Snape!" she finally said. "You'll go back to your common room without making any detours!"

"Yes, Professor," he said submissively, but shot a nasty sight at James, while passing them. The Gryffindor just wiped away the blood on the corner of his lips.

"And now to you, Mr. Potter! I expected more maturity from you! You are Head Boy and there is no excuse to duel on the corridors and more than ever not with your fists! Have you lost all rationality at all? The director told me, you've changed to the better and got the right rationality that's needed to be Head Boy. Tonight, no, ever since this year started, I witnessed quite the contrary. Detention! The whole week!"

James did not defend himself at all, but Lilli's jaw suddenly dropped down shocked, because McGonagall only punished and told him off.

"Go back to your common room and thank Miss Evans, that she saved you from worse. And something else, Mr. Potter. If you don't better yourself, I will talk to Professor Dumbledore to choose someone else as Head Boy."

"Yes, Professor," James murmured, grinding his teeth. McGonagall left them after that and both stayed there until her steps faded away. Lilli looked apologetically at her partner, who did looked blankly back.

"I am..."

Wait a minute, why should she apologized anyway? She did not do anything wrong, but only the right thing. McGongall did prevent worse! It was probably not fair, she only punished him, but she, Lilli, didn't do something wrong... didn't she?

"Thanks," James murmured sarcastically and walked away from her back to the common room.

Lilli didn't dare to talk to him again that night. He really seemed to be angry at her and somehow she understood why. On the other hand, did she really has another choice? She could have never stopped their brawl on her own, since both of them were punching each other totally headless.

* * *

At that night, Lilli could not sleep. Melissa, Alice and Anna were already asleep. She could hear their evenly breathing, while she just stared at the ceiling, thinking about what happened.

'How does Melissa think of her bloke macking on a Mudblood at night?' Snape's voice appeared in her thoughts.

'Keep Melissa out of this, Snape!'

'Why? Scared of her, Potter?'

'Like you are? Or who showed the white feather whenever she walked by?"

'Afraid to lose her to me? You will, once I tell her about your carry on with _that_ thing. It will be a real pleasure for me to tell her that in person.'

'Thing,' Lilli thought frustrated and turned towards Anna's bed. 'I'm just a worthless thing for these people. And now, even James is mad at me. Why did I stupid cow call McGongall?'

'I expected more maturity from you!' she could now hear McGongall's voice in her head and laid a very heavy guilt at her heart. 'You are Head Boy and there is no excuse to duel on the corridors and more than ever not with your fists! Have you lost all rationality at all? Detention! The whole week! Go back to your common room and thank Miss Evans, that she saved you from worse.'

Lilli longingly curled up in her bed.

'James, I don't want you to be mad at me. I didn't know that she punished you unfairly. I need to talk to her tomorrow to make thing right. She needs to punish Snape, too.'

'Detention! The whole week!'

'It's my fault that he got punished. Great friend I am, really. God, why had this have to happen today? Why?'

Lilli only found some sleep in the early morning, which was the reason why she was so tired in class that day. Sitting on her seat in herbology, she tried hard to not fall asleep at once. The Gryffindors attended that class together with the Rawenclaws, so Lilli sat right next to Diana and tried to follow Professor Sprout, who told them something about rare curatively herbs and where to find them. James sat some rows behind her with his group of friends, consisted of Sirius, Anna, Melissa, Remus, Peter and Alice, who more or less kept up with their teacher. Actually, only Remus listened to what Professor Sprout was telling them. The others seemed to talk at James, because he rolled nerved his eyes every now and then or shook his head. He was starring frustratingly at his desk and finally nodded wearily. She had the worse feeling, that, whatever his friends were talking at him to, concerned her.

"Did something happen yesterday?" Diana asked worryingly. "There are rumours floating around."

"Rumours? About yesterday?"

"Yes," she admitted slightly awkward and even a little bit afraid, that Lilli might got annoyed.

"What's with that rumour?"

"James bleeding lips. It says that he beat Snape and you grassed him up to McGonagall and now, he got detention for a whole week."

"Great!" she murmured sarcastically, snorting disdainfully.

"Not the truth?"

"It is, but I didn't think he would go around, telling everybody about it."

'Great friend, you are, James Potter. Really!'

Throughout the whole lesson, Lilli could not get rid of the bad mood, but Diana didn't seem to be bothered at all. The Rawenclaw girl continued to listen and wrote everything needed down. After the class ended, both walked outside the room to go to their next class. Before Diana walked away from Lilli to her class, she tried to gave her one last advice.

"Talk to him!"

"Who?"

"James. You know, that rumour came from a third year girl, who could have got that from god-knows-where and if this is the truth, you are not that innocent on his misery."

Lilli mumbled angrily something, that Diana didn't understand, because it was in a low voice. So she just smiled shyly and walked away from her friend as fast as she could – right into Remus. The Gryffindor was just on his way back to his Gryffindors from a Rawenclaw student, he was talking to. They met halfway, starting to smile at each other very gentle, trying to move away, so the other could pass. But instead, they stepped to the same side, standing again in front of each other. Remus tried again, stepping to the right at exact the same time Diana stepped to the left, resulted in both of them standing in each others way again.

"Um," Remus started kindly smiling. "Maybe, we should decide for one side?"

"Um, yes... I guess you're right," she answered embarrassed, becoming crimson in her face, being addressed by Remus Lupin with more than just a simple hello.

"Both to the left?" he said tenderly.

"Um... okay. Well... Bye."

"Bye." She walked shyly her way through the corridors, starring at the floor and without looking back. Remus shook his head, while laughing amusedly until he stopped at Lilli, who had observed them.

"Strange girl," he said smiling, but she only grimaced at him.

"Remus?"she asked after they walked together to their next class side by side. "Is James angry at me?"

"Err -" he said confusedly. "Wait, you talking about that grassing thing?"

"I did not grass him to McGonagall!" she said firmly and was stirred up.

"You _called_ McGonagall, didn't you?"

"What would you have done, if you saw him beating the crap out of Snape?"

"I -"

"Forget it! You are a guy. Of course you could tear them apart."

"You could have use a spell to tear them apart," he said calmly.

'Damn it. He was right. I hate that he's right.'

"I just thought it would be smarter to call McGonagall."

"Consider the fact, that she _only_ punished James, I would probably not state that a smarter call."

"Thanks. I know that now. I didn't mean to harm him. I just wanted to help. It was moronic of him to rip into Snape, even if he was provoked. James should be responsible enough, to not let that get him."

It was a bad statement, which she didn't even mean, as it came out. Deep in her heart, she indeed felt guilty for his plight.

* * *

Lilli avoided James the whole day until they met for rounds that evening. She waited for him with mixed feelings in the common room. She knew that she did the only reasonable and right thing, because she could not have intervened in their fight without getting herself hurt, probably even not with putting a spell on them. On the other hand, calling Professor McGongall was perhaps also not the right thing. Everybody knew how McGonagall thought of James being a mischief and putting most of the pranks on his account. The portrait of the Fat Lady swung aside and James entered. His face was half angry, half tired and right next to him was his girlfriend, whose hand hold his hand very tightly. They stopped right in front of Lilli, who jumped up from the couch with a start. Her heart gave a jealously lurch when Melissa leaned towards James and kissed him passionately on his lips.

"Think about my words, okay?" With his last words, she left and went up to the girls dorm, passing Lilli with an evil and superior expression.

"Well," she started, looking at her partner. "Should we go?"

He nodded in pondering silence. For a while, she just walked silent on his side, without knowing what to say to him. It was a maddening silence. She wished the evenings back, where they chatted and laughed cheerfully like friends. Did she really destroy that friendship? She just wanted to do the right thing...

"Lilli?"

"James!"

Both of them were addressing each other at exact the same moment, breaking the silence with it. They started smiling relievedly and finally looked into the eyes of their partners after a very long day of avoidance.

"You first," she said smiling, but he shook his head.

"Ladies first."

"No, you go first."

"All right, never argue with a beautiful woman, right?" he said charmingly, causing her heart to beat faster. "I'm sorry for punching Snape. I did not mean to scare you."

"What?" she asked disbelievingly that he apologized to her. That was nothing she expected even in a million years, more that he would ask her why she called McGonagall and betrayed him with that or another cocky thing that would show her that she did him wrong. But it was nothing like that at all. He really meant his apologize.

"I could not help it, when he started to slagged you. We are friends, not more or less. I just get nuts if a blockhead bad-mouthed my friends, but I shouldn't beat the crap out of him. McGongall is right by saying that a Head Boy didn't behave like that."

"James, I-"

"You don't need to explain yourself, Lilli. It was the right thing to call her. Who knows what I might have done to Snape otherwise in my anger."

She wanted to say something complete different, telling him how sorry she was for not having the courage to pull them apart herself, but he did not let her say one word about that. Instead he took a deep breath, put on a fitted smile, which Lilli noticed was only to cover his frustration and dejectedness, and told her firmly his decision.

"I will give up the position as Head Boy."

It caused a ghastly silence again and a painful feeling inside her already chipped heart. A strange feeling appeared in her, like something was about to eat her up inside. She was afraid of a new partner, who she might not get along with or worse would hate her. She was desperate, because they would go back to seeing each other only a few times if not less. Lilli was sure, that Kingcade would clinched on him even harder. She felt incomprehension, because he gave up a position he obviously liked to perform and even did well. And there was that feeling of sadness, because she was about to lose him, if they weren't partners anymore.

"But... why?" she asked gently, trying hard to hide her frustration and disappointment. She didn't want him to know how much she would miss meeting him and doing those rounds. It was surprising how much she really loved being around him.

"McGongall is right, Lilli. I didn't posses the necessary sense of responsibility to perform this position good enough and you deserve a better partner."

"..." 'I don't want a better one. I want you.'

"The next Head Boy will be Frank Longbottem. You know him and he surely will be great."

They walked very quietly side by side for the rest of their rounds, because Lilli didn't want to say anything else. Actually, she didn't know what else to say, because she wanted to persuade him to not give up his position. Even so Frank was a good student, she wanted James to remain her partner. She thought hard about something to say to him, but no matter what she would have come up with, it was clear that he already made up his mind. No, in fact, his friends had made up his mind. It was just a suspicion that Kingcade planned all this to keep James away from her. After both of them finally entered the common room again, she knew she was right when Kingcade looked at them overconfidently. His girlfriend walked towards him, gave a gentle hug and pulled him carefully on herself as if he needed to be comforted.

Lilli shook her head in disbelief. How did she persuade James into giving up something he liked to do. Was her influence on him that deep? The thought that Kingcade were about to win again, brought a wave of anger and fury up in her, she never thought she was able to feel. That girl did not have James best interest in heart but rather acted selfish. Egoistically, she destroyed every good thing in his life. No, this fight was not over. Lilli would not gave up that easy, even after suffering this setback. She would not let Kingcade harm him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Marauder prank, part one

After Lilli finished her breakfast that day, she went back to the common room to get her stuff for history of magic. She was not very eager to go to class, after the worse event of last night. James wanted to quit his position as Head Boy, leaving her confused all night. She grabbed her book in her dorm and stormed out towards the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Um -" the woman started, but she didn't let her finish. "Open!"

"But -"

"Come on! Open now!" she yelled hasty and was almost already on the portrait. "I'm running late! Open, damn it!"

"Very well then! It's your call," the Fat Lady said, swinging to the side.

BAMMMMM!

"Owwwwww!" Sirius yelled painfully, causing Lilli to push her hand onto her shocked mouth when he appeared in front of her with a now bleeding nose.

"I warned you," the Fat Lady said, grinning very broadly.

"I'm so sorry," she said, looking guilty and handed him a tissue to dab away the blood.

"Nangs," he murmured and sat down on the couch. "Whakwakat?"

"Um-Sorry, what?" she asked carefully, since she didn't catch his sayings by no stretch of the imagination. Sirius took off the tissue and breathed in deeply with his nose.

"I said: What was that?!"

"Um - I'm kind of in a hurry? If I remember correctly, we do have history of magic right at this very moment."

"Binns won't notice if we come in 5 minutes later. I want to talk to you."

"Me?" she asked mazed.

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"Why?" she asked, feeling appalled. She must have done something wrong, since they weren't even friends and there was none possible good reason for them to talk to each other... except... maybe...

"It's about, Prongs."

"Err -" Except if it concerned James Potter, of course.

"Did you approve or disapprove that he resign his position as Head Boy?"

"I?" she asked again, still confused.

"Is there anyone else inside this room, I could possible ask?"

"Well, if you want to know my opinion -" The Fat Lady started bubbling out. "I approve that he give up that position. He absolutely did not fit into this position of being a Head Boy. Look at all the nonsense he's been doing!"

"YOU are not inside this room," Sirius brawled, rolling his eyes. "You are in passing. So of course my question was addressed to Evans."

He looked back at her, frowning. "So?"

"So what?"

"Approve or disapprove?"

"Well... Honestly, I think it's a crazy idea to give up his position. I mean, Dumbledore chose him to be Head Boy and I doubt that he just did that out of fun just to see how one of you guys manage this duty."

"My sentiments exactly!" Sirius agreed with a very surprised Lilli, who blinked unbelievingly.

"Hold on! I thought you guys were talking him into putting down his position?"

"Who claimed that?" Sirius asked outraged.

"Um – Well, I just thought..."

Lilli could have swore she saw them talking at him yesterday to lay down his duty.

"No, of course not! It's quite the contrary. We talked at him into remaining Head Boy and didn't let himself be goofed on from McGonagall. I think that too, you know, that Dumbledore didn't choose him to be Headboy, because he had a good day. It's Lissy, who wants him to step down."

"And why did he listen to her? If all his friends say something different, why do he listen to only one person?"

"Why? Come on, Evans. Why are we listen to a person? He loves her, for example?"

"How can he? She's unfathomably evil! Sorry, for saying this out loud but it _is_ the truth."

"You don't know Lissy, Evans. She is really okay. She wouldn't be in Gryffindor if not and she loves Prongs. He's happy after they became a couple and by the way, she's not the only reason for him to lay down that position."

"What other reasons does he have?"

"His parents. Prongs is a pighead."

"Pighead?"

"His parents love him very much, but recently he acts like a dork towards them. He continuously upset them and provokes to be yelled at. On the other hand, he looks up to the Kingcades, who also love him like a son. As far as I know, they even talk about him like their son-in-law. Prongs' dad was so proud when he became Head Boy. If he now lay down that function by choice, what do you think will his dad say about that? Mr. Potter will go ballistic and give him a very crazy tongue-lashing and we have another quarrel."

"You think," she started disbelievingly. "That he just did that to score off his father?"

"Not only. He probably wants to score off Dumbledore as well, because the director chose him. Recently, he kind of drawing trouble in and tries to make every grown up livid with rage. And not like we used to do that with pranks, but rather in a hard and provoking way. However, we want to prevent him from giving up his position and therefore prevent Mr. Potter from going nuts."

"We?"

"Al, Anna, Longbottem, Moony and Wormtail."

"And what do you guys want to do?"

"Are you in?"

"Depends on what," she said suspiciously, but Sirius grinned broadly, which said more than thousand words. Lilli just shook disbelievingly her head. She got that weird feeling that she would regret this very soon.

* * *

HISTORY OF MAGIC

When Lilli and Sirius sneaked into class, she stopped shockingly after seeing _what_ sat on her seat. A Lilli made of board? She turned her eyes towards Sirius, who grinned back at her and nodded joyfully.

"Binns wouldn't notice if all his students sitting here were made of board. Don't forget our plan! It has to look real."

He blinked meaningfully, before taking out his wand and put the very charming and attentively looking Sirius made of board with a charm away to sit down. Lilli just shock disbelievingly her head over Sirius craziness, but pulled out her wand as well to put the very conceitedly looking and with way to much Make up on her face made of board Lilli with a charm away. Binns really didn't notice them entering and changing their seats. The ghost continued to read from his book without looking even once to his students, who already had fallen asleep and laid with the head either on their desk or on their neighbour's shoulder.

But Melissa Kingcade noticed that Lilli came in with Sirius and her nasty sight could have kicked down a troll. It was obvious that she didn't like them hanging out together since Sirius was against James laying off his position.

* * *

After a very boring lesson, the students walked out of the class. Some yawned, some others just walked half asleep to the next class. James put his arm over his girlfriend's shoulder and followed his friends to the next class, while Lilli walked far behind them. She observed them for some time, asking herself if Sirius was serious that morning or if it was just a bad joke or a cruel prank on her? She just could not tell... at least until the next moment. Suddenly, she saw Anna and Dumbledore walking along the corridor side by side. It was a strange view of togetherness, cause Lilli never saw both of them hanging out like that. It was always either only Anna or only Dumbledore. Never both together like now. But after observing them longer, she noticed that this view was not strange at all. They treated each other very lovingly and familiarly. Now, it looked like Dumbledore was telling her something very smart.

_In fact: "I think I want white socks at Christmas, but I would also be happy if you gave me red ones."_

Lilli laid her head to one side, seeing how Anna smiled carefully. It was the first real smile, she saw in her face for a long time. It looked like it came from her heart and made her look kind and friendly, unlike all the other times she was seen. It seemed as if she thanked him for his good advise.

_In fact: "You've lost a quill! Mum and Dad are going to kill me, if I tell them I take some money to buy you socks."_

Now, Anna bended forward, beaming at him. They both really do look like a happy family, causing Lilli to smile gently. Probably, they had a heart to heart?

_In fact: "Oh! Wait, Mr. Director! I think you got a non-grey hair there."_

_Zuck! _

"_Ow!"_

"_Ups, sorry. It was a grey one after all."_

"_Well, I forgive you. But if that happen again, there is a good chance that I need a wig at the end of the year."_

"_In that case. I'll take precautions."_

"_Let's hope that."_

And with a trace of smile, he walked away from her. Anna went back to Sirius to hand over the hair to him. Okay, Lilli understood shooked. That was not a prank. He was serious about that crazy idea.

* * *

Advanced defence against the dark arts

While Anna practised with James, Kingsley and Mundungus, Sirius bended towards Lilli, looking inquisitively.

"What?" she asked confused, giving a start after noticing him.

"Tonight? Are you ready? It's our last chance. He wants to talk to Dumbledore after rounds to lay down his position. That's why we need to do this this evening."

"I'm still think of this as crazy."

"Got it, Miss Know-it-all. Just don't forget to be at that place at the right time!"

"I really hope I manage such an _incredible_ complicated task, since we went there on our rounds on that time every day," she answered sarcastically, throwing him a goony look from the side. He just grinned cheerfully and winked glowingly.

"I like that. Nothing will go wrong tonight!"

"Sirius?"

"Evans?"

"If James found out about that, he will kill us."

"I'll take all the blame. One time more or less killing doesn't matter."

He turned away from her, after feeling the look from Anna on him. She stood right in front of James, who was standing with his back at them at her side. Anna raised her right eyebrow suspiciously, but Sirius just showed her a thumb up. Everything was going just fine. If a Marauder made a plan, it will be great!

* * *

And with that, the day passed by and the evening arrived. Lilli breathed in deeply and then walked down to the common room. James was sitting with his friends on the couch, strangely enough, without his macking shadow. Without her, she noticed, the group looked different. Anna appeared to be more kind and outgoing. Whenever she laughed, it was not arrogant anymore or was this just a wishful thought of her?

"Hey, Lilli," James greeted her shortly. "Ready?"

She nodded without being able to say anything else. The thought of the upcoming evening gave her a lump in her throat. Somehow, she hoped imploringly that everything would work out great, even if it _was_ wrong what they were about to do and James could find out about that.

"Well, then. Shall we have a last time?" James said smiling and so did she a little shyly. He left the portrait hole first, but before Lilli followed, she threw a last view back to his friends on the couch. They looked all back, holding her thumb's up, which caused a very strange feeling in her heart and she couldn't tell what it was, yet.

"Shouldn't you actually be... I don't know... a little bit more happier?" James started the conversation confusingly, while they walked through the corridors.

"Happier? Why?"

"Because Frank Longbottom will be my replacement. As far as I know you two like each other, don't you?"

"Well... um... yes, but... why should I be happier?"

He laughed because of she was slow on the uptake.

"Because Longbottem didn't make as much nonsense than I? He will be a good Head Boy."

"You are a good Head Boy, too!" she said sternly, but that made him laughed even more.

"I already talked to McGonagall about my resignation. She was stoked! I'm sure she's partying in the faculty room: Finally! Potter resigned!"

"Rubbish! You got a wrong picture of her."

"Or _you_ got a wrong picture of her. OR we both got a wrong picture of her and the truth is that she's even more nasty!"

James looked so funny at her that she couldn't help but joined in with his laugh.

"Finally! Yay, she laughs."

But that only made her laugh more, even though she shock her head in amazement. How did he manage to always giving her such a feeling of being alive and happy?

"I was worried since you walked the whole day like a mope."

"What did you expect, if my partner turn his back on me."

"Only, so you can have a better partner," he replied, winking at her.

"You really are glad," she noticed with a slightly disappointed voice. She had hoped that he was at least a little bit sad about giving up those evenings with her.

"Sure! Why shouldn't I? I never wanted to become Head Boy. It's not like I begged Dumbledore to throw this duty on me."

"... understand..." she said, still feeling sad.

"Hey, both of you!" sounded Frank's voice, who crossed their way on the corner, waving at them.

"Hi, Frank," Lilli greeted wearily.

"Hey, Longbottem. Shouldn't I take points of you guys? It's too late make an excursion on the corridors."

Frank started to laugh very quizzically, patting James amicably on the shoulder.

"Cutup! Well, by the way, Lilli! Um... _Sirina_ asked me to pass a message to you."

"Sirina?" James and Lilli asked simultaneously, starring disbelievingly at him. Since when was a girl at their school with that name?

"Yes, _SIRIna_," he said again and tried to wink with his right eye at the Head Girl inconspicuously.

"Oh... yes... right... Sirina, of course," she said after figuring it out. Unfortunately, Frank's wink didn't go by unnoticed at James as well.

"Who's Sirina?"

"Um – A girl, you don't know," Frank tried to make an excuse, hastily turning to Lilli again.

"Anyway. He – I meant _she_ wants me to tell you that she still needs 15 minutes more than expected, because Dumb – um – ina is not ready..."

"Dumbina?" James asked suspiciously and frowned at him. The Hufflepuff boy tried to look as serious and casual as he could. He had no idea how to pass that otherwise to Lilli.

"Yes... She is – um – also a girl, you don't know."

"Sirina and Dumbina? And the third one's name is presumably Remina?"

"..."

"..."

Frank started to laugh out loud to override his jolt, patting James again on the shoulder. Lilli do have noticed that he laughed way to loud to let it sounds real.

'Great masterminds, these guys,' she thought sarcastically, finally turning towards James.

"Um, let's go to the Hufflepuff common room first, shall we? We should walk Frank back, since he obviously drank way to many butterbeer."

"Butterbeer!?" BLING! You literally could see a light bulb flashed up next to Frank's head.

"Yes! Right! Hahahaha... to much butterbeer," he laughed at them.

"Well...," James said, still looking suspiciously at him, but nodded agreeably. "Then, let's go to the Hufflepuffs first."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Marauder prank, part 2

"Well, thanks a lot!" Frank said, waving them goodbye after Lilli and James walked him back to his common room. James just shock his head before leaving with Lilli.

"Somehow, I'm afraid there will still going to happen a lot tonight."

"Um... really?" she asked innocently and smiled slightly.

"Sirius is against quitting my Head Boy position. I'm almost sure that he will pull out something."

"Um... well," she said innocently again, even though Lilli wasn't surprised at all that he said that. The Head Girl somehow knew that James wasn't dull at all, so she hoped that he _won't_ associate the upcoming happening with her.

They walked their rounds until they got near the headmaster's office. Usually, they would turn around to walk their way back, but tonight, everything was about to go a different way. They arrived almost at the office, when Dumbledore suddenly walked out from the corner. Strangely, he looked a little bit smaller than they remembered and he didn't wear reading glasses, but very dark sun glasses. James couldn't help but rolling his eyes in disbelieve.

"James!" the guy said at least with the same voice as Dumbledore, which was an improvement. Lilli only shock her head in desperation. Sirius was really crazy, if he believed that James could fall for it. "And Lilli! You already finished your rounds?"

No one gave an answer.

"LILLI!" Dumbeldore said firmly.

"No – Professor," she answered slowly and monotonously. "We are still... doing our rounds..."

"Well then, but since we are here already. James! You wanted to talk to me?"

"Do I?" He replied peevishly. Did Sirius really even thought for a second that he would believe his masquerade?

"Talk to me, James. Unfortunately, I won't have time later, so we should talk now."

"Okay," the student said, crossing his arms while looking seriously at his friend. "Well, I want a new dorm!"

"A new dorm? Why?" The man asked confusedly.

"Because my dorm mate and best friend isn't a student, but a maniac, escaped from St. Mungo's. Besides, he stinks like hell and newly started to look like a huge cockroach."

"Um, that can't be right, James. Surely, Sirius Black is a very good friend and I honestly can't imagine, that he stinks like hell. He wears _Merlin's Spice_. Is that everything you wanted to talk to me about? Well, in that case -"

"Stop messing around, Padfoot!" James pulled down his white wig and surfaced a Sirius Black with a long, silver beard and dark sun glasses.

"..."

"..."

"James! Ripping off the wig of an old guy isn't very nice. Just don't tell anyone that I actually have black hair and just made myself older and wiser as I really a-"

James ripped off his sunglasses.

"..."

"..."

"And also that I don't have blue eyes but black ones. But I really am Albus Dumbledore! Your Headmaster."

He even ripped off his beard now and without any doubts now, there was a Sirius Black standing in the corridor. The only thing that might reminded at Dumbledore was his abnormally embroidered cloak.

"Who unfortunately looks a lot like my crazy best friend, who stinks and looks like a huge cockroach," James added.

"Err -" Sirius said slowly. Lilli just disbelievingly rolled her eye. She knew right from the start that this was going to be a crazy idea, but no, the Marauder just didn't want to listen to her.

"That's a dream!" Sirius tried now, starring firmly at his best friend as deep into his eyes as possible. "You are sleeping! This never happened. If I count to three, you will wake up and I'll be gone."

"Wacko!" James laughed, shacking his head. "If you have to disguise yourself as Dumbledore., why don't use the Polyjuice Potion?"

"Good question," Lilli chipped in, looking suspiciously at Sirius.

"Err, we already had the hair. Just forgot that the Potion need at least 2 weeks to be brewed."

Lilli clapped her hand on heir forehead.

"And when did you guys notice that? About noon, you said everything worked out just fine."

"Hey, Anna brewed that thing. She's the genius! Told me that she only needed a hair from Dumbledore and that's it. Foolishly, we thought it it's enough if we just stewed the moor flies just 6 hours instead of 21 days and that we could take the river grass, without being plucked at full moon. Um – wasn't enough obviously. Though, we thought, maybe Prongs would fall for my disguise. Didn't I look like Dumbledore?"

"He didn't wear sunglasses, Einstein!"

"Ein-what?"

"You were in on this?" James chuckled hilariously. Lilli was silent at once, looking embarrassed after noticing that she just revealed herself. She was not sure if an innocent look would help at all now. Surprisingly, he wasn't even angry at her, but laughed amusedly.

"Mr. Potter? Miss Evans, Mr. Black? What are you doing here?"

That was the real Dumbledore.

BOING! Sirius, James and Lilli gave a start. Sirius was still standing in one of Dumbledore's cloaks at the corridor, which Anna actually had snaffled away, while James had the white wig, the long beard and the dark sunglasses in his hands.

"Um -" Sirius and James looked as if they were caught.

"Um... Halloween," Lilli finally answered for them. "Sirius wanted to show us his costume. He will go as – err -"

"Me?" Dumbledore said gently smiling.

And without giving an answer, all three students gave a weak awkward smile.

"Well, putting that aside, even so I like your engagement for our Halloween-Ball, Mr. Black, I guess you are not supposed to be here at this late hour. You should go back to your common room. Mr, Potter? You wanted to talk to me?"

"Um. Yes, Sir."

"Then, follow me, please."

Both went away from Sirius and Lilli into Dumbledore's office. James gave his friends an amused look while passing them. Okay, he had every reason to be angry with them, since they seemed to think of him as being dumb enough to believe that, but the situation was just to funny to remain serious. After they were out of their sight, Lilli turned angrily towards Sirius.

"Well done, really!"

"Hey, blame Anna! Is it my fault that she made a mistake with the ingredients? Punch her, not me!"

She looked a little bit calm now, causing him to smile charmingly. "By the way, Evans. I've got to hand it to you."

"What?"

"Cool reacted, concerning Dumbledore."

"Oh... well... thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

In Dumbledore's office, James just sat down in front of the headmaster at his desk.

"Well, James. What can I do for you?" the director started with a benignly.

"Didn't Professor McGongall already talk to you?"

"I would like to hear this from yourself," Dumbledore said, still sounding gently.

"As of now, I want to lay down my position as Head Boy."

"As of now?"

"I know that Frank is my replacement. So, it shouldn't be a problem, since Lilli didn't mind it either. I only need your agreement to quit."

"..."

For a long moment, nothing happened. Dumbledore was just sitting there, keeping his hands together on the desk and looked thoroughly into space. There appeared a quiet, that James knew very well and took it as it was, without thinking too much about it than necessary.

"I'm afraid, I can't let you," he finally answered with a clam voice, his view at his young student.

"What?" he asked disbelievingly and chuckled a little bit crazy.

"I'm very sorry, James. I'm afraid, I can't let you quit your position."

"You have to!" he now yelled upset.

"I don't have to and you know that."

"And why not, if I may ask?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"No?"

"Because, you didn't really want that."

"What?" James asked again disbelievingly and chuckled even crazier than before. "I'm sure, I know perfectly well what _I want_ and what I don't want."

"Not at this very moment," the Headmaster said, still in a very calm voice.

"I'm full-age! I can do whatever I want! If I want to quit, you have to accept it!"

"And yet, I won't. James, you need to stop that."

"Stop what? Telling my opinion?"

"Thinking constantly that everyone just wants the worse for you."

"I don't _think_ that! I _know_ that! Just because you are close to my grandfather, doesn't mean you have the right to control my life!"

"I don't control your life. I try to protect you."

"I don't need protection!" He shouted with fury and rage in his voice. "I can take care of myself just fine! If you don't accept it, I can deal with this in my way. I just don't do that stupid stuff anymore! How does it strike you?"

"Then, it is Miss Evans, who will suffer, James."

He bristled with anger. He didn't understand how the Headmaster could even do that. He knew that Dumbledore would try to prevent him from quitting, but he had now idea what tricks he was able to pull off. This caused an unbelievable hatred in his heart that even disgusted himself.

"I did not make you Head Boy just for fun, but rather because it's my belief that you fit in this position the best out of everyone else."

"Really?" he laughed, feeling frustrated. "You'll see what you get! I won't let anyone control my life. Neither my parents or you or... or _him_!"

He stood up, mad as hell and ran out of the office. Dumbledore didn't stir from the pot. His gaze was neither disappointed, nor angry or surprised. No, he saw that coming and he knew what was about to come. In that very moment, he was just sorry for the boy, that he was not able to change the impending sorrow.

* * *

Lilli and Sirius didn't get very far, when James suddenly passed them. His face looked like he was ready to kick the next person out of the window, who dares to cross his way.

"Yo, Prongs!" Sirius yelled after him, but his friend did not stop. He went his way and obviously not back to the Gryffindor common room.

"Where does he go?" Lilli asked worried.

"No idea, but I guess, we shouldn't let him alone in his state. Come on."

Both immediately ran after him, but unfortunately, he was way to fast for them. They just got around the corner when they lost all sight of him.

"He's walking out of the castle?" Sirius noticed appalled.

"James!" Lilli shouted after him, but either he didn't hear her or he didn't want to hear her. Just when they reached the door, he vanished into the dark.

"Did he head towards the Quidditch field?"

"I don't think so," Sirius said, feeling concerned. "That's in the other direction. Stay here! I'll go after him."

"No! Why should I?"

"Because, it's too dangerous outside. He is heading towards the forbidden forest. So, go back and wait there."

"No! I'll go with you."

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"He soon will be out of reach, if you continue do discuss that with me. I'll go! Like it or not."

"Aaaaaaaaarghhhhh! That's the reason why I prefer a goon instead of you smart-aleck!"

But Lilli didn't wait for his answer. She was already running towards the dark where she saw James vanished. Sirius only needed a few seconds to catch up. Unfortunately, Lilli was faster than he thought, because they suddenly found themselves deep inside the forbidden forest.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 – Deep Falling

"Evans! This is dangerous. Go back, damn it!" Sirius tried to persuade her to go back to the castle, but if there existed someone more stubborn than James, it was Lilli.

"Forget it! Haven't you seen how mad he was, when he passed us? By the way, I'm Head Girl and if they catch you out here, you'll get detention! That way, I can say that you helped me searching for him."

"It won't pay out a lot, because I really doubt that one of the teacher, let alone Filch himself, got his bed in the _forbidden forest_, which means that there is no danger of running into any of them!"

"Why was he so mad?" she asked, ignoring his comment, while they were walking deeper and deeper into the forest without realising it. It seemed that James ran very far into the forest, because they still haven't caught up to him yet. At least, that's what Lilli thought, but Sirius knew the truth. He was aware that his best friend had another way to move a lot faster than them. With Lilli at his side, it became just impossible to catch up with him in time. He felt annoyed about her being that stubborn that others would cry out loud.

"I guess, Dumbledore didn't let him quit."

"He didn't? Why not?" she asked confusedly.

"Dunno, ask Dumbledore, not me. But judging from his reaction, that's the most plausible reason. He wouldn't be that mad if the Headmaster let him quit. I think that he also don't want Prongs to provoke his parents, just like us."

"Dumbledore? Why that?"

"He knows the Potters very well – or, not just well. He's actually very close to the whole family and also the best friend of Prongs grandfather, the Minister of Magic."

"Minister of Magic? James grandfather is the Minister of Magic?" she asked, looking completely surprised."I've read articles about him but... Potter is a very common name! A lot of people named Potter. I never thought that he's James grandfather."

"Common name, yes, but there is only this one pureblood family named Potter amongst the magic world."

"Really?"

"There are just a few of them left, Evans. James, his sister, his parents and his grandfather. His grandmother died in an attack from deatheaters, some time ago and his aunts and uncles are also already dead. It's like Voldemort tries to methodically annihilate all the white-magical families."

"Voldemort," she whispered quietly. Lilli was relieved that she didn't have anything to do with him so far and she wasn't eager to change that. Until now, it was just a name she linked to frightful things.

"Why am I even tell you these things?!" Sirius asked puzzled more himself than her. "It's not like that matters to you anything. You're living in your own world with muggels being something better or with _you_ being something better."

"Are you nuts?!" she asked, looking shocked. She felt offended by his words, since they weren't truth at all. "When did I claim to be something better?"

"Since you attended Hogwarts, Evans," he answered furiously. He was worried about his best friend and to have a know-it-all chick being a pain in the neck was nothing he could take much longer.

"Well, then explain to me _how_ I did that, because, I'm sorry, I'm not aware of doing that!"

"No?"

"No!" she emphasised firmly.

"Who always grassed us up to McGongall or the other teachers?"

"I did not grass you up! You were hexing your fellow students! I just did what I had to do as a prefect!"

"Who always bragged about his great accomplishments?"

"I never bragged! I just wanted to be a good student!"

"Who ignored everybody else, just because she felt greater than everybody else?"

"Don't you confused me with yourself?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" he squealed.

"It's not me, who ignore you. You are the one, who would love to drown me in the sea!"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" he squealed again.

"Wow, great response," she said sarcastically, now squealed mockingly like him: "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

"Hold on a minute!" he said amusedly, grabbing her arm to stop her, when it finally hit him. Both were not standing there, looking at each other. "Just to made that clear. You are telling me, that these past six years, you were grassing, humiliating, ignoring, smashing and made mincemeat of us... you just did that because you _liked_ us?"

"Err -" Lilli said confusedly, but admitted that what he said was actually somehow true in a very strange and nutty way. "Yes?"

Sirius couldn't help but laughed out loud. Lilli crossed her arms, looking resentfully, since she didn't find that funny at all.

"You are a really weird witch, Evans. But you know what? I kind of find you funny."

"Funny?"

"Yap, like Anna, I would say. She's whimsical brain as well."

"Whimsical?" she asked, blinking astonished.

A mellowly rustling sounded next to them from the shrubberies and broke up their conversation at once.

"James?!" Lilli asked carefully but there was no answer. Instead, eerily noise appeared around them, causing her to twitch back in fear. There was a sough and then a howl from an animal, a magical animal.

"What was that?" Lilli asked, unfortunately feeling afraid now.

"Dunno," he answered honestly. Even though he knew a lot of those creatures in the forbidden forest, thanks to his friends and his wanderings at full moon nights, but he didn't know all of them. There were so many that he doubted that even Dumbledore himself knew all of them and how dangerous they probably was. The purpose of the forest was to protect Hogwarts from unwanted intruders, but it draw different creatures over those years and they remained there.

"Why would James ran into the forest, if he knows how dangerous it is?" she asked worryingly, stepping a little bit closer to Sirius as if she would be much more safer next to him, instead of two steps to the side, where it might could be much more risky.

'Because, he transformed into a stag and therefore it's not that dangerous anymore,' Sirius thought but instead just pouted and shrugged.

"Dunno, let's go back."

"Go back? But, what's with – Sirius!"

He turned around to late, because he couldn't even react when a wild white animal jumped towards him and pulled him forcefully down, plunging it's claws into his skin. Even though he let out an painfully cry, he still managed to push the creature with all the strength left away from himself. His right arm was covered with blood, but Sirius could still straightened himself again. Sirius and Lilli faced a tall creature like a tiger with a black and white coat, which was also kind of cruddy, like it just got out of another struggle. The animal bared his ensanguined teeth, observing them with his dark, perilous eyes. He was ready to jump again and roared loudly, before taking aim and ran towards Sirius.

"Impedimenta!" he yelled, but noticed very fast that the spell didn't have the expected impact. The creature was just slightly jostled and immediately jumped onto him. It pulled him onto the ground again, pinning him there.

"Sirius!" Lilli yelled frightened.

"Evans! Do something, will ya?!" he shouted, while the creature lowered his teeth dangerously near his neck. "EVANS!"

"Pertificus Totalus!" she said firmly, but even though the spell had hit its aim, the creature wasn't hurt at all. Instead, the tiger turned it's attention towards her, baring his teeth fiercely. It let go of Sirius and was know running towards Lilli, who stood rooted to the ground. Her body didn't want to move out of fear, so she could just watch in horror how the animal approached her way to fast. She pointed her wand towards it, but wasn't able to speak any spell.

"EVANS!" Sirius bawled, but she was still in shock. FLASH!

A magnificent stag jumped out between the shrubs, hitting the creature fiercely away from the girl, who unfortunately got touched by the stag and fell down. Lilli cried out in fear, but stopped after noticing that the stag was saving her life and fought with the other animal. With a strange fascination, she followed their struggle. One moment the stag had the upper hand but in the next moment the creature seemed to be stronger. It changed with every minute.

"Evans!" Sirius said worryingly, pulling her to her feet. Lilli wondered for a moment how Sirius could still be that strong with such a wound on his arm, but that question was immediately displaced by the struggle of the two animals. The tiger now got the upper hand and buried the stag under his heavy body. Before either of them could even react, it plunged its teeth into the waist of the stag. It winced in pain, making an indescribable sound like it was tortured.

"Inflamare!" Sirius shouted, setting the shrubs next to the animals in fire. The tiger jumped frightened away from the stag. "Aedificare Turus!" An invisible protection shield was built in front of the injured stag, to prevent the creature from reaching it again, no matter what it tried. Sirius hat put out the fire and started to shoot spell after spell against the creature to drive it off. His voice was not only strong but also filled with rage. He knew that it was not any stag, bleeding on the ground, but his best friend in his Animagus form. Every spell that hit the creature now was much harder and took its effect, pushing it away, until he finally managed to force it running away. They waited a moment to get sure, that it was not about to come back. Both of them stood rooted to the ground, their wands were still pointing at the shrubs, where that animal just vanished. Then both turned their view towards the stag, who started to close his eyes wearily.

"Damn it!" He cursed appalled, running to the stag and so did Lilli. It whined quietly, but wasn't able to move at all. It's eyes opened every now and then for a second, but closed again, looking painfully at them.

"Oh no!" she said sympathetically, trying to close the wound with magic. "It won't work?! Sirius? Why -"

"I don't know, Evans. Maybe, those spells don't work for animals, just for humans or maybe it just needs a little longer to take effect..."

So, Lilli took of her cloak and laid it onto the bleeding wound of the stag to prevent it from losing too much blood.

"All because of me," she whispered distraughtly, looking deep into those hazelnut brown eyes. Lilli blinked confusedly. For one moment, they seemed to be very familiar. She shook her head to loose that strange thought. "I'm so sorry," she said gently. If this wasn't the stag, but his best friend, Sirius was sure that he would started to grin at her. Fortunately, a stag couldn't really show such an expression. He took of his cloak as well to lay it onto the animal to keep it warm. Autumn was very cold in Scotland, since the temperatures sank very fast very deep at nights.

"Don't worry, Evans. It will be allright. Animals have a natural survival instinct. They don't need medicine like we do."

Lilli took off her cloak from the wound and sighed with relief, noticing that it stopped bleeding that strong. The healing spell seemed to finally take effect.

"What are we going to do now about James?" she asked Sirius.

"James?" he asked mazed when even the stag propped up his head in shock. Sirius instantly put down his head without hesitation. "I see! James... um, I'm sure he's already back at the castle."

"What if he's not? What if that creature attacked him and he's now laying somewhere hurt in the forest?"

"I don't think that's the case. I'm sure he's safe and sound."

"How can you be so sure about it?"

"Trust me, I um... know him. Let's rather take care of the stag. He saved your life."

"Yes, he did," she agreed softly, turning her gaze from the forest back to the wounded animal next to her. She gently stroke over his coat, smiling when he suddenly stopped whining. It's like he eased up or even enjoyed her comfortably strokes. His eyes seemed to show so much gratitude, that it warmed her heart in an instant.

"It's cold..."

"I'll try a spell to make a fire," he said, getting some wood to make a small bonfire. Lilli continued to take care for the stag, looking friendly at him and continued striking softly his coat. It was such a proud and strong creature. His coat was so tender, she never knew that, since she never got close to one like she did now. Sirius had made the fire and laid down right next to it.

"What are you doing?" she asked baffled.

"Get some sleep. What else?"

"Sleeping? What if the animal comes back?"

"I built up a protection around us, so no danger there. Get some sleep, too. The stag will be fine tomorrow and then, we can go back to the castle."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm dead certain. Now do what you want. I'll sleep."

"Um... okay?"

Sirius felt faster asleep than she expected. Lilli turned her view back to the stag, who apparently haven't found sleep yet much like her. She wasn't even tired and therefore could not sleep at that moment at all. The whole night was just get to her.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked the stag kindly. "You need to sleep to get your strength back." But the stag went on looking at her in a very ingratiating way. "Yeah, right. As if you could even give me an answer..."

The Head Girl started to strike his coat very gentle, breathing frustratingly. Everything was so hard and complicated. Living was now difficult, growing up should really be banned. It took so much pain to realise that one was not up for that life. Something heavy but squashy laid down on her lap. She took her eyes away from Sirius, just to see the stag had put his head there, looking at her very sweet. Her heart warmed up immediately, because he obviously liked her. At least, he liked her, she thought.

"I guess, you are alone here as well, aren't you? So, we both share the same fate? We are both... so lonely souls. I suppose, you know how it feels if you don't have anyone to talk to about what bother you so much? Even so, everyone said you can come to them to talk, you just can't tell them. You are afraid, that they might think you are crazy or dumb, because of what you're doing."

The stag nodded gently in her lap and Lilli couldn't help but laughed softly.

"Thank you for your sympathy. May I tell you my trials and tribulations tonight?"

It nodded again, his expression remained still approvingly.

"Have you ever been in love? With a deer probably?"

_Nodding. _

She smiled delightedly. It was such a lovable animal and really seemed to like her. A fact, she didn't experience a lot in her life, but she savoured that feeling and continued to strike him fondly.

"Did she return your love?"

It shook its head.

"Something, we have in common, again. How about us? We could join forces?"

He seemed to like that, because she could swear that his eyes looked affirmative and with a lot of imagination, it also seemed like his face was beaming and smiling at her.

"I'm sorry," she said with a gentle smile. "But I've already given my heart so someone, who unfortunately will never return my affection. He has a girlfriend, you know. She's... regrettably very beautiful and in addition even very popular. I don't have any chance against her. I kept trying but it's no use. I lose. You have to know that he used to chase after me, but I didn't know that he was the one... you know... and so many times kept on turning him down."

"..."

"I guess it sounds totally stupid to you. A long time ago, I fell in love with a guy. I saw him laying there, saw his eyes and he looked back at me. I'll never forget them. It was like he let me into his soul and his heart... Maybe not on purpose but they definitely showed gratitude to me for staying at his side. I only stayed with him for fifteen minutes though but... his eyes. I'll never forget them. His face and body were covered with blood and bruises and..." She smiled slightly. "Bandaged and it was covered with tapes. But I had a clear view at his deep, kind eyes. I held his hand to take the fear off him. He was so afraid of being left alone that it tore my heart apart. I wanted to visit him the next day. I remember being very excited about that but when I finally got there, he was already gone. I asked one of the staff, who cared for me and I got along very fine with, but she just answered that his parents took him home. She couldn't told me his name and I was afraid I would never see him again... But I did. In Hogwarts. I was just stupid, because I recognized him too late. I scared him off and now he's with that silly goon. I lost my chance, because I was so shallow. If I just looked clearly into his eyes just once, I would've seen that he was the one and I would be at his side now. You probably asked yourself how dumb someone has to be to not notice such obvious things. To my defence, my life was not a walk in the park either. Oh! Now, you are probably thinking: Heaven forbid! Now, she pities herself! But no... it's the truth. Do you know the feeling if you are completely different than everybody else?"

_Nodding._

"Muggleborn witch. I guess this is the worst to be. You don't belong into the magical world, because you have Muggleblood inside and you don't belong into the Muggleworld, because of the magical blood inside you. You just don't belong to anywhere but your own world. Lonely for eternity. I don't want to be that, you know, but... I can't change it."

'Lilli,' James thought desperately.

A tear appeared at her eyes, rolling it's way across her cheek down to her chin and dropped onto the coat of the stag. She hastily wiped the rest of them away, sobbing to get a grip on her emotions, she wanted to keep secret forever.

"I'm sorry. You should sleep at last. If you sleep, you don't suffer that heavily. You are pulled into another world where nobody can hurt you. Absolutely no one... I guess I sound like a mental wreck to you, don't I?"

The stag whined gently before softly moving his head from one side to the other to shake his head. A gesture that showed a lot of kindness.

"Thank you," she whispered quietly, her voice was fractured. She didn't remember the time, when she suddenly felt asleep, exhausted and tired, after stroking carefully his coat for some time.

* * *

"Evans?"

"...?" 'Who's there?'

"Evans, wake up!"

"..." 'Only Sirius."

""EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!"

"Yes, give it a rest, will you?!" she grumbled madly, after waking up with a start, since Sirius voice echoed loudly right next to her ear.

"Jeez, Black! Are you trying to bite my ear off, or what?"

"Never knew that you are a late riser," he chuckled jovially, while pulling her up to her feet. Her view suddenly became worried after she couldn't spot the stag anywhere.

"Where -"

"Gone. Jumped bright-eyed and bushy-tailed away an hour ago."

"What about the wound?"

"Healed good enough. It's going to be okay. We should go back to the castle, before they start worrying about us."

"And if James isn't back yet?"

"Trust me, Evans. He will be back."

"Why are you that sure?"

"I'm his best friend. If I don't know him, who else does?"

Broadly grinning, Sirius walked pass her back to the castle. Lilli only saw that broad grin at one other person and that was James. It obviously was something both of them had if they were totally sure. With all that chaos happened, Lilli didn't even notice that Sirius didn't have any problems finding his way back to the castle from the forest. She was only following him until they got back at the gate. They just entered the castle again, when James walked towards them.

'Thank god. He really got back to the castle' she thought, feeling heavily relieved. The only thing that tarnished that view was the attachment clinching at his arm. His girlfriend.

"Hey," she said softly. It was probably the most dumb greeting that existed at that moment, but she couldn't think of anything else and awkward silence was the worst for her right now.

"Hey," James responded, smiling kindly at her.

"Let's go," Melissa said coldly, her arrogant gaze turned to her archrival. She was obviously trying to draw him away from her and James only nodded understandingly.

"See you tonight, Lilli."

"Yes, see you tonight," she said quietly, before he left with his girlfriend to the great hall. Her attention now turning to Sirius, who seemed to be pleased with himself.

"Mission successfully completed, haven't we?"

"Mission?"

"Well, Prongs stays Head Boy. That was what we wanted. Well, then Ev – Lilli."

"Lilli? What happened to Evans?" she asked, looking surprised.

He was eyeing her with a strange look, she had never seen it from him and couldn't tell what it was. Kindness? Sympathy? What?

"Don't throw a tantrum at me, Lilli, but... I kind of heard your talk with the stag last night."

"Oh..." she said, feeling embarrassed. She wasn't angry at him at all, but more disappointed at herself for thinking that he was already asleep.

"I think it was the best. At least now, I know that you _can_ be nice. So, how about bury the hatchet?"

"Bury the hatchet?" she asked confusedly.

"Friends?"

"Friends?"

"You stop pick on me and I stop pick on you."

"I never -"

"Ah ah!" Sirius raised his finger, to stop her from saying anything more that could trash what was about to be between them. "Just say _okay_."

"Okay."

He reached out his hand, but Lilli hesitated for a moment. Should she really do that? What else could she possible lose? Solitude was nothing she wanted to keep and friendship was a present, he offered her. It would be the most stupid thing to remain suspicious and draw back. It was a big step, but she wanted to take the risk. It took her a lot of strength and a lot of courage to do that with a clear conscience.

"Okay, friends."

"Great," he barked laughingly and after a friendly handshake, he nodded with his head towards the great hall, where everyone else was eating breakfast. James was sitting with all his friends at the Gryffindor table and was already laughing heartily again. Lilli walked away from them towards the other end of the table at once, when she suddenly felt two hands on her hips holding her back halfway, turning her around.

"Maybe I should explain to you what friendship means," Sirius voice appeared next to her. "It means to don't let the friend eat breakfast alone. Come on!"

"But -"

"No buts!" And in a blink of a moment, Lilli found herself sitting on the table between Sirius and James.

"Hello, Lilli," Remus greeted her gladly.

Peter hadn't said a word and Melissa was also quiet or just grumbling a little bit next to them. She was probably the only one, shooting a shirty view towards Lilli. Alice beamed at her, while Anna just twitched the corner of her mouth to a very gentle smiling. James was very cordially towards her, winked at her to greet her. It was the reaction of everyone but Melissa, that caused Lilli to smile kindly back. So, this was what their friendship felt like?


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 – getting darker

Lilli and Sirius became very good friend very fast through the time. At the very beginning, she was shocked, that as soon as he sat down on her side, he started to ask her questions about _the weird behaviour of strange women towards an actually nice guy concerning relationships_. It took her ten minutes to figure out that he was talking about Anna White. After some time, she even liked that he asked for her advice on those matters. In that way, Lilli was even able to ask Sirius about James' relationship with Kingcade and why they were together.

It was Friday afternoon and both sat again in the meadow, talking about _woman-man man-woman_.

"You're pretty serious about Anna, aren't you?" she asked, smiling meaningfully at him.

"Um... dunno."

"But I do. You are worrying a lot about her and why it didn't work with the two of you."

"Yeah... somehow I do. The summer with her was different with every other girl, you know... very funny. With every other girl, I just wanted the one thing, but not with Anna. We didn't shag."

"No?"

"No. She didn't want to and I didn't want to force her either. Anyway, I didn't even think about that. I enjoyed the time with her a lot. I had a lot of fun and looked forward to meet her, no matter what we did then. Never got boring. I always thought she was just a very close friend, not more."

"But she is," Lilli said gently, having understood the truth at once. She couldn't help but smiling broadly, due to the fact that the so-called-self-confident Sirius Black didn't posses the big ego he pretended to have. He obviously could admit to himself that he was in love.

"Yes... she is. I kind of noticed that at the end of term, last year. Something happened."

"Well, you two are a cute couple," she said and really meant that. Sirius didn't become crimson but rather got a big grin in his face. She noticed that one wisp of his hair fall gently into his face, which looked really handsome. Lilli caught on to the fact that Sirius do knew his impact on girls and how to use this knowledge to get what he wanted. She asserted that he was different than James in this matter. Sirius was the hearthrob, almost every girl was in love with him and almost every guy hold him in respect. It didn't matter what he do, every student admired him. They laughed with him and shared his happiness. No one would dare to get in his way or even say anything against him. It was a certain fact that the Marauders vouched for each other. In the contrary, James was more the rebel. No one knew how do handle him or what to expect of him. He didn't have any problems to quarrel with Dumbledore, any other teacher, his classmates or even his close friends if he thought he was right. Some people called it stubbornness, others called it provoking. But despite of all this, it probably were his friends, who made him the one he was for his classmates. A very strong and righteous wizard.

"Well away from me towards you," Sirius suddenly said, waking her up from her thoughts.

"What?" she asked and was startled by his suggestion.

"I just asked myself, who the guy is you fell in love with and already have met a long time ago. I have a suspicion, but... I would rather like to hear it from you, prior to tax my brain."

"How should I know who you suspect?"

"As far as I know, there is only one guy who used to chase after you and was turned down by you every time. Is it him, Lils?"

"Lils?"

"Lilli is to long."

"Funny," she said sarcastically.

"Don't get side-tracked. So, _is it him_?"

"... Yes..." she answered after a little pause, looking frustratedly at him. Now, it was out. Sirius knew it. She didn't even know why she told him in the first place, since he was James best friend, but she did. It somehow felt right. They became so close friends after such a short time that she felt he was trustworthy to know that. It was strange, but every time she felt lonely or alone, he suddenly appeared at her side, pushing that unwanted sensation away. All that's left was friendship and a very comfortable feeling of happiness, Lilli didn't want to give that away again. Time flew by when he was keeping her company and she could hardly believe that they were about to enter the weekend. The only time, that same feeling appeared was on the rounds with James.

"What I don't get is... You've met him a long time ago? Hurt? Where?"

"I know, that you don't know about that..." she said softly.

"You know that I don't know it?"

"Yes..."

"And why don't _I know_ about it? Why do _you know_ that _I don't know_ it and aren't I suppose to _know_ about whatever there _is to know_, that you obviously _know_ and _I don't know_? And who else _know_ about that, what _I don't know_?"

"I didn't even know if I know everything."

"Aha," Sirius made, sitting down cross-legged, moving his head from the right shoulder to the left shoulder back and started to pout before starring towards the heaven.

"If I understand aright: _You know_ that _I don't know it_, but _you don't know if you know_ everything and _you also don't know who else know_ or _don't know_ about this and _I didn't even know_ that _I don't know it_, whatever there _is to know_. "

"Stop that gibberish, Sirius," she said, shaking the head laughingly.

"So, what do you know, what maybe some one else also know but I didn't know?"

"Jeez, Sirius! If James haven't told you yet, why should I do that?"

"Because we are friends?"

"And James is your enemy?"

"Nah, but it's your duty as my friend to enlighten me!"

"Since when?" she asked bewilderedly.

"Since now! Come on, blur it out! Give it to me! Sock it to me!"

"You are a trip!" she said sarcastically, but he barked laughingly.

"Lils, I want to know everything that concerns my best friend. Merlin, I know that there are things bugging him and he didn't want to tell me about, but I didn't really care until now.

"Didn't really care? How nice of you."

"Because it's Prongs."

"What's with that kind of answer? Because it's Prongs?"

"Look, Lils. There are also a lot of things _I_ don't want to tell and Prongs didn't force me to either. I just did it myself through out the time and I thought he would do the same and it was just a question of time. But after I heard what you said about seeing him hurt... Bad?"

"Very bad..." she said quietly.

"When did that happen?"

"Well... it was... in the summer holidays right before our second year."

"So, he was already twelve?"

"I guess so."

"And what happened?"

"I don't know. Sirius, I only saw him briefly. Who got a whole life story in about ten minutes?"

"I ask him then!" He said and was already up to his feet, when Lilli suddenly drew him back down to her.

"No! Are you crazy?" She yelled shockingly.

"Why?" He asked, looking confused back.

"You can't just go to him, tapping on his shoulders and say: Hey, James, nice shirt! What happened in the summer holidays before second year? I heard you laid badly injured in St. Mungo's hospital. By the way, your hair looks great!"

"No, but I could go to him, tapping on his shoulders and say: Hey, _Prongs_, nice shirt! What happened in the summer holidays before second year? I heard you laid badly injured in St. Mungo's hospital. By the way, your hair looks awry!"

"What?" she asked puzzled.

"His haircut looks like the back of a hedgehog, so why complimenting him on that?"

"Sirius, please don't ask him. He will want to know who tell you about that and he obviously didn't know that I'm the girl from that time. Maybe he didn't even remember me at all. I don't want him to get it that way."

"But you _are_ crazy about him?"

"..." She didn't answer since it was obvious to both of them.

"Why did you turn him down so many times then? Lils, Prongs was crazy about you in fifth year. You could have get him with a blink of your eye."

"I know," she grumbled teeth-gnashingly. How nice of him to rub it in.

"Now it is much more complicate. Under normal circumstances, I would have nudged him that there is a pretty girl crazy about him, but now? Prongs is with Lissy."

"I know," she grumbled teeth-gnashingly again. Even though she liked hanging out with him the whole week, at this very moment she rather wanted to bop him on the head.

"You'll find someone else, Lils," Sirius said sympathetically. "Concerning Prongs, I have to tell you, that he just has friendly feelings towards you."

"I know," Lilli whispered sadly. Something grievous had laid itself onto her heart. "He already said that to me."

'Anna said something else, but it was only her thought.'

"You know how ironic that all is?" The Marauder suddenly said. "Well, there was a time when he chased after you, but you didn't want him. He changed for you, but you still didn't want him. Now he is with Lissy and you fell in love with him... When did you recognize that Prongs was the guy?"

"At the end of fifth year."

"Why that?"

"Remember the Quidditch game against Slytherin? He crashed and I was prefect. I accompanied him together with Remus to the hospital wing. He woke up halfway, murmured something like: _the snitch is green!_ and lost consciousness again."

Sirius chortled. "He did -"

"See my eyes. Yes," she finished his sentence, starring sensitively into his eyes. "And I had a clear look at his. They were exactly the same from that day. And I knew that it was him. Besides, everything just was well matched. You're right. There is hardly anybody else with a haircut after receiving an electric shock."

He barked laughingly. "Look who's coming."

It was none other than James with Anna on his coat-tails.

"Crap!" was the first thing James blurted out, after sitting down to them. After Sirius looked at them with a puzzled look, Anna answered with a broad grin.

"Penny Gonelight just left the team."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because she fell in love with Gorden Jefferson from Hufflepuff and he's am member of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. She just can't – wait a moment!" Anna laid the back of her hand on her forehead and looked theatrically towards the sky. "She can't afford to play against her ardently loved Gorden and maybe even win! That's just not acceptable! Arggggghh!"

Lilli couldn't help but laughed at Anna's playing, which surprised even herself. Anna just seemed so different at that specific moment. The girl was friendly and funny and not dark and close-mouthed anymore. She was a lot like Sirius, just female. It was the truth that Anna behave different when she was only with Sirius and James and from now on maybe even with her?

"Well, anyway, we now miss one chaser."

"What about Torance?" Sirius asked, whereupon she nearly bubbled over with laughter.

"Are you talking about Miss I-catch-the-quaffle-later?"

"What?" Lilli asked, feeling baffled.

"Torance is our reserve chaser," she explained to her, very much to Lilli's and also Sirius' and James' surprise. "Unfortunately, we clearly saw at the training that she's a... well... let's say she was always with her thoughts somewhere else. When I finally threw the quaffle to her to watch her playing, she shouted two seconds after I already had thrown it towards her: Wait a moment, I catch the quaffle later! And peng! Quaffle on her head, chaser down!"

Lilli unintentionally started to laugh out loud with Anna joining in at once.

"Even better: Torance wanted to catch the quaffle later, because she just started to lacquer her fingernails. Hello?!" Anna shook her head, causing both guys to change a meaningful look with each other. It took one moment more for her to recompose herself.

"Well, anyway... we have three possibilities. Either we play without a third chaser or we play with a chaser, who probably going to do her make-up next time she's suppose to catch the quaffle or we search for a new chaser. To be honest, my guess is that Torance only joined the team so the guys can say: _Uh, look, one from the Quidditch team!_"

"In that case, when are you going to start searching for a new chaser?" Sirius asked James, who pouted frustratedly.

"Dunno Padfoot. Best would be before the game against Hufflepuff though."

"Very smart, Dr. Whinestein," he said sarcastically.

"Einstein," Lilli corrected him, who gave a start. That caused Anna to giggle. 'Anna laughs?'

"Whatever, have to go back," James finally said and stood up again. "Lissy has a cold."

"She do?" Sirius asked, looking surprised.. "She was fine yesterday?"

His friend only shrugged.

"Today she's not. Want to take care of her. Anyway, she isn't laying in her dorm but in ours though pipe down when you get in later, Pad."

"Yeah, I do. Say hi to her."

"Of course."

He was scarcely gone when Sirius suspiciously turned towards Anna.

"Is she really ill or is this just another excuse to sleep in our dorm?"

"Um, a little bit of both. She isn't thaaaaaaaaaaat much ill, it's just a little cold. I'm pretty sure the main reason is James though."

His view moved towards Lilli, who was trying to look as neutral as possible. She had the feeling that Anna was starting to open up to her and didn't want to ruin the friendship, that was slowly built between them, by her resentment towards Kingcade.

"And what are you doing now concerning your Quidditch game?" Lilli tried to talk to her and also steered the conversation into another direction to prevent her from feeling worse than she already did. It hurt to talk about James' and Kingcades's happy relationship. Of course, she didn't begrudge James a great love, but she'd rather like him to has it with her instead of a person, she kind of despised.

"Don't have a clue," Anna answered shrugging. "We do need a new chaser, that's a fact. Playing with only two chasers would be kind of nuts, even though I guess we aren't going to have any problems with Hufflepuff. I just have to blink at Gorden and throw him a kiss and he would roll out the red carpet towards the rings for me."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Sirius squealed, suddenly looking appalled.

* * *

And so it turned evening. Lilli didn't sit alone like the other days she was waiting for James to pick her up for rounds, but sat together with Anna, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Alice on the fireplace on the couch. She listened at how Anna and Sirius kept on teasing each other, how Remus every now and then threw in his dry and yet very comical comments and how Peter always said something wrong, no matter what it concerned. Anna and Sirius even made fun of him by asking with whom he sided while arguing with each other.

"Um," the chubby Marauder answered shortly.

"Pete, you will be on my side, will you? Or else I'll make sure you are going to walk around looking like a wisp of boy!" Anna threatened with a meaningful voice.

"No! Wormtail is on my side! Or else I'll hustle you from the north tower!"

"No! He's on my side, do you understand? Or I'll beat the crap out of you, Peter!"

"No, Wormtail, you are on my side! Got that? Or I'll make sure that Hagrid's new pet is going to _like you_ a lot!"

"Um -" he said again, becoming crimson in the face.

"Pete! Tell Sirius now that you agree with me or you'll walk around tonight as a dead corpse!"

"Wormtail! You will tell Anna now, that you think that I'm right or you'll better have to look for a good hiding place for your little ass!"

"Um -" he said again awkwardly and jumped from the couch. "I have to go!" And without any further words he bounced up the stairs to the dorm.

"There you go! Well done, White!" Sirius started to argue again with her.

"I? You did that!"

"No, you!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

Lilli looked stamped at Remus and pointed towards them both, but he only grinned broadly.

"I would be shocked if those two didn't argue like that at least two times a day."

"Err -" she said slightly amazed. "I'm actually referring to what happened with Peter."

"Merlin, Lils, the peewee cries to take the mickey out of him!" Sirius interrupted while still continuing his You-You or also No-Yes game with Anna.

"He does?" she asked sarcastically. Even though, she pitied Peter for being teased by Sirius like that, she had to admit that it was funny to watch them doing this and that Peter actually let them tease him that hard.

"Who does what?" James asked after joining them to pick up his partner for rounds.

"Nothing," came the simultaneous answer from Anna and Sirius, both of them grinning broadly. He immediately knew who did what, so he just said: "Well, then have fun doing nothing. Lilli? Ready to go?"

"Sure."

* * *

Both of them climbed out of the portrait hole and started their rounds.

"I like that," he said, smiling at her.

"What?" she asked confusedly, having no clue what he was referring to.

"You and Padfoot being friends and that you're now hanging out with us."

"Um... well," she said quietly. Somehow she felt awkward that he had to say that and couldn't just take it as it was.

"Alice and Moony always liked you, you know that already. Peter didn't have an own opinion. He did what we do. Sadly... I sometimes would like him to make up his own mind. Would make a lot of things easier for him. And regarding Anna, you may need to know -"

"She didn't like me. I know."

"That's not true. She just don't really know you. She's like that to everyone and everything she's is hardly acquainted with and who attacked her friends like you did with Lissy. You two didn't really have a lot to do with each other and Anna is a little bit allergic to people smashing her friends. You would be like that to if someone offends... um... whatchamacallit?"

"Whatchamacallit?" Lilli asked, looking stunned back.

"You know... your friend, that girl that's sometimes with you."

"Diana!"

"Yes, exactly!"

"You forgot her name?!" She asked, sounding baffled. "You promised to -"

"I'm sorry! Lilli, if I remember every name of everyone from our class, I would be Sauceman!"

"Superman."

"What?"

"It is Superman, not Sauceman. Wouldn't make sense, anyway."

"Err – Okay. Superman. I didn't have a lot to do with her and she behaves very – err – unobtrusive."

"Unobtrusive?"

"If Remus didn't have a crush on her, I wouldn't even know that she exists."

"Remus have a crush on Diana?"

"Yes, but psssssssst!"

Lilli giggled amusedly. It was uncommon for her to do that, but James reaction and how he said that was just too cute.

"How do you know that?" she continued.

"Was a game."

"Game?"

"Yes, can't tell more about it though. Whatever, we cajoled her into giving you a chance. So please proof to her that you're not a venomous snake."

"Venomous snake?!" she spat tempestuously. "Who -"

"Just do that, please! Anna is alright and she's a huge asset as a friend. So... how about we carry on to our question-answer-game? You haven't answer my last question yet."

"Which question?" Lilli asked, while she was still thinking about his words. So, they talked to Anna about her.

"Why you and Remus broke up. This was something, he never gave us an answer to."

"Um... I can't tell you either. It just happened. We just understood that we weren't a good match."

'The truth is that I fell in love with you and Remus accepted it, when I told him.'

"Well then, I'll ask something else, I guess."

"Go ahead."

"Are you good with your parents?"

"Um – yes? Why of all things are you asking that?" Lilli asked worriedly.

"No reason. Just curious. Well, it's your turn. What do you want to know?"

For one moment, she remained silent, being baffled. Sirius had told her that James wasn't good with his parents, but why did he ask her about her family? Maybe, he wanted someone to talk to? She suddenly got the urge to say something to gain his trust. Something honest and important.

"James?"

"Um?"

"Is there something you might want to talk to me about?"

"What makes you think that?" He asked gently.

"I don't know. Female intuition, perhaps? So... is there something?"

"No... No, there's nothing."

They continued to walk down the corridors and didn't talk a lot to each other. James became very taciturnly, making Lilli felt dumb. Why didn't she lie and answered no? Maybe, he would have said something more about his own feelings. She suspected that it had something to do with his past, that burdened him and now she probably missed the only opportunity to get the truth about it. They arrived back into the common room. James smiled shortly at her.

"Then, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you."

He turned away and walked up to his dorm. She knew that Melissa was there and would be waiting for him. Without a doubt, she will cuddle up to him and then sleep in his arms. It took so long now... Every day that passed, her archrival managed to tie him down on her and with every one of those days, he veered more and more away from her.


	16. Chapter 16

Hey guys!

Actually my intention was to update 10 chaps together, but I had a hard time in Uni the past week, which caused the translation to be narrowed down to only three chaps =/ Sorry for that. I know that it's way more fun to read more chapters instead of just one or two every now and then. But I was really overjoyed to see that I got a reviewer XD **_Thank you sandraj45692_**. Nice to know that you've read my story and even like it =) I would love to hear every now and then from you again. Means that my english can't be that bad -.-"

Here we go:

* * *

Chapter 16 – just one moment

It was the evening before the first Quidditch Game. The group were sitting together at the fireplace, while most of the other students were studying, chatting or doing their homework. James was sitting on the couch with his girlfriend in his arms. His eyes were focusing on the moon, which could be seen very clear and bright through the window and were reflected in his eyes. It was obvious, that the Marauder was already buried in his own thoughts. That night in the forest didn't let him rest. The thought of how stupid everything had went preyed on his mind nearly every minute. He knew whom Lilli was talking about, but the very thought felt like a hard stab in his heart, because it was too late. Before Melissa, he would've done everything in the world to be with Lilli, to walk through life with her, to love her and having her by his side. Now, everything changed. Lissy was there. He loved her and she loved him. Their relationship might not be perfect, might not build on things, that was normally necessary to work, but he couldn't live without her anymore.

He worried about her, if she had problems. He savoured the moments, they spent together and already missed her before she even had to leave his side for a while. For Lilli, he just felt friendship now. It didn't matter, that he used to be head over heels in love with her, changed for her and flattened his head. The Situation wasn't the same anymore and he just didn't know what to do to prevent her from getting even more hurt by him. He knew he already have hurt her enough. He had the feeling that she still wasn't honest with him when answering his questions on their rounds. Who could blame her, if one considers that she was in love with him.

"James?"

Anna's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. His friend was sitting on the couch right in front of him, sending a letter with a gentle move of her wand flying towards him. He threw a short look at it before raising an eyebrow, then twitching with the corner of his mouth and finally scrunched it up in his hand.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, I know, that we're still short of a replacement for Penny and Torance. Stop rub this in, will you!"

"The Quidditch game is _tomorrow_, Captain! I really doubt that Vanessa and I make a great chaser team together, because she kept throwing the quaffle in the wrong direction as soon as Sirius or you get near her."

"Oh, come off it!"

"Come off it?" she spat sarcastically. "James! At our last game against Rawenclaw, Sirius tried to hit the bludger away from you. Vanessa was so impressed by him, that she threw the quaffle on Jay McQueen, our second beater, who lost his bat, after he got hit and fell from his broomstick. The broomstick hit Brad Walters, your Keeper, while the bat hit me and in the end all three of us were laying in the meadow!"

"Ahhhhhh!" James said and acted as if the thought had just popped up in his mind, pointing up with his finger at his head to signalise that he had an idea. "So that was the reason why you guys weren't on your brooms by the final whistle! And here I thought you were just too lazy and hastily took a break first."

"Grrrrrr!" she hissed, throwing the next best thing she got her hand on into his face. Unfortunately it was Remus' Potion book.

"Hey!" he blurted objectionably surprised by it while James easily caught the book. He grinned broadly and laid it down next to him.

"I already have a book, Anna, but I guess I can sell this one for a good price to Dung, who would buy everything to resell it."

"Grrrrrrrr!" she hissed again, throwing anew the next best thing she got her hands on. This time it was Sirius' sandwich, which the Marauder just wanted to eat but instead bit his teeth together. Flop! The sandwich landed unbrokenly in James hand.

"Hey hey, Miss White. You aren't suppose to play with food, but thanks. I was hungry, anyway. That way I didn't have to go down to get food. I always knew my servant knows what his master needs."

"Grrrrrrr!" Boiling with rage she grabbed anything around her, which was Lilli's quill this time, that was snatched off her hand.

"Hey!" she said in bewilderment but the Gryffindor girl had already thrown it on James, who didn't hesitate to pull Melissa with him down to avoid the approaching quill.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" A guy's voice sounded painfully, causing Anna to clench her hands on her mouth while everyone else was looking shocked.

"Thanks, Anna," James said sarcastically, while getting up again. "And where am I going to get a new Beater now?"

"I'm so sorry, Jay," she called to a guy with blond-brown hairs, who was lying on the floor, the quill pinched in his bum. She looked apologetic at him, but he just waved with his hand at them.

"Well, Lilli, let's hurry up and do rounds before she throws the firewood at me."

This caused Anna to look at him with narrowed and poisonous eyes before turning towards the fireplace, where the wood was burning very tempting.

"Oh oh," James said at once, jumped as fast as he could to his feet and ran towards the portrait, pulling Lilli up with him on his way outside and immediately climbed out.

* * *

"I should really stop to give my better part the wrong ideas," he said outside, winking at Lilli meaningfully, who amusedly started to smile. There was a time, when she thought that behaviour of them were immature and silly. As an outsider, it felt like that. But being with them, sitting with them and actually experiencing this situation with them together was just different. It was indeed great and even funny. She had the luck to get a look at them from another point of view and it was awesome.

"I like Anna," she said after some while, causing him to look surprise.

"Really?"

"Yes. She really can be different. I've to admit I used to think of her as a little bit... well... conceited."

"Conceited? Really?" he said grinning.

"Yeah, because I used to think she thought of herself as being something better than everybody else, because she was a pureblood, you know."

"I suppose she did"

"Really?" Now, it was her turn to look surprise. She expected from him to defend her by all means, telling her how great his best friend was in fact, but not that he agreed with her on that point.

"But that's a long story and there's only one person, who can tell you everything and that's Anna White. Well, that aside: It's your turn."

"My turn?"

"Question."

"Oh, um..."

"Yes?"

Lilli thought about it for a short moment. There were a lot of questions she had at heart, but not all of them were wise to be asked now.

"Okay. You said I can't ask about your relationship to Melissa or Anna, right?"

"Right."

"Your parents?"

"..."

"Because of the other night, you were asking me if I was close to my parents and I've been asking myself if you're close to yours?"

James didn't answer immediately. He let some time passed to think thoroughly about the answer . They were walking around a corner to the next corridor, when he suddenly twitched the corner of his mouth to a weak smile.

"We used to get along great when I was little."

"And now?"

"Not anymore."

"How come?"

"Didn't we say only one question at a time?"

"Don't wander from the subject."

"I was serious!" he said, acting at least a bit serious.

"You weren't."

"I wasn't?"

"No."

"No?"

"Potter!"

"Evans?"

"I-"

"Kidding!" he immediately smiled.

"Why are you always making jokes when I've been serious?"

"Because we are opposed characters? Okay, okay, okay. You wanna know what happened?"

"Yes," she said softly.

"I don't know."

"JAMES!"

"I'm serious, Lilli," he defended himself, lifting his hands as in defeat but was still laughing. She just needed to look into his eyes to interpret all his gestures. It meant that he just didn't want to talk about it and she didn't want to be the one forcing him to do that.

"Okay... Your question?"

"It's my turn?"

"Yes, go ahead."

"What do you think is the worst on you?"

"The worse? Um- I suppose I'm to... insecure."

"Insecure? You are?"

"Yes, I suppose. Somehow, in a very strange way, I lack self-confidence. People can keep telling me that what I'm doing is great but I don't believe it. Never."

"It's also the opposite of arrogance."

"Arrogance?"

"Yeah, you know. Being to secure, no matter what anybody is telling you. One just believe himself and just the best."

"How did you hit on that?" she asked, feeling a little bit puzzled.

"Just thought of someone."

"Anna?"

"No."

"Sirius?"

"No, stop asking. You didn't know him. It's your turn."

"On what?"

"Question."

"Oh, okay. Well, right back at you. What's the worst on you in your opinion?"

To answer this question, James took some time. They were walking along the corridors without saying anything to each other. Despite the fact that it felt weird, she didn't dare to disrupt his thoughts, but rather observing him doing that. It was cute how he frowned every now and then.

* * *

"The addiction to the wrong," he finally answered.

They arrived back at the portrait of the Fat Lady, but didn't enter the common room yet. He might have hold back the answer until the very end of their rounds on purpose to avoid tension between them. But what he couldn't avoid was to look deep into her eyes at that very moment. Lilli Evans possessed the most beautiful soul in the world to him. Her emerald green eyes were telling him something, he always craved for, telling a feeling, he missed so much. But it was too late to win that back. An amazing glance filled her look and he wasn't able to withstand it. A look in her eyes were enough to feel the urge to just make her happy no matter what. But it was something she could never get with him. The thing was the longer she looked at him, the more he wanted it. His mind was telling him, that he was in love with Melissa, telling him that he only had a future with her, but his heart wanted the girl, who was standing right in front of him. The girl, who touched something in him, he thought he had lost a long time ago. And without thinking straight, he stretched his hand towards her cheek, touching the warm and smooth skin. Both remained silence and didn't want to smash the mood with a word.

Every single blink of an eye were standing for the seconds they were allowed be together. Without realising or preventing it, he stepped closer to her, looking down into that unbelievably pretty face and when Lilli even tenderly closed her eyes, he couldn't stop himself from leaning down to her. He pressed his lips on hers, kissing her softly, feeling every part of her and touching her innocent soul. Something warm were rushing through his body, prickling in his stomach and swallowed everything painfully away from around them into nothing. He felt Lill's hand touching his cheek, passionately affectionate...

James gave a start and draw back, pulling his lips away at once and looked disbelievingly.

"James, what -"

"We should go inside," he cut her off and climbed immediately through the hole into the common room. It seemed to be completely empty with only the fireplace still burning quietly.

"But -" she started again without success.

"No, Lilli. You should go to bed. We... Let's talk tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I can't sleep, if I know -"

"I know," he said at once. "But... Lilli... I'm sorry about what happened."

"You are sorry?" she asked unbelievably hurt. Her voice sounded frustrated and she looked injured at him, causing his heart to clenched painfully. He never intended to do that to her. Never.

"Yes, I'm really very sorry. I shouldn't have take advantage of the situation and the mood. Don't tell Melissa."

"Melissa... right..." She almost forgot that he had a girlfriend. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, too."

"No, You shouldn't have to. You haven't done anything. It was my fault. I'll take full responsibility for that, but please, don't think that our friendship didn't matter to me, because it _does. A lot_."

"Yeah, so do I. Well... See you tomorrow," she said hoarsely. He knew that if she would've stayed longer, she probably couldn't have hold her tears anymore. James wanted to kick his own butt for acting like a stupid idiot at that moment. He took advantage of the mood and hurt the person he wanted the least to hurt. Lilli walked up the stairs and was soon out of sight behind the walls. He couldn't believe what he did. Why did he have to hurt her like that? Why did he act like that?

He knew why... Because he knew that she would not withdrew. Because after that night, he knew that she was in love with him. Why did he lose control? Confused and angry at himself, he wanted to walk up to his dorm when he heard someone cleared her throat behind him. He squinted his eyes and froze right where he stood before turning around, shaking his head.

"If you now give me a tongue-lashing about -"

"I haven't said anything," Anna said, bending forth from behind the couch and grinned broadly. He walked the few steps towards her and sat down onto the opposite couch.

"Why aren't you up sleeping?"

"So I can give you a tongue-lashing, not about your little Love-Triangle though, but about our Quidditch game tomorrow."

"Quidditch game? Wait a minute, _you _were the one, who smashed my Beater with a quill into the hospital wing. It wasn't me!"

"It was not on purpose!"

"And yet, it wasn't me!"

"JAMES!"

"Anna?"

"Stop, constantly joking around about that. It's serious."

"Only if you make it serious."

"No, it is serious. James, you're getting worse. What happened on the Quidditch field the other day should be a sign for you, that it's not enough anymore."

"It is enough!"

"No, it's not. Please, at least talk to Sirius."

"No way. Why should I?"

"Because he is your best friend."

"What's this got to do with that? Anna, what good is this going to do if he knows about it?"

"He could help you!" she said firmly.

"No, he couldn't. Nobody can. If time comes, it will happen. That's it."

"Why are you giving up?"

"I don't give up. I'm just being realistic."

"No, that's exactly what you are not. If you were, you would at least consider the possibility of accepting a helping hand from your friends. Yes, your parents did mistakes, but can't you forgive them?"

"..."

"James, please!" Anna sat down next to him, looking pleadingly. Her hand squeezed his hand and she eyed him with a very deep look, trying to convince him to do the right thing. "Everyone did mistakes and your parents really regret what happened. They still love you so much, even if they have a hard time to show it, but they did. You would understand it, if you were in my shoes."

"..."

"Please, they way, you are about to walk isn't the right path. I know that, so please -"

"Please, what?"

"At least, tell it Sirius. He did things, James. Things, I don't approve, but he only did that out of spite, because you did the same to him. You two are the best friends and still acting like competitors if it comes down to idiocy and nonsense."

"And this coming from a best friend," he said, smirking at her, but she didn't let him change the subject. Deep down, she knew that he only did that whenever he avoided a confrontation.

"Okay, but one day it's gonna be to late, James."

"Yeah, probably, but that's just how it's suppose to be then. I'm tired. The game tomorrow will be hard."

"Hard?" she asked sarcastically. "Are you kidding me, Captain? We are playing with one beater and one chaser down, the Hufflepuff team are not bad at all. Amos may be a bad seeker but his team is good. That's going to be more than just hard."

"Not if I catch the snitch before they manage to score 140 points."

Even though James could obviously laughed about that, Anna wasn't in that mood at all. She had a bad foreshadow that tomorrow is going to happen a lot more than they expected and deep down, she begged that she was wrong at least this time.

"James?"

"Hm?"

"Did you?"

"What?" he asked confusedly.

"Kissed her? It sounded like that."

"... Yes..." he admitted softly. She nodded understandingly and strange enough, even smiled at him. James looked puzzled back, but she just waved aside to show that everything was alright.

"Don't tell Lissy."

"So she will set the next best troll on Lilli? Don't worry."

James frowned slightly at her.

"Seems like you like her."

"Who?"

"Lilli."

"She is okay," Anna answered indifferently, but he knew his best friend. Indifference was already a lot coming from her. If she didn't like Lilli, she would've ignored the question and didn't dignify it with an answer at all.

"Night," he said and went upstaris.

"Night, Captain," she threw back, but started to smile again behind the couch.


	17. Chapter 17

Note: I don't know how many of you guys like to read about Quidditch or if my describing of a Quidditch game is even appropiate. This chapter is almost completely about their Quidditch game and I remember that one of my German reviewer used to say that he found several parts a little bit exaggerated. I realised that after re-reading my story at that time as well, but it was suppose to be exaggerated. Like I said at the very start: My humour is not for everyone and you may doesn't find the things funny, I do. The Quidditch game part isn't very important for the story part, so if you like, you can skip this chapter after starting the Quidditch game to the last passage. If you dare to read, have fun, like I had in writing it.

* * *

Chapter 17 – dark feeling

At the next day, the group were sitting together at breakfast right before the Quidditch game. An awkward silence was laying over them. Even though Lilli sat with them, she couldn't look up once. She couldn't forget the kiss from last night and was afraid that once she looked into his eyes, everything would vanished in an instant. The mood, the memory, the feeling. Everything would be replaced by frustration and sadness and take the only good thing away from her. Because it was exactly that. The only good thing in her life.

"Well, I visited McQueen and I'm glad to tell you, that he won't have any permanent damage from last night," Anna started to break the silence, even though she looked apologetically at them. "He's just wincing whenever his butt connects with something hard, though he can't sit on a broomstick for a while and therefore won't be able to play today. Biiiiiiiiiiiig Sorry!"

Sirius barked laughingly and patted her chummily on the back.

"No problem for us! Come on! We could sleep on the field as long as Prongs catch the snitch first before Diggory, the twerp."

"Stop that," Anna hissed uncomprehendingly.

"With what?" Sirius asked snootily.

"Diggory is not a twerp."

"He's a pansy with cornsized brain and therefore dumb as bread."

"How do you know that bread is dumb? Maybe it's smart?"

"Bread doesn't think."

"How do you know? Ever thought of the possibility that bread get a life when being baked? And -"

"Why for Merlin's sake are you two arguing about if Diggory is smarter than bread?" James spat nervously at them. "The game starts in a few minutes and the most important question for you guys is who is blessed with dumbness?"

"Sorry," both murmured simultaneously. Anna didn't notice it at first, but after witnessing James grouching, it suddenly became clear to her. He was way too petulant and she doubted that it was just because of the upcoming game.

"Um, Cap? Can I talk to you for a second – um – in private?" she asked.

"Okay," James answered tired.

"Okay," said Sirius as well, standing up together with them, grinning at both, while she narrowed poisonously her eyes at him.

"I said in private, not in public!" she spat.

"Well, it's still _in private_ with the three of us," he said grinning broadly, with the group trying to force their smile back.

"Yes?" she exploded. "And if we invite McGonagall too, it's still in private! Dumbledore! Sirius, you jerk!"

Boiling with rage, she dragged James with her outside the great hall, who just started to laugh out loud, seeing the innocently acting face of his best friend. Sirius just had said that to get rid of the nervousness and losing them up a bit. In fact it wasn't his fault at all that Anna reacted that extreme.

* * *

At the corridor, Anna hat pulled James into an empty corner.

"Ey, Anna! Go easy on me, will ya? If you crush my shoulder, we're already done with the game!"

"Maybe that would be the best!" she answered firmly.

"Excuse me?"

"James, you don't look good!"

It needed exactly one minute, until James finally woke up from his shock and looked a little bit offended.

"Thanks! Such a compliment from your best friend! At least, you tried to be nice and didn't say I look indescribably ugly!"

"Idiot, I'm serious!"

"Me too!"

"No," she said at once. "You just kidding again to paper over the cracks. James, you don't feel good. I can feel and even see that."

"Well, I understand the feel thing but see? Did my face look askew or why -"

"I can tell that by your way to react. You are extremely quiet as if you force yourself to fight it back. Your mood is petulant and your eyes..."

"My eyes?" he prompted curious.

"They are getting darker. With every minute, we're talking here, they are getting darker."

"I'm great. You need glasses! I lend you mine!"

"Tell that to the wall. James, if you crash at the Quidditch field this time, I won't be able to help you. Dumbledore will be there, as do McGonagall and all the other teachers, Sirius, Remus damn it! The whole school will be there and I can't just jumped off my broom, cast a spell on you and tell everybody that what they saw isn't real and it was just a Fata Morgana and James is not hurt at all."

"It won't happen!"

"How can you be -"

"I am, okay? I'm great. It won't come back that fast."

"Wrong! It's already almost there. Let me renew the spell."

"In 5 minutes?"

"It's not there yet, so it should be working... We just did a short version of the original spell and after the game I renew it a second time."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Because the magic you use... it cause the spell to work both ways."

It was silent for a moment. She didn't swallowed or breathed in or said anything at all, only standing there as she was rooted to the floor but was rather thinking deeply. Then, she suddenly smiled softly.

"Yes... I know," Anna said tenderly.

"I don't want to take more from you, you are able to give."

"Well, you don't do that. I would tell you if I can't anymore."

"Yeah, right. The same like I admit to Melissa, that I kissed Lilli. You know what?"

"I actually know a lot. For example 1 plus 1 equals 2."

"Ha ha, very funny," he said sarcastically.

"What goes around, comes around," she commented the same back.

"Yeah, right. Let's go, you female James."

"Or you male Anna?"

"You're driving me nuts!"

"Right back at you."

* * *

Quidditch game

Both Quidditch teams were walking onto the field. The Sun was shining at the players, giving them a little bit warmth, since autumn arrived with an especially cold wind blowing. The leaves were fluttering everywhere, even occasionally into the face of the students.

"Welcome, classmates," a black hair student from the lower class started talking into the microphone. His voice sounded bored and uninflected. He sat on the stand with all the other teachers, being the commentator for this game.

"Who's that?" Lilli asked, looking addled at Diana, Remus and Alice, she was sitting with in the Gryffindor stand. Diana actually sneaked from the Rawenclaws into their stand, so she was able to sit with her friend. Normally, both girls wasn't much into Quidditch and didn't watch a lot of games.

"He's the new commentator for this year," Alice explained amusedly, giggling at her. "Cat Jordan, who was the commentator until last year, wasn't allowed to do it this year, because McGonagall said she had been talking to much gossip into the microphone instead of commenting the game. This one is – Err – Nolav... Nolav Ever."

"... "

"Well... his Mother is Britain, but I guess his Father is from Yugoslavia."

"No laugh Ever?" Lilli asked again, looking disbelievingly at her friend, but she only nodded with a big grin on her face.

"His parents must really be funny people."

"Sounds like Binn's son," Sirius commented to Anna, who just nodded awkwardly.

"Let's hope, we won't fall into a coma while flying."

"Professors and our both Quidditch teams... Hufflepuff and Gryffindor," Nolave continued in the same indifferent voice, as if he was really about to fall asleep any moment. On the stands, the students tried at least to pump up the mood by applauding loudly and cheering for them. It didn't prevent Nolav from going on with his indifference though.

"Madame Hooch is talking to all players... Now, they are going to fly up... To your Information: The Gryffindor team will play with one chaser and one beater down. According to the Captain of the Gryffindor team -" Nolav Ever took out a little letter from his cloak, read it shortly, before taking back the microphone to his face. "- I cite: Who the hell are you?" Stuffing back the letter in his cloak, he looked back to the Quidditch field. "I present the Gryffindor team: Captain and Seeker James Potter, Chasers: Anna White and Vanessa Mountgomery, the Beater: Sirius Black and Keeper: Brad Walters. And here the Hufflepuff team: Captain and Seeker: Amos Diggory, Chasers: Katie Ward, Megan Sanders, Jeniffer Li, Beater: Carl Bastow and Gorden Jefferson and the Keeper: Eddie Eddieson."

The game hasn't even started and Lilli already felt bored. Looking aside, she saw Remus were already reading a book _medicinal plants, discovered from a muggle!_ instead of watching the game.

"You're reading a book?" she asked surprised, but Remus just gave her weak smile.

* * *

The game started with both team players flying to their position.

"I tell you that again," Anna said to James, before moving to her position near the quaffle. "This is a crazy idea to play with a chaser and beater down."

"It wouldn't have been a crazy idea, if you hadn't pulled a hole into our beater's back."

"If you hadn't drawn aside, it wouldn't have happened! And yet... James? Please, take care of yourself. If anything happens, I won't be able to help you this time." Her eyes looked pleadingly at him, but he just winked confidently and twitched the corner of his mouth.

"Don't worry. I've never felt better."

"And the reason is what? Lilli Evans?"

"..."

"You are trapped, my friend."

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

"She is sitting down in the stands, hoping that nothing will happen to you. Would you consider her? If you think it's about to come, change down, okay?"

"I will, _Mum_."

"Well then, Dad, let's make a good play."

"Yeah, let's do that."

And they followed and flew to their position as well.

* * *

"The snitch has been released now..." Nolav said, his voice hasn't changed and the thought of saying: _Nobody would have saw that if you hadn't tell us_, shot through Lilli's mind, but she didn't say that out loud. It was not as if anybody would have listened to her anyway. Melissa Kingcade sat far behind her with a bunch of giggling girls, who told her every now and then how beautiful and gorgeous she was and how great she and James looked together. Lilli was in fact very happy that she didn't sit with them to smash the mood. Even Alice and Remus behaved differently, when Kingcade wasn't around. Alice occasionally threw an enamoured look to Frank at the Hufflepuff stand, who was winking charmingly back. On the other hand, Remus was absorbed in his book, throwing a _Yeah, Gryffindor_ in from time to time without even looking up or sounding really keen. Lilli sat right next to him, watching curiously their friends flying around. She didn't really understand a lot from the game and were only watching because James asked her to. Anyway, she took it up to get more into Quidditch and try to understand how the bludgers decided which player to aim at. Diana sat next to her, watching Anna and Sirius, since in her opinion James wasn't very interesting because he didn't even move a lot but just breathing. Anna and Sirius played at least something like Baseball.

"Baseball?" Alice asked confusedly, giving a start. "What's that?"

"Muggle game. Played on the floor, though," Remus explained, again without even looking up once, but turning the page of his book. One could clearly see the movements of his eyes from left to right.

"Aren't you even a little bit curious if your friends are about to win or not?" Lilli asked disbelievingly, causing Remus to finally throwing her a look.

"Of course." Since she still look mazed, he added softly more words. "I'll get that if Alice yelled it in my ear. She cheers enough for two."

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Alice jubilated loudly with everybody else in the stand.

"What happened?" Lilli asked confusedly. She had the feeling as if she missed out on something important. Nolav Ever has been quiet ever since the game started.

"Sirius hit Ward with the bludger and she lost the quaffle, just in time for Anna to get it. Right now she's about to fly towards Eddieson and if she scores, our start would be perfect!"

Alice explained, looking pleased with herself.

"Um... okay... Why?" she continued to ask.

"Well, because Gryffindor has 2 people down and Hufflepuff is a very good team, in offence as well as in defence. Diggory is just a very bad seeker compared to James, but this won't do Gryffindor any good if the Hufflepuff chasers are going to score one goal after another before James managed to catch the snitch. It's only worth 150 points."

"Okay..."

'Quidditch is really not my thing,' she thought awkwardly.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!"

"WHAT?" Lilli yelled, slowly feeling bugged out. She couldn't really follow the game and Alice's shouts didn't make things better, but rather giving her an earache. Strangely enough, Remus didn't show any reaction, even though he sat right next to Alice. He actually should be already deaf by now!

"Sirius is now trying to hit the bludger towards Megan Ward, but missed her and almost hit his own Captain. Fortunately, James has probably the best reflex I've ever saw, cause he managed to dodge it, but that also means that the snitch got out of sight again. The good thing is, that Gryffindor has the quaffle now, but Anna threw it to Vanessa, who just can't aim at anything correctly. Weird enough though, but catching is her thing. If only Anna got the quaffel in time, she could made the first points."

"What?"

"What?"

Lilli as well as Diana looked even more confusedly than before at Alice, but she only showed them a thumb up.

"Quidditch for starters. Move aside, Remus!"

Alice squeezed herself between Remus and Lilli, to get closer to the two girls in order to explain them the game. He didn't protest and slid aside, without taking his view away from his book.

"Okay, girls," she started, grinning broadly. "Let's keep you posted, shall we? Anna got the quaffle, which is great, because she's about to fly towards the rings. She rushes through the defence of Hufflepuff with a crazy bluff! Merlin! This girl is just awesome on the broom! And Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! She did it! She threw it through a ring and got Gryffindor 10 points! It's now 10 to 0 for Gryffindor. It's sheer lunacy! They are only 2 chasers! Definitely the proof that Gryffindor has the best team ever, playing absolutely perfect!"

Diana und Lilli were still looking kind of confused, but Alice didn't seem to take notice of that.

"Ah, quaffle again in the game. Ward got it and she's flying through the Gryffindor defence. Where is Sirius? He's suppose to stop her!... Ah, spot him! Perfect hit! Bludger got at Ward and she lost the quaffle to Anna. She's racing towards the rings again and wow! She throws the ball even though she's still way far away. She had put all her power into this hit and the quaffle fliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... flies above the ring away."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh," the whole Gryffindor stand mourned.

"She probably needs glasses," Alice expressed suspiciously. "Anyway... Hooch throws in anew, you guys are following?"

Diana and Lilli looked shortly at each other and nodded softly. And with that, Alice continued to show and explain them every move the players were doing, while Nolav Ever said things like:

"Anna White flies... quaffle are thrown in anew... goal chance missed... Seekers continue to search... and search... and search..."

"Oh no," Alice commented for their friends, blossom out completely in her new role. It wasn't strange she could do that since Alice and Cat Jordan, the usually commentator, were close friends.

"Hufflepuff now got the quaffle and damn it! Perfect play from Li and Ward. They fly towards the rings and Merlin! Let's pray Walters is going to catch it, but he's could be such a twerp as a keeper as well as a friend, that I doubt he will. There was just no better Keeper for us or he would've never made it into the te – Nooooooooooooooooo! Damn it, you twerp! I knew he isn't going to hold it. It doesn't look good, girls. They draw level now. Seems like Hufflepuff have warmed up and all hell will break lose soon! I really hope Sirius took on his armour, because he's the only beater. Oh I see, he's at least trying to beat the bludger at the hufflepuff chasers. It's useless! Damn it! Ward got the quaffle and made a goal. 20 to 10 for Hufflepuff. Gee! I can't look at this much longer! Do something, guys!"

Lilli and Diana suddenly noticed, that the whole Gryffindor stand nodded agreeably with Alice, though she didn't even catch that. They were about to tell her, that she wasn't only playing commentator to the two of them, but the chatterbox already continued without giving them a chance to interrupt.

"Quaffle is thrown in anew. Noooooooo! Ward got it and she's again onto Walters. Merlin! Please let Anna intervenes in time. She's closing in on her, but no! Jefferson kicked the bludger at her! This mean bugger! Ah! Thank god! Sirius saved her! Oh no - It was to late. Ward already scored! 30 to 10. Gosh! Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames!"

Called person only heard a very quiet voice, since he was some distance away from the stands and in fact was deep in his search for something tiny, flashy and very fast – the snitch.

"Err?" he made, looking down to the Gryffindor stand, only to witness how Alice was gesticulating furiously at him. The meaning was unmistakable: _Move your ass or I make you get a move on!_ James crossed his arms like he was mortally offended.

"40 to 10 for Hufflepuff," Nolav Ever's voice ringed out, causing James to suddenly wake up from his state to went back to his search for the snitch. Where did that damn thing hide out? It needs to appear before -

"50 to 10."

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh!Heijauzineiah!Waaaaaaaaaaaauahhhhhhhhhhhh! White, Padfoot, Mountgomery! Do something, damn it!" he yelled at his team, who had just lost the quaffle again to Hufflepuff.

"It's _not_ like I'm sleeping on my broom here!" Anna yelled back, while angrily trying to get the ball back form Ward. That turned out to be harder than expected, since Mountgomery played more like a spider with all her legs seemed to have a different size and therefore wasn't really much of a help.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Alice shouted desperately.

"WHAT?" Lilli cried, because she had absolutely no idea, why the situation was so awful since Anna only threw the quaffle away.

"Why did she pass to Mountgomery? That imbecile won't be able to pass it back to her without making a major mistake – AND THERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE! What did I just say? The quaffle was hold off by Sanders. Oh no! She threw it to Li and together with Ward, they are about to fly towards the Gryffindor rings! Damn it, damn it, daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn it! No! Sirius was trying to hit Li by a bludger but Bastow interfered and hit it back to Anna. Thank God, that girl got god given reflexes. She avoided it perfectly fine. Unfortunately, her attack on Li was disturbed as well and NO! AGAIN! WALTERS, YOU GOOF-OFF! CAN'T YOU HOLD THAT THING AT LEAST ONCE!"

"60 to 10 for Hufflepuff," Nolav said, nearly bored to death. The professors behind him had a hard time to keep themselves from falling asleep. Watching tiny points flying around in the sky, throwing balls to each other was just slightly more interesting than cleaning the wand.

"At least, he's telling the score correctly," Remus noticed while turning his page. Lilli just shook her head in disbelief before turning back to Alice.

"The game goes on. Anna got the quaffle now and she burst through the enemy's line. YES! Li, Ward and Sanders didn't have a single chance to stop her. That girl is just amazingly fast! Fortunately though – WAIT! Bludger from Jefferson again! Ah! Sirius is there to save the day. Anna is almost on the rings. She's about to shooooooooooot – NO! Bastow stopped her with a bludger – NO! She lost that thing! AND DOUBLENOOOOOOO! Katie Ward got the quaffle! She flies back to the Gryffindor rings in lightning speed! Walters is trying to watch out, but he can't guard all three rings at the same time. A good chaser decides in the split of a second which ring the keeper is going to guard and will aim at the one that is not guarded. Scoring points is easy for good Quidditch players, especially if the keeper is such a Goof-off like Walters. NOOOOOOO!"

"70 to 10 for Hufflepuff."

"Damn it!" Alice cursed furiously. At that moment, she was definitely in her element and continued to comment the game, full of spirits. She was only addressing Lilli and Diana, without even noticing that even several Rawenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherin's were gathered around her, filling the Gryffindor stand completely. Apparently, a lot of students were also satisfied by standing on the staircase and got the information from the one standing next to them who got his information from the one standing next to him until someone got the information from Alice.

"If this goes on longer, it will be no use if James get the snitch or not, because Hufflepuff will have to many points already! Oh no! That's an end everybody already expected. What team, no matter how good it is, can pull out a win with 2 members down?"

Every student there nodded agreeably with her, causing Lilli and Diana to give a start, after spotting all the other students around them.

"Well, it's still possible though. If Anna is going to score some more points or if James get the snitch now! Unfortunately, Ward, Sanders and Li already warmed up and I hardly doubt that she can take all three of them together. And surely not if Mountgomery get in her way rather than helping her. Sanders now has her hand on the quaffle and she flies again towards the Gryffindor rings. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

Alice, who was about to answer, finally looked down from the Quidditch field back to the stand to watch from where all the voices came. She cried out loud out of shock after realising how many audience she really had. Neither of them even thought of going away or acting innocently but rather looked at her curiously to go on commenting.

"What's going on here?" she asked confusedly, since she only expected to see Lilli and Diana.

"We are also Quidditch starters!" One of the Rawenclaw students said, grinning broadly while everyone else just nodded approvingly.

"Err – Okay," she said, still looking puzzled. "Where did I stop?"

"Where did she stop?"

"Where did she stop?"

"Where did she stop?"

"Where did she stop?"

"THERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!" Alice suddenly said without waiting for an answer. "Our Captain spotted the snitch. He's going to nosedive! Diggory just noticed that James spotted it and is now flying towards it as well. Luckily for us, he's way to far away and as fast as a _slug_. With this speed, I'm sure James could catch and release the snitch and even ten times until Diggory gets there. Oh no! The snitch is too fast! James seems to have problems to get his hands on it. Seems like this is a very good and fast snitch consider the fact that even the best seeker of this school can't catch it. Oh, look! Li got the quaffle. Aih! She's going to throw it and if I guess correctly, Walters won't catch it again! And? And? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand? BOTHERATION!"

"Now the score is 80 to 10 for Hufflepuff," Nolav Evil said.

"Can they still win? I mean... it's a hard deficit," Lilli said pessimistically. "You know, it's 70 points, or 7 scores through the ring, as I counted."

"They can! If James get the snitch now or at least Hufflepuff didn't score more points until he get the snitch. It's worth 150 points. AH! He's there! James is closing in on the snitch again! He's almost there! If he catch him now, the game is ours! Gryffindor is going to win!"

Everyone's eyes were fixed on James, who nosedived again to catch the snitch with his hand. He was so close and could even feel the gentle wings tickling on his skin. The air was so damn cold, it felt like it forbids him to breath.

Every Gryffindor, every Hufflepuff, every Rawenclaw, every Slytherin, every professor, every player on the field looked at him. James' hand was right in front of the snitch and about to close it in his palm. He heard every beat of his heart and very breath he took, felt every wind draught on his skin and then, he closed his hand to a fist, feeling the round ball with his tiny, tickling wings inside his fist. He got it! They won!

"HE GOT IT!" Alice cheered up. "We won!"

"We won!" One Gryffindor after another yelled and cheered. Everyone was jumping to his feed and applauded, burying Nolav's voice, who boringly told the score. It was a close-run, but they did it. They won with 2 players down. Lilli cheered with them, since seeing Alice jumping around like a little child was too funny to not get into the mood.

His heard beat so hard. With every second, that passed by, it grew louder, harder, more slowly, more agonizing. It was the only noise he perceived at that moment. He didn't felt his breath, didn't hear his classmates and the professors applauding, didn't hear his team cheering towards him. James climbed down from his broom and managed to hold the snitch up to everyone to look at. It was such a strange feeling, that captured him. It was different, new, darker and it hurt more. He was worried now... and then suddenly, the hand holding the snitch shot down to clutch his chest. Everything went dark as if someone was swallowing the light away from him. It became tinier until nothing of it was there anymore. He heard voices, Anna... Sirius... They called his name. He felt their hands on his shoulder, trying to wake him up and then – nothing. James lost consciousness.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 – his dark secret

The Gryffindor common room: Even though their team won the first game, nobody of them was partying. After James collapsed, he was immediately brought into the hospital wing. Since then neither Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall or Madame Pomfrey came to them to tell what was going on with him. Sirius nervously walked up and down the room, Melissa sat on the couch, her head was leaning on Anna's shoulder, who was lost in thought and nervously chewing on her fingernails. Remus was still reading in his book, while Lilli and Alice stared at their friends every now and then.

"People, what time is it?" Kingcade suddenly asked, raising her head from her friend's shoulder, who looked at the clock on the wall but only sighed.

"Too late. We should go to bed. I doubt they will tell us anything tonight."

"You think it's serious?" Peter said worriedly. He was sitting on another couch and did nothing but twiddling his thumbs.

"Don't know," Remus said and stood up, after closing his book. "But if that was the case, I'm sure Dumbledore would have already said something or Prong's parents would've been seen here in Hogwarts."

"I still have to do rounds," Lilli then said, standing up as well.

"I'll go with you!" sounded Anna's and Sirius' voice simultaneously.

"I'm James replacement!" she grumbled fiercely.

"You _was_ his replacement," he countered. "Now it's my turn!"

"No mine!"

"No mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Um," Lilli said, feeling a little bit puzzled but at least, both stopped arguing and looked expectantly at her. "I guess... I take Anna."

"Great! You stab me in the _back_, honey and that right _in front_ of my nose!" Sirius said, not really angry but rather amusedly.

"Then, how about you fell down into your bed with your feet first?" Anna laughed triumphantly while drawing Lilli with her to leave the common room as fast as possible.

"Since when did those two get along that fine?" Lilli heard Kingcade asking their friends, when the portrait closed with a snap.

* * *

"Well then, Lilli. See you! Have fun doing the rounds. I'll have to go -"

"Hey, wait a sec!" Anna was hold tight by Lilli before she was able to make one step away.

"Ey, Lilli! I've something to do, okay!"

"I know, but it's no use if I'm not with you."

"What?" the black hair girl asked, looking baffled at her.

"You aren't going to get into the hospital wing without being spotted. I'm the Head Girl and if anybody sees you alone on the corridor, you'll be in trouble. I know what you're about to do and I want to help you."

"You? Helping me? How?"

"It's about James and his disease, right?"

"Disease?"

"You said -"

"Oh... the comparison. Almost forgot... yes, but I seriously doubt that you can help me. You are a muggle."

"You won't get alone into the hospital wing and I'm a _muggleborn witch_."

"We won't get far together and all the more not with a clumsy like you."

"Who said I'm clumsy? I'm perfectly able to hide and sneaked through the corridors."

"Yeah, right," Anna spat sarcastically. "And Sirius is going to skip breakfast by choice tomorrow."

"Give me a try!"

"No!"

"Ah, Miss Evans," Professor Flitwick's voice sounded right next to them. Their little charm's teacher beamed at both of them. Since he was very tiny and couldn't walk with books under his feet all the time, he had to look up to both girls, who couldn't avoid to look down, feeling more than awkward.

"Professor," both girls greeted politely.

"The director asked me to tell you to get a replacement for tonight, because Mr. Potter won't be released from the hospital wing tonight. But as I can see, you already did that."

He smiled gleefully at Anna, who smiled slightly back. At that moment, she understood what Lilli was telling her. "Well then. I won't prevent you from doing your duties. I'll see you on Monday."

"Yes, Sir," both girls said, watching in relief how Flitwick walked away from them and finally vanished behind a wall.

"Okay, I got it. Let's go. But to make this clear: I'll kill you, if we got caught because of you, Evans," she said with her finger pointing threateningly at her partner before stepping away.

"Oh, so we're back at Evans?" she said, feeling upset but followed her immediately.

* * *

They hurried towards the hospital wing and stopped right in front of the huge, white door, who was closed. Anna pressed her ear against the door, but since she couldn't hear a single word, she had to cast a spell.

"Sonorus."

Lilli watched anxiously how Anna tried again to hear something, pressing her ear anew against the door, grimacing strangely after some while. This caused Lilli to feel even more anxious. Could it really be something bad, that went on in there? Maybe, they even tried desperately to keep him alive?

"Can you hear something?" Lilli whispered apprehensively, but her partner rolled her eyes, looking poisonously back.

"Yes, you!" Anna hissed furiously, pressing her ear against the door another time.

"I would say, we keep him here tonight to observe his condition. If his fever isn't going to decrease, then we should transfer him to St. Mungo's and inform Michael and Maria. But if it's just a flu, we would trouble his parents for nothing."

That was unmistakably McGonagall's voice. She was the only teacher having such a harsh, fast and severe voice, who hardly let anybody objecting.

"But it could be something seriously, Minverva. Aren't I'm right, Poppy?"

That was Dumbledore's gentle voice, who always tried the tender way to do things without giving others the feeling that they might could make a mistake.

"Of course, you are right, director. But at this very moment, it seems more like a flu. I've observed him half the day and couldn't find anything alarmingly, except for the persistent fever. I'll go with Minverva. We should wait until tomorrow to see what happens."

"I see your point, Poppy. Please, keep us posted if anything changes."

And after that, she hear their steps coming closer. Without hesitating, Anna drew Lilli with her away behind the next corner to hide. They could still hear the two teachers talking though, while they were walking their way towards Dumbledore's office.

"Well, I still think I should inform Michael and Maria. James is their only son."

"Consider the momentarily situation, Albus, I doubt that they would really come to Hogwarts, just to look after him. At least not, if he just has a flu. Not with the amount of work they both have. I heard that they just captured a deatheater yesterday and even already got him into Azkaban today. Michael and Maria belong to the best Aurors and I really doubt that the Minister will give them a day off... Not even for his own grandson."

"Even though, It's still my opinion that his parents want to know, how their son is doing."

"Then, tell them. But the way I see it, they won't come. Hunting down dark-magical wizards seems to have the unlimited priority in their life right now."

* * *

And after they turned around the corner and were out of their sight, both girls stepped out of their hiding place. Anna was about to walk back to the hospital wing, but was pulled back by Lilli at once.

"Ey, Evans!" she grumbled.

"Is it true, what I just heard?"

"How am I suppose to know what's going on in your bird brain? I don't know what you really heard."

"I mean what McGonagall said about James' parents."

"Dumbledore!" Anna cursed disgruntled. "Evans, are you acting or are you really that stupid?"

"Excuse me, WHITE! I guess I am that stupid!" Lilli said irascibly. "Is it true what they said about Mr. and Mrs. Potter? That their work is more important to them than their only son?"

Anna opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again at once. She didn't really now what to tell her or even what she was allowed to tell and therefore she wanted to choose her words wisely.

"Look, Anna. I know that he's not very close to his friends. That is what he told me so far. I just don't get it. From what I've read and saw in the past, the Potters are practically the perfect white-magical pureblood family."

"Well, that's what they want everyone to think. The fact that you do that shows me that I was right about you. You really think the world just consists of good and evil, white and dark. Guess what? There are a lot more."

"I didn't mean it that way... " Lilli immediately defended herself. "You know... The Potters are well-known Aurors and good one. His grandfather is a popular Minister of Magic. And I don't know... I always thought James and his parents were close and got spoiled by them."

"It's true. His parents are rich... very rich in fact and it's true that James got everything _material_ he wants. He should be happy, but... he isn't. Because what we all need to survive, he didn't get that from them."

"What is that?" The Head Girl asked, looking puzzled.

"You can't think of anything?" Anna's voice suddenly changed and sounded now frustratingly.

"I can think of it... but... I can't imagine it."

"You don't know anything about him, Evans. You don't know why he acted as he did and you don't know why acts now as he do. You don't know anything about him at all. You just know what he wants you to know. And that's compared to what you could've know nearly nothing."

"I know that he didn't feel understood from you guys."

"Or that's what you tell yourself, so you can be the only one understanding him?"

"I never claimed to be the only one or that I understand him. But I know that I see things about him, while you guys act like you are blind."

Both were nearly shouting at each other, but immediately calmed themselves again.

"For example? His nightmares?"

"He – Wait? You know about that?" Lilli asked surprised by that fact. She hadn't expected this answer and correspondingly feeling shorttaken. Anna sneered.

"I know a lot more about him than you, Evans. A few rounds with him doesn't make you a James-Potter-Expert."

"I never claimed that I know everything about him. I just think it's not fair of you guys to not notice how bad he really feels."

"Because he didn't want us to notice. None of us. Neither Melissa or Sirius, Remus or Peter. If you grew up with James like we did, you would know him good enough. I know why he did everything he do and I support him. I do that because if I don't, the follow-up might even be worse."

"Worse?"

"We shouldn't talk about that right now. At least not at the corridor and not behind James back. I won't betray him, like his parents did. And for his sake, if he really meant that much to you, I really hope that you won't betray him as well. I have to go now. I need to hide something, before it gets spotted."

"Hide something? What?"

"Just help me to get into the hospital wing, okay?"

"O-Okay," she said softly, after seeing her determined look, but her words were still troubling Lilli's heart.

* * *

Both girls sneaked back to the hospital wing, where Anna hide next to the door, while Lilli knocked at it. Madam Pomfrey opened and looked at her in surprised.

"Miss Evans?"

"Err – Madam Pomfrey. I- Err – wanted to tell you, that Alice lost consciousness in the Gryffindor common room."

"Alice?"

"Miss Stattler. She felt sick and I think she really needs help. Fast! We think that she might have ate something rotten or maybe she has the flu!" Lilli kind of act hysterical, looking worried and hasty at the nurse. Even Anna couldn't help but smile at her acting, believing that if she wouldn't know it better, she would've believed her.

"Flu?" Madam Pomfrey said, suddenly became shocked and ran past Lilli away, most likely towards the Gryffindor common room. Anna didn't hesitate to come out from her hide out, passing Lilli to get to James.

"Nice acting," she mumbled enthusiastically. Lilli could have sworn that she saw a smile at her partners face.

James was laying on a bed next to the window, his head turned aside. Both girls walked to his side and Anna laid her hand onto his forehead to feel his temperature.

"Too hot," she said, looking afraid.

"He has fever, didn't he?"

"Damn it," Anna said and ignored Lilli's question. "The first level."

"First level?"

"Please, Evans. Stop asking questions now. Just help me, okay?"

"Of course," Lilli answered immediately. "What shall I do?"

"Can you hold him up? I need to hide something on his back."

"Hide something on his back? I don't understand."

"I can't tell you know!" Anna whispered. "That's something, only James can tell you."

"But -"

"Evans, just help me to hold him up, okay? I need to cast a more powerful spell at his back and I need you to hold him up, so I can concentrate on the spell."

"More powerful spell?"

"Yes."

"Anna, what's that for a sickness James has?" Lilli asked afraid while trying to hold him up with all the strength she had. With Anna's help, they finally got him into a position, where she could sit down next to him to cast the spell while Lilli stood on the other side to hold him, so he wasn't going to fall back onto Anna.

"Please, hold him tight. If he falls onto me, I'm going to be squashed like a flatfish."

"Yeah, that's easy to say," Lilli groaned, feeling exhausted. "He's not what I would call a featherweight. For heaven's sake! He's really heavy!"

"Yeah, tell me about that," Anna laughed, slightly amused at how Lilli struggled to keep James in this position.

"You know," the Head Girl said, squinting her eyes. "He didn't look like that. He looks rather thin."

"Yeah, thin. But he has a lot of muscles."

She took out her wand and pointed it on the Head Boy's back. Lilli could see what Anna was doing and it was different than last time. She whispered the spell this time and the words could hardly be heard. Her left hand was on James back under his Shirt and her wand was pointing right next to her left hand.

' A healing charm' Lilli thought tenderly. She observed how the black haired girl whispered the spell several times. Again and again, until the light on James back grew brighter and brighter... and with that Lilli lost more and more of her strength, feeling weaker and weaker with every moment passing.

'Merlin! Why is he such heavy! Just a little bit more... a little bit... can only be about seconds... seconds...'

"Anna? Is this going to take longer?"

She was ignored because the girl went on casting the spell again and again. For a moment, Lilli was surprised how someone could repeat a spell that fast without even visibly taking a breath. While her partner continued to cast the spell, she tried to hold James up as good as she could but it was like his weight doubled from one moment to another and it didn't seem like Anna was about to stop any time soon. Without really getting it, Lilli let go of James.

"Nooooooo!"

"Lihhhhhhh!"

BAMM!

The result was that Lilli's hands were free, the bed was empty and behind the bed on the floor was James laying above Anna, who was buried under his broad body. Everything Lilli saw, were the hands of her partner, one on either side of his body.

"Anna?" Lilli said carefully, walking slowly behind the bed to them. "Are you still there?"

"Yes," sounded the muffled voice. "But I'm sure I just lost 10 pounds."

"Um..."

"Lilli?"

"Yes?" she asked, feeling anxious, because she was suddenly addressed with her first name again.

"I know, you probably have something more important to do, but... if you don't mind -"

"Oh, Sorry. Of course!"

She immediately bent down to pull James away from her classmate. With all the strength the two girls had left, they managed to do that.

"Dumbledore! I don't know how his broom can take him up!" Anna stretched her hand to his forehead to feel his fever and was relieved to find out that his fever had decreased, even though it was still burning.

"What's with him?" Lilli asked, looking worried, but she only nodded in relief.

"The spell is working. Help me to get him back into the bed."

Both girls each threw one of his arms over their shoulders to haul him up. By doing that, they accidentally pulled up his shirt at his back while releasing him with his chest ahead at the bed. Lilli cried out, looking completely frightened, before clutching her hand onto her mouth to prevent any further sound from leaving. Her eyes were looking at James back, afraid or fearful or maybe even outraged. Anna turned from Lilli to the spot on her best friend's back and shook her head in frustration after realising the truth.

"What -" Lilli started, but was immediately cut of by Madam Pomfrey's voice.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she barked out loud. The matron were standing at the door, looking dangerously furious at them. Anna flash into action and pulled down James shirt at his back to hide the naked skin. "I can't believe that! Why can't you girls just leave the poor boy alone for a change!"

"Um," both Gryffindor girls stuttered, looking alarmed at each other, while stepping away from his bed. Madam Pomfrey walked towards them like a tiger and putting herself between them and her patient.

"Miss Evans! I expected more discipline from you as the Head Girl. You lured me away, just to get to Mr. Potter? Impossible behaviour! Out! Both of you!" The matron shoved them towards the door and finally outside into the corridor. "Hurry! That poor boy are stalked everywhere! No wonder he got sick!"

And in the split of a second, the door shut closed with a loud bang, causing Anna and Lilli to twitch.

* * *

Lilli didn't make one step, because the shock was just to deep. Her gaze wandered towards Anna, who looked back with a mixture of sorrow and distrust.

"That... on his... back... was... it was..." she stuttered disbelievingly, but her partner was not surprised or frightened at all.

"Yes, Lilli. That was the dark mark."

"But – Why? I mean... only... _they_ have that."

"That's right. Only the servants of the dark Lord have that."

The more serious Anna's voice became, the more cold Lilli's heart was feeling. It felt like coldness and fear taking over her whole body and she started to shiver. Fear clenched her heart as the thought of his pain dived into her.

"What did he do to him?"

Anna's expression changed suddenly and she looked surprised.

"Voldemort! James would never ever join his side. Not by choice anyway. And the dark mark... I know that something happened to him five years ago. Something, I suppose that must had something to do with Voldemort. I saw him in the hospital. He got that dark mark 5 years ago, am I right?"

They walked back to the Gryffindor common room through corridors where there was no portrait at the walls, who might could have eavesdrop at them. They whispered to get sure that nobody would be able to hear them afar. Anna didn't know why she did that, but she told Lilli everything on that night. It was what none of the others knew and were suppose to know.

"5 years ago, in the summer holidays before our second year, James was captured by Voldemort's people. As you know, he is called the dark lord, because he's a powerful and cruel wizard, who likes to torture his victims and enemies, physical as well as mental. And James grandfather, who is the Minister of Magic, and his parents, who are very great Aurors, are fighting against him and his deatheaters. Even putting a lot of his servants into Azkaban over the past years. This means they are his enemies. If you are the dark Lord, delivering fear and terror over the world, but having three people of one family standing powerfully against you and are even very successfully in doing that, what would you do?"

"He harmed -"

"He tried to," Anna cut her off. "James parent's managed to make sure that he was always safe. But unfortunately destiny is a bitch. Voldemort attacked exactly the village James parent's had left him. He got abducted by Voldemort's servants and the end of this song was the dark mark at his back, which was suppose to remind him for eternity of his captivity. You know what the dark mark meant to his servants?"

"Um... he's calling them to him with that."

"And James mark is different. Voldemort forced a link between them and wanted to be able to call James to him no matter where he was. He wanted to show the potters how weak they really were, because they weren't able to keep her son safe. So far, James was safe in Hogwarts. Voldemort's link couldn't get through Dumbeldore's protection spells. They were always blocked. Somehow, he found a way to force a link through _another person_ to him."

"Another person?"

"Some people think that it's me."

"You? Well, I know about the rumours... Are you the one?"

"Yes, Lilli," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes in disbelieve. "That's why I'm standing here and tell you the whole story."

"Sorry, stupid question."

Even though Lilli looked slightly awkward at her, Anna smiled. She didn't seem to be hurt or offended, being suspected to be on the dark side again, but rather amused.

"James trusts me and I trust him," Anna said gently. "He used to help me a lot and... I want to pay my debt. I have to find out who this person is, Voldemort is using to force the link between them, because this person is endangering his life."

"Okay. How are you going to find out who it is? Wait! Is it Melissa Kingcade?"

The black hair girl laughed while shacking her head. "

"No, that would be too obvious. Melissa would be the first to be suspected and Voldemort is far too smart to use someone everyone would accuse first."

"Who could it be then?"

"I have a suspicion, but I can't tell James until I got enough evidence."

"Who?"

"Well, think about it. The link has to go through a person, who is close to him, by his side a lot of time and was with him in the summer holidays. His nightmares already had stopped, but suddenly appeared again in the summer holidays."

"So... his friends or his family?"

"I'm 100 percent sure that it's not Sirius. We were together the whole summer and he's the last one Voldemort would choose. Sirius would rather die a thousand deaths before betraying his best friend. I'm also sure that Remus would never betray him as well as Peter wouldn't do that. They are way too loyal to James. They would do everything for him. I already told you that I don't think it's Melissa, which means that there are not a lot of people left. Alice, Frank, his parents, his grandfather, his sister... and me."

"Didn't you say that it's not you?"

"Don't trust anyone, Lilli. Not even me."

It was weird and frightening, how serious Anna's voice sounded.

"Alice and Frank?" she asked to get rid of the strange feeling.

"Most the time, it's the one you would have never guessed. Who would suspect one of them or James' family? Most the time, the wizards and witches you would have dare to do at least, who change allegiance. They are good actors. A spy would be useless, if he got easily spotted."

"Then, Anna, why are you telling me all that if I can't trust you?"

"Because -" But she suddenly stopped. It looked like she wanted to say something, but something was restraining her from doing that. Anna didn't want to tell that to anyone. Not even to Sirius or to Lilli. It was enough that James knew about that and he promised her to keep it to himself for good. That was the reason why they trusted each other so much. They kept each other's secret.

"Just do it, okay? Just trust yourself... and I don't mind if you trust Sirius as well. But you can't tell him what I've told you tonight. He hasn't seen the dark mark yet."

"Because you hid it?"

"Yes," Anna said tenderly. ""I belong to the few witches, who are able to cast that spell. The link of the dark lord to James is strong after the mark is visible, but I manage to... well... let's say I …. knew some kind of a counterspell. It's just getting harder and harder to do that. The blood at that night you saw... it was real, Lilli. It was James'. The magic I use to heal him belonged to the dark arts. Unfortunately, the charm I did, went horribly wrong and instead of healing him, I hurt him. I immediately took James back to the castle to put another charm at him, which fortunately worked. While I dragged him back, I notice the immense blood loss and did another spell from the dark arts to clean the blood up. It was not part of the plan to let you see that."

"How do you know that I – Anna, you starting to scare me. I never told you about what I saw. How do you know about that?"

"One of a lot of other things that I can't tell you... I'm sorry."

They arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and climbed into the common room. It was completely empty. Only the fireplace was still burning. A gentle light shined from the moon through the window and one or two candles were still burning down.

'That's so strange,' Lilli thought at that very moment. 'The more I get to know her, the more I like her. Even though she's so dark and cold sometimes, she emanates safety.'

"So... You will look after James, okay?" Anna's voice was now much more tenderly and friendly. "He shouldn't strain himself too much, it will weaken his defensive forces and he needs his strength to fight against the dark mark. And about tonight... Don't worry. I'll tell him that you know about it."

"Are you serious?"

"..."

"Last time I checked, I was Anna."

Lilli raised her eyebrow and frowned at her, causing Anna to grin. 'How could she kidding right now, when the situation is more than just severe?'

"Yes, Lilli. I'm serious about it," she adjusted herself. This time without any sarcasm, but with a amicably smile. "I don't want to keep that a secret. If James found out about you knowing that and it wasn't me who told him, I would risk loosing his friendship and that's the last thing in the world I would want to."

"When are you going to tell him?" she asked anxiously

"Tomorrow. The sooner the better. Let's go to bed. I got the feeling that what happened tonight is just the very start of something much worse."

"The feeling?"

"Yeah, just a feeling. But so far, it unfortunately always came true. Good night."

"Night."

* * *

But Lilli could not sleep at that night at all. Her eyes were gaping wide open and every try to look on the moon instead of Anna was failing. She had so many questions and thoughts inside her that it felt as if she was about to explode any minute now, if she didn't speak them out loud.

'How will James reacts tomorrow, if Anna tells him that I know everything, now? Did I know everything? No, probably not. I bet she just told me a small part. Why did I want to know that? That's what I got now. Great. Wait... What if she lied? What if it's not the truth she told me? Maybe everything she said was just to keep me away from James? For Melissa, they are close friends. Wait, didn't Remus say they aren't friends but rather rivals? If they are rivals... are we friends then?If she want to keep me away from him, why would she tell me to keep an eye on him? What if James hates me, as soon as she tells him? What if he withdraw from me or abandon me? Why am I so afraid of tomorrow?'

She breathed in heavily, feeling so frustrated.

'I am because Anna said something will happen. She knows a lot. She knew that I saw the blood on the corridor. If I had not seen the dark mark, she would've never told me what she did tonight. Or would she? She seems to know things about me, I've never told anybody else. Why? Can she read minds or so?'

Lilli suddenly grimaced at that thought.

'Can she?' She looked uncertainly to the girl's bed again. Her classmate seemed to sleep just fine, as if she was ready for everything and nothing in the world could do her any harm.

'Anna White, you're really a strange witch. You're inaccessible, cold, sometimes even dark and somehow even mad, but what you did... makes you a good person. Whenever you talked with me about your friends, I can clearly hear your determination to protect them.'

And Lilli found herself at ease knowing that she was there for James. She thought all of this friends were too blind to notice his condition, but now she had to admit that she was the one, who knew nothing about them. James had his best friends on his side. He had Sirius, Remus, Peter, Anna and unfortunately also Melissa Kingcade, his girlfriend.

Suddenly, her heart felt hurt again. It became clear now. James and Melissa were a couple. He loved her and she loved him and she, Lilli, was alone and it was her own fault.

That night, she moved a lot in her bed, changing the sides every now and then. No matter what she tried, but she couldn't fall asleep. Even counting Hippogriffs didn't help. Absolutely nothing worked until crack of dawn. In several hours, she would get up, eat breakfast and then James and Anna would have a talk, where she was going to tell him everything... And Lilli was afraid how he was going to react.


	19. Chapter 19

Hi guys =)

So, I'm sorry for being so slow with translating. Chapter 21 is unfortunately very long, so I stopped translating in the middle and pulled it to next week. Since I'm going to have holidays then, It's going to be perfect to take my time for writing and translating. At least, that's what I planned. Hopefully, I haven't made to many mistakes. I had a hard time to concentrate this week =/

Review:

Sandraj45692: Hi there =) Thank you for the sweet reviews. I love that you love my chapters XD I hope you still have patience with Lilli and James, since they're still going to need several chapters more to become a couple. But after they are, it will be great =)

* * *

Chapter 19 – Closer

Somehow, Lilli managed to finally fell asleep after the sun has risen. It must have been exhaustion, letting her at least get some rest at some point. When she woke up that morning, all her room mates were already gone. The dorm was completely empty except for her. Lilli sat up and started to look around as if she was searching for someone. Searching for someone? Who? For what purpose? Did she really expect Anna to still be here? Fear was clutching her heart again, after reality hit her. Anna and James. She would tell him everything that happened yesterday. How was he going to handle it? Handle her? His friendship meant so much to her. It became so important to have him in her life, even if it was just as a good friend, since they can't be together. Frustratedly, she sank back into her bed and curled up in her blanket again. Maybe, she was able to fell back to sleep and just pretended that nothing happened at all?

When Lilli finally entered the great hall for breakfast, it was almost empty. No wonder considered the time. Everyone else was probably already in Hogsmeade or somewhere else at the school ground, savouring the day and the warm rays of the sun. Lilli sat down on the Gryffindor table, took a corn tartlet and poured some pumpkin juice in a glass.

"Morning, Madam sleepyhead."

In the split of a second, Sirius plunged down next to her, taking two banana doughnut and stuffed them in his mouth.

"Haven't you already eaten?" she asked, looking half fascinated how someone could ate that much in one bite.

"Doeschn'tmatter! Breakfaschtischschemoschtimportantmeal!"

"Yeah... Well.. If you say so."

Lilli couldn't help but watching him captivated how he managed to swallow everything with one gulp, only to drank a lot of ice lemonade after that.

"Alrighty!" he said perfectly satisfied with himself. "You're done?"

"I was just getting started," she answered indignantly, but was dragged to her feet at once by him.

"Great! Let's go to Prongs!" Sirius grabbed 2 more chocolate muffins and pulled her with him out of the great hall.

"But!" she started to protest, when they finally arrived outside the castle and were already heading towards the sea. "Is he really awake, yet?"

"Quiet some time, got released and he's sitting with everyone else at the sea."

"And why aren't you with them?"

"I was until I realised that I forgot something important."

"And what would that be?"

"Getting you!" he grinned mischievously, causing her eyes to sparkle with joy. They found the group very fast, but before Sirius could pull her with him, she withdraw from his grip.

"I think I'll catch up with you later. I still have a lot to study for and -"

"Study?" he asked, looking baffled. "It's Sunday and you wanna study?"

"Yes, I still need to write the essay and professor -"

"Lilli!" he stopped her from mumbling nonsense. "Anna doesn't bite, Moony wants you to be with us, Wormtail doesn't care about anything at all and he doesn't bite either. Alice and Frank like to see you with us as well and so does Prongs and do I. The only one who bites is Lissy! I promise to jump in front of you for protection if she dares to, okay?"

"I... Sirius... I..."

"Come on, Lilli. You've said that you are feeling lonely and don't want that anymore. You can't expect changes by sitting around and doing nothing."

"..."

"I wanna help you. I want us all to be friends, but you have to give me a hand on this. It won't work if you don't approach us. This might also means to take on Lissy's quipping. She will stop once she realised that it's useless. Now, come on!"

And with that, she let herself be dragged to the group on the sea. As it seems, they were having another one of their conversation, they only had to fill some time.

"Dumbledore's beard was once 1.80 meters long," Anna said, looking completely sure like a know-it-all.

"If this was the case, he would've already tripped over it," James laughed, but at that very moment, it saddened Lilli's heart. She loved to hear him laughing and being happy, but he would never be that with her. Melissa Kingcade was still laying in his arms and he looked at her with such affectionate and loving eyes, that it was hard enough not to stand up at once and ran away. Because she despised this girl, because Kingcade did everything in her power to make life a living hell for Lilli.

"Hey, Lils," James said and winked nicely at her. She sat down together with Sirius, who made room for both of them without respect for others, while she tried to not poke anybody else in that process. It became very fast obvious that someone was observing her, but the look came from someone unexpected. Anna's eyes were strange, maybe even blank. Did she want to tell her something by that? It wasn't delighted, not evil, not unexpected and not disgusted, it was just... inexpressive.

"Honey," Melissa said at once, cuddling up to James exaggeratedly tight and tenderly touching his chin with her hand. "How about a walk... _alone_."

"Alone?" Sirius joked and barked laughingly. "So, everyone take a walk by his own? Isn't this going to be a boring day in that case, Lissy?"

"Haha," she said offended, throwing a poisonous look at him. The others couldn't help but grinned at that. Even James smiled amusedly behind Lissy, who was oblivious to that.

"Um... yeah... Lissy. Let's go. See you later, guys."

They stood up together and immediately went their ways while holding hands.

"Um, I have to go as well," said Peter and also jumped to his feet. "I need something from the library."

Just a second after him, Alice and Frank stood up, too.

"Well, guys. I guess, we're going to do the same thing like James and Lissy," Frank said, looking meaningfully at them.

"Walking _alone_?" Sirius asked amusedly.

"Exactly," Alice laughed, linking arms with her boyfriend and walked away as well. Remaining in the meadows were Remus, Anna, Lilli and Sirius, two former couples.

"Well -" Sirius then started, grinning like a Cheshire cat, as if he waited his whole life for that moment to come. "Anna, Lilli, let's play something blithe?"

"Playing?" Lilli asked confusedly, while Anna just shook her head.

"Forget it, Sirius."

"Oh, come on! It will be fun!"

"No it won't!"

"You don't have to play!" He said to her and turned towards the read hair girl. "Lils -" he started but was immediately cut of by Anna.

"She won't play with you either."

"She can talk for herself."

"No, because she didn't know, what she's getting herself into. She's not going to play with you, so let the matter rest!"

"Lils, plüüüüüüüüüüse!"

"Err -" she said, feeling puzzled, because she felt sympathy for Sirius, who looked as if boringness was going to kill him any moment and a game was the only rescue. On the other hand, she knew that Anna just wanted to protect her from his rubbish and listening to her would probably be the better choice. "Anna? Is it dangerous what Sirius wants to play?" she added after seeing the Marauder making incomparable snivelling eyes like a little dog, who was about to languish any moment now.

"No, but you might stultify," she answered, looking wryly at her.

"Err, well okay. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, right?"

"Yipiehhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Sirius overjoyed.

"Not really," Anna added sarcastically. "It might going to cost you several brain cells. But it's your decision, Lilli. I just warned you. If one day, McGongall ask me why her Head Girl got a hole in her head, I'll send her to Sirius."

"Um -" she stuttered slightly afraid now, but he immediately crossed his arms and defended himself. The languishing dog became a savage dog.

"Don't believe her, Lils! Anna's just jealous. She can't take it that we're not a couple anymore and that's why she's spreading the rumour I would minimize other people's brain on purpose."

"Stop stinking to high heaven or Merlin will come down complaining about your self-praise."

"Did Miss _evil gnome queen_ said something?" Sirius said offended, while Remus just signalised Lilli that their friends were crazy and pulled her away from them.

"Let's have a walk, shall we?" He suggested very much to Lilli's delight. Even from afar, they could still hear their friends arguing.

"That's not true!" Sirius said, sounding outraged about it.

"It is!"

"Isn't!"

"Is!"

"Isn't!"

"Is!"

"Isn't!"

"Are you a broken record or something?" Anna spat incensed.

"Didn't start it, did I, my _little bickie_."

"Dried monkey!"

"I don't get it," Lilli said, pointing amazed back towards them. "How could they've been together for two month, if they bugging each other nearly every minute?"

Remus laughed. "We've been asking us the same question. They suddenly started dating at the end of last year, surprising us all by that and you know what?"

"What?" she asked curiously.

"Alice took bets on how long they would make it. If I remember correctly, Frank was the one who won."

"Frank – Wait! Did you bet, too?"

"Of course!" He said as if this was obvious. "I said one week and lost badly. 2 month was nearly a miracle for Sirius."

This time, Lilli was the one who laughed. When both of them remained quiet for some time, she couldn't help but thinking about James, who didn't react like she expected him to. It was quite the contrary. Maybe, Anna hadn't told him yet and that was why he didn't know about it? There was probably no time for that? Who knew how hard Kingcade had really hogged James.

"Prongs once asked me, why we broke up," Remus said softly, pulling her out of her sad mood.

"Yeah, me too," she said gently.

"And did you tell him the truth?"

"Nah, I couldn't. Did you?"

Remus shook his head. "I told him that it's none of his business. I didn't want to make it harder for you by telling the world that Lilli Evans broke my heart, because she had fallen in love with my best friend."

The deadpan humour was clearly resonated and she felt worse again for what happened.

"I'm sorry, Remus."

"Don't be," he said tenderly. "I didn't mean to sound hurt. You were there for me, when I needed you. With love the gods themselves struggle in vain. I'm over this, Lilli."

His expression changed at once, being now brighter and it didn't take a genius to figure out the reason. Diana Ayenterro appeared and was walking towards them now.

"Hi there, finally awake?" Diana greeted her friend, who just nodded, looking suspiciously between Remus and her by turns. If she wasn't mistaken, both of them seemed to blush.

"Am I suppose to leave you two?" she asked cautiously.

"No!"

"Yes!"

Diana and Remus said simultaneously, blushing even more at each other.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"I think, I still have something to do," Lilli said understandingly, walking away from them while shacking her head. From afar, she threw a look back at them, watching how they took a walk around the school grounds, smiling at each other. Diana and Remus were about to be a couple as well and they would be happy. But she, Lilli, she was to late. It was to late for her and James.

"Gotcha!" his voice appeared next to her. Surprised, Lilli turned to her right, looking into hazelnut brown eyes and into the face of James Potter, who was again way too close to her. His closeness was something, that gave her an indescribably comfortable feeling.

"H-Hi there," she stuttered astonished. "Where have you left your nasty part?"

The Head Boy grinned broadly.

"We met Bella and other girls. You may don't believe me, but I'm not really interested in the newest Make-Up advices of Celestina Warbeck."

Lilli giggled, while James nodded to the side.

"Let's have a walk. I guess, we need to talk."

"Talk..."

No matter how great she just felt, it was now replaced by a very painful stone on her heart. So, Anna did talk to him. She followed him speechless for a while. There was that fear hanging in the air that as soon as they said it out loud, their friendship would blow apart. It was what existed between them right now: a friendship. A very close one, which both wanted and took care of.

"Anna spoke to me."

So, it was true. Lilli stopped at once. Her knees were wobbling, fear clasped her body, preventing her from doing anything else. Her heart beat harder, faster and even painful, extending to her breathing. With every second ticking by, the air was getting thinner. It was almost impossible to breath steady, especially since her body was heating up with every moment passing on. She was scared, because he didn't say anything anymore. Too scared now.

"James, I-"

"Thank you," he suddenly said.

"Thank you?" she asked, looking baffled.

"Yes, thank you. Anna spoke with me this morning, telling me that you had helped her last night. It was really courageous of you."

"Courageous? I don't know if that's what you should call it."

"Yes, it is. Anna probably couldn't have done it by herself. I know very well, that I'm way too heavy for her." James smiled broadly and it was just too catching to not join in. Every fear, every panic, every anxiety she just had was all of a sudden gone. He just had to smile at her once and her life was getting brighter again. It was something that showed her, how much she really cared about him and how much he meant to her by now.

"And now, you know the very secret about James Potter. The dark mark."

"Yes..."

"Are you scared?"

"Scared?"

"You know, what the dark mark means in our world?"

"So what?" I also know what muggleborn witches mean in our world, but I don't let myself get licked. I mean, you haven't ask him to scar your back."

"No..." he said gentle, looking winsome at her. "Well, it's not always there anyway."

"It's not?"

"No, Anna found a way to make it disappear. At least for some time."

"Yeah, I saw that last night. How come she's able to do that?"

"Dunno. Maybe from her parents? They are dark-magical and as far as I know they are close."

"They do?" Lilli asked disbelievingly. "What I've seen so far, it's quite the contrary."

"..."

"Sorry," she said immediately. "I didn't want to judge her or her family. I guess you know them better than me."

"Well... actually, you're right. Somehow, her family is very confused, but it's her family after all. You know, like mine. There are things your parents are doing you don't approve of, but you still love them, because they are the only people knowing you from a time, when you didn't have anybody, but needed someone to keep you safe."

"Last night, Anna told me -"

"That I'm not close to my parents, I know," he said sadly, keeping quiet for one moment.

"Is this the reason why you ask me that night if I'm close to my family?"

"I just wanted to know how you get along with them. You can't compare our families, Lilli."

"Why that?"

"Because my parents differ from yours. Because I differ from you and because Patty differs from other sisters."

"Patty?... Patricia? She's your older sister, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"Are you two close?"

"Yeah, great actually."

"But?"

"Dunno. Everything changed."

"Since then?"

"Yeah, since then. Changed to much."

"When I became a witch," she started sadly. "My life changed rapidly as well. My parents love me, I know that, but... even if you love someone, you can still hurt him if you don't understand him. I have a sister and she's younger than me. We used to get along very good, until I started at Hogwarts."

"And now?" he asked sympathetically.

"Staying clear of her as good as possible."

"The same."

It was a clear answer, which made him all the more nicer as she already thought of him. It was like they were two souls, who searched for each other and finally found each other. Too bad that one of them were already taken. She wanted to ask him why he was still with Kingcade and why he caused so much pain to himself, if it was obvious that he wasn't happy at all. It didn't matter that all their classmates or their friends or himself were saying that they were happy. She was able to see that clear and plain. It was not a wishful thinking, it was a fact. But Lilli didn't ask him. Not today, not at this very moment. At that instant, she was just relieved that he didn't withdraw from her but was rather thankful for her help. She had a feeling that this incident even drew them closer together.

"How about we go a little bit more? I don't think Lissy is missing me a lot if she's talking with Bella about manicure techniques."

Lilli laughed and nodded. Even if they only talked about unimportant and minor things, she loved it. Even the small things, they probably never going to need again, were precious and brought them closer to each other. And if she wasn't mistaken at all, he liked it as well, because he laughed. He actually laughed a lot and it came from his heart. It was just that he wanted to laugh and didn't have to act that to cover up his sadness. Both of them were free from any other disturbing feeling at that day, letting the comfortable mood take them away.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 – white darkness? I

Autumn was now fully dominating the world, sending a cold wind over Hogwarts and putting mist over the landscape at that morning. Lilli woke up from a very strange noise. Feeling slightly confused, she pulled herself up only to notice what that noise was. Anna sat on the windowsill, her knees pulled onto her chest and stared outside the window, maybe even up to the sky? Lilli stood up, realising that it must have been very early in the morning, since the other two girls were still sleeping. Anna didn't seem to notice her or she just didn't want to show any reaction. There was no other way for Lilli than to walk slowly towards her, even though the girl still wasn't moving. The closer she came, the more she understood that Anna didn't pay any attention to her environment at all, but was gazing at the dim faint sun, savouring the mood.

"Good morning," Lilli whispered gently, anxious to be careful. She didn't want to wake up their room mates, but wanted Anna to hear her.

"Morning," Anna whispered back, finally turning towards her. Lilli's felt a lurch in her heart, when those indescribably sad and painful eyes were looking at her. "How come you're awake?"

Lilli sat down next to her and just shrugged.

"I don't know. Just woke up. And you?"

The black hair girl smiled slightly, but turned her head back to look out of the window again without giving an answer. Somehow, Lilli never knew how to deal with her. Sometimes, she was nice, than turned to be rebellious, occasionally even nasty, than again funny, nice and kind and again poisonous...

"Did something happen?"

It was a daring question, consider the fact that they weren't the best friends currently, but Anna looked back at her and she was still smiling, even if it was a very sad one.

"No... everything is okay."

"Really?" she asked worried, but Anna shook her head.

"To be honest, Lilli. It's none of your business. Though... please, don't ask furthermore, okay?"

"Okay," she said tenderly, even though she was still worried. It was strange to not get riled by her, but rather talking like friends. "Thank you..."

"For what?" Anna asked suspiciously.

"Because of James... I was... scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"That he would withdraw from me and... acts differently towards me."

"You were scared, that I would talk you down in front of him, weren't you?"

"No!" she tried to defended herself at once, but the truth was exactly how the other girl said it. She was afraid that James would hate her after got lied to and get the wrong impression of her. But Anna didn't do that and she was thankful for her being honest to her best friend. It was again something that showed her, that Anna wasn't like Kingcade at all. Curious though, the other girl laughed amusedly at Lilli's behaviour.

"Err -" she started, but was cut off from her.

"Look, Lilli. I now know that you really just want the best for James and I'm even relieved about that."

"Err – okay."

"You know, it means that I don't have to look out for him alone anymore. You know from the mark and... if you see the signs of it coming back, you will be able to help him."

"Help him? I can't do those magic like you do."

"It's better this way," she said, winking slightly. "It will be enough to whack him over the head."

"Whack him?"

"Knock him out."

"Knock him out?"

"Well, you can push him out of the window too, but then there is no point in doing anything anymore. So, it's enough to beat the crap out of him, so he will lose consciousness."

The Head Girl couldn't help but smiling. Yeah, this girl really had a very peculiar humour, but the fact was, that this was something that made her who she was. Out of all the other giggling and pale girls, she was someone particular. And even though she probably was dark-magical and appeared to be evil, Lilli wasn't afraid of her but rather felt... understood and protected.

* * *

Potion

In this class they were trying to make a energy potion. James left it to Lilli to mix the ingredients in the mug, while he was reading the formula.

"The hair of the werewolf has to be exactly 3 centimetre."

Lilli took the ruler, measured 3 centimetre off and cut the hair off.

"Throw the hair into the boiling water by 80 degree."

"Done."

"Now, stir the mixture, while putting the little cubes of salmon eyes into it."

"Done."

"Now, stir exactly three times to the right."

"Three times?"

"Yep."

"Okay, One... two... three."

"Now, light a match and put it into the mixture."

Lilli lighted a match, like he said and was about to put it into the mug.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, it's written right here."

"Okay."

She let the match fall into the mug.

"If everything went right, there will be a violet smoke after a small explosion and the mixture will change the colour into violet. Congrats! You've boiled the weakness potion!"

"Weakness potion?" Lilli asked disbelievingly.

"Yes, why?"

"James?`"

"Lilli?"

"We are making the energy potion."

"We are?"

"Yes."

"Ups."

"Don't tell me, you've read the wrong potion."

"I don't have read the wrong potion."

"Thank good," she breathed at eased. "What then?"

"I've read the weakness potion."

"But... That is the wrong potion!"

"But you didn't want me to say that sentence."

She clapped her hand onto her forehead, shaking her head unbelievably but James started to laugh, causing her to join in. Again... these days he laughed so much more with her then in the past and she was happy to be a part of his happiness.

"Miss Evans? Mr. Potter?" The voice of Professor Ick sounded next to them and they noticed a very severe look in his face. "Would you be so kind to tell us why your potion are violet instead of yellow?"

"Um," Lilli started, but tried hard to stop laughing.

"Actually, Professor Ick," James said and also had a hard time to be serious again. "We kind of... made the... wrong potion."

"The wrong potion," the teacher said, looking suspiciously at his students and obviously was trying to wake guilt in James.

"It was my fault, Professor," Lilli immediately defended him. She didn't know why, but it felt right to do that, like she still owed her partner something.

"Your fault, Miss Evans?" Ick asked surprised.

"Yes. I thought we would make the weakness potion. I'm sorry, Professor."

"Well... then... Miss Evans... in that case, you and Mr. Potter should try to make that potion again... tomorrow afternoon, maybe. After all, I need something from you two to mark."

"Yes, of course, Professor."

And with that the class was dismissed and everyone was leaving. James packed his stuff, while Lilli eyed him curiously.

"I hope, that's okay?"

"Okay? What?" he asked, looking mazed.

"That we have to make the potion again tomorrow evening."

"Shouldn't I ask you if this is okay, since it was my fault. Not yours."

"I could have pay attention as well," she said shyly. Maybe a little bit to shy, because James grimaced tricksy.

"Don't say it," she ordered authoritative, before he could let out even one word, that was already laid on his lips.

"James?" Kingcade's voice appeared behind them. If poisonous looks drilled holes, Lilli would probably looked like a coarse sieve now. "Can we go?"

"Yeah, sure. Lilli? Come on."

"Come on?" Kingcade spat, her eyes were narrowed to a nasty look and her face colour changed to dangerously red.

"Well, we have history of magic together."

"And why would that mudblood come with us?"

"Melissa, leave it!" James said firmly.

"Leave what? Insulting that thing?"

"No, behaving like a jealous fury."

"Jealous? At such a piece of dirt?"

"That's enough!" James shouted with such an outraged voice that both girls were looking shattered. "Lilli, excuse us!" Without waiting for an answer, he pulled his girlfriend with him outside the classroom, no matter how fiercely she fought back. It was no use, since James was far stronger than her. Only one second later, Anna was leaving the classroom in a hurry as well, after telling Sirius something and pointing towards Lilli. Sirius walked over to her, but after she looked quizzically at him, he just shrugged.

"Don't worry, Lils. Those two sometimes need to quarrel as well. Nothing of note."

'Nothing of note?' she thought incensed. 'Kingcade openly showed her hatred towards me, James pulled her out to quarrel and Anna is the only one to follow them and that's nothing of note?'

"Let's go, Lils or we are going to be late. Even if we won't miss a lot, right?"

* * *

Together with Alice, Frank, Remus and Peter, they walked the corridor towards the classroom for history of magic. James Anna and Kingcade seemed to be at the other direction, because they weren't passing them on their way, nor did they heard them anywhere arguing.

"Sirius?" she asked, before they would separate to their seats.

"Yap?"

"James and Melissa... the quarrel... because of me..."

"Don't worry, Lils. They had much worse argues in the past and always made up again. I suppose, they just need that."

"They do?"

"Yeah, you know. To get a very nice reconciliation. So, don't blame yourself for that. See you after class."

"Yeah, right..."

But none of them entered the classroom at all. Lilli didn't know why but what was bothering her, was not that she was the reason for the quarrel, rather the situation, that she didn't know what was happening now. How are they arguing? Could James really get Kingcade to stop bullying? And why the hell went Anna with them?

* * *

After history of magic, the friends split up to different classes. Lilli attended medical science, which she choose in case she changed in the last minute to become a Healer instead of an Auror. There she met Remus and Diana. Usually, she was sitting between them in that class, but today they were already sitting next to each other, so Lilli sat down between Diana and the wall. If she wasn't mistaken, those two were ogling at each other and even very intensive. It wasn't that Lilli wanted to disturb their flirting, but she couldn't held back the question either.

"Remus?"

"Um?" he asked and was caught off guard, the same like Diana was.

"Have you seen what happened in potion?"

"What happened in potion?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"The situation with James, Melissa and Anna?" she elucidated.

"James, Melissa and Anna?" he repeated, since it didn't seem to ring a bell yet.

"The quarrel!" she said slightly on the edge now.

"Oh, that!" Remus finally understood, but waved aside. "That's quite normal for them."

"Normal?" she asked unbelievingly.

"Well, Melissa and Prongs have their fair share of arguments and he pulled her away to talk it out. Anna follows to keep them from killing each other."

"Killing each other?!" Both girls said simultaneously, looking quite shocked, which caused him to hastily waved aside.

"I was trying to make a joke! I didn't know why she follows them. She just did and they come back after some time being bosom buddies again. You'll met them in defence, Lilli."

"Err – Okay. Thank you."

"No problem."

And in the split of a second, Remus and Diana continued to ogle at each other as if there was nobody else then them. It was not until Madam Pomfrey entered and started teaching, that her friends focused on their teacher. Even then, Lilli noticed that they still threw smiling looks at each other every now and then, blushing every time their eyes met. Actually, Lilli was happy for her friends. Remus was a nice guy and Diana a nice girl. They searched and found each other. But her heart felt uncomfortably heavy, when she thought about James. So, he was going to make up with Kingcade. Why couldn't the world be a little bit more fair to her and closed away Kingcade somewhere else, where she was shown how lonely someone could be? If she knew how painful this could be, she wouldn't constantly try to give others that feeling of being left out.

* * *

And it happened like Remus had foreseen and how Sirius said would happen. When she arrived in defence, James and Melissa were sitting at their seats, already clinching at each other again. They looked happy and in love like they were before history of magic. Lilli sat down next to Alice, but wasn't really paying attention to their teacher. She was lost in thoughts and write down rubbish things on her letter. She didn't feel guilty, because they were only repeating the stuff from the last years to prepare for their NEWT's. The important stuff from defence was taught in advanced defence. She made the decision to ask James on the rounds what happened with Kingcade, since this time it concerned her as well. She vowed to herself that she would not let Kingcade get away with this again and telling her off the next time she tried to offend her. But Lilli didn't have to wait that long, cause right after class Kingcade and James were approaching her.

"Lilli, wait a moment," he called, dragging his girlfriend with him, who obviously didn't want to come at all. When they were finally standing in front of her, silence prevailed. Her enemy was still giving her that coarse sieve look, which was why Lilli didn't think of smiling even once. "Now, Lissy!" James urged his girlfriend.

"Okay, okay!" she hissed with still the same nasty voice like before. "Evans -"

He coughed slightly but noticeable.

"Lilli," Kingcade corrected herself, but it still sounded as if it was about to kill her to say these things. "I'm sorry... If I have offended you. Please accept my apology."

She only needed to throw one look to James and didn't hesitate to take her apologize even if everyone knew that it was not an honest one. But she didn't want him to be caught more in the middle than he already was.

"I accept your apology, Melissa."

"Great, then we can _move on_!" she spat and without giving her a second look, she pulled James out with her, who was way to surprised by that to react in time. "Hey!" was everything she heard from him when they were already out of the classroom. Lilli couldn't believe that Kingcade had at least say those words to her. Somehow, she almost had lost hope that this girl was even able to ever apologize to anyone. But the surprise was gone very fast, when she suddenly met Anna's look which was full of worries. The dark hair girl was about to leave with Sirius, but had stopped to throw her a very uneasy look. Lilli just didn't get why?

What did she do wrong this time? Was something really bad about to happen? Anna did warn her once to stay out of James and Kingcade's relationship and didn't try to break them up. She never understood why she said that anyway. Was she Kingcade's friend or her friend? Or did she thought that it was no use no matter what Lilli would've done? Or maybe it was just a friendly advice to prevent something worse from happening, if she tried it? Eventually, it was too late. It already happened and Kingcade's gestures were probably just the start of something much worse.


	21. Chapter 21

That's weird. This chapter actually took 9 pages. Well, whatever. I wasn't really able to translate a lot. Christmas is really a busy time. This chapter didn't really contain adventure, more drama I suppose. ^^ Well, have fun anyway.

* * *

Chapter 21 – white darkness II

After defence against the dark Arts, Lilli were running after Anna, who was arguing with Sirius while walking down the corridor. This time they had different opinions on if a banana was curved or buckled.

"Anna!" Lilli called, causing both of them to stay and wait for her.

"Lils!" Sirius grinned, winking charmingly, which caused Anna to roll her eyes exasperated.

"Get rid of your permanent-grin, Wannabe-Casanova! Let's go, Lilli."

Both girls went away from Sirius to walk together far away from him to the next class. This doesn't seem to bother him even a little since Remus and Peter joined him just a few seconds later.

"So, what's up?"

"What?" Lilli asked confusedly, whereupon Anna hastily fluttered with her hands in the air.

"You shout my name, running after us and all that for nothing? Don't tell me you appreciate my presence that much."

"Oh...Well... I'm... um..."

"I was kidding, Lilli."

"Oh..."

"So, what's up?"

Now, she was walking with Anna and about to talk with her about what she wanted to, it suddenly felt awkward. A moment ago, she desperately wanted to know what happened between the three of them after the quarrel, but walking with Anna through the corridors and actually talking about that somehow felt strange and not appropriate. Probably, her friend didn't want to tell her that at all?

"You want to ask what happened in history of magic, because James, Lissy and I wasn't there?"

"How -" she started irritated, but Anna just smiled.

"I could tell you, but you won't like it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Lilli, I once told you to not try to break James and Melissa up. Why are you still doing that?"

"I didn't!"

"So, you are doing that unintentionally?"

"Do what? I really have no idea what I've done wrong!"

And suddenly, Lilli got pulled away from the other students right outside of the castle. After she made sure that there was no one listening, Anna turned back to her.

"Look, Lissy isn't like you thought she is. She may appear evil and cruel to you, but she isn't. That nasty, being a bitch-thing is just for protection. The only really bad thing about her is that she didn't know how far her influence goes. You know Bella?"

"Yes?"

"You know Rudolphus? Bella's boyfriend?"

"Yes -"

"You know, Goyle, Crabbe? Green and Table? Owens, Nott?" With every name, trepidation was shooting up in her throat. She knew them, but didn't link something good with those people, rather trouble and difficulties.

"Why are you telling me that? Of course I know them. They are all Slytherin students and in the same year as we are."

"And they are Melissa's Beat-the-crap-out-of-the-muggles troop."

"Beat the crap what?"

"She would never lay her own hand on anybody. She loves James to much and knows how he despise those things, but her other friends are different."

"So, you want me to what? Watch out?"

"No, not anymore. I guess I've talked her out of it, but if you don't stop to provoke her, I may not be able to keep her from doing something stupid anymore. She didn't always listen to me and I'm not sure that she's doing it this time."

"So, you want me to watch out?" she asked insecurely, but Anna didn't even seem to be sure herself.

"I don't think Lissy already set Bella on you. I told her, that James would instantly knew, who sent them and it's the worst for her to lose him."

Lilli suddenly felt bad, because that was exactly what she wished for. James leaving Kingcade and turned to her. She wanted that girl to feel sorrow for all the pain she caused others. Suddenly, she noticed a sad glow in Anna's eyes, after that thought crossed her mind.

"Then, why did she do all this terrible things?"

"What things?" the dark hair girl asked as if she really had no idea at all what Lilli was talking about.

"Evil things! She makes life a living hell to people, who never did her wrong. Diana, me and so many others."

"You think you've never done her wrong?"

"Well, at least I don't know of anything."

"Nice to know how good you're listening to my words," Anna said sarcastically.

"What?" she said baffled.

"I told you, that Melissa is the one, James is together with, but you're the one he always wanted."

"Did James said that?"

"Didn't have to. His behaviour was enough. And still, she loves him and he loves her. They are my friends and I don't want anything to happen what they might regret. That's why I followed them."

"Err – okay. So... as a neutral person?"

"Something like that."

"Something?"

"Well, I make sure they stay safe. The dark mark on his back might be inactive, but if he strains himself too much, he will get weaker and the dark-magic inside him will grow."

"Dark Magic? Grow?" Lilli repeated anxiously.

"Yeah... don't worry. He's not dangerous to you guys in that status, just to himself. But Lissy didn't know this side on him and she isn't suppose to know it either. More or less, I'm with them to cool them down if it gets heat up."

She looked a little bit puzzled at her classmate.

"You haven't told me everything, have you? I mean... that night, you haven't told me everything."

"I told you that night, that the whole story was way too long to be told in detail. And besides, I doubt that one can fully understand and cope with it, without experiencing it with one's own eyes."

"With your own eyes? You were there, when he-?"

"No," Anna cut her off. "Well... Yes... somehow."

"Means what?"

"Nothing. I've already told you too much and didn't even know why I'm doing it. Just to clear this up: If you ever tell that to anybody -"

"You're going to kill me. Got that," Lilli said, but smiled slightly amusedly. This time, she knew that her partner wasn't serious and after she smiled back, it became clear that she was right. It felt weird to talk like that to somebody, who had been ignoring her for the past six years and never changed a word with her, even though every time she saw her, she wanted to speak with her and get along with her. Now, they did and it was like Lilli thought it would be.

"Anna, what you saw in Occlumency that day... I-"

"You don't need to explain yourself. It's quite the contrary."

"Um -"

"I saw something I've actually forgotten a long time ago."

"..."

The young dark hair witch sank down at the meadow and leaned against the tree. She pulled her knees to her breast and wrapped her arms around them, looking a lot like a little child, while watching the sun hiding behind the horizon. In autumn, the sun was falling early, but there was no better place to watch the beautiful colourplay than from Hogwarts. It was probably magic, allowing that unique view that changed every day in the most beautiful colours.

After some time, Lilli joined her and sat down cross-legged next to her. What was the right thing to do now? Talking or remaining quiet? Or was is probably the best to leave her alone? She had no clue, but somehow it felt right to remain quietly at her side and just being there.

"I would like to ask you a question," Anna said after quite a while, causing the Head Girl to turn to her, looking anxious. "Is there any person in your life, you hate that much that you've thought about killing him?"

Gentle dark eyes were showing sorrow towards sparkling green ones, who were feeling just a lot of sympathy for the girl in front of them.

"You haven't, have you? Killing is something one shouldn't even think about. At least, if you're white-magical. A dark-magical witch thinks about it every day. It's so tempting to get rid of one's fears..."

"Anna? What do you want to tell me by that?" she asked, now rather looking worried.

"Nothing," came the hurried answer. "Forget it." She wiped away all feelings from her expression and was suddenly cold and inaccessibly again.

"You think about killing someone?" Lilli prompted, but got no answer. Anna turned away and stared back to the sky. The sun was now completely gone. The cricket were starting to chirr.

"Who are you hating that much?" She said tenderly. "I know I'm probably the last person you wanna talk about it with, but I think I know who you're meaning."

The girl really turned her gaze back to her, the eyes were now completely blank. It was as if they hid every emotion behind a thick wall, letting nothing out and nothing in. The only thing they showed were indifference.

"It's your father, isn't it? Allan White."

"My father – You don't know him."

"No, but I saw you two. Several times, actually. I saw that hatred in your eyes, whenever it was only the two of you and without your mother. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you hate him? What has he done to you?" She now watched the friend with a look that couldn't be more caring and warming. The truth was that the dark hair witch already closed herself up for any good feeling a long time ago, no matter from whom it came.

"Nothing. He hasn't done anything to me," she answered very weak, leaning back at the tree again as if she was about to faint if she didn't instantly close her eyes. Her breathing was hard and powerless. For one little moment, her eyes were showing something strange. As if this girl's sorrows were to much to handle for anyone and were pulling her slowly into emptiness. Lilli suddenly felt concerned.

"For nothing, you seem to hate him a lot. You don't hate somebody that much, if he hasn't done anything and I'm sure your hatred is justified. Did James know about it?"

In the split of a second, the whole expression in the face in front of her changed into fury and mistrust.

"Listen, Lilli. This is none of your business. My family, me or whatever James knows or not, is none of your business. You try to get involved into dark things, which will backfire. My parents are evil and dangerous and so do I. Stay away from me if you want to keep your life."

"I don't understand -"

"Just do it!" Anna yelled, but she seemed to be able to calm herself instantly.

"For your own safety, just do it," she added softly.

"My safety?" Lilli asked disbelievingly. "I can take care for myself."

"Sirius said exactly the same." Those words came out with a frustrated voice. Slowly, it started to rain. First a few drops and then the rain were dripping down harshly into the sea. Minute by minute, the skin of both girls became more and more wet.

"Sirius," the Head girl said hoarsely. The moment Anna was talking about this, something very important appeared in her expression, which was able to tell everything to a person and to Lilli. "Is that the reason you broke up with him? Because, he said he could take care of himself, but something happened to him?"

"We should go back inside. It's cold." Anna stood up and went back to the castle. She didn't throw even one look back at Lilli or pay attention if she was with her. It was as if she just wanted to leave as fast as possible, probably to be alone again. Lilli didn't follow her instantly, but rather giving her the space she needed.

* * *

Lilli arrived back at the common room a little while later, but Anna wasn't sitting with the others. Her view turned up to the girls dorm, where the friend most likely was at that very moment. Should she follow her to continue their talk and thereby risking an argument? Or should she just leave her alone, like she wanted to? The second choice was maybe the better one and so she joined the others at the fireplace.

Remus was playing chess with Peter, while Sirius and James played something that nobody seemed to understand. They called that _the game nobody seems to understand._ She observed them for a while, throwing incomplete sentence to each other, which made absolutely no sense at all, but rather a lot of rubbish. Finally, she decided to turn her attention towards something more important. Her homework. While she was still writing things onto the parchment, she noticed something strange. Something, that scared her instead of comforting her. Where was Kingcade? Was she with Anna upstairs? She could find out, if she just went there to look. But if the only Person inside was Anna, who apparently only wanted to be alone, she would disturb her for no good reason. The question remained where her archrival was. The answer came very quickly, when the portrait hole opened and searched person climbed in. Her first gaze was poisonous and evil like usual towards Lilli, the second much sweeter and brighter look towards James. He wrapped one arm around his girlfriend and gave her a kiss. Surprisingly, Kingcade seemed to like and understand the game of the boys or maybe she just pretended to. Lilli thought that the latter was more likely, because the only thing she did was laughing as soon as both guys laughed.

* * *

She was about to finish her homework, when James arrived to pick her up for rounds. They were hardly out of the common room, when he turned worriedly at her.

"Everything okay?"

"Sure, why?"

"Well, because you look like-" James grimaced like a crazy monkey. "-that."

"What?" she laughed at his funny face.

"Yeah, that's why I guessed that something is wrong."

"Because I did what?"

"Because you look like -" Now he grimaced like a crackpot monkeybaby. "-that."

"You think that's funny, aren't you?" Lilli asked, smirking, but James just nodded devotedly.

"A lot," he answered with a broad grin. "So what's up?"

"Nothing."

"If it's nothing, you wouldn't look like being kissed by an electric eel."

"Thank you," she said dryly.

"You're welcome," he responded gormless back. "So, what's wrong?"

"You wouldn't tell me, even if I ask you."

"Try me. Do the spell, don't just ring the bell."

"What?" she asked baffled.

"Wizard's idiom. Surprise! We have that, too!"

James winked at her that hilarious that she couldn't help but smiled.

"Err, I see," she said still puzzled. "I suppose it's like cursing with Merlin's name?"

"Or with Dumbledore's name. But that's just Anna, who did this. She's probably the only one, who dares to do that. Guess, it's because she's his great-granddaughter and can therefore afford to do this. She isn't even afraid to curse with Voldemort's name."

"She isn't afraid of anyone, is she?"

"I can assure you, that she's not fearless. In first class, Padfoot and I played her a prank. He and Lissy knew Anna since infancy and I couldn't believe that she wasn't afraid of anyone or anything, even though she acted all cold and whatever. Guess what little James did? Try out! So, the guys and I took her out to a walk in the forbidden forest one night. Of course without permission. Every day before that night, we told her lurid tales about vampires. We acted as if we saw real ones in the forest. Padfoot pretended to be caputred by one of them and we pretended to ran after them and made Anna believe that we weren't able to get him back, although we really -" James winked mischievously at her. "- did everything we could."

"She had no clue that you guys were just staged that to play a prank at her?"

"Nope. She hadn't. She wanted to run back to Dumbledore, so he could save Sirius from the dangerous fangs of the vampire. The moment she turned around to get help, Sirius jumped out of the shrubberies, looking like a real vampire, because we had the right spell to do that. Poor Anna was flabbergasted, crying like a real girl."

"She's a girl," Lilli said gently, who found herself slightly amused by knowing that he obviously didn't consider his female best friend as a girl.

"To be fair, I would probably have done the same if I didn't know that it was just a charm. He looked like death itself. Man! She beat us black and blue, when she finally realised that it was just a prank. We looked absolutely nuts after that, because of her curses."

James laughed again, causing Lilli to join in even though she knew that if they would have played that prank at her, she would've reacted like Anna did. But James' laugh was so catching that she couldn't help it. His laugh came from his heart. Lilli liked to hear from their past and their friendship. It always brought warmth into her lonely heart.

"Anna isn't afraid of things a normal person would be," he continued after they turned around the corner to walk into another corridor.

"For example?"

"Death?... Or Voldemort."

"She isn't afraid of him?"

"Not really, but worms are frightening her to death."

"Worms?" Lilli asked disbelievingly, but James nodded keenly while suddenly got a mischievously grin.

"On her 12 th birthday, Sirius was trying to play a prank at her, baked a cake, which exploded if got sliced and throwing worms into the air. They were just sweets in the form of worms with strawberry flavour. Still, Anna fainted as soon as she saw them. After she got back to her feet, she chased Padfoot through the whole school all day long to get her revenge."

"Really?" she asked, grinning as it crossed her mind that she always thought they only played those weird pranks at her. The truth was that they played it even on their own best friends.

"Really. She finally gave up because McGonagall interfered or poor Padfoot would probably still running. _Run! Padfoot Run!_ we called after him, every time they passed us and to Anna, we cheered: _Just a little bit more! You almost got him!_"

"Ah, I remember! On that day, they even passed Diana and me three times. Sirius was laughing and Anna was cursing."

"That's right!"

They laughed again, while turning around the next corner which was the floor leading directly to the Slytherins.

"James?" Lilli suddenly said, holding onto him, before they could make one more step. It was just a feeling but somehow, she found it better to skip that floor that night. Anna was right. Kingcade may not be able to harm somebody but the Slytherins were famous for doing that. They used to offend and abuse Diana and her a lot of times.

"Lilli? What's wrong?"

Okay, James was with her tonight, but who said that they couldn't punch him out first? If they were more than ten, even he wouldn't stand a chance against them and she didn't want to risk that danger.

"Lilli?" he repeated, looking rather suspiciously now. "What's wrong? Are you scared of the darkness?"

"I- Um, no."

"But?"

Should she be honest to him? He could probably making fun about that, so she decided not to tell him.

"It's because of Lissy, isn't it?"

"How -" she stuttered surprised.

"You are scared that she set Bellatrix or somebody else on you."

"You know about that?"

"I already told you, that I know that she didn't treat you and others that fair. But that's just how she is. Not everybody can be nice and perfect and it's not the reason I'm in love with her either."

"You once said that this is the reason, you are together with her. Because she is evil. You're contradictory, buddy."

"I don't. You just like to twist my words."

"I do?"

"Okay," he said, slightly impatient. "I just said this one time and then the topic will never come up again."

"I'm all ears."

"I don't love her, because she's all evil. But we're together because it's just her way to deal with things. I got use to it and accepted it, since this was also the reason we became a couple in the first place. Other than you, I don't try to change people. I love the person, not just a part. It's not like she was born to be nasty."

Lilli remained quiet, causing James to frown.

"She had a hard life. She used to have a younger brother and an older sister, but both got killed. Her sister fell in love with a Muggle, but he cheated brutally on her, causing her to kill herself. It was I think in summer vacation before our second year. Lissy was just twelve years old. Her younger brother died in a car crash. She was even there when that happened. They crossed the street and got hit by a car, driven by a Muggle. Lissy was pulled away while her brother got fully hit. The driver didn't even stop. Instead he sped up. It was a hit and run. No Muggle were willing to help. They just stood there and watched. Her brother bled to death in her arms. Lissy witnessed the cruelty of Muggles with her own eyes."

Lilli's expression changed, looking dolefully at him. She wasn't able to say anything at all. After revealing this, she felt sorry for her archrival, even though she wasn't able to do that ever since they met.

"She felt helpless," James said tenderly, knowing that with his words, he might could bring her to understand his girlfriend a little bit more. "We were just in 5 th class. Lissy tried to put a healing charm on her brother but none of them worked. So, I guess you know why she isn't in love with you guys. Lissy is the last child of the Kingcade family and didn't want to disappoint her parents, but rather fulfil their expectations. I love her because of her strength and because of who she is. I love her, because she kind of understand me in every possible way. I know that she would never do anything I despise and that she listened to me."

"Did she?" the witch asked doubtfully, but he smiled benignant.

"I'm the only one, Lissy would do everything for if I asked her to."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do. So, can we please go now?"

He went on first and stepped into the corridor, while she hesitantly followed. One of the reason was, that she still felt shocked about Kingcade's past. Lilli couldn't imagine how hard that must have been for her to lose a brother and a sister at those circumstances. The other reason was that she still wasn't sure if Kingcade was really was he thought of his girlfriend. Somehow, she could picture that girl betraying his trust.

"You know, what happened to her family is awful, but it's no reason to crash others like that. It's not like it was our fault, what those two people did."

"I know that. I'm sure she knows it too, but she can't really control her hatred. I know that because I witnessed that with my own eyes. She's very emotional and didn't hold back with her feelings which then culminated in her getting to far. Nonetheless, she asked for my help."

"She did?" Lilli asked, looking rather suspiciously.

"Yeah, she knows that what she's doing is wrong, so I put it on me to protect her from herself."

"Why?"

"Lissy is a good-hearted witch. She just needs people to watch over her and prevent her from doing something she didn't really want to. I love her too much to lose her to the dark Arts."

'He loves her too much,' she thought bitterly, feeling a painful stab in her heart. Why did he have to say those words? Slowly but surely, she was losing all hope to ever win his heart. With every detail from his relationship with Kingcade, he told her, she understood that they were closer than she thought they were. And to know and accept that hurt so much, she wasn't sure how to deal with that. They kept on patrolling through the floor, pretending to watch out for trouble and didn't change words.

James didn't say anything, because he was afraid that he might have given something away from his girlfriend, he probably didn't have the right to do in front of someone, she never really liked. On the other side, Lilli remained quiet, because she was frustrated of knowing that the guy, she was in love with, was in fact deeply in love with a girl, she still despised, despite everything she heard that night. Those weren't reasons enough to bully anybody like Kingcade did it every day with passionate.

"Lilli, what I told you tonight, promise me to not use it against her. I didn't involve you, so you can get back at her."

"I know that. You have to know that I would never do anything like that."

"Thank you," he said candidly.

"But no matter what. It didn't justify her cruel behaviour."

"And what about your behaviour?" James ask gently.

"My? What's with that?"

"You're not that nice to her as well. Remember in the train? You made her looking very stupid."

"Because everything she said was rubbish. It was your duty as Head Boy as well to correct her."

"I wasn't a prefect, as you know, which means that I didn't have a clue why to call McGonagall first and not Flitwick."

"Because McGongall is-"

"Deputy Headmistress. You've said this quite clearly. I'm sure the whole train got that now."

"I just want to be a good student," she said angered about his incomprehension. "It's important to me to get good grades. I want to become an Auror and it's not easy to get in. As far as I know, they hardly take trainees."

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled, shrugging indifferently. "If you like, we could switch?"

"Switch?"

"I don't want to become an Auror, but it seems like I'm going to be one. How about we just switch? I become whatever you get?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Lilli said, shaking her head.

"I'm serious!" he continued to joke with a big smirk. They couldn't get any further, because suddenly the torches, which light up the corridor went out, leaving them in complete darkness.

"James?" Lilli asked scared.

Now, it was going to happen. She didn't know what, but it would happen at this very moment. He was wrong. Kingcade didn't listen to him. She would have her revenge now.

Something squashy grabbed her hips, causing her to twitch in shock. Spontaneously, she struck out her fist - "Lilli, It's me." - And punched whatever was behind her, which immediately let go of her body. She heard a body dropped down to the floor and a soft grunt.

"James?" she asked worriedly.

"It was me."

Lilli bit on her lips, feeling totally embarrassed. Thank god, it was dark. She was sure she had never become more crimson in her face than now. Did she really just hit her partner with everything she got?

"James?"

"Still alive," he answered wearily.

"I'm sorry... I thought... you know?"

"Don't worry. My abs like to be treated as a punching bag."

As he seems to struggle to get off the floor, she could clearly hear him gasping painfully. Yeah, that was a great friendship gesture of her.

"What now?" she asked carefully.

"Lumos."

The top of his wand was lighting up the floor now.

"Question answered?" he smirked.

"Err, yes," she said slightly irritated. That was really the most obvious thing to do but somehow it didn't pop up in her mind. She was so confused that it was impossible to think rational. Still, it felt good to know that he was there. Maybe he was right after all and Kingcade really didn't dare to attack her, if he was there. Lilli tried to calm herself down, since her knees and fingers were still shaking out of fear.

In the meantime, James were going to the torches to lit them with his wand.

"Inflamare," he said every time he reached one. The corridor then got brighter with every new flame. He arrived at the last one and just lighted it up, before turning back to his partner, who was standing on the other end of the floor, when he suddenly opened his eyes widely in shock.

"Lilli!" His voice echoed in the whole corridor and also in her mind, before she felt a sharp pain crawling up in her head and then everything went completely black. She couldn't see anything, nor could she feel anything. It was just a deep nothing.

* * *

It was warm, comfortably warm to be specific. Very comfortable in fact. She breathed in quietly. The twitter of the birds were surrounding her and everything went brighter. The rays of the sun? Was is morning already? Exhausted, she tried to open her eyes, but got dazzled by the much to bright sun, causing her to blink several times, before getting use to the light intensity. Something soft was in her hand, a blanket? No, it was her blanket. Lilli straightened herself, noticing irritatedly that she was in her own bed. How did she get there? She was even still wearing her cloth from yesterday.

"Hey, there. Finally up, I see." Anna was sitting at her bed, smiling relievedly at her. A strange feeling appeared at her right shoulder, causing Lilli to reach out to that spot to touch it. What happened? "You've slept very long."

"Did I? How long?"

"A whole day." Her roommate answered.

"A whole day?" she said appalled. Anna left her own bed to take a rest at Lilli's. Her look was still worried.

"What happened?" Lilli asked.

"Crabbe attacked you from behind."

"Crabbe? Why?"

"Because, he hates Muggles. You are not the first, but you're the first, James interfered. He saved you, because he's a pretty damn good duellist and he will be a great Auror, even though he's reluctant to do that."

"Why did Crabbe attacked me? And why can't I remember anything?"

"Because you got knocked out first. James fought him off. McGonagall gave Crabbe detention for that. She probably didn't now the whole truth, because James brought you here instead of the hospital wing. Since Crabbe used a very evil curse, he thought it would be better if I treated you instead of the matron."

"You did that? You can heal an evil curse?"

"The Slytherins mostly attack with such curses. A lot of them learn those things from their parents, though Madam Pomfrey can't really heal a lot of them. It's not suppose to be common to use those curses at a school like Hogwarts or even from students, who haven't even finished school. But with Voldemort becoming stronger, I suppose nothing is impossible anymore. Pomfrey is a matron, not a professional Healer."

"Then, how come that you can heal them? You are just a student, too."

"I can, that should be enough for you, don't you think? You should be thankful, because Pomfrey couldn't have help you that fast. I'm pretty sure she didn't know how to deal with that curse Crabbe put on you."

Lilli was too shocked to think rational.

"In that case... thank... you... right?"

Anna smiled softly, but walked away from her bed.

"It's okay. I have a faint guess that you did that on purpose to avoid mixing the potion for Ick again."

"WHAT?!"

"Kidding," she said smirking immediately. "James already finished it, yesterday. Ick gave you a good grade."

"Oh... Then... I should thank him as well?"

"Probably, but you will have to wait for that a while."

"Why?"

"James isn't in Hogwarts right now. Dumbledore gave him some time off."

"Some time off? Why that?"

"He got a owl yesterday. His mother is in the hospital after an attack from deatheaters. Her condition isn't good, so the director thought it would be better if her son is with her."

"When did he go?"

"He went several hours ago. Told me to say hi to you and make sure you get better. Seems like you have to put up with me again doing the rounds."

With an amused smile, she was walking to the door when Lilli called after her, causing her to stop and turn around.

"Consider James' mum... how terrible is it really?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "But Maria is a fighter and until now she always made it. I just hope, that it will be the same this time. I don't know what's going to happen to the Potter family if she died. See you."

With those words, she left the dorm, leaving a puzzled Lilli behind. So, James was gone now. He wasn't in Hogwarts anymore, but with his mother, whose condition was apparently worse. Lilli suddenly felt bad for him and even more because she couldn't be there for her friend like she wanted to be. He didn't deserve such a tragedy and she really hoped that his mother would make it again. She didn't even wanted to think what her death would do to his already beaten heart.

"James," she whispered worriedly.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey there =), funny coincidence. I'm updating Chapter 23 of Black Heart (English) the same time like Chapter 23 of my ongoing Story Chains of Xerchia. Next week, uni starts again =.=" The thought of preparing for my tests in february makes me wanna vomit. I intent to update the next two or three chapters in a week or two weeks, because the next three or four chapters are actually a little bit shorter than the two chapters I'm updating today. So, I suppose I won't need that much time for it. In these two chapters, you are going to see a little bit more of James' family. So, have fun!

Review:

sandraj45692: Hey there =) Thank you for the kind words. +g+ Yeah, I actually loved to write about Sirius' and Lilli's friendship in Black Heart. Even though I'm sure he was closer to James and more his friend, I believe that he had a very special bond to Harry's mother as well. And Black Heart was a perfect opportunity for me to wirte that down. It was nice to hear from you again =)

Chapter 22 – Close to darkness I

Lilli entered the great hall for breakfast, looking around for somebody. Anna and Kingcade obviously already finished like most of the other students. The only one, who was still sitting on the Gryffindor table, was the one she was searching for. She hurried to the table and sat down next to him.

"Sirius?"

"Goodmoning, litschlefrower!" he said, the mouth full of food.

"Likewise. Sirius, what's with James?"

"Um?"

"Anna said his mother was admitted to the hospital and -"

"Oh,schat!" He swallowed everything down before grinning broadly at her. "You're worried about our cutie pie Prongsie?"

"You aren't?"

"No!" he said as if that was self-evident.

"No?"

"Why should I, Lil? Prongs can take care of himself just fine and he surely don't need a babysitter. What happened to his mum is awful but I know her. She always made it and she will make it this time, too. Let's go to class."

Sirius really didn't seem to be worried at all about James, but that caused even more worries to Lilli. Somehow, her feeling was telling her that something bad was about to happen. It was just fact that Destiny didn't grant her the slightest happiness. It would take James away from her as well.

* * *

The Knight Bus took James to a street near his home. With his small bag on his shoulder he walked towards the huge ground of the Potter property. From outside it looked like any average house with a small garden, a little terrace and two floors. That was just for cover, because in the inside it was a pompously huge castle. It had always been James opinion that his grandfather wanted to brag with that home, when he built it with magic. He was hardly inside when two voices appeared from another room nearby. They belonged to his sister Patricia and his father, who where loudly arguing in the living room. That hadn't been really uncommon in this house for years.

"I couldn't do anything to prevent this, Tricia!" The voice of his father was parrying, like someone who had to defend himself.

"That's what you always said, but this time I was there. If you had stopped beating the crap out of Shark instead of hexing him with everything you got, you could've saved Mum and she wouldn't have to lay in St. Mungo's, fighting for her life."

"If I had stopped duelling with Sharks, he would've attacked again! I couldn't get rid of him!"

"He was already down, Dad! Do you really want to wake up one day, knowing that your greedy for credit and combat destroyed your whole family? First James, now Mum, am I the next one? Why can't you listen to grandfather?"

"I'm doing everything I can to keep us together, damn it!"

"But everything is not enough!"

"What else do you want from me, Tricia? Quitting my job? Who's going to support you then?"

"OH WITCH! It's not like we're going to be homeless or starving to death. Grandfather is minister of magic after all and your vault at Gringotts didn't only consist of one Sickle! Dad, you're acting as if you're the only one fighting for your family. What about me? I'm working, too! I'm fighting, too!"

'I'm not...' James thought desolate and moved on to his room upstairs. Somehow, it didn't matter to him if they heard him or not. In the last time, so many things just became meaningless. He let his bag slipped to the ground and fell into his bed. Laying there with his hands above his eyes, he tried not to think about anything. To think about his problems was stupid, because there didn't exist a solution. Why don't just let destiny have it's way? No matter how much it hurt, ignoring was way easier than to cope with it. He felt his slow breathing, gentle but painful, as if every take was sending the same pain into his heart.

"James?"

He took off his hands from his face and turned to the right. His sister had entered and even though she was smiling, he knew that it was just put on. There wasn't much to laugh about for them these days.

"Why didn't you let us know you're back?"

Nothing. Silence seemed to be a good answer and it was as exhausting as speaking.

"How was your ride with the Knight Bus?"

"Okay..."

She walked to him and sat down on his side, while he straightened up to be on eye-level.

"Mum told me about your dreams. That they've started again. Did you still have them? Even in Hogwarts?"

"It's alright, Tricia. Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."

'That's a big lie, but everyone hears what they want to hear, anyway. Why burden her with the truth?'

"What happened with Mum? Dumbledore didn't say much," he changed the subject.

"Oh." Patricia suddenly seemed to feel uncomfortable or she probably just didn't want to tell everything. It was her expression telling him that. Well, their loud argument were telling enough anyway. His father was again to be blame for.

"How is Mum?" he asked another question to avoid talking about other awkward issues.

"Well, I was about to go back to the hospital to visit her. You like to join?"

"What about Dad?"

"He went back to work. Didn't this say enough about his love?"

"..."

"I depart in five minutes. Is that enough time for you to prepare?"

"I don't need five minutes. I'm ready."

Patricia smiled.

"Well then, little brother. Let's go."

* * *

They travelled by Floo powder through the Floo Network to St. Mungo's, the hospital for injured witches and wizards. James was familiar with that building, since it wasn't the first time for him. Patricia led him into the room, where their mother was sleeping soundly. Her expression was peaceful and even. Maybe, she was dreaming something good? There was no scratch in this clear, beautiful face. Was it probably just one curse which was supposed to kill her? The death curse?

"I'll go and talk to Healer Stradford. I'll be back in a minute."

After his sister had left, he sat down on a chair next to his mother's bed, slowly taking a deep breath. Why did it hurt so much to see her like this? It even hurt to know that his own father was to blame for this. At this very moment, he couldn't help but ask himself how those two could even produce two children.

"James?" The weak voice of his mother had pulled him out of his thoughts. Oceanblue eyes tried to enter his soul, but he refused and looked away.

"Hey, Mum. How are you?"

"I've been better," she answered wearily, seemingly feeble and tired. It appeared to be hard for her to speak and he didn't want to strain her.

"You should sleep, Mum. You'll get well."

It only took a second more for Patricia to enter the room again, followed by Healer Stradford, who smiled gently at James. He smiled weakly back at her, because they already know each other. Jeanette Stradford was the same Healer, who treated his injuries five years ago.

"Maria," the Healer said worriedly. "You're suppose to sleep. The potion can only work, if your body are resting."

"I know, Jeanette," she answered tenderly, looking warm at James. "But my son is here. I wanted to see him."

He didn't say anything, but trying to shut any feelings away.

"I felt that you're here," she added contentedly. James smiled artificially. It was strange but if it concerned his family, he couldn't smile from his heart or be happy. Everything that happened in these past five years were laying like a heavy stone at his heart, stabbing him with every day passing by. If it wasn't for his friends, he would've already gone mad.

"Well, nonetheless. I'll have a look at your injuries. James, Patricia, please go outside. You can come back in half an hour."

Both nodded and left the room. James threw one look back before closing the door, feeling sorry for his mother. He knew his behaviour hurt her, but he just couldn't change it.

* * *

Tricia and James stood on the floor for a while without even talking one word to each other. It was strange, because they used to get along great and always joked together. Everything had changed to the worse. It was almost unbearable.

"Are you going to tell me now what happened?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I haven't seen everything," she answered grimly. "I only joined after they were already attacking. Aurors were fighting deatheaters, who tried to destroy a village where mostly Muggles lived. There were also two halfblood couples, which I suppose were their real target. After I arrived, Dad was fighting with 3 deatheaters, Mum with 2 and Mad-Eye with 4. The moment we wanted to help, 6 more of them apparated and along with them even You-know-Who."

"Voldemort was there?!" He called appalled.

"Don't say his name!" Tricia hissed with grinding teeth, since they got the attention of everyone else on that floor now. Nobody dared to say the dark Lord by his name and that James did, wasn't the smartest thing according to his sister.

"Yes, he was there," she continued to tell, but kept her voice down. "He attacked Mum."

"Mum? Why did he chose her out of all?"

"Well, the ministry think that both halfblood families are of very importance. Don't know more, but Mum was trying to save the Witch of one family. You-know-Who was outraged and attacked her."

"And Dad didn't do anything to help her..." He murmured frustrated and Tricia nodded gloomy.

"He was so caught up in his beating against Sharks, that he didn't pay attention to anything else. You know him."

"..." he nodded pensively.

"Anyway, the outcome wasn't breathtaking. You-know-Who almost killed Mum and the Witch, she was trying to protect, got killed regardless of her effort. He knocked Mum aside and she fell right into one of Mad-Eye's curses, that was intended for a deatheater. It was luck that he never intentionally kill if he can help it. So, the curse wasn't mortal. The worse part is that Dad didn't even react, when Mum got hit. She laid there seriously injured and he just went on cudgelling his enemy. Great! Sharks is imprisoned in the ministry. That makes one deatheater less and the cost is probably Mum's life."

Tricia was way to furious to show sadness. She was leaning on the wall, looking angry and even depressed, but she didn't give away her tears. Both Potter children had stopped showing their pain through tears, because the truth was that they already cried to much in the past years. They just didn't have any left.

"Which village they attacked?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you that, James. Even the Daily Prophet was forbidden to write about that."

"Why?" he asked sceptically. "What's so important about those families?"

"I can't tell you that. I'm sorry, but those are classified information. This is really big, you know and I just can't tell you about it, so please don't try to squeeze it out of me." This was the last word on this matter and both fell back into silence. It took several time for Tricia to turn her attention to him again, smirking meaningfully.

"What's with you and Lissy?"

"Everything is great," he answered shortly.

"Well, I've heard differently."

"Err?"

"Forget it," she said instantly, still smiling pleased. James didn't respond, but remained quiet. He would just forget it. There was no strength left to think about broken sentence or hints. If he was with his family, he felt like it was alright whatever happened. It would always come to an end eventually.

* * *

Finally, Healer Stradford joined them again, but shook her head disappointed.

"Her condition isn't good. It got worse. I gave your mother a new potion to help curing her injuries. Let's hope that it will be better if she sleeps more. I'm sorry I can't guarantee anything. Let's hope for the best."

"Can we go in?" Tricia asked.

"Sure. I guess it's good if she knows that her children are there. But if she happens to wake up, don't strain her, okay? It could worsen her condition."

So, Tricia and James remained in the room at their mother's side. Every now and then, James walked away to get some food for his sister, but most of the time they stayed silently next to Maria Potter's bed. Michael Potter didn't appear a single time. It wasn't a surprise for James, because he knew about the condition of his parent's marriage. Patricia obviously not so much, because she seemed to be outraged by their father's behaviour. She was also the one who ignored the problems of their parents the whole time. Every now and then, they talked about what happened with their family but it became clear to him that Tricia didn't pay attention to most of the things that was in front of their eyes until it got worse like today.

"James? I have to leave for a moment."

"Where are you going?" he asked, but nodded understandingly.

"To the Ministry of Magic to have a talk with Dad. It just can't be that Mum is laying here fighting for her life and he went back to work as if this was normal! You take care of Mum until I get that stupid idiot here."

"Bye," he said indifferently, when she waved him goodbye and left the room. Several hours went by but his sister didn't come back. James remained at his Mother's side, looking at the clock every now and then or looked outside the window to the sky. He was longing at something... no, not something... somebody and it wasn't the one he thought it would be.

"James?"

"Mum?" he said alarmed. She was suppose to sleep, but instead she straightened herself and sat up. Worriedly, James stood up as well, trying to pull her back down. "Mum, Healer Stradford said-"

"I heard what she said," Maria Potter said very weakly. "I'm resting, really. I just can't sleep all the time. At least I want to spend some time with my son..."

James was looking distraughtly at her, because her words sounded like a goodbye. He wouldn't be able to cry if it really happens like he wasn't able to give his mother any strength, because he didn't even have any left for himself.

"Am I mistaken or is there someone new?"

"Someone new?" he asked puzzled. She nodded delighted.

"I know you, James. I gave birth to you and raised you. You looked different than before you left us on September. I watched you observing the stars and your eyes changed."

"..."

"So, you and Melissa broke up?"

"No," he answered quietly.

"But there is someone else, am I right?" she asked, her gaze was strangely hopeful. He didn't answer.

"You don't have to say it, because I can tell. You look so much happier. I'm sure you like her a lot."

"She likes me, too," he finally said, looking rather guilty. Maria looked surprised back.

"Isn't this a good thing?"

"No."

"Why that?"

"Because..." James paused for a moment. He didn't need time to think about his words but rather finding the courage to say them out loud. "Because she didn't have a future with me. Lilli is gorgeous and every other guy would do her better than me."

"Lilli," Maria said warm-hearted. "That's a beautiful name."

"She is beautiful... and she's a good person."

"Unlike Melissa."

"I haven't said that!" he countered immediately.

"But that's how it is," Maria said firmly.

"I know you guys don't like her."

"We don't like her, because she isn't good enough for you, son."

"Or I'm not good enough for her?"

"James! That's not what I'm saying!"

"You just did!" he said peevishly and sat down onto the chair again. He was frustrated, exhausted and angry, but angry at himself because he provoked and upset his mother again and again. She didn't deserve that but he still just went on with this. "I should go. You need to rest."

He was about to stand up and leave when Maria Potter grabbed his arm tightly, looking pleadingly at him.

"James, please I... I..."

Even though her hand grabbed him tightly he could've easily get rid of her grip. Her other hand wandered to her chest onto her heart, as if she was about to lose consciousness, because something in her kept on hurting. James immediately get a hold on her, sitting back down on the chair to calm her down. His heart gave a lurch, feeling guilty for worsening her condition. Stradford told him not to strain her and yet he did it.

"Mum?" He asked, deeply worried about her.

She was trying to breath evenly and slowly but troublesome she managed to do that. Her gaze wandered towards James, who's eyes seemed to look pleadingly at her for not causing such sore feeling again. "What's wrong?" he asked confusedly.

"I know that your Dad and I did a lot of things wrong in the past, but please believe me when I'm saying that we never stopped loving you."

"I know," he said mildly, even though it wasn't honest. He only said it to appease her, because the truth was that he already lost hope. He didn't keep faith with himself, his future, just with nothing.

"You should sleep, Mum..."

"Promise me to stay here? Will you be here when I wake up? I want to be sure that you're fine."

James nodded slowly.

"Promise."

"Good..." she said tiredly. His mother let go of his arm and laid back down. She closed her eyes involuntary because her body was much to exhausted. James observed her irregular breathing until she finally felt asleep again. Her head fell to the side and remained there. James gently pulled one wisp of brown hair from her face back behind her ears, looking lovingly into the clear face.

'Lilli is a lot like you, Mum... She's a good-hearted witch. She's raised to be good and she has a great family. She will have a good future one day and will be doing what ever will make her happy. There is no way for her to have such a thing with me. It would always be full of fear and darkness. It would only make her life miserable, like Dad did it with you. She didn't deserve that... It was the right thing, that she didn't want to be with me, when I asked her to. Melissa was right, you know. Lilli would have be decayed with me. I don't want that for her so... kept her away from me is the only good thing I'm doing with my life. I protect her...'

James leaned back against the wall, feeling how cold and hard it was. It was the same like his life. He turned his view again to the sky outside the window, observing one bright star shining down to him, when he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 – Close to darkness II

James woke up again when the rays of the sun was shining through the window and ripped him out of his sleep. He woke up with a start, looking anxiously to the bed where his mother was laying. She was still asleep and they were still alone. Tricia hadn't come back and neither had his father. James breathed in deeply, closing his eyes again for one moment. He just wanted to be in this silence for one more second, before another excruciating day would pass. Every day with his family became that hard, became something he never wanted, something he wanted to escape from, but he couldn't anymore. He stood up and started to walk around the room. Normally, he would've left but his mother asked him yesterday to be there when she woke up, so he stayed and stopped at the window. His gaze was turned to the almost empty streets, where only a few Muggles were walking down. He watched the wind blew some leaves through the air past the window. Like they wanted to show that winter was coming and they had to left their tree. Winter was very cold in Britain, but James already felt cold inside. He doubted that it would made much of a difference.

After an eternity, at least it felt for him like that, it knocked on the door. Before he could even muttered anything, the door was opened and Tricia entered the room with a warm smile. Surprisingly, she wasn't alone but the one standing next to her was someone James had hoped to never see again.

"James," he heard the firm voice of Lucius Malfoy. His white hair underlined his cold and heartless appearance and even his perished eyes placed emphasis on his cruel expression. His whole attitude showed his greedy after power and viciousness. He was several years older than James and attended Hogwarts at the same time Patricia did and there was only one explanation for him being here in this room.

"Um, Lucius, could you give us a minute, please?" Tricia asked him with a shy smile.

"Of course. I'll be back in a minute."

He turned around and left, closing the door with a loud bang. Tricia tried to look confident at her brother, but he didn't respond and looked away. He didn't feel like smiling or giving any other feeling away. He actually expected something like this, because they got along so fine after Hogwarts and Malfoy was always hitting on her. Even if James had warned her, she would never have listened to him anyway. His sister was way to stubborn to listen to anyone else. It was just the same with himself.

"I should have told you sooner, I know... but... I never really had the opportunity to do so."

"How long are you guys dating?"

"A while," she answered gently. "But you know how Dad was thinking about the Malfoys. The same like he and Mum thought about the Kingcades. And you know, I thought if my little brother can do that, why shouldn't I? And who would both hate more than Lucius Malfoy?"

Tricia started to laugh but James didn't join in. He didn't feel like laughing, because he didn't like Malfoy as well and had quite reasons for that. Those were things, Tricia didn't know and he would never tell them to her.

"Are you happy with him?"

"Yes, I am. He gave me protection, you know. To be alone today, where a deatheater is around on every corner and dark magical people are hunting down white magical people, it was the best thing that could happen to me. To be with him, I mean."

'He's one of them, too, Tricia. Malfoy is a deatheater...'

He wanted to tell her, but he didn't. Somehow, he thought that she already knew that and that it was also the real reason she was with him, because he could protect her from his own people. James hoped that she was right about that.

"Did Dad know about this?"

"Why do you think we discuss that much? Surely not out of fun. How's Mum?"

"Sleeping."

"Was Healer Stradford already here to look at her?"

"No."

Because of his short answers, his sister seemed to notice that he wasn't in the mood of talking more than necessary, so she just nodded understandingly. She threw him a last smile before walking back to the door.

"I'll go search for my boy-friend."

"Okay."

His sister had just closed the door when his mother suddenly opened her eyes again, staring right at him. Her gaze was flimsy, as if they were about to be filled with tears. He didn't know what he should say, what wouldn't make her cry or didn't hurt her. Her gaze was telling him actually everything already. She also knew that Tricia was dating Malfoy the whole time.

"How are you?" he asked her to prevent the subject from being addressed. Sometimes, it was easier to ignore these things than to talk about it. Because then life would at least move on.

"Better... James... about Malfoy, I want you to know that -"

"Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"James, please -"

"No, I don't want to hear it. It didn't care about him and Tricia or you or Dad. Like you didn't care about me!" Those words just came out and he couldn't help it.

"That's not true! James, please -"

Before anyone could say something more, the door was opened again and Tricia and Malfoy entered the room along with the Healer.

"Maria?" She greeted her patient kindly.

"Mrs. Potter," Malfoy nodded and bend down his head slightly.

* * *

Malfoy, James and Tricia left the room for Stradford to examine the patient. James observed the flirting of them for a while, before turning away to the wall. It was much more interesting than them.

"James, Tricia!" their father called. He just ran towards them, since neither the daughter or the son made one step at him. Both threw him an indifferent look when he stopped in front of them. "How's your mother?"

"Healer Stradford is with her," James answered blankly. He managed very fast to shut his feelings away from his parents, no matter how deep that feeling was. They didn't care about him anyway. It didn't take long for Stradford to finally open the door again and letting them all in. She threw Michael Potter a surprised look when he walked passed her to rush at his wife's side. They hugged each other longingly, before he sat down next to her, holding her hand tightly.

"Maria? How are you?"

"Better," she said with a weak smile, but still eyeing her husband with a beloved look. James watched that scene passed, knowing that it was just acted for Malfoy and Stradford, because those two didn't know the truth about their marriage.

"You can rest at ease, Michael," Stradford said, before squeezing kindly his shoulder. "Maria made it again. The wounds are healing good, but I still want to keep her for observation. You can take her home in three days, of course only if nothing happened."

Mr. Potter laughed delightedly.

"That's great, Jeane. Thank you for everything."

"That's my job. I guess I won't disturb the family reunion any longer. See you."

She wasn't even out of the room when Mr. Potter threw a dark look at Malfoy, who didn't look so nicely back. Those were two men, who hated each other more than anyone else in the world and probably wished the worst misfortune on each other. One reason might be that the relationship of his enemy with his daughter were about to be serious and Mr. Potter seemed to hate every partner of his both children.

"Well, Mrs. Potter. I'm delighted to see that you're getting better. I'm sorry but I have to excuse myself. I still have a lot to do. I just wanted to bring Patricia," Malfoy said, looking snobbishly at her husband, while talking to her.

"And I'm very thankful for that to you," Tricia said gratefully, before leaning onto him to kiss him goodbye. They took their time to do that and James knew that it probably was intended to provoke his father like he, James, would've done it too. After Malfoy had left, Mr. Potter didn't wait a second to grab his daughter, letting go of his wife in that process. He straightened himself before her and looked as if he was about to explode.

"I thought I made it very clear to you that I don't want Malfoy in our life!"

"Well, you also made it very clear that you want me to do what you want as long as I live under your roof. I moved out which means that you lost every right to tell me what to do. Bad luck!"

"Tricia, Malfoy is-"

"I don't care about what you think of him. When will you accept that I already live my own life?"

"Never! You are my daughter!"

And their argument went on and one like that for hours, at least that's what it felt for James. Neither his mother or himself tried to interfere or gave a comment. Instead, they just continue to watch the other part of their family shouting at each other. James was sure that it had to be a charm onto the room or the people outside would've have already enter to watch. Finally, Patricia shock her head disbelievingly and grabbed her cloak.

"You know what? Go ahead and believe whatever you want to believe."

"Tricia!" He yelled out loud and firm.

"No! I'm not the little girl anymore. I'm a grown up and I can decide for myself who I date and who not! You don't have a say on this! I love Lucius Malfoy and we will stay together. Like it or not!"

She was about to open the door when Michael Potter shouted one last loud sentence at her.

"If you leave now, you don't have to come back! Ever! You won't be welcome in the Potter House anymore!"

Silence broke down and none of them dared to speak even one word. Everyone remained still to fully understand the threat the man had just gave away.

"O-Okay," Patricia stuttered and was the first to shake out of her rigidity. In the corner of her eyes, tears were finally appeared. She looked back, showing that she felt desperate and sorrow but also angry and lack of comprehension.

"You know where to find me," she said towards James and their mother. Without throwing a look to her father, she left, gently closing the door behind her. Michael Potter didn't hesitate to take his cloak and left as well. He didn't look back at his family nor did he spoke another word. This was what he always did whenever he ran away from problems. James and Maria remained back, but they also didn't change a word. After a while, James looked at his mother and stood up, taking his cloak as well.

"I think, I should go back to Hogwarts."

"That's right. You should go back... James? Please take care of yourself, okay?"

He needed some time to answer. Everytime he said goodbye to her, he had the strangest feeling that it was the last time and that she was going to disappear from his life. James knew that he didn't have to take care of himself. There was enough other people who're doing that for him. Jaivenko, his own godfather, Dumbledore, his friends, Melissa, Anna... But his mother was alone. Nobody took care of her, not his father, not her family, not her friends.

"I will..." he said blankly.

"Good," she said in a very gently voice. A voice, that could only come from a loving mother. She loved her children, but they've forgotten how to love back. James remembered the time, when everything was different, where they were still a happy family and didn't have to play that. Why was life that cruel to them? Did they probably even stand on the wrong side in this war? Those were painful doubts.

"Take care, Mum."

With those words he stood up and walked away. He would go back to Hogwarts, far away from the problems, which he was confronted with at home. Those were things, he wasn't interested in anymore. He would never open his heart for them again. He would never care about if his father care about his mother or not, like he would never care about if Tricia was about to disappear from his life for good. It didn't matter to him, what would happen with his family up till now. There was only one thing that mattered to him and that was his friends.

* * *

AT THE HOGWARTS GROUNDS

If Lilli thought thoroughly about it, she had expected to hang out alone again these days and this time, really alone. Diana and Remus tried the whole time to act as if they were just close friends, not more and avoiding Lilli in that process. The only one buying this was Peter.

But in fact, everything happened differently.

At lunch hour, she decided to sat down at the meadow to eat alone and study a little bit for potion. She just sat down and opened her book when suddenly a girl and 3 boys were sitting down at her side. Sirius, Remus, Peter and Anna took their place around her with their lunch placing in front of them.

"Man!" Sirius started to grunt, while laying down in the middle of the group. "Could anyone please tell me how Jaivenko managed to speak like a deatheater after having dinner with a dementor?"

"It's hardly her fault, if you are too dumb to understand her," Anna defended their teacher with a big grin, while eating her strawberry bun. "At least I understand her perfectly."

"Because you already know everything and not because she explain it to you."

"Is it my fault, that I'm not as retarded as you?"

"Maybe I'm just too smart for her?"

" Really inventive."

"I'm one of a kind!"

"Yeah, concerning stupidity."

"Don't you guys wanna give it a rest?" Remus asked, making an unbelievable grimace.

"No!" both answered simultaneously. Lilli couldn't help but laugh at their face, which couldn't be more similar to each other.

"You really want to go that far as to rip off each other's head?"

"Moonylie," Sirius said smirking, while waving negatively with his forefinger in front of his friend's face. "Anna could never rip my head off. She loves me too much for that."

"What?" she asked loudly amused and gave an arrogant "Ha" away. "Why in the world should I love such an elephant head? A cockroach has more power of attraction than you."

"And here I thought you are a Witch and not a parasite insect."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

"Ups! Damn it!"

Sirius jumped up in an instant and ran away as fast as he could, because only one moment later, a hopping mad and ready to kill Anna White was chasing him. Lilli threw Remus a puzzled look, but he only shrugged, still grinning broadly.

"It was bound to happen. Strangely, they got even harder on each other's throat if James isn't here."

"Yeah, I notice that," she said, smilingly observing Sirius running extremely daffy away from the friend, who tried to hex furuncle at his butt. But he always managed to jump away just in time, hid behind a tree and beckoned her over.

"Come on! Come on!" he said comically.

"Siriuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!" Anna bellowed angry everytime he did that, while chasing him through half of the Hogwarts grounds. He didn't seem to grow tired of running daffy away from her, while barking laughingly. In fact, it was just luck that he was faster than her. He had a lot of practice since his Animagus form was a dog and therefore gave him a lot of advantage over the friend.

"You and Anna get along fine, as I can tell now."

Lilli looked back to Remus in surprise.

"What do you mean?" she asked bewildered.

"Well, I know you both for some time now. In the last time, you two are much more heartily with each other. Anna was even okay with searching for you to eat lunch. Normally, she refused with tooth and nail and rather searched for Melissa. Sirius and I used to draw her with us but today she didn't even need to be persuaded. Only said okay after we told her we would looking for you at the meadow."

Lilli couldn't help but smiling delightedly. She liked Anna because she liked her appearance and her character. She was glad to find out that Anna wasn't an arrogant bitch, everyone else claimed she was. Well, she also wasn't what people would call normal, but Lilli liked that on her and found that part rather funny.

"You're worried about James, aren't you?" he asked caring.

"Yeah, I do. I can't get rid of the feeling that something is wrong."

"So do I..."

"Really?" she asked surprised, but Remus only nodded slightly.

"I'm worried, too. But James can take care of himself, so I'm not worried sick."

"Well, in that case..."

Lilli didn't know that Remus was playing at the full-moon nights, they were hanging out together, but she believed and trusted him. With one plunge, Sirius and Anna sat back down to them. Both were completely short of breath, gasping.

"Pause?" Remus asked giggly. Both couldn't do anything but only nod and gulp.

"Well, seemed like we're getting a bit long in the tooth, aren't we?" Lilli laughed without even thinking and regretted it just one second later, because Anna as well as Sirius narrowed their eyes at her and then looking knowingly at each other.

"She didn't really say that, did she?" he asked her meaningfully.

"Yes, she did," Anna said in the same voice.

"Ups -" Lilli said, hold off for only one second before jumping to her feet and ran away. Anna and Sirius didn't hesitate to chase her. Remus couldn't help but laughing, because funny enough, Lilli was way faster then both of them. He had the slight suspicion that they withheld on purpose, so Lilli would let herself be hunted by them and therefore sidetracked her from her worries about James. It became obvious that Lilli enjoyed that.

* * *

It also became clear that Anna and Sirius could sometimes be really gormless, especially if they talked about or better argued about issues, nobody else even care about. A lot like on that evening they were talking about the most meaningless topic one could imagine.

"No, there are 299 steps to the transfiguration classroom."

"You're wrong, Sirius! There are 301 steps."

"I counted them thousand times."

"I counted them thousand and _one_ time!"

"And you counted thousand and one time _wrong_!"

"Oh, dream on you dried raisin."

"Are we hungry, slobber brain?"

"That's rich, coming from you or who is the glutton? I don't have time for those tiffs anyway. I've to do rounds with Lilli, got that?!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Sirius said, pretending to be shocked about her commanding tone. A familiarly laugh broke up their discussion and with a look to the side they spotted who laughed at them. James!

"Never going to change, don't you?"

The group started to laugh with him, because he was absolutely right and also because they were rather relieved to have him back, safe and sound. Lilli was at ease to know that her feeling was wrong and she got him back.

"Yo, Prongs!" Sirius shouted. "Great to have you back! Our little Miss-Wannabe-Future-Dictator also known as Your-selfmade-surrogate-Head Boy was about to snitch your job – owie!"

"Jerk!" Anna hissed after punching him on the back of his head with her fist.

"You do know that it hurts, don't you? Soon enough, there won't be any brain cells left for you to be punched out."

"As if there ever existed any."

James sat down next to Lilli at the couch, seemingly searching for somebody at the group.

"Where is Lissy?"

'Of course, he asked for her first...' Lilli though desperately.

"Upstairs," Anna answered and winked at him. "She's waiting for you."

"Well, then... Anna, could you take over for me one last time?"

"Of course."

"Ey, Prongs! I could take over for you, too!" Sirius said at once, but James just threw him a smugly grin, before standing up to go upstairs.

"Of course, Pad, but I can't do that to Lilli."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" he howled offended, but James was already on his way. Anna started to twit.

"Hey, not fair!" he heard Sirius voice, but didn't catch what his friends did after that. James knocked on the door to the boys dorm before opening it carefully. Melissa sat cross-legged at his bed on the floor. Her eyes were glassy and showed that she had cried. He closed the door and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. Melissa just leaned her head on his shoulder, so James threw his arm around her to pull her to his chest, kissing her tightly at the head. For a long time, they didn't do anything but sitting there and holding onto each other.

He didn't know how many time passed, when he finally heard footsteps closing in. Sirius and the others were about to enter the room.

"You wanna go to bed?" he whispered tenderly, feeling how she nodded at his shoulder. He pulled her mildly up with him and they climbed into the bed. He closed the curtains and they laid down together. Melissa embraced his body as tight as she could.

"James?"

"Yes?"

"Never leave me again..."

"I promise, Lissy. I promise... I'm sorry."

"I love you, James. I can't bear the thought of losing you... or that something could ever happen to you."

"It's okay..." he whispered, putting his finger onto her soft lips. For one moment, he looked into those sparkle blue eyes and started to smile in love. She needed him and he needed her. They kept each other alive at this mean world and they gave each other the support the other one needed. He laid down on her and kissed her passionately at her lips.

"I love you, Lissy."

'How could I leave you, when we need each other so much? I love you, I know that. Unfortunately, I don't love you as much as you deserved to be loved. I thought I closed that thing up with Lilli. Friendship should be all I wanted to feel for her, but I kissed her and I liked it. I know, that she likes me, too and you know that I like her as well as she likes me. You always knew that. That's the reason you don't like her, isn't it? You are scared that I would leave you? I would never do that. I gave you a promise, don't you remember? I keep my promises, like you kept yours. I will always be with you. Always.'


	24. Chapter 24

There we go again: Chapter 24 and Chapter 25. There isn't really a lot to say about those chapters. Chapter 25 was written and added after Black Heart were completed. Kind of forget that when I posted that the first time in a forum so I had to add it after I posted it on FFnet to close up the story. Well, have fun!

sandraj35692: Hey there =) Thanks for the review. There will be more of his family in the later chapters and they'll have better times.   


* * *

Chapter 24 – What happened? I

Rain was dropping down at the heated up paving. For some, it was juts a warm summer rain, for others, it was the expression of pain from heaven, because of what was about to happen.

A twelve years old boy, black, unruly hair with hazelnut brown soulful eyes was walking at the streets. Even at this age, he already had a brawny, trained body. His mother was holding his hand while leading him to a house. After ringing the bell, the door was opened and a couple beamed at them. After they entered the house, his mother was smiling to him.

"James, go to the living room and wait there, okay?"

He nodded cheerfully and did as she said. He sat down onto the couch and waited. For what was another question, but James loved his mother and did everything she asked him to. For him, she was the world best mother ever, because no matter what he wanted she gave it to him. It seemed as if she always knew how to handle him, to raise him to a good and joyfully kid, who would also have much respect to others. His life was just perfect. He heard three people laughing and was sure that someone must have made a joke. It felt boring sitting there alone. Patience didn't belong to his best manners. The bell rang again and he suddenly heard the voice of his father. With pleasant anticipation James jumped to his feet and ran to the door, where he could look through a gap. It was indeed his father who entered the house. Michael Potter gave his wife a loving kiss before shaking hands with the couple.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Potter."

"The pleasure is mine. Please, call me Michael. I guess we're going to work together for a while."

The group laughed delightedly.

"Well then. I'm John."

"Monica."

"Maria."

"And the little one in the living room is your son, I suppose?"

"Son?" Michael asked totally baffled. His wife shock her head in disbelieve before nodding towards the couple.

"Yes, his name is James. We also have a daughter, Patricia and we're very proud of both children. They are really great. Only their father seemed to forget his wand every know and then."

"Wait, James is here?" Michael asked again, still confused, but Maria eyed him with a dispraising look.

"Guess why?"

"Oh no! Marcel and Swetlana were travelling back to Germany!"

"Yes! And you were suppose to get him home! Well done, Daddy."

"Well! Thank god, the kids have a wonderful, caring and reliable Mummy hahahahahaha."

James giggled at his father's laugh and face, which couldn't show more embarrassment. He obviously tried to smarm his way out of this situation, so his mother wouldn't bite his head off. "Enough said about our family," Maria said, rolling her eyes. "We should hurry or Voldemort will pre-empt us."

"Oh, right. Black Heart." John said comprehensibly.

"Well, I will bring my son home first," Maria said with a side glance to her husband. "You should go on without me. I'll catch up as soon as I brought him home."

"I'm sorry, Honey," Michael said, looking really guilty. "I totally forgot."

"Don't worry, _Sweetie_! It's very common to forget picking up the own son, especially if the best friends told one the very evening before that they are going to depart the next morning."

Maria Potter threw her husband a very naughty look before walking by to the living room to get her son. "Come on, kiddo. I'll get you home."

"Okay," the little boy answered and walked to his mother.

"Hey, Champ!" his father said, lifting his son up with his arms. Laughingly, he roughed up his son's hair, making him giggling cheerfully. Both simultaneously slid through their hair to make it even unrulier. Maria, John and Monica started to laugh at that view. Father and son really look a lot alike at that very moment. The doorbell suddenly rang again, not only one time but rather kept ringing.

"Who could that be?" John asked sceptically while opening the door. He was shuffled aside at once by a wizard, who forced his way towards the Potter couple.

"Michael, Maria, hurry!" he said hastily. "Count Valley are being attacked. There are deatheaters everywhere. We need every help we can get. They seemed to target the _Harpers_."

"But what about James?" Maria asked, looking afraid at her son, who looked confusedly back at his parents. The little boy didn't have the slightest idea why everyone around him were such apprehensive.

"He can stay here," Monica said calmingly. "We will look out for him."

"Well...," his mother seemed to hesitate, seeking help from her husband, but even he seemed to have doubts until the wizard prompted them again.

"Michael, we need to go! If we lose the _Harpers_, it won't be long to lose the _Finns_ as well. You know what that means, don't you?"

"Maria, Curtis is right..."

"I won't leave my son back without any defence."

"He's not alone. John and Monica are with him."

"They are non magical people. If Voldemort appears, they won't be able to protect him."

"Why should Voldemort appear at this place out of all? He didn't even know that he is here. If we can prevent Count Valley from being destroyed, he won't even be able to come this far."

"But -"

"Maria, we really don't have any time left," Curtis urged again. "We need to go."

So, she knelt down to her son, looking worriedly into amazed brown eyes and tried to smile confidently again. She stroke affectionately over his hair and sighed slightly.

"We'll come back as soon as we can, okay? I promise. Monica and John are going to take good care of you. You be a good boy and listen to them, okay?"

James nodded firmly. He was so brave that Maria smiled proudly and gave him a tight hug. While Michael embraced his son as well, she turned anxiously towards the other couple.

"Please, keep an good eye on him. I don't know what to do if anything happens -"

"Don't worry," John said immediately, looking assertive. "We will watch over him."

His parents gave James one last haggard look, before they disapparated like the other wizard. Monica closed the door again and then turned towards the young boy.

"Are you hungry, James? I can warm up something, if you like?"

He nodded and followed the woman into the kitchen.

"So, you're the child of Michael and Maria Potter. I suppose we will see a lot of each other in the future," John said, laughing heartily.

"I hope you like Spaghetti? It's really tasty!"

Monica put him something onto the plate and sat down across of him. The evening passed by without his parents coming back.

"Seems like you have to sleep here," Monica noted. She showed him the guest room which was comfortable and neutral furnished. There was a big window across the bed, where the streets and the sky could be observed from. It was quiet outside.

"Can I still get you anything?" she asked gently, but James shock his head.

"No, thanks. Mrs. um?"

"Ayenterro, Monica Ayenterro," the woman introduced herself.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ayenterro. I'm alright."

"Well then, good night, kiddo."

Mrs. Ayenterro closed the door behind her. James heard how the door of another room were opened and closed. He then walked to the window to look outside. His parents were again on a dangerous mission, but even though they weren't back yet, he knew that they would eventually. They always came back. He went back to the bed and laid down, putting his hands behind his head and looked up to the ceiling. Of course he should sleep. His parents would come tomorrow to pick him up. James closed his eyes, breathing in an out slowly...

* * *

He opened his eyes, looking directly into the dark eyes of Anna White.

"Ow..." James murmured.

"Ow?" she asked, grinning smugly, before reaching down to pull him up to his feet from the meadow. James sneak out with his hand to touch the back of his head as if trying to feel if everything was still whole. Apparently, everything was.

"What happened?" he asked disoriented.

"Well, judging from the circumstances, it seems as if you've fallen asleep. Did it start again?"

"Could be. Don't really know."

"What are you doing tonight? If you like I can renew the charm?"

James laughed amusedly.

"Actually, I do something tonight... _with my girlfriend_. These past days were hard for her and I wanted to spend the night with her."

"She really missed you. But nonetheless don't stave it off for too long. I'm worried because the gap is getting shorter. That can't be good, James."

"Well..." he said absently, but didn't complete his sentence, which caused her even more anxious.

"Did something happen?"

"Happen?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"Yes or no? You look like something happened."

"I do?"

"Yes."

He laughed and sat down on the bench. She sat down next to him, offering him a bottle of water, she just opened for him. The friend looked like he needed something to drink.

"Well, guess what? My sis has a new boyfriend."

"Who is it?"

James took a big gulp of water before he could even manage to say that disgusted name.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooy."

"..."

"..."

"What?" Anna said confusedly.

"Um?"

"Who the hell is Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooy? Did I know him?"

"Lucius Malfoy," he finally said weary. "Sorry, too much water."

"Patty and Malfoy?" Anna asked imperceptible. He nodded slightly depressed. The dark hair witch was actually the only one he could really talk to, because he felt understood and perhaps she was the only one besides him who knew everything about his family. "That's low."

"That's right."

"She... doesn't know about... _you know what_, does she?" Anna asked suspiciously.

"No, she doesn't. I can't hardly tell her now. She even cut ties with Dad because of him, who threw her out, forbid her to come back. Ever."

"Your Dad did what?"

"He threw her out of the family. Seems like the Potter family only have one misshapen son left. "

His friend needed a moment to assimilate these news, showed by her absent-minded glare.

"I – I'm sorry. Have you spoke with Patty?"

"No, I came back to Hogwarts instead. Mum is going to make it and the rest shouldn't be of my concern."

"James..." Anna said sympathetically.

"How was Hogwarts without me? Did you have fun with Lilli?" he cut her off before they could dive into that subject. With this behaviour, she understood that it was not the time to talk about that and she accepted his wish. She knew him well enough to know when to urge him and when it was better to leave him alone.

"It was good."

"So, you two get along?"

"Seems like it."

James smiled contentedly and couldn't help but throw her a meaningful look. He always knew that they would get along, once they made a step at each other. There were too many things, they had in common.

"And Melissa?"

"She secluded herself, but obviously you made up for everything just fine. She's walking around again like nobody and nothing could even reach her."

James just grinned broadly, but remained quiet.

"You're playing with fire, my friend."

"Yeah, never stopped," he admitted with a naughty smirk. Anna would have replied to that but the Gryffindor team was joining them for training, making it impossible for her to do so.

* * *

Lilli was sitting at the meadow together with Remus and Diana when Anna suddenly plunged next to them, smiling meaningfully and threw them a firm glance.

"Hey."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hey," Lilli finally respond, looking mazed since their friend kept on staring instead of talking anything else. The situation was a little bit strange since this time neither James or Sirius was with them. She had never joined them only because of Remus.

"And... How are you? Great! Lil, I need you for a second."

And without even giving them an opportunity to answer, Anna pulled Lilli away from them to a tree near the sea, where she pulled her down. Leaving Remus and Diana perplexed back.

"Anna, what's wrong?" she asked confusedly.

"I need your help," the friend answered.

"My help?"

"Consider James."

"Err, okay. Sure. What do you want me to do?" Lilli was taken by surprise and somehow felt slightly stupid.

"I changed the plan."

"What plan?"

"My plan."

"Err, okay," she said dizzily, looking sceptically at her. It wasn't that she didn't like Anna, but playing according to a plan, made by a probably real crazy dark-magical witch, kind of felt stunning and it wasn't a good feeling.

"Trust me. If it's about James, I only try to protect him."

"Haven't said anything..."

"No, but your face speaks volumes."

"Okay," Lilli said, still unsure. "So, what should I do?"

"You like Amos Diggory?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" she squealed disbelievingly, looking rather diverted.

"Great!"

"Great?"

Anna just winked with an eye and started to smirk pleased. Lilli couldn't read anything in this face and something told her that she wouldn't find out the real intention behind those dark eyes.

"Anna, what are you up to?"

"You'll see. Just... trust me on this one."

"I do," Lilli said with a little smile, because she really did.

"Thank you," Anna said, likewise with a little smile.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: Go on I 

There were loud screams of horror, his heart rushed like hell with every beat in his body feeling like a punch on his chest. The air smelled like something rotten, itching in his lungs. The pain, which dragged along every nerve, hurt just too much to bear it any longer.

With a start, James woke up, breathing heavily. Did he yelled? Did he even give away any sound? Did anyone even notice what just had happened? His chest was naked and completely sweated. Disoriented, he looked around to sort the situation out until realising appalled that Anna was laying unconsciously next to him at the ground. He dropped down to her, pulling her up by her shoulders. Several times, he called her name to wake her up while simultaneously jogging her, feeling frightened with every second, that ticked by and she didn't regain consciousness, until she finally slowly opened her eyes again. Her hand slowly grasped her forehead.

"Ow," she stuttered weak.

"Thank Merlin!" James said relieved, taking his time to calm himself down. "What happened?" he asked with a guilty consciousness, knowing that her bad shape was his fault. Anna didn't answer. Instead, she pulled herself up and sat down at his bed, believing that it wouldn't help anybody to tell, she just smiled confidently.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine."

But his expression hadn't changed, while he sat down next to her, looking sorrowful down.

"I'm sorry," James apologized again, seeing how worse her condition really was. Anna didn't respond, but smiled slightly before standing up and leaving. Outside the boys dorm, she leaned at the wall and closed her eyes in ease. She had to compose herself, because it was bad to be seen like that or even remaining at her best friend's side when looking like she was about to faint any moment. One strange feeling pulled her out of her rigidity, caused the dark eyes to open at once. There was nobody there anymore, but she already felt the person, who was there a second ago.

"What are you doing to him, Lissy..." she said quietly to herself, knowing that the floor was deserted again.

* * *

The leaves were gently falling down from their branch, some of them were even floating away with the wind supporting them. The other part, which didn't go that way, had to be satisfied with being kicked around by the various students at Hogwarts. Lilli and Sirius were throwing bunch of leaves against each other in order to bury the other one under the leaves. Anna stood away from them, observing how they did that while laughing cheerfully each time they scored a hit. Sirius continued to grimace funnily and even let himself get hit by Lilli's bunch of leaves on purpose. Every now and then, he actually threw himself onto her with his whole bunch of leaves, which caused both to fell down and being buried together.

Anna stopped watching them, turning her view up to the sky. Times would get darker soon enough. Knowing that bright times like today were about to be diminished or probably even wiped out giving her feelings, she didn't really wanted to feel. Those were the reasons she never wanted to bond with Lilli and why she broke up with Sirius in the first place. The knowledge of what was about to happen was heavy and painful. The thought of this made her regret to ever let herself falling in love with Sirius. She wished she had never started to speak with Lilli like she has done these past few weeks.

She was already doing everything she could to prevent was what about to happen, but with every step she took forward someone seemed to push her back by force and everything she accomplished collapsed again. Why couldn't Dumbledore just kept his damn wisdom and magic instead of passing it on to her.

And then it suddenly happened. First it was just the fragrance of leaves growing stronger around her when she then suddenly found herself buried under a huge bunch of leaves, which was thrown at her by Lilli and Sirius. Both stood laughingly at her sides now.

"No permission to hide, White!" Sirius smirked, whereupon Anna joined in. For this moment, she just wanted to be the student she was, be free and joyfully again and just forget about all the problems, that lurked around them, wanting to be like everyone else, to be like her friends.

"You guys smell like mist," James commented at lunch, but Sirius waved with his forefinger in front of his friend's face, looking reprehensive.

"Prongsie, that's not mist. It's the autumn."

"Sure, Pad. Autumn consist of mist."

"No, it's autumn."

"Yes, mist."

"No! Autumn!"

"Well, you guys go on and have fun. Excuse us." Anna gave Lilli a signal to follow her, so the Head Girl stood up and both went away.

"Autumn!" Sirius continued.

"Mist."

"Autumn!"

"Autumn."

"Mist!"

"Okay, you're right, Padfoot. It's mist," James said satisfied.

"Jerk!" Sirius barked.

In the meantime, Anna walked Lilli outside the great hall to search for a quiet place to talk.

"You remember I used to ask you about Diggory?" she started after they hid in an empty floor.

"Sure, and?" Lilli asked curios.

"Did you know he's a heir of Hufflepuff? Means that he has Hufflepuff blood in his veins."

"Um, no. Really?"

"Yeah, not many know about this. Maybe neither his own family."

"And you know it because-?"

"Because I'm all knowing," Anna answered sarcastically, but continued without even gave Lilli an opportunity to respond. "I also know that he has a thing for you and I know he's not very kind of James."

"Amos and I are friends. He never said anything bad about James to me."

"Yeah, great," she continued, seemingly ignoring Lilli's Comment, causing the Head Girl to frown. "Anyway, James' condition got worse. There is a protection charm I could use, but therefore I need something from Amos Diggory and you're the only one getting that from him. Since I know he likes you a lot I'm sure it will be easier for you to get that."

Lilli frowned even more, looking rather sceptical at her friend now.

"What exactly do you need from him?"

But Anna just smiled benignly, giving her a satisfied look.

* * *

After that both went back into the great hall, where Lilli actually intended to follow Anna to the Gryffindor table to finish breakfast when said person pushed her halfway right into the very arms of Amos Diggory. He was coincidentally about to stand up right at that very moment and both bumped together.

"Hey, there!" Diggory greeted, beaming like a sausage dog.

"H-Hey," Lilli stuttered surprisingly, trying hard to smile back, in order to not curse Anna in her mind for doing that. Behind Diggory's back she caught sight of her classmate, who just sat back down next to the Marauders and Kingcade, gesticulating her encouraging to take a step towards the guy. "H-How are you?"

"Oh no! You've heard of it, haven't you?" Diggory said dolefully. "I didn't thought it would go around that fast."

The guy looked now more like a crying little child than the captain of a Quidditch team.

"Um, -" the witch said shortly. Truth was, she didn't have the slightest clue what he meant.

"I don't understand Karen," he continued. "You know I was ready to make the world her oyster and still she breaks up with me."

Okay, now she had a faint idea. Lilli couldn't help but shooting a disapproval look at Anna, whom she was sure knew about that break up and apparently was more than pleased with herself, because the dark hair witch just took her glass of orange juice and toasting to her. Unfortunately, Kingsley Shaklebolt sat not so far away behind Lilli and caught this the wrong way, which concluded in him taking his glass and toasting back to her. The satisfied smile immediately vanished from her face and Anna lifted the glass back onto the table, not without Sirius and James catching all of this. Both guys were now looking at the friend eagerly, but the girl just smiled awkwardly at them about the mistake. While James grinned back, Sirius rolled his eyes angrily.

"As if this troll even has a chance, pfffffffffff!" latter one spat before stuffing a whole sandwich in his mouth. It was the first time, Anna heard a hint of jealousy in his voice. Unfortunately, she didn't know if she should be upset, because she essentially wanted him to go on and be happy without her, or being chuffed, because it showed that he still cared about her other than he normally liked to deny.

* * *

At herbology, they had to work in groups to allocate the herbals to the right potions. Sirius, Anna, Kingsley and Remus were put in one group, Diggory, Lilli, James and Kingcade in another one. Both groups were sitting close to each other and while Remus and James were doing their work relatively peaceful and concentrated, a very strange fight occurred between Kingsley and Sirius as well as Lilli and Kingcade with Anna in the middle of both pairings. Everything started with a simple sentence from Kingsley to Anna.

"Hey, Anna -"

"Yes?" Sirius interfered. Kingsley ignored the Gryffindor and continued after turning towards the dark hair girl.

"You know, Saturday will be the _Autumncall_ in Hogsmeade. I wanted to ask you, if you're going?"

"I-" she answered, but was suddenly cut off by Sirius.

"Of course, I'm going!" he grinned broadly. "What's with you, Shaklebolt? Are you going?"

"Great, Black. I'm talking to Anna."

"But I've already answered. Talk to me!"

The situation on the table next to them weren't so much different. Anna thought that if Sirius were already _talking_ with Kingsley, she could turn to Lilli.

"Psst!" she hissed.

Nothing. Lilli pretended to be busy with searching for something in her book while Diggory next to her were throwing longing gazes at her.

"Psssssssst!" Anna tried again.

Still nothing. Lilli was still pretending hard as if she couldn't hear anything. Somehow, she had the suspicion that her friend was again about to do something that would make her seem like she was hitting on Diggory. Considered the fact that James was sitting right in front of her, this was the last thing she wanted to do now. Another reason was the fact that Kingcade were with them, too. Lilli neither wanted to give that girl the satisfaction to think that she had given up on James nor did she want to hurt the boy she was still in love with in case he might felt more for her than friendship.

"Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst!"

Diggory, James and Kingcade were now looking at Anna, while Lilli were only very slowly turning around with grinding tears.

"Well, Lilli," Anna said briskly. "Unfortunately, I can't go with you to Hogsmeade on Saturday. Seems like you have to ask someone else to join you at the _Autumncall_. I have some other obligations."

"Err -" came out, right before Anna were giving her a hard friendly clap onto the shoulder. "Ow!"

"I'm really sorry! But maybe there is someone else, who likes to join? Amos?"

"YES! Of course!" he said delightedly without hesitation, beaming at both girls.

"Oh, Anna? Does this mean you're staying at Hogwarts?" Kingsley asked, which caused her to turn back to her own table.

"Err -" she started to explain, but was cut off by Sirius again, who answered instead the second time.

"Of course, I'm staying at Hogwarts! Surely, you'll have fun at Hogsmeade, won't you, Shaklebolt?"

"I'm talking to Anna!"

"Consider that she didn't answer you, it seems to me that she doesn't like to talk to you, does she?"

"So, you're going with Amos to Hogsmeade to attend the _Autumncall_?" Kingcade asked Lilli at the other table. Her voice clearly had a trace of victory.

"Err -" Lilli answered slightly irritated to be addressed by Kingcade without following an insult.

"We will also go -" Kingcade visibly squeezed James Hand in hers. "As a _couple_."

"That's too bad, Anna," Kingsley said at the other table and was trying to hide his disappointment. "I actually wanted to ask you if you like to go with me to the _Autumncall." _

"I-" Anna started before she was cut off by Sirius for the third time.

"Are you satisfied now? She talked to you! Could we now please change the subject?"

"Hey! I think we're done!" James cheered, while placing the last herbal to the right potion. "We've beat you guys, Moony!"

"Oh, really, Prongs?" Remus said surprised. "I think I can see from here that your deadly Arobia root are placed to a healing potion. The only one getting cured by that potion are zombies."

"Speaking of healing potion," Kingsley started a new try to involve his classmate into a conversation, but Sirius couldn't help but constrict this attempt one more time.

"Of course I'll ask Madam Pomfrey if she has a wart curing potion for you, Shaklebolt! No problem!"

"Wart curing potion?" Remus repeated smirking, not that he even looked up from his book for that. Kinglsey threw an angry glare at Sirius.

"I didn't talk to you, Black! I spoke with Anna!"

"You know that people like you are called stalker?"

"Shut up! Anna, back to the healing potions. I've heard you are talented in making them -"

"For your warts?"

"I don't have warts, Black!"

"Really? I'm seeing two very big ones in the middle of your face. Oh, stop! Those are your nostrils. My mistake!"

"Funny! Now, can you back off, so I can have my conversation with ANNA!"

"Sure! Ask her about the zombies."

"Thank you! Now, Anna, about the zombies you're talented in making -"

And Sirius, Remus and James snorted out loud with laughter.

"Zombies made by Anna White," Sirius laughed way to loud for the others to not notice their joke, causing Kinglsey to become crimson in the face. He pulled himself together, turned again to Anna and straightened himself.

"Of course I meant the curing potion -"

But before he could complete his question, everyone around them packed their stuff to storm out. Class was over.

"Too bad, Shaklebolt! Looks like she can't talk further. Nice chat! See you later!"

And with that Sirius pulled Anna with him out of the room.

"You know that you were kind of mean?" Anna reminded Sirius while they entered the classroom for history of magic. Apparently, guilt was the last thing, he was feeling at that moment because he kept on smiling charmingly while they sat down onto their seats. Anna just shook disbelievingly her head, looking back to search for Lilli. She found her entering the room with Diggory at her side, who obviously had walked her to the classroom. After he gave her a kiss onto the cheek, he turned around and left. Lilli sat down next to Anna, looking rather angry than joyful.

"Thanks to you, Amos really thinks I'm into him."

"Great! See, plan works."

"Not great!" Lilli complained. "I wanted to built a good friendship, not a love relationship."

"Yeah, it's just that he won't give _it_ to you, because you're good friends."

"But I'm not into him, Anna! I can't just act like I am."

"Even if it's for James?"

She actually hated that her friend knew exactly what to say to get her to do things, she doesn't really wanted. Blackmailing seems to be a good expression for her actions, Lilli though sarcastically.

"There is really no other way around to get it?"

"I wish there was, but no, there isn't," Anna said firmly. "The chances for Amos doing that for James by choice is as high as the chances for Kingsley asking me out this year without Sirius interfering."

* * *

Saturday arrived and with that also the festival at Hogsmeade. Lilli went there with Diggory, even though her eyes were only on James, who went there with Kingcade. The couple were sitting tightly embracing each other at the bonfire with all the other couples near them. Lilli found herself standing lonely again near them and observing the two. Hope was ripped away from her a second time. Should it really be that way? Are they really never going to be more than friends? Everytime she thought she got closer to him and felt sure that Kingcade was the worst for him, destiny taught her better. It showed her that they would never end up together and that the guy, she was in love with, was deeply in love with his current girlfriend. She wanted to turn back time so badly and just changed everything that happened. If she only had known...

"That's called high-volume vomiting!" Sirius commented and was suddenly leaning next to her on the railing. They both looked down to the couples on the bonfire.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked kindly before giving him a soft nudge with her shoulder.

He smiled at her and turned back to the bonfire.

"Where else am I suppose to be if the whole school is here?"

"Well, um-"

"Do you know what the _Autumncall_ actually is?"

"We celebrate the freedom of every magical being?"

"Not exactly, Lil. There is also a very old Lovestory around that festival. Once, there were 2 people meant for each other ever since their birth, but they never found the partner. Destiny was just against them, much like all their friends and even themselves."

"How is that possible to be meant for each other and simultaneously against destiny's will? I mean, isn't destiny the one who chose who are meant for each other?"

"And if not?"

Lilli was upset at his words, because this story was obviously not a fairytale with a happy ending.

"What happened to them?" she asked gently.

"They died, hoping to reborn one day as the same being to finally be able to find each other and to overcome destiny and everything and everyone, that was against them."

Frustratedly, she knew now that she was right. It was a sad story.

"It looks like you and Prongs are their reincarnation. Unfortunately, again no luck for them."

"Or you and Anna," she said sympathetically. Sirius just smiled sadly.

"Yeah, or that..."

With that being said, he disappeared from her side and walked down to the bonfire to James and Kingcade. Surprised, she witnessed how he plunged down right between the kissing couple, tearing them apart by that and started to keep them into a long conversation with him. As James best friend and one of Kingcade's close friends, Sirius was probably the only one allowed to do that without getting a retaliation from Kingcade.

"Thank you, Sirius," Lilli smiled considerately and then turned around to search for Diggory. It was time to get her work done.

* * *

While Anna was still sitting in Hogwarts in the girls dorm at a mug, throwing ingredients in every now and then, Sirius, James and Kingcade were still sitting around the bonfire in Hogsmeade, laughing together. The couples around them kept on observing the fire, while near them Remus and Diana were talking to each other, eying the partner with a shy but sweet look every now and then under the spangled sky. Not far away from them, there were two more people, who were talking friendly with each other at first. Lilli Evans and Amos Diggory. As their conversation went on, Diggory got closer to her until she felt his shoulder on hers. And Lilli let him lay his hand under her chin, while moving closer with his lips onto hers. She plugged the slide out of her hair to let the long red hair flipped down in a very beautiful way. Diggory was seemingly very keen of that view because he moved even closer to her. Lilli leaned subtle aside and Diggory had to move with her to remain close enough on her lips when it suddenly happened -

"Ow!" Diggory's hand landed exactly onto her sharp and spiky hairslide.

"Oh damn it! You got hurt?" she asked appalled but put the slide aside at once.

"Blimey! It's bleeding."

"I'm so sorry, Amos. I should have be more attentive."

"No, no... It's not your fault, Lilli. These things happened... well... I am... better get that treated."

"That's a good idea, before it's get an infection."

"Right."

For a second, both looked embarrassedly at each other before Diggory finally bend over to her to give her a very shy kiss onto the cheek. He had no choice, since Lilli turned away at the right moment, consequently he could only met her cheek. Diggory then walked away and after he was out of sight she walked back to Hogwarts as well. She went to the girls dorm, knowing very well that the only one there would be Anna, whom she handed over the bloody slide. She took it with a short nod before throwing the whole slide into the mug.

"Tibi cunctus malus cedere impero. Mihi sanguinis Hufflepuffae est. Mihi bonus Sanguis est."

Anna put Lilli's Hand into her's and gave her an asking look. She only nodded back and watched the girl stab gently with a sharp knife at the upper arm. There was indeed no pain like she told her. Lilli observed how Anna let the blood glide from the knife into the mug and caused a small explosion with that. The white smoke changed the colour into yellow like the fluid in the mug did.

* * *

At the end of that evening, every student walked back to the castle. They were observed by Anna and Lilli, who were standing at the window and looked at the moving lit torches.

"Anna?"

"Um?"

"James... it will protect him, won't it?"

"Yes... it will. I don't know for how long though."

"..."

"Lilli?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," Anna said, turning her eyes away from the students towards the friend, who was standing next to her and smiling kindly.

"No problem."

"I'm curious now, is there something between you and Diggory? Did you guys catch the fire?"

But Lilli laughed amusedly and shook her head. No, it would always be just James for her. Even if he didn't see her like she wanted to.


	26. Chapter 26

And another 2 chapters. I admit, I'm really lazy öÖ I thought I would translate at least three chapters, because I really wanted to be through with everything to have everything covered in Chains of Xerchia, which wasn't explained or solved in Black Heart. Damn it!

Review:

sandraj45692: Hey there =) Thank you for your kind words. That chapter was acutally written a lot later after the story was already finished. But it's funny to know that you think alike, because I liked that chapter a lot too ^^

* * *

Chapter 26 – Go on I

Autumn went by without any further events disturbing their peace. December arrived and with this an icy cold worked its way inside Hogwarts. Everyone was walking around on the schoolgrounds wearing thick robes, warming scarves and gloves. Even inside the castle the scarf remained on the neck. The group were sitting together to eat breakfast in the great hall. Like every morning, owls were delivering the post and one of them brought a letter to James that day, landing directly in his cereal to stretch out its leg with the paper.

"Thanks," he said sarcastically for polluting his breakfast. After he took off the letter, he immediately noticed the Potter emblem on the envelope.

"From your father," Kingcade said anxiously. He nodded abstractedly before swallowing down the lump in his throat. He had a vague suspicion but had been hoping that it would be cancelled this year. Lilli looked curious at everyone of them, but hold back with any questions. The tension between the friends made it impossible to do that anyway. She was sure that if he was ready, James would tell her eventually. A minute later, he laughed dryly and passed the letter to Sirius, who read it fast before handing it to Anna. The witch passed it to Remus without even reading.

"Okay," the latter one said and gave the paper to Peter, who also read it very fast before giving it back to James.

"Okay?" Lilli asked confusedly.

"Yes?"

"What's wrong?" she finally asked, since obviously nobody seemed to care about the fact that she was completely left out.

"That's the invitation to the annual Potter-Christmasparty. I didn't think they would do it this year," James explained, but looking at Kingcade instead of Lilli. His girlfriend wasn't very keen about the message.

"Okay..." Lilli didn't really feel a lot smarter now. Sirius noticed her confusion and decided to help her out.

"You may need to know that Mr. Potter... well... he's kind of against several people, if they are suppose to be the partner of their children."

"Err?"

"Against dark-magical ones, for example."

"Or against Halfblood ones," Remus continued contemplatively.

"Or against Muggleborn ones," Anna finished the examples, throwing a strange smile towards Lilli. It was clear that she found that kind of amusing, considered the fact that James current girlfriend was dark-magical and Lilli was a Muggelborn witch.

"Why?" she asked uncomprehendingly, directing her question at Kingcade for the first time, but the blond girl only shrugged and threw a frustrated look to her boyfriend.

"It's not like Mr. Potter tells everyone in the world, why he hates me."

"Forget about him, Lissy," James said immediately, giving her a gentle kiss on her lips. "We'll just stay away from the party. Then, we don't have to listen or see him."

"Nice try, James," Anna said sarcastically. "You know that one: your father will always find a way to get you home and two: We are also invited. Looks great if we arrive without their son."

"I won't abandon my girlfriend at Christmas!"

"James?" Kingcade suddenly said with an atypical caring voice. "I don't want you to fall out with your father more than you already are, just because of me."

"So you want to give up and let my Dad has his way?"

"No!" she said, looking at her friends for help. "That's not what I meant. Anna, Sirius, you both saw with your own eyes what happened last year at Mr. Potter's birthday. Maybe it's better to not appear there this year for me to prevent something like that from happening again."

"What happened last year?" Lilli asked suspiciously. "If I may ask?"

She looked unsure at Sirius, because if anyone would tell her, it might be him and she was right. Sirius was the one telling her the story.

"Well, Mr. Potter has been holding a grudge against Lissy for a very long time. He didn't like her as a daughter-in-law, because he thinks she's all dark-magical. Last year, Prongs took her to his Dad's birthday and – um – he looked a lot like a bull in front of a red blanket. With a lot of fantasy, you could even saw the horns above his head and the smoke puffing out of his nostrils."

"He's been trying to scare away every girl, who didn't fit in his family for him and he'd stoop to anything to get his way."

This sentences was not speak with fear or panic in her voice, like expected, but rather with a certain satisfaction against Lilli. It was like Kingcade wanted to show her that her chances to get James were now even more diminished.

"Mr. Potter is alright," Anna defended James' father, giving Lilli an encouraging look. "He wants the best for his children and considered Patty, he has every reason to be that hard. And by the way, Mr. Potter has his reason for being like that and _you know that, Lissy_!"

The latter one was said very firmly and Anna gave Kingcade a crossly gaze. Anna was like an adopted daughter for the Potter family. James' parents liked her a lot and even treated her like the daughter they never had. Funnily, that wasn't a reason for Patricia and Anna to not get along with each other. They both were also very close and the Potter daughter even considered Anna a little sister, she also wanted to protect and helped with words and deeds.

"James, stop provoking your father like that. Attend the party on your own."

"If I do that, he'll never accept Lissy and he's never going to give up his repulsion."

"Like father, like son," Anna commented ironically. She knew both Potter men better than most of the others and was perfectly able to tell that father and son were more alike as they would ever admit to anyone.

"Your father clearly wrote down in the letter that you're not allowed to bring Lissy." Remus tried to talk insistently to his friend as well. Unfortunately, it was all in vain.

"Let him be, Moony," Sirius said, grinning broadly at his friend. He knew his best friend a lot better than his other friends and knew when talking was good and when it get nowhere.

* * *

The few weeks until Christmas went by. The snow has found his way down to the meadow and laid a white blanket through the roofs of Hogwarts. Lilli and Anna walked together from the Gryffindor tower towards the great hall to get dinner.

"Anna? Do you remember when you said to Melissa that she knew that James' Dad has his reasons to be against her? I don't want to pry or something but... You know... I would like to know..."

'Yeah right... that's the same, you stupid cow!' she thought embarrassed.

"Lilli? Why are you asking so many about things that are none of your business?" The witch suddenly blurted out irascibly. At that very moment, her expression was really severe, unlike the usual sarcastically one.

"I – um..."

"You know, if you don't ask all the time questions to pry these things out, you could almost be endurable. Can't you try to take things like they come without forcing to know _every_ tiny little detail? It's great that you are suspicious and question, rather than just believing everything but there are things you just have to wait until you get it without forcing to get them. Try to speak about other things instead of forcing private things out of me."

"Okay..." she said embarrassedly about what she just heard. Her words, even though they made sense, piercing her to the heart. "Okay, you made your point."

'I just didn't want to be left out...'

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Anna suddenly said with a changed expression, like she really knew exactly what Lilli just thought and regretted her words. "It's just... it's kind of annoying if you try to force something to be told what you might know anyway sooner or later. I have a lot of other things to take care of and I don't talk about that. I just carry it out. If you want us to be friends, you need to trust me on what I'm telling you and what not... Come on, let's eat."

Both entered the great hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table for dinner. Their view immediately turned towards Kingcade, who appeared very despondent and had eaten only a few bites from her plate.

"Lissy?" Anna asked worriedly. "Are you okay?"

The girl looked up and shook her head. Her eyes were swollen and tear-stained.

"What happened?" she asked carefully. James took out a letter from Kingcade's hand and handed it to her. It only took a short moment for Anna to read it, before she stood up at once to walk over to her Kingcade and engulfed her in a hug. "I'm so sorry..." she whispered while hugging her cautiously. Lilli saw that Kingcade gladly let Anna comforted her and even saw her crying on the friend's shoulder, as if she really needed her consolation and friendship. Both stood up together and left the great hall without eating dinner. Lilli was sure that Kingcade couldn't have eat anything anyway in her condition.

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Alice suddenly threw Lilli an expectant look, causing her to frown. "What?"

"You don't ask what happened?" Sirius asked surprised and Lilli felt her face became crimson, feeling very awkward. Did she really ask that much?

* * *

While doing their rounds that evening, James indeed told her everything without her even asking him about. They walked a while through the corridors when he raised that subject.

"The letter was from Lissy's uncle."

"To be honest, yes... Her parents died. The letter was from her uncle Adam."

"Her parents... died?" she repeated shocked, freezing right where she was standing. James stopped as well and nodded sadly.

"Yeah... I've already told you that she already lost her brother and sister. Now, she even lost her parents. Somebody seemed to methodically kill of the whole Kingcade family."

"What's that suppose to mean? I'm sorry," she added softly. The question was just blurted out and she couldn't help it, but James only smiled gently.

"Lissy's parents weren't killed by Aurors of the Ministry of Magic. They were found dead in their own house and killed by the unforgivable Death curse, which everybody knows aren't used by Aurors. They don't know who did it though. This makes it even harder for Lissy. It means, she can't hate someone, because she doesn't know who did it."

Lilli nodded upset, feeling now really sorry for her archrival.

"Unbelievable. How can anybody be that cruel? Could it... be Voldemort?"

"Possible, but wouldn't make sense."

"Why?"

"Because the Kingcades were dark-magical. Meaning, that they shared his view considering Muggles and Halfbloods."

"And you look up to them?"

"Um?"

'Damn it!' Why didn't she think first, before telling secrets from others? Anna told it to her in private and she just blurted it out.

"I mean... I just heard that you are close to the Kingcades."

Lilli waited a moment, hoping that her attempt to explain would work.

"Well... yes... we are... But I would like to know where you heard that."

"Can't remember, somewhere. Anyway, I can imagine that it must be hard for you, too, losing them that way."

"It is, but you should feel more sorry for Lissy. Now, she lost nearly every relative except for her uncle and that's in my view the worst."

"Yes, it is worse to lose so many -"

"No, I mean, that Adam Kingcade is the only one, she has now. That's the worst. He is a... He belongs to the deatheaters."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, and if he's the one caring for her up till now, it's going to be a big problem. Funnily, Adam Kingcade hates me as much as my father hates Lissy."

"Sounds like Romeo and Juliet," she said bitterly.

"Who?"

"Romeo and Juliet. You don't know them?"

"Should I?"

"It's just the most popular dramatically Love-story in the world. Everybody knows it."

"..."

"Well... It's a lot like with you two. Both family hate each other, but their children are in love. In the End, both children had to commit suicide to get their family to finally make peace."

"You like it slushy, don't you?"

"Um-"

They went on with their rounds without Lilli having to give him an answer on that comment.

"Unfortunately, the funeral is exactly at Christmas."

"Christmas?"

"Yeah, I'll go back at this weekend to my parents and the funeral will also be at Sunday. Since Adam hates me like poison, I'll should stay away. The funeral are going to be closed for outsiders anyway. There will be just some people she's far related to, not very close. I'm worrying about her if nobody of us is with her there. Anna won't be there, too. She'll be alone at her parents' funeral."

Lilli nodded understandingly. The mood was gloomy and sad. As if the happenings wasn't bad enough, new ones kept on coming. Things, which didn't just infect anybody, but the people, who are close to her, like James.

"It's so grievous. Didn't seem to be a good Christmas this year..."

"Yeah..., but at least, you'll have a good time. You're going back to your parents, too, right?"

She laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah, right. I'll go home to my lovely sister, who are going to throw me out as soon as I step in front of her."

"Um?"

"My parents will be on vacation on Christmas and Petunia will be alone at home. We're not very close anymore, so I'll spend Christmas at Hogwarts. Like every year..."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will."

"You, you won't."

"Yes, I will," she repeated confusedly.

"No, because a party in the Potter-house is awaiting you."

"What?" she asked amusedly, believing that it was a big joke of him, but James didn't give another comment. Instead, he walked proudly away, grinning broadly.

"James? What was that again with: Your father hates Muggelborn witches?!"

Nothing.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 – Go on II

Friday morning, Lilli woke up with a bad feeling in her guts. It wasn't the sun, that woke her up, but a strange apprehension, telling her that this weekend might become disastrous. However, she straightened herself and looked around in the dorm. Most of the others finished packing. A lot of them weren't going to remain in Hogwarts at Christmas and therefore prepared to travel back home. She would have done that too if her parents stayed home. But they didn't and the short letter with the small sentences: _Aren't at home this year on Christmas. You and Petunia have fun! Presents are under the Tree, Mum and Dad!_ Were not really much telling. The truth was that the letter gave her a nasty shock and her mood went down abruptly. Even though James invitation to join them for Christmas felt like a slap in the face, she were also kind of excited. She didn't know his parents and it wasn't her intention to take advantage of Kingcade's absence, caused by her parents death, but she also didn't want to spend Christmas solitary at a deserted castle. The feeling to be left back wasn't a good thing and at home, only Petunia made her felt that way, while at Hogwarts, she had been feeling like that almost every day. It changed lately because of Sirius, James and Anna and Lilli didn't want to lose that emotion again, at least not if she can help it.

"Are you ready?" Anna just walked through the door, dressed up and without any luggage. Lilli looked quizzically at her, but the girl only grinned broadly before sitting down at her side, behaving a lot out of character like. Her expression was exceptionally friendly and had an open smile, not even the slightest cunning.

"The other day, you've caught what we've said about James parents, haven't you?" Anna started gently.

"If you talk about the _not kind of muggleborn witches thing_, then yes, I have."

"It's not that they don't like them as people, just don't as the partner of their children. They're... overprotective. But, since James are taking you home instead of Lissy and I'm sure it's not the best for their already broken relationship, if his father slash at you, we made a plan behind James' back. We're going to trick Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

"Err?"

"We won't tell them that you're a muggleborn witch."

"Really?" she asked, feeling amused now and wondered whose crazy idea that could be. The Head Girl found herself again asking how stupid they thought of some people, if they believed those imbecility would work. First Dumbledore and James, now the Potters?

"It's like that, there are still a lot of pureblood families left, even if they're diminished severely. There is also one pureblood family named Evans. I know Mr. Potter and he's not going to ask you about your blood status. He'll assume that you're white-magical and if none of us give him a hint, he also won't get upset."

"So, telling the truth but hide the most important part?"

"Exactly!"

"You really wanna go there?" Lilli asked disbelievingly. Those things would never even come into her mind, but it looked like Sirius and Anna were full of those stupid ideas.

"Look, the truth is that James is doing almost everything to provoke his parents. I don't know why, but if he keeps on with that, there will be a day when they don't accept it anymore and fight back. That could be poison in his current shape for the dark mark and I don't want that to happen."

"What's that suppose to mean? I know I ask to much, but -"

"Come on, Lilli! That's not what I meant," Anna said firmly. "There are just subjects, you shouldn't ask, because you won't get an answer no matter what, since it's just none of your business. It's not that you should never ask. We would get dumb, if we didn't ask questions. It would be just better if you do that if it's appropriate and not just to satisfy your curiosity."

She nodded slowly, causing Anna to look at her depressed.

"The dark mark at James' back has another function than the one of the deatheaters. It's poisoning him... and it'll kill him eventually."

"What?" Lilli whispered aghast. Even though she slept great, now she didn't feel good anymore. There was a hard lump in her throat and a cold fear in her heart. The hope that this was just a bad joke vanished immediately after their eyes met. Seeing how serious and concerned Anna looked, she knew that it wasn't a joke. It was the truth.

"How come you know that?"

"LILLI! ANNA! HURRY, GIRLS!" Sirius shouted up to them with a deafening voice. Anna shocked her head, looking bugged out.

"I should really forbid him to use _Sonorus_ on himself. Let's go."

"Anna? How come you know that... about James dark Mark?"

"You shouldn't have asked, Lilli. Now, you know what's standing in front of him, are you still ready to stay with him, even though he's going to die soon?"

"Soon? How soon?"

"I don't know... Nobody knows. But he feels it."

With that, Anna left the dorm. Lilli needed some time to come to term with the news. Anna never joked if it concerned James' safety. Was this the reason, he didn't want to be with her after their kiss? She always felt that he wanted more but got restrained by something invisible. Was this the invisible something? The fact that he would die soon?

* * *

The train finally arrived at the Kings Cross station back in London. James told Lilli, who sat with Diana in another compartment, to wait at him at the platform. His parents would come for them, but he haven't told them about the new visitor yet. He also assured her that his parents would never mind having her around for Christmas. It wasn't a nice feeling nodding to him and simultaneously knowing that she conspired with his friends again against him by concealing her muggelborn background. But she did it anyway. Why? Didn't she has an own brain? She had... and that's why she did it, because she wanted to do that. She wanted to do anything to be close to James. Why did she has to fall in love with him? Sometimes, she really wished back the times where she despised him and felt nerved by his pranks. It was easier to ignore that guy than to want him and to be in love with him. It felt like an eternity until the train arrived at the station and everyone stepped off.

"So, you'll wait for James?" Diana asked when they stopped at the middle of the platform.

"Yeah... He told me to wait."

"Well, we see each other after the holidays. Have a nice time, Lilli."

"Sure, you too, Diana. Say hi to your parents."

"Of course. And you... um... Have you seen Remus?"

"Remus? I guess he's with James and -"

"Hey!"

Lilli almost slipped the idiom _speaking of the devil, _but with everything happened the last time it wouldn't be nice, so she smiled at James and all his friends when they joined them.

"Hey, Diana."

"Hey, Remus."

Even if those two didn't become crimson and changed awkward and amorous looks at that moment, it was visibly for everyone that they were completely in love. The sparks between them could have set a forest on fire!

"So, you're spending the holidays at James?" she asked quietly and Remus nodded with a tenderly smile.

"My Dad has to work and James' Dad – um – kindly invited me to stay with them. I'll send you an owl!"

"Oh... okay... and I... I send you one too... I guess... do I?"

Lilli suddenly laughed, but nodded encouraging at her friend.

"Well... have a nice holiday... bye."

Diana gave everyone a very shy smile before leaving to her parents.

"Weird girl," Sirius commented frowning, but Remus didn't even listen to him. Instead he kept on smiling and watching her until she was out of sight.

"There are your parents, James," Anna said and nodded towards the entrance.

"And there is my uncle." These words were spoken very grimly by Kingcade. It was obvious, that she didn't want to part with her boyfriend but didn't has another choice. Destiny was against them.

"We'll see again after the holidays," James whispered gently into her hear, before touching her cheek and bending down to her. Lilli couldn't help but looking away, when Kingcade pulled him tighter onto her body, like she would never let go of him again.

Unfortunately, she looked right into the eyes of Kingcade's uncle, who's presence just couldn't be ignored. He was almost 7 feet tall and therefore taller than most of the other people standing around him. His gaze was also ferocious and gloomy. Lilli could tell that he was trying hard to not burst to the couple to tear them forcefully apart.

"Melissa!" he shouted instead with a voice that didn't allow any protest. Kingcade let go of her boyfriend, looking one last time with a weak smile at him.

"Don't forget me," she whispered sadly. James couldn't even respond because she ran too fast away to her uncle and they immediately left the station as well.

"Hello Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter," Anna greeted his parents, who had arrived to pick up the group or maybe they were there to tear James away from Kingcade if the girl would have been still there. Nobody could really tell.

"Um? Are we having a new guest this year?" Maria Potter's voice was very warm and lovely. Lilli looked up in surprise after hearing the voice and looked right into a very caring and beautiful face of a woman with a very friendly emanation. She could tell right away that her good-naturedness was neither played nor double-faced. The question of his wife caused Mr. Potter to turn his gaze towards the red hair girl as well, but his expression was rather mistrustful and wary.

"Um -" she stuttered.

"That's Lilli Evans!" Anna answered and did something, Lilli never thought she would really do. She laid her arm around Lilli's shoulder and pulled her close. "Her parents went away at Christmas and James and I thought that it would be a good idea to invite her spending the holidays with us, instead of staying alone at Hogwarts."

"Oh!" Maria Potter was obviously delighted. "You're Lilli Evans? That was a fabulous idea of you all." James' mother pushed them towards the entrance without giving her husband a chance to even say one word and Lilli caught Maria winking at her meaningfully.

"Time is running away. It's not wise to stand here for too long. I don't want you to catch a cold. Don't want to imagine the worry of your parents. We need to hurry, come on, kiddos!"

* * *

Mrs. Potter lead them to a car in which everyone of them got room to sit.

'Magically expanded...' Lilli thought thrilled. She observed how James longingly looked out the window. Kingcade was led into another car by her uncle. When the man walked around his car to climbed in at the driver side, Kingcade threw a longing look back to James. He waved at his girlfriend and the girl smiled dolefully back before their cars separated into different directions. Her smile, the Head girl noticed depressed, was really despaired and grievous.

"Everything okay, mate?" Sirius asked his friend, who nodded absently. Unfortunately, the whole way back to the Potter House, he didn't say another word. It was so quiet, Lilli felt desperate to see him like this. He wasn't happy to come home and his good-bye with his girlfriend broke his heart. Slowly, she came to understand the inevitable truth.

'James loves her. Accept that, Lilli! Let go of him and stop hitting on him. He just wants to be a good friend. You are way too late, so forget him now. It's your own fault. This mistake was made by yourself.'

"I'm such an idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!"

"..." Remus gawked at her.

"..." Sirius gawked at her.

"..." Anna gawked at her.

"..." James gawked at her.

"..." Mrs. Potter gawked at her.

"..." Mr. Potter gawked at her.

"Did I say that out loud?" Lilli asked embarrassed, but Sirius, Anna and Remus smirked amusedly, while the Potter family were still looking wacky back. Lilli felt so awkward that she didn't dare to look at anybody but the ground the whole ride long and tried obsessively not to think anything anymore. Fortunately, she didn't say every of her thoughts out loud.

* * *

After they arrived at the Potter House, everybody fell down onto the various couches.

"Oihjoi!" Sirius blurted out exhausted. "Home, sweet home!"

"If you say so, Padfoot," James yawned indifferently.

"Come on, James," Anna said encouraging. "Melissa won't let Adam swayed her."

"Really?"

"Of course not! I know her and she's strong."

"Anna's right," Remus agreed and tried like everybody else to reassure his friend. His anxiety and tension were showed in his expressions and that's what worried all his friends. Until now, his relationship with Melissa wasn't that much important to him, which means that his girlfriend could've done and actually did everything she wanted to without him protesting. It was the first time that he was really troubled they could break up, because of whatever reason there might be.

"Just consult your pillow. Tomorrow, everything will be okay. I'm sure she's going to send you an owl tomorrow that she's alright and look forward to see you again."

"She's right, Prongs," Remus affirmed, still looking reassuring. "Lissy is strong and she won't believe her uncle's words without talking to you. You know how tough the girl is."

"Believe me," Sirius added with a wink. "Tomorrow, you'll receive an owl and the letter will say how much she misses you and how devoutly she wishes you to be with her and how much she loves you and every other slushy cack."

* * *

Tomorrow came and with the day even an expected owl from Melissa Kingcade to the Potters at breakfast. Sirius, Anna, Remus and the three Potters were already sitting on the table when Lilli finally came down to join them, but immediately noticing the chastened mood.

"Good Morning," she said friendly. Maria smiled nicely back while Michael gave her a short nod before turning back to his newspaper. "Something happen?" she asked carefully, feeling that the question was now appropriate.

"Melissa broke up with James," Anna answered without taking her view of her best friend, who laughed sarcastically and pushed his coffee aside.

"Yes, great! You seem to like that a lot or why are you let anybody in on that?"

"James!" Anna tried to calm him down, but that effort was in vain. Instead he stood up and left into the living room, throwing a scathing look at her at his way. His eyes were full of hatred.

"Did I say something wrong?" Lilli asked cautiously.

"No, Lilli, you didn't. Excuse me."

Anna stood up as well and followed James into the living room. Sirius and Remus didn't seem to care about what just happened, because they blithely continued to eat.

"And Lils? How was your first night in this castle? Sleep great?" Sirius asked jolly.

"Well... yes... I did. Thank you."

"Great, than prepare yourself for a brisk day with the Marauders. We need to take Prongs' mind off that temporary frustration."

"temporary what?"

"It's not the first time Lissy broke up with him," Remus explained and it became clear why everyone else took that news a lot more casual and not as shocked as Lilli did.

"She already did that again?"

"Not only one time. If I remember correctly, it's the forth time or so."

"Yeah," Sirius added. "Everytime they parted for more than 2 weeks, she wrote him an owl and broke up. Then they met again at Hogwarts, she apologized and they made up big time again."

"Haven't you said yesterday that she would write a letter, saying how much she misses him and what did you call it? Slushy cack?"

He snorted.

"It would be no good if I had told him the truth, only spoiled a great night. Don't worry, we'll take his mind off that for sure. After 2 weeks, everything will be good again."

And even if everyone else considered this behaviour as normal. Lilli did not. It was quite the contrary. Despite the fact she felt sorry for Kingcade this week, at this very moment, the old feeling of despise rose again. How could she play him like that? Or what's more important: Why did he let her play him like that?


End file.
